The Virtuous Wife {Proverbs 31:10-31}

This morning I would like to take some time to acknowledge our gratitude to God for our mothers. This mother’s day as we look at Proverbs 31 I want us to notice and consider not just mothers but all women and express our gratitude for our sisters in Christ regardless of whether they are married or single, younger or older, with children or without children. This morning we’re going to reflect on understanding Christian womanhood.

Our culture is shifting rapidly in it’s understanding of views and relationships men and women have to one another.

What does it mean to be a man? What does it mean to be a woman? Are there distinctions between the two in any way? Is God’s design for man and woman unique in any way? These are huge questions, and how we answer them carries huge consequences both in the church and in our culture. In the words of John Piper,

“The tendency today is to stress the equality of men and women by minimizing the unique significance of our maleness or femaleness. But this depreciation of male and female personhood is a great loss. It is taking a tremendous toll on generations of young men and women who do not know what it means to be a man or a woman. Confusion over the meaning of sexual personhood today is epidemic. The consequence of this confusion is not a free and happy harmony among gender-free persons relating on the basis of abstract competencies. The consequence, rather, is more divorce, more homosexuality, more sexual abuse, more promiscuity, more social awkwardness, and more emotional distress and suicide that come with the loss of God-given identity.”

Piper said that 10 years ago!

Such loss of God-given identity obviously has huge ramifications for understanding what happens when a man and a woman come together in marriage. Or do you even have to have a man and a woman come together in order to have marriage? These questions are at the core of so much that is going in the culture and in the church today, so I wanted to on this day Mother’s Day consider Christian womanhood and when, Lord willing, we will get to Father’s Day, consider “Christian Manhood.”

How does the cross of Christ uniquely attribute value and honor and beauty to women? And what does the cross of Christ uniquely enable women to do in this world? I want to bring us to Proverbs 31 which gives us a picture of a woman of wisdom. Let’s read it together, starting in Proverbs 31:10-31.

I want to pause and acknowledge something. This is a picture of a perfect woman. In this proverb, we hear nothing about any imperfections in this woman. Think about what we just read. We read about how godly she is, how wise she is, what a wonderful wife she is, what an amazing woman she is.

She’s a homemaker, she’s a great cook who, not only makes food for her family, but makes clothes for her children with her own bare hands. She gets up before everyone else gets up; she goes to bed after everyone else goes to bed; she practically never sleeps.

She’s strong, she’s humble, she’s confident, she’s a servant, she’s a leader, she’s an entrepreneur who’s out in the world making good business deals, buying property for the benefit of her family. And on top of all that, she loves and cares for the poor. She is wonder woman.

As a result, women can easily read this passage and, instead of coming away encouraged, many or most or maybe all of you may be tempted to come away discouraged, thinking, “I can never be that.” Or single men can read this passage and think, “I want to find a wife who’s perfect like that.” Or married man can read this passage and think, “I kind of wish my wife was perfect like that.” All of these things are obviously unhealthy responses to this passage, this picture of womanhood in God’s Word.

This is where I want us to realize that we have an ideal, a perfect picture of this woman for a reason. The whole point of the book of Proverbs in the Bible is ultimately to point us to Christ and to the wisdom that can only be found in Christ. What we have here at the end of the book of Proverbs is a picture of a woman who perfectly displays the wisdom of God in her womanhood, and that is a good thing. It should neither discourage us nor deceive us with overly lofty ideals.

Think about it. When we turn the pages of the Bible in the New Testament to the life of Jesus, we behold a perfect man. A man who perfectly displays the wisdom of God. As followers of Christ, we don’t look at Jesus and say, “I’m just so discouraged by Jesus’ perfection.” No, we’re encouraged by the perfection of Jesus that we see on the pages of Scripture. We see Jesus as a perfect picture of the wisdom of God in a man, and we want to look like Him more and more and more for our good and for His glory.”

I want to invite us to approach Proverbs 31 in a similar way. Consider Proverbs 31 as a picture of a woman who clearly reflects God’s wisdom, and in so doing, women, long to look more and more and more like her as you ultimately grow into the image of the Christ to whom this picture is pointing you to. Men, live to serve and love and help the women around you in Christ grow more and more and more into His image in ways that are reflected here in this proverb.

In the midst of a confused culture and church women, be and become Christlike women. Our world today is twisting, cheapening, perverting, distorting, and trying to redefine what is means to be a woman. I want to encourage you this morning to seek to become Christlike women. Let this text this morning inspire you to look to Christ in your life, and let it inspire you to what it means to be a woman in Christ.

Women, I’ve prayed for you this morning, because I know that this text from Proverbs may expose areas in your life that need growth. Or you may look at it and say “I’ll never be that.” Or “I’ve already messed up so much, there’s not hope for me in those areas.”

Before we even get to the point where those thoughts creep into your mind I want to remind you that the mercy of God covers your past. for every woman who is trusting in Christ, know this: The mercy of God covers your past. You may have messed up in every way possible, but know this, Christian sister: “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 8:1).

No matter how dark or dirty your past, no matter how many times you have messed up, no matter what you have said or done or failed to do, know this: In Christ, you have been forgiven. Cling to that truth, that reality. Don’t let guilt over the past keep you from becoming the woman God has designed you to be in the present.

With that setup, what then are the characteristics of a Christlike woman? The answer Proverbs 31 gives us in unique, because in the original language of the Old Testament, it’s an acrostic. Each verse in this poem (starting in verse 10 and going all the way down to verse 31, 22 verses) begins with a different letter of the Hebrew alphabet. It would be like a poem that was written, and the first verse begins with the letter A, the second verse begins with the letter B, and then C, D, all the way to Z.

It’s written like that so that it would be more easily memorable by the hearer (or the reader). The author here (King Lemuel, who we don’t know a lot about) writes this down in the form of an acrostic so that he (and others) could more easily memorize the characteristics of this woman, which means the arrangement of the poem is not like Paul in the book of Romans systematically developing an argument. Instead, it’s a list of one thing after another—some similar, some different, some themes mentioned in one verse and then reappearing 10 verses later with the start of another verse.

So what I want to do this morning is give you an acrostic. Instead of using the letters of the Hebrew alphabet (which would be of no help to us today) or even the letters of the English alphabet (primarily because I don’t have time for a 26-point sermon right now), I want to take the word “WOMAN” as we think about “Christian Womanhood.” With the beginning of each letter “W-O-M-A-N,” I want to give you a characteristic of the Christlike woman. My hope is that this might enable you to more easily remember the truths that are in Proverbs 31 that we want to be/become, nurture, seek out, praise, and promote in women around us.

She is WISE

Let’s dive in to the “W.” “W” is for wise. The Christlike woman is wise. Now this works out well that “W” is our first letter because wisdom is the overarching theme, not only of the portrait of the excellent woman, but also the entire book of Proverbs.

Proverbs 1:7 set the tone for the rest of the book when it said, “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom” (Proverbs 1:7). Later in that chapter, and then throughout the book, wisdom is even personified as a woman. Proverbs 1:20, “Wisdom cries aloud in the street, in the markets she raises her voice” (Proverbs 1:20). Proverbs 3:13, “Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding, for the gain from her is better than gain from silver and her profit better than gold. She is more precious than jewels …” (Proverbs 3:13–15).

That’s how Proverbs starts out. Then, you get to the end of the book, and the same words used for wisdom are now used for this woman. Verse 10, “She is far more precious than jewels” (Proverbs 31:10). Why? Verse 30, “A woman who fears the LORD …” (Proverbs 31:30), which is the beginning of what? Wisdom. The Christlike woman has Christlike wisdom because she fears God, she reveres God, she is humble before God, she trusts God, she honors God, and because of this, she is wise.

Because she fears God, her value cannot be fathomed. Over and above looks and education, personality and accomplishments, likes and dislikes, any other characteristic, a woman who fears the Lord is more precious than the finest of jewels.

Because she fears God, she boldly faces the future. Two times in this text, this mother says, “Because she fears God, she is not afraid of anything else.” Verse 21, “She is not afraid of snow for her household …” (Proverbs 31:21), of threats to her household. Then, you look down at verse 25, and it says, “Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come” (Proverbs 31:25). What a great line!

It’s like Satan is dangling in front of her warning about tomorrow’s troubles and what might come up, and she glances up at Almighty God, whom she fears, and laughs at Satan’s folly. She is not anxious about tomorrow. She is not afraid of what is to come because she trusts completely in her God.

And because she fears God, her beauty will never fade. Notice what is almost entirely missing from this description of the Christlike woman. There is hardly any mention of her physical beauty—the one thing that our culture exalts above all else.

Our culture is screaming in thousands of ways and businesses are spending billions of dollars and entertainment industries are spending countless hours to convince women that their need for self-esteem, fulfillment, and significance is found in looking a certain way. The Word of God resounds across our culture: “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised” (Proverbs 31:30). This is the beginning of wisdom.

This is the first mark of the Christlike woman. She is wise, which means fundamentally that she fears the Lord.

She is the OVERSEER of her home

Second letter, “O.” The Christlike woman is the overseer of her home. Now, I want to use this word overseer here carefully. Let me be clear on what I don’t mean and what I do mean when I use this word. First, what I don’t mean. I don’t mean that this woman (as a wife and as a mother, in particular) is the head of her household.

God has created men and women with equal dignity (completely equal dignity), yet unique and different roles in the home and in their relationship with one another. Man and woman, husband and wife, mother and father complement one another.

From the very beginning of the Bible, before sin even entered the world, God created man to be the head of the household and woman to be his helper—not in any inferior way, not in any dominating manner, not in any form that undercuts the value of either woman or man, but as a complement to one another in marriage and the home. God designed it that way from the very beginning because the whole purpose of marriage is to be a picture of Christ’s love for the church to the world (Ephesians 5).

The husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the church, and the husband loves his wife by laying down his life for his wife, just as Christ loves His church and lays His life down for her. And the wife gladly submits to her husband’s leadership in the same way that the church gladly submits to Christ’s leadership. In this way, in our marriages—equal in dignity, different in role—together we display the goodness and the glory of Christ to the world.

The husband or the father, in that sense, is the head of the household, or the overseer of the home. However, Titus 2 in the New Testament contains a clear exhortation for women to love their husbands and their children, to be working at home for their good (the word there in Titus 2 is literally “home-workers”). First Timothy 5:14 exhorts younger women to “manage their households,” and that’s exactly the picture we have here in Proverbs 31. This is a woman who is a manager, an administrator, and in this sense, an overseer in her home. This home is operating like it does and flourishing like it is directly because of her oversight.

She illustrates for us this complementary role of a woman in her home, particularly as it pertains to her husband and to her children. As a wife, she is a helper to her husband. That’s the picture we have in the beginning of the Bible (Genesis 2:18), it is the picture we have later in the Bible in Ephesians 5 and Titus 2, and it is the picture we have here in Proverbs 31. Her clear priority in life is helping her husband so that together they might glorify God.

This is powerfully portrayed in the language of Proverbs 31. Listen to verse 11, “The heart of her husband trusts in her” (Proverbs 31:11). Did you hear that? He trusts her with his heart. This is remarkable.

He trusts her with his household. As head over the household, he entrusts her to manage and administer and oversee that household well, and she does. The whole picture here is a woman who is overseeing the house well.

He trusts her with his heart, with his household, with his good. “He will have no lack of gain [because] she does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life” (Proverbs 31:11–12). The Christlike wife does her husband good. Why? Because she loves him and she loves God.

She is devoted to his success, and she delights in his satisfaction. The text doesn’t say that she carries out her role begrudgingly, but joyfully, because she’s committed to her husband’s good and to her Father’s glory. As a result, her husband trusts her with his reputation, and consequently, he honors her.

As a wife, she is a helper to her husband, and as a mother, she prioritizes care for her children. Throughout Scripture, we see a clear and continual theme of how God has uniquely created women for the nurture of children in a way that complements a man’s leadership of children. Such nurture, such care is evident all over this passage when it comes to this woman’s children. She loves them. Providing clothes for them, food for them, protection for them. She lays down her life for them. She lives to make them her legacy.

She is MIGHTY in her work

The Christlike woman is mighty in her work. So “W” for wise, “O” for oversight of her home, and “M” for mighty. I use that word because two times in this passage, this woman is described as dressed or clothed with strength. Verse 17, “She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong” (Proverbs 31:17), and then verse 25, “Strength and dignity are her clothing” (Proverbs 31:25).

She has willing and skillful hands. Verse 13, she “works with willing hands” (Proverbs 31:13), literally at the pleasure of her hands, meaning that she goes about her work willingly. Verse 19, “She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle” (Proverbs 31:19). She has skill in spinning and weaving to provide for her children. Her love of them drives her labor for them. She is not lazy. Verse 27, she “does not eat the bread of idleness” (Proverbs 31:27). She has willing and skillful hands.

She has an innovative and industrious spirit. Verse 14, “She is like the ships of the merchant, she brings her food from afar—she rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household” (Proverbs 31:14–15). She goes to great lengths to provide for her children, even to the point, verse 16, where this entrepreneurial woman “considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard” (Proverbs 31:16). She’s not just going to the store to get grapes. She’s going to plant some of her own for the benefit of her house, so she explores and finds a piece of land to purchase.

All this while she has a little cottage industry going on down in verse 24, making linen garments and selling them, delivering sashes to merchants for profit. Obviously, the Christlike woman doesn’t need to be growing all her food and making a lot of money, but the picture here is a woman who is using the time and talents and gifts God has given here—and even the role God has given her—wisely with innovation and an industrious spirit.

She has an intelligent mind, obviously in planning and coordinating all of these things, and she has a strong body. As we read earlier in verse 17, she “makes her arms strong” (Proverbs 31:17). This doesn’t necessarily mean that she works out her biceps regularly, but is likely an idiom in the language of the Old Testament much like we might say today, “She has a strong back,” i.e., she is physically able to work hard. So “M,” she is mighty in her work.

She is ATTRACTIVE in all the right ways

Then “A,” she is attractive in all the right ways. I mentioned earlier that this text hardly even mentions physical attractiveness, yet there are slight (and I would say significant) mentions of it, but not in ways that we might expect (and certainly not in ways that we would hear emphasized) in our culture. What are the right ways in which she is attractive?

Well, in addition to all that we’ve already seen, her words are kind. Verse 26, “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue” (Proverbs 31:26). Flowing from the “W”—the wisdom of this woman—her words are wise and kind. Whether it’s teaching her children or teaching others in her sphere of influence, she speaks kindness and wisdom. What an attractive picture.

Her words are kind, and her works are admirable. I love the way all of this ends. This is not an ambiguous, theoretical wisdom that is being described in this woman; this is the wisdom of a woman whose works praise her in the gates. It’s just like Paul’s exhortation to women in 1 Timothy when he says, “Adorn [yourselves] … with godliness and good works” (1 Timothy 9–10). Be known ultimately, not for what you wear or what you look like, but for how you live.

Which leads right to the next part of this woman’s attractiveness in Proverbs 31. Her dress is tasteful. If we’re not careful, particularly in light of verse 30’s warning against charm and beauty, we might be inclined to think that how this woman carries herself physically does not matter at all, but that’s not totally the case.

Even in this description of a woman who is working hard all day long in different tasks and varied industry with strong arms, this proverb depicts her dressed, verse 22, “in fine line and purple” (Proverbs 31:22). Now, we need to guard against misunderstandings here. This isn’t saying that she’s planting a vineyard in an elegant dress, nor is it saying that a Christlike woman needs expensive clothes. But the picture is a woman whose dress is tasteful.

Also, her demeanor is delightful in such a way that she is attractive, particularly to her husband. You have to keep in mind that the Bible is not anti-physical attraction when it comes to men and women. You only have to turn two books over to your right to Song of Solomon to see a detailed picture of that. Even here in verse 22 when the Bible says, “She makes bed coverings for herself …” (Proverbs 31:22), this is the same language that is used earlier in Proverbs to describe how an adulterous woman seduces a foolish man with bed coverings. The picture here is a woman who attracts her husband in all the right ways.

Her words are kind, her works are admirable, her dress is tasteful, her demeanor is delightful, and in a good and right and biblical sense, her husband is both pleased and proud and delights in her.

She is a NEIGHBOR to the needy

She is attractive in all the right ways, leading to the last letter, “N,” to describe the Christlike woman is a neighbor to the needy. Verse 20, amidst all of her oversight in her home, her industry and innovation, she is not selfish, nor does she hoard that which she has, but “she opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy” (Proverbs 31:20). This, too, has been a theme throughout the book of Proverbs. Proverbs 14:31, “Whoever oppress a poor man insults his Maker …” (Proverbs 14:31). Proverbs 21:13, “Whoever closes his ear to the cry of the poor will himself call out and not be answered” (Proverbs 21:13). Proverbs 28:27, “Whoever gives to the poor will not want, but he who hides his eyes will get many a curse” (Proverbs 28:27).

This Christlike woman gives generously from what she has made. She doesn’t ignore the poor; she initiates compassion. I love this. It’s not a picture of the poor coming to her, but her going to them. She doesn’t wait for opportunities to help the poor; she creates opportunities to help the poor. Think of what she teaches her children (and potentially even her husband, for that matter) in the process.

She gives generously, and she serves sacrificially. In this description of the Christlike woman, almost every verse is dripping with self-sacrificial service. She is doing what she is doing for the sake of those around her in need, whether it’s her husband, her children, her maidens, or the poor outside her gates. This is the essence of “the cross and Christian womanhood.”

Women of God, when your life is formed by the Savior who gave His life for you on a cross, then you find yourself serving as you have been served, sacrificially loving as you have been sacrificially loved, and in so doing, you find life.

This is the essence of the call to Christ—Christlikeness, “whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it”—and this is what we see in the Christlike woman of Proverbs 31. In losing her life, she finds it.

Even if the world does not put the Christian woman who is wise, who oversees her home, who is mighty in her work, who is attractive in all the right ways, and who is a neighbor to the needy—even if the world does not put such a woman on a pedestal, the reality is God recognizes her worth, and He gives much fruit to her hands as her works praise her in His gates.

Women look to Christ, seek His guidance to be the Christlike women God designed you to be.