Love is not arrogant or rude

Alright, I said that we were going to go through this whole little sentence, Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. The ESV says, love is not arrogant or rude.

Now, arrogant people may boast, but arrogance and boasting are different.

When we look at envy or jealousy, and boasting, they really revolve around what we have. I am envious of what you have or who you are, or I boast about what I have that you don’t have trying to prove I’m better than you.

Arrogance isn’t about possessions, or skills or what we have, but more about how important or superior we think we are… a sense of significance, of our own doing… thinking we are more than we are. Thinking I’m better than you, not for any reason, just that I am.

The greek word is physioo and it means, blowing up or to inflate, but not a balloon, but to make proud or puffed up, to cause to swell up.

I mentioned biblehub.com last week, well this word is translated 4 different ways into the english translations that it gives up.

Mostly it says “puffed up”, but also says proud, arrogant and conceited is the other one. And all of those translations are very accurate. Love is not arrogant, it’s not proud, or conceited, it’s not puffed up. It’s why way say something like, “Wow, that dude thinks way to much of himself...” It’s close to boasting, but it’s really this superiority complex thing going on. Think of all the stories that Jesus tells about the pharisees, they just think they’re better than anyone else. It reeks of arrogance.

Romans 12:3, which I read earlier, don’t think you are better than you really are.

Well, Paul continues that thought and says, Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves. The ESV says, I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgement.

Now, when you see a ‘but’ in scripture, it’s often times an indication that the word of God isn’t just telling you what you should NOT do, but it’s also telling you what you SHOULD do instead.

So, Paul is saying in Romans 12:3, “don’t be arrogant…do this instead....honestly evaluate yourself”

To think with sober judgement. Humility. Humility is the opposite of arrogance. Arrogance is thinking more highly of yourself than you should while Humility is thinking rightly of yourself.

I believe true humility is really knowing who you are and living as God has created you to be. Owning the gifts you’ve been given. Accepting the fact that you ARE awesome and living in away that displays the glory of God through your life.

Jesus said let your good deeds shine before men, don’t hide who you are, but, do it so that they can give glory to God the Father.

So, the key to NOT being arrogant is to learn to BE humble. This isn’t solved by just trying to be less arrogant, or not arrogant at all… Maybe that will work for a while, but probably not too long. The key is to embrace what love DOES do and do that instead so that when the time comes you naturally do the good thing rather than have to struggle NOT to do the wrong thing.

1 Peter 5:5 says, …dress yourselves in humility as you relate to one another for, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” He’s quoting proverbs 3:34 there. And Jesus said in Luke 14:11, For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.

As you learn to be humble you will naturally be less arrogant, or not arrogant at all.

Now, let’s go back a bit and deal with envy & boasting, because the key to getting over those is also not just trying to do them less. And I think arrogance comes from the same place.

Whether I am struggling with envy, pride or arrogance, I truly believe they all come from the same place - we don’t think we are enough on our own.

So, how do we move forward? If this is about learning to love well, to love like Jesus loves, how do we practically learn to give up these things and embrace what love would do? Love takes work, we know that, but behind the work, God wants to also do a miracle.

If the root cause to these issues is feeling like I’m not enough, then I want to ask you a couple questions this morning.

Do you see what other people have and have a hard time not envying what they have? Does what other people post on social media, their vacations, their new things, their new jobs or boyfriend / girlfriend or the night out on the town, leave you longing for something you don’t have? Those are indications that a part of our heart believes that what we have and who we are aren’t enough… and God wants to heal that.

Or maybe you fee like when you are around other people you need to cover your faults, and talk about how awesome you are, or that thing you did, and make yourself shine, feel more important. Maybe you want to, maybe just a little bit, praise yourself and your accomplishments so people can see how great you really are. There’s a need to be seen. A need to be recognized, and sometimes it comes at the expense of someone else. If I put them down I’ll feel better about myself. God wants to heal that need to be seen.

Remember how we’ve been saying this isn’t just about 1 aspect of love, but it’s the journey of love that doesn’t start with us loving better. It starts with God loving you, changing you, transforming you - so that you can love Him, but also, love yourself - truly, as He loves you, and so you can love those around you like He does.

OK, first things first - we have to deal with the root cause of these things - the feeling of inadequacy in our hearts. Of not measuring up, of not being enough, of covering our deficiencies. And remember what I said earlier, you might not see these things as lies, or like you’ve made some horrible mistake, because it’s literally how you live your life based on what you’ve been taught, what you’ve picked up, learned, seen, observed. What’s made you who you are. But the key to loving LIKE Jesus is to be honest and ask the question, “Jesus, is there anything I believe to be true that is actually holding me back from what you have for me?” - you might not even recognize it, that’s ok. Step one isn’t admitting you’re wrong, it’s admitting you might not know that you’re wrong, might not know you even have a problem. That’s not saying you do. I’m not saying we all need to go hunt for things in our hearts, but I am saying we need to be open to God showing us where we’ve believed something that isn’t true.

Trust me when I say this because I’m saying at someone who lived for nearly 30 years with the belief that the only way to over come my weight issues was to do better myself, be stronger, have more will power, do more, and it is all on me. I didn’t know how to give it up to God… Now everything has changed, not because I saw the error of my ways, but because HIS KINDNESS led me to a place where I was willing for him to change the way I think!

And here’s the truth. You are more than enough. Not because of what you’ve done, or because of how smart you are, how good you are, no, but because he loves you and he made you to be like him. You don’t have to prove anything.

So, two aspects here, getting practical for a moment.

Take the Time for Transformation

Romans 12:2, Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world [jealousy, boasting, arrogance], but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.

Give yourself the truth of who God says you are. Read the word of God. Don’t settle for what you believe now.

Make a decision today that you don’t know what you don’t know, and that’s ok, so you’re going to ask God to begin to reveal to you if there are any areas of your life that you need His truth.

The Truth needs to get to your heart

We’ve talked about this recently, the 18 inch journey from our head to our heart. It’s good to know God loves us, but it’s much much better to feel His love. Jesus said that we were to love as He loves us, that means truly experiencing his love. The bible also says that the love of God has been poured into our hearts by the Holy Spirit - so, begin by taking time to ask God to do just that. “God, would you pour your love into my heart”.

Remember this is about you understanding who you are. You are enough, but we don’t always feel that way. Allow God the time and access to your life to heal you and tell you what He truly thinks of you.

Ok, second thing we need to do is take a pro-active approach to loving. Remember we read 1 John 3:18 last week, …let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.

So, I want you to make a concerted effort to do these 4 things which will have a major impact both on whether you have any tendency to envy, boast or be a little arrogant, AND will increase your outworking of love.

Focus on yourself when you are drawn to compare

If you suddenly find yourself wanting to compare yourself to someone else, what they have that you don’t, who they are that you aren’t, what they are doing that you aren’t doing... make a focus change. CHOOSE to change the channel.

Start by saying, “What areas of my life has God given me and blessed me that I want to work on?” Remember, Paul tells us to pursue the most helpful gifts, why? Because when we focus on becoming what God’s created us to be for the betterment of others, we end up loving really well. Focus on being the best you that you can be, not so you can boast, but so you can become all that God has created you to be so that you can serve and accomplish the good works He’s got for you. We’ve talked about this verse before, it’s an important one around here, and I think it’s high time we remind ourselves of it… Ephesians 2:10, For we are God’s masterpiece… [turn to your neighbor and let them know, “you know I’m a masterpiece, right?”] He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago!

You’ve been created and gifted with a purpose. Focus on the masterpiece that you are, not that someone else is, that won’t help you become more of who you are meant to be.

Up your gratitude game

Start your day by being thankful for what you have

Start your day by being thankful for who God made you to be

Quote scripture over yourself about who God made you to be and then THANK him. Psalm 139:14, THANK YOU for making me so wonderfully complex. Your workmanship is marvelous.

You can turn to your neighbor who just asked if you realize they are a masterpiece and say, “you sure are wonderful....ly complex...”

But honestly, start your day by thanking God for making you you… You are pretty amazing. Honestly. And You are loved. And you are wanted. And you are special. And if you don’t always believe that, I’m here to tell you, and to remind you, and to encourage you to begin to believe it. Because it’s true.

Learn what God has done for you

What does the bible say about you?

What does the bible say about what you should have?

What does the bible say about who you are in Christ?

The more you know about who you are, and who God is and what he’s done for you, and how you should live your life according to His word, the less you will feel the need to be someone else, or boast about who you are. Like Paul says, If it’s all a gift given to us by God, then what do you have to boast about anyway?

Learn to celebrate others...

This might be difficult at first. It might not come naturally, but it’s really important and incredibly powerful.

We read earlier, outdo each other in showing honor…focus more on what is good and how you can encourage someone than what is not there and what you wish would change. We can tend to focus on what we don’t like about a person, or situation, rather than celebrating and honoring what is happening and what’s good. That doesn’t mean things don’t need to change, but the reality is, and they’ve figured this out in the business world too, most successful CEOs focus 10% on the problem and 90% on the solution, because going over what’s wrong over and over again doesn’t make change, changing does!

If envy is the issue, you see something someone has and you can’t seem to help but want it…bless them. Maybe just in your silence, not in person, but say, “God, I bless that person...” If you can, go to the person and say, “Wow, that’s amazing. What a beautiful new car…” or “You have a really nice house… or dog… cat.... kids…whatever it is… I’m really happy for you.”

If it’s boasting, catch yourself. you want to say, “ya, well I have....” instead, stop yourself and say, “Wow, that’s so good to hear. I love that this is happening in your life...”

Maybe it’s arrogance, and you want to say something that paints a picture of your superiority. You did it right and they didn’t, they’ve just set themselves up for the perfect put down that will make you look so good… cut it off, silence is golden in those moments. That saying is actually speech is silver, but silence is golden. Words are good, but sometimes, silence is what’s needed.

Like 1 John 3:18 says, work at loving people by giving up your right to envy, and your right to boast or be arrogant. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you, to catch you when you are about to put yourself down for what others have, or push yourself up to make yourself feel better...