Eph 5:18-33 = Spirit-filled Marriage

Gen 2.21-24 “21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

A Basic Institution

A Satanic Attack

Winning the Battle

Ephesians: An Expositional Commentary Winning the Battle

Paul did not make his commands contingent upon the response of someone else, as if he had said: “Wives, submit to your husbands, if they are worth submitting to in your judgment; and husbands, love your wives if they are worthy of love in your opinion.” His commands are absolute: “submit … love … care for … respect.”

“I believe you, but I just cant do it”

This is what we tell ourselves when we are psychologically defeated and are feeling sorry for ourselves.

You may not feel that you can do it. Humanly speaking, you actually may be unable to do what you are required to do as a Christian. But what of that? The man with the crippled hand may not have felt that he could hold it out in front of him, but when Christ told him to do so he held it out and was cured. Jesus is in the business of making “unable” people able.

“But I wont be happy”

“Whoever promised you that obeying God would result in your happiness—at least as you are presently defining it?” But a much better answer is the warning that if you do find happiness, it will certainly not be by following the world’s ungodly counsel. It will be by following God as he reveals his way to you.

Psalm 1 ESV

1 Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; 2 but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. 3 He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers. 4 The wicked are not so, but are like chaff that the wind drives away. 5 Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous; 6 for the Lord knows the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked will perish.

Ephesians 5:18 ESV

18 And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit,

PRAYER

Oh Christ our blessed redeemer how far fallen have we come? We live as alien people in a hostile land. As you have called us to live a life dedicated to you even we your people and your church have often held in disregard the very institution you yourself have ordained. We often fail to proclaim it as beautiful and even more often fail to defend it from attack.

Message

1 Pet 3:1-7. Col 3:18-4:1. = Good parallel passages

Ephesians 5:21–33 ESV

21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Loyalty is Revealed in Surrender.

The What

Eph 5.21-22 “21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.”

This verse taken out of context can be used wickedly ...

Call to Christians

Luke 22:24–27 ESV

24 A dispute also arose among them, as to which of them was to be regarded as the greatest. 25 And he said to them, “The kings of the Gentiles exercise lordship over them, and those in authority over them are called benefactors. 26 But not so with you. Rather, let the greatest among you become as the youngest, and the leader as one who serves. 27 For who is the greater, one who reclines at table or one who serves? Is it not the one who reclines at table? But I am among you as the one who serves.

Philippians 2:1–4 ESV

1 So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, 2 complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. 3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Romans 12:10 ESV

10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.

Charge to Wives

Colossians 3:18 ESV

18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

Wives submit to their husbands because they want to glorify Christ (cf. 5:21; 6:8–9). The godly wife sees this duty as part of her Christian discipleship.

Own Husbands

2 Cor 6:14-18 = Unequally yoked to an unbeliever !!

Notice Paul does not say wives submit to every man. The husband is the head of the wife (v. 23), not of all women. Also, notice that this submission is voluntary submission

This is a happy relationship. Christian wives freely and responsibly follow the loving leadership of a faithful husband, not a tyrant.

As to The LORD

Exploring Ephesians & Philippians: An Expository Commentary ((a) The Exhortation (5:22))

What woman in all the world who has met and fallen in love with Jesus would not willingly do anything for Him? Never in the Gospels do we find a woman treating Him badly, speaking against Him, or doing anything to harm Him. The women of the New Testament loved and honored Jesus. He was so manly, so honorable, so attractive, so thoughtful, and so kind. It is the men in the Gospels who opposed Him, not the women.

The Why

Eph 5.23 “23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.”

God has designed us this way

1 Corinthians 11:3 ESV

3 But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.

God of Order NOT Chaos

God has given this command

Whenever we have trouble with God’s Word, we need to remember that God is infinitely wise and good. Anything He says is for our good and is the best possible plan. Many things in God’s Word may cause us to react negatively, but always consider the nature of the God giving these commands

This is how we are being sanctified

1 Peter 3:1–2 ESV

1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct.

Just as Christ is the Savior—the deliverer and defender of the church—so the husband is to be the protector of his wife, who is one flesh with him.

The How

Eph 5.24 “24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.”

How is the church to submit?

What does everything mean?

Traditional Marriage VS Biblical Marriage

Exalting Jesus in Ephesians Spirit-Filled Wives (5:22–24)

A biblical marriage does not always mean a traditional marriage. The couple should simply yield to the pattern of the husband serving as the head and the wife as the helper, submitting to the loving leadership of her husband. And the two should strive to prayerfully apply this pattern faithfully in their own situation.

Adam was made to be ruled from his head; Eve was made to be ruled from her heart.

Love is Revealed in Sacrifice.

The What

Ephesians 5:21–23 ESV

Ephesians 5:25–29 ESV

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,

Eph 5.25 “25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,”

Love as Christ Loves

Agape = Love

Ephesians: An Expositional Commentary The Duty of Husbands

“Let me try to tell you what it really should mean if a fellow says to a girl, ‘I love you.’ It means: You, you, you. You alone. You shall reign in my heart. You are the one whom I have longed for, without you I am incomplete. I will give everything for you, and I will give up everything for you, myself as well as all that I possess. I will love you alone, and I will work for you alone. And I will wait for you.… I will never force you, not even by words. I want to guard you, protect you and keep you from all evil. I want to share with you all my thoughts, my heart and my body—all that I possess. I want to listen to what you have to say. There is nothing I want to undertake without your blessing. I want to remain always at your side.”

Love like that blesses and makes homes stable. It is learned only at the feet of Jesus Christ.

Do husbands love like that? Do men even understand that this is what true love is? Not many! Yet this is their standard,

Ephesians: An Expositional Commentary The Duty of Husbands

The full measure of Christ’s love for the church was his dying for her. We are told in one of the Greek histories that the wife of one of the generals of Cyrus, the ruler of Persia, was accused of treachery and was condemned to die. At first her husband did not know what was taking place. But as soon as he heard about it he rushed to the palace and burst into the throne room. He threw himself on the floor before the king and cried out, “Oh, my Lord Cyrus, take my life instead of hers. Let me die in her place.”

Cyrus, who by all historical accounts was a noble and extremely sensitive man, was touched by this offer. He said, “Love like that must not be spoiled by death.” Then he gave the husband and wife back to each other and let the wife go free.

As they walked away happily the husband said to his wife, “Did you notice how kindly the king looked at us when he gave you the pardon?”

The wife replied, “I had no eyes for the king. I saw only the man who was willing to die in my place.”

Sacrificial Love

Christlike love is a Golgotha love. Christ’s back was scourged. His hands and feet were nailed to the wood. A spear was thrust into His side. A crown of thorns was placed on His head—all because He loved the church.

Christ’s sacrificial love is a foot-washing love. His headship is our model. He came to serve, though He was the head. We see in Christ authority coupled with unparalleled humility and love.

Men, marriage is a call to die. Dying to self may involve sacrificing your schedule and even good ambitions. It means giving yourself away for the good of your bride. It involves crucifying your flesh and resolving to be faithful to your bride, not yielding to the temptations of lust, anger, and pride.

Marriage is a call to serve. Christlike love takes initiative. Avoid being a passive husband. Actively love your wife (see 1 Cor 13).

Eph 5.26-27 “26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.”

Sanctifying Love

The word is hagios, and it is translated “sanctify” as well as “make holy.”

Here is the question: “Is our wife more like Christ because she’s married to us? Or, is she like Christ in spite of us?

God holds husbands responsible for the spiritual growth and maturing of their wives, as well as of their children (cf. Ephesians 6:4).

Eph 5.28-29 “28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,”

Satisfying Love

This directive makes perfect sense in light of the fact that the two have become one flesh. Just as you long to satisfy your own needs, husbands, satisfy your wife’s needs. Just as you long for intimacy, joy, security, health, peace, companionship, and community, provide them for your bride also.

Husband, how are you doing at nourishing your wife (v. 29)? Are you physically nourishing her? Are you cherishing your wife (v. 30)? Are you admiring her and complimenting her?

The Why

God has given this command

Colossians 3:19 ESV

19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

1 Peter 3:7 ESV

7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

God has designed us this way

When asked what they mean by “I love you,” one or the other is likely to answer in self-centered language about being loved, feeling good, enjoying the other’s personality and so on. But here in Ephesians the dominant idea is giving oneself for the good of the other.

How many people have confessed, “I am starved for love.” There should be no starvation for love in the Christian home, for the husband and wife should so love each other that their physical, emotional, and spiritual needs are met. If both are submitted to the Lord, and to each other, they will be so satisfied that they will not be tempted to look anywhere else for fulfillment.

This is how we are being sanctified

The How

In the SAME WAY “Just As”

To nourish & cherish

Close

The Glorious Illustration

Eph 5.30-32 “30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.”

V32 = Profound !!

Exploring Ephesians & Philippians: An Expository Commentary (c) The Expectation (5:24)

We are to consider the marital relationship on this lofty plane. The relationship between Christ and His church is unique. Nearly all of the brides mentioned in the Bible illustrate this relationship. We can see it clearly in the stories of Jacob and Rachel, Boaz and Ruth, and David and Abigail. We can see it too in the progressive stories of Adam and Eve, Isaac and Rebekah, and Joseph and Asenath. Taken together, these last three marriages are pictures of the church’s past, the church’s present, and the church’s prospects.

The story of Adam and Eve illustrates the past and shows how the church was formed. Adam was put to sleep in the will of God. Then God opened his side and took from him what was needed to form his bride. This scene is reminiscent of Calvary, where the Lord Jesus entered into the sleep of death in the will of God. Jesus’ side was opened and out gushed water and blood, the elements that made possible the creation of the church—His bride.

The story of Isaac and Rebekah illustrates the present. Their love story typifies the work of the Father and the Spirit in finding the bride for the Son. In Genesis 22 Isaac went to mount Moriah as a willing sacrifice, obedient unto death. But in Genesis 24 he was a passive observer, waiting with his father for the coming of the bride. All the action was in the hands of the unnamed servant whom Abraham sent to seek, invite, persuade, and bring the responsive bride to his son. In this present age the Son’s work is finished and He sits on His Father’s throne. The Holy Spirit is the active One. He is here to seek out a bride—the church—for the Father’s beloved Son, who is waiting at His right hand in glory.

The story of Joseph and Asenath illustrates the prospects of the church (Genesis 41:45). Asenath was taken from obscurity and elevated to share the lofty position occupied by Joseph at the right hand of pharaoh. In the same way, our past is blotted out and our destiny is to sit with Christ on His throne and share His glory for all eternity.

The point here is that since the brides of the Bible are obviously intended to typify the unique relationship between Christ and His church, the marriage of every believer should do the same. Every married Christian couple should be an illustration to the world of the relationship that exists between Christ and His church.

Closing Charge!!

Eph 5.33 “33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

Where do you turn when marriage is difficult? Alcohol, deer hunting, work, pornography? No! Those are the wrong places! Look to Christ. Marriage is intended to point us to our Redeemer.

If Christian husbands and wives have the power of the Spirit to enable them, and the example of Christ to encourage them, why do too many Christian marriages fail? Somebody is out of the will of God.

The root of most marital problems is sin, and the root of all sin is selfishness. Submission to Christ and to one another is the only way to overcome selfishness, for when we submit, the Holy Spirit can fill us and enable us to love one another in a sacrificial, sanctifying, satisfying way—the way Christ loves the church.

PRAYER

Group Questions

Do you know anyone who’s marriage seems to illustrate this section of scripture? Tell the group about this couple.

What do you think is the biggest lie the world is trying to tell married couples today?

How can we best fight this message as individuals and as a church?

Why do some react negatively to Paul’s instruction to wives? How would you answer their objections to the concept of “submitting”?

How does the illustration of marriage as a picture of Christ and the church give purpose and hope for marriage?

How might a husband display “sacrificial love” practically? How might a husband display “sanctifying love” practically?