Heroes in the Home - Proverbs 31:1-31

Introduction

There’s no job on earth that requires more expertise than motherhood. Linda Weber wrote an article for Focus on the Family back in 1994 entitled “What in the World Does a Mom Do All Day?” Here’s just part of who she says a mom is:

She’s a baby feeder, changer, bather, rocker, burper, and hugger.

She’s a picker-upper of food, debris, and vomit while also being a linguistic expert on toddler dialect

She’s a teacher of everything from how to chew food to how to drive a car to how to change a diaper.

She’s an assistant on school projects and a censor of TV, movies, and books.

She’s a reader of thousands of children’s books, planner and hostess of innumerable parties, and the resident executioner of ants, roaches, and wasps.

She’s central control for getting the appliances fixed or the carpet shampood and the appointment desk for the family’s visits to the doctor, the dentist, the orthodontist, the barber, and the mechanic.

She’s the resident historian in charge of photo albums, baby books, and school records.

She’s a furniture refinisher, food preservation expert, oven cleaner, important document keeper, emergency medical technician, and an ambulance driver.

She’s a prayer warrior, existential crisis manager, and trauma counselor.

There’s no job on earth requires the varied expertise of motherhood. And, social media has turned the temperature up even higher on moms. Everywhere you look there’s another opportunity your kid can’t miss out on or another danger to worry about or another example of how all of the other moms are more together than you are.

God’s Word

So, what do moms need? Moms need wisdom and hope. That’s exactly what I think we find here in Proverbs 31. Now, I know of many moms who read Proverbs 31, and they find that it compounds their guilt rather than alleviate it. But, this morning, what we’re going to see is that there’s a lot more to this passage than meets the modern eye. It’s an intricately woven poem — or eulogy — that’s meant to show the fulfillment of the whole book of Proverbs in a practical, real world context — motherhood.

But, it’s not just applicable to mothers. In fact, it wasn’t even primarily written to mothers. The book of Proverbs is written primarily to young men, and you’ll remember that wisdom is personified throughout the book, usually as a woman. So, there’s at least three different layers through which we can see this text: instruction for men, an example for women, and a model of wisdom in the real world for everyone. Let’s keep that in mind. Because what we see in Proverbs 31 is something that will make our modern culture very uncomfortable. I think it shows us Three Course Corrections for Modern Families (headline):

“Mundane” faithfulness is “heroic.”

It’s easy to lose your sense of purpose a parent, isn’t it? Of course, if I were to ask you what your purpose as a parent is, you’d all give me some Sunday School answer, but the truth is that parent is more like a Survivorman episode than the Hallmark card we expected. So, most of parenting feels so mundane and menial. There’s diapers, dishes, vacuuming, homework, bath time, and repeat. And, I’ve talked with more than one mother who feels like she’s just lost herself and her sense of purpose amidst the piles of laundry that seem to never go away. It’s not the exciting, fulfilling life you imagined. Our culture says that mundane doesn’t matter, which is probably why we work so hard to present a fair tale on InstaGram. This passage is speaking to exactly that with the exact opposite message. The author is telling young men:

Her “value” cannot be “underestimated.”

Proverbs 31:10-11 “An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.”

Proverbs 31:14-15 “She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens.”

There’s a lot more happening here than probably meets your eye. To understand it, you have to understand that it’s written to young men, and you have to understand how young men think. Young men are dreamers. They’re glory hawks. We all dream of playing in the Super Bowl and solving world hunger. So, it would be easy for this young man to underestimate how valuable an excellent wife can be if she ins’t on the battle field or leading the government (in this culture). Who has time for domestic concerns? That’s where the brilliance of this author shines. He paints the wife in a light the boy can understand, and it’s a light all of y’all need to see, too. He uses pictures the boy would revere to show the VALUE (“precious”) of the wife.

She’s like a conqueror. “Excellent” is more literally translated as “valiant.” We’re used to it being translated as virtuous/excellent/noble, but that actually softens it. This is the same word used in Joshua 6:2 to describe the “men of valor” in Israel’s army that would take the Promised Land. It’s used in Judges 6:12 to describe Gideon as a “man of valor” before he would conquer the Midianites. It’s used in 1 Samuel 16:18 to describe David as a “man of valor” just before he would strike down Goliath. This isn’t presented as some boring house wife; she’s a warrior, a conqueror, a hero! In fact, “gain” in verse 11 is most often translated as “spoils” of war. Do you think he has the young man’s attention yet?

She’s like a merchant. She’s not just a person of conquest, but of industry. A merchant had to be shrewd so as to not be taken advantage of. He had to be competent as to have a good product to share. He had to be diligent and driven to travel from place to place overcoming danger, obstacles, and hardship to provide a good income. It was a difficult, adventurous, and prosperous life. That’s who she is! She gets up early and stays up late. She creates products that provide income and manages the multi-faceted estate. She’s smart, driven, and high capacity. This is language he would understand.

She’s like a lioness. It’s funny how the language here makes the translators uncomfortable. “Food” in verse 14 is actually “prey.” So, the picture is of the nocturnal lioness who goes on the prowl to kill something, and then drag it back for the benefit of the house.

Do y’all see this? She’s a conqueror, a merchant, and a lioness. He’s taking these domestic responsibilities that are so often diminished as mundane and purposeless, and he’s dragging them into the sphere of heroism. Who is as courageous as a conqueror, cunning as a merchant, and as ferocious as a lion? A good mom! Don’t miss this! By the metrics of God, a wife and a mom is as heroic as heroic and valiant as any man who slays giants. God doesn’t measure heroism by trophies, plaques, and promotions. He measures heroism by how faithfully we carry out his will according to his design in our lives. So, don’t you dare underestimate the heroism of mundane motherhood. It’s greatness, and it’s going to lead to glory!

Her “heroism” must not be “under-appreciated.”

Proverbs 31:28-29 “Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.””

That’s where we can make a Big Story connection. What do we have in Proverbs 31? We have the goal of every marriage — a recapturing of the Garden of Eden. Who is the Proverbs 31 woman? She’s the Genesis 2 woman. The completer and helper of her husband. She is an image bearer of God ruling with dominion over what she was charged with and working in the way that God designed her. That’s why she’s great! She’s realizing the full dignity of how God designed and positioned her! And, that’s why the husband should praise her! What was Adam’s response when he saw Eve for the first time? Praise! That’s the proper response to such kindness from God! “This AT LAST bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh!” She’s his complement and completion, his companion and co-laborer. It’s joy and value and appreciation! Does the heroine in your home know that she’s appreciated? Every day, social media is telling her that she’s not enough. Are you telling her that she’s a hero?

“Selfless” devotion is “satisfying”.

The truth is that most moms (and dads and teenagers for that matter) don’t find their lives very satisfying. In fact, anxious, depressed, and overwhelmed would be the adjectives more likely to be used. And, our culture has an answer for that, doesn’t it? Think of yourself more. And, if you’ve tried that, you probably have realized by now that it doesn’t work. You feel more shame, more guilt, more anxiety, not less. Turning inward is supposed to lead to fulfillment, but it really leads to emptiness, and that’s because it leads you away from God’s design. Remember that’s what wisdom is about — living according to God’s design by God’s strength. That’s why your priorities reveal what you believe about God’s design.

She looks “outward.”

Proverbs 31:30 “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

Proverbs 31:11-13 “The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands.”

Proverbs 31:15 “She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens.”

Proverbs 31:21 “She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet.”

Proverbs 31:19-20 “She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle. She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy.”

Proverbs 31:22 “She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple.”

Proverbs 31:26 “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.”

This is a woman “who fears the Lord”. And, how do we know that? Because of her priorities. You can’t fear God and live for yourself at the same time. The awe-inspiring glory of God, when it’s truly beheld, draws your eyes outward and upward, but never inward. (List her priorities in the order they’re listed in Prov 31. 1. Husband 2. Household 3. Needy 4. Herself. Then, circle to show that it’s within the context of the fear of God and community of faith.) Notice how the priorities are listed. It’s a priority list that we’d do well to emulate. First, you’ll see that her first and primary allegiance is to her husband. Of course, the same is to also be true. We’re only seeing it from one perspective. But, going back to Genesis 2, it’s the marital relationship which is always intended to be the primary human relationship of a married person. Secondly, you’ll see her household (children + maidens). If her husband is her primary allegiance, then her household is her primary responsibility. This the work she and her husband partner in. They bear this responsibility together, though their roles will look different (macro: responsibility, micro: roles). Thirdly, you’ll see that she doesn’t just work enterprise for her family; she works and enterprises SO THAT she can be open-handed with the poor. They’re a listed priority for her. Then, comes herself. She’s not neglected. She has nice things, and she cares for herself. But, she doesn’t lived centered upon herself. Why is that? Because she fears the Lord! How will she thrive? By living according to God’s design.

But, is she really thriving? Is she really satisfied? The author certainly thinks so. She has the heart of her husband (v.11). She has “willing hands” (v. 13). Literally translated, it means that it’s the pleasure of her hands to do this work. It’s her passion. It delights and satisfies her. She is not afraid (v. 21), and she is not uptight (v. 25). In fact, she is described with the same type of love as God (hesed) in verse 26. Why does she do it? Why is she patient? Because it’s who she is and what she loves.

Here’s the countercultural claim that I want you to wrestle with: it’s not just godly to prioritize others; it’s healthy. There’s no dichotomy in the mind of God where one must choose godliness over wellbeing. To really thrive, to really be satisfied in your life, to really find delight is to live according to God’s design for God’s glory. Hebrew “shalom” won’t allow the separation of the two. In fact, the malnourished missionary who is satisfied in God is far healthier than the American billionaire contemplating his emptiness. Our culture won’t believe it, but will you? Selfless is more satisfying! When you are wrestling with emptiness and insignificance, look up to see the God of heaven who knows you, loves you, and provides for you. Then, look outward and see what He’s given you to do and who He’s given you to love. A diaper changed or a dish washed or a day taught in the face of God for the good of others is satisfying indeed!

He looks “inward.”

Proverbs 31:10 “An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.”

Proverbs 31:23 “Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.”

Proverbs 31:30 “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

The main point of this passage may surprise you. This poem is structured as a chiasmus, which means the middle point that sticks out is the main point to the whole thing. You’ll see here that it’s verse 23 (show graphic of chiasmus). That is, this verse that’s interjected into the middle that seems to stand out is the main point. It’s not b/c the husband is more important; it’s b/c the primary audience is young men and the type of woman they are to marry. “You want someone who is going to complement and complete you? You want to live unworried about your marriage? You want a wife you can trust with all of your heart? Look inward! Look at her character. Look at her nature. Search out her fear of God.”

The Bible has a lot more to say about dating than we want to give it credit for. We just don’t like what it has to say. Verse 10 makes it clear that this is a pursuit for a precious jewel. Verse 23 shows the end result. Verse 30 shows where the young man’s attraction must lie. Again, we see priorities, don’t we? How will we know if this is a man who fears God? Who will he pursue? The deceit of charm and the vanity of beauty doesn’t mean that beauty and charm are immoral or unethical. It means they’re not enough. People who fear God are attracted to people who love God and live for him. It’s what sets them in the same direction. You see, wise people see beneath the surface and down the road. They want substance, a partner, a co-laborer, not the winner of a flirting contest.

That’s what makes this woman a rare treasure worth pursuing. Young men, physical attraction is a wonderful gift from God, but it’s not enough. And, what our culture won’t tell you is that the character of your spouse will bring you far more joy or misery than the physical attractiveness of your spouse. Write that down. The question you need to answer is not whether or not she catches your eye. The question you need to ask is whether or not you can trust her with your heart. Does she fear God? Not does she attend church. Not does she say Jesus is important. Does she LOVE him and live for him?

“Counter-cultural” living is “wise.”

Proverbs 31:30 “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

I want to summarize not just our time in Proverbs 31 this way but the whole book of Proverbs. Because that’s what’s happening here. Many scholars believe that this poem was written to cast the eyes God’s people higher than that of the culture around them. The classical Greek descriptions of a wife from the same era were of a woman who was silent, passive, and disengaged from community life, and God’s people were tempted toward the same ideals.

So, Proverbs 31 is confronts every, single one of us with the same question: Will we let the culture determine our values or the Lord? Will we allow political pundits and social media influencers and secular academia to shape our views of the family, gender, and purpose, or will we trust the Lord? Another way to ask that question is: To whom do you belong? Do you belong to the culture, or do you belong to the world?

You see, throughout Proverbs we’ve seen wisdom and folly personified. But, here in the conclusion of the book, we don’t just see wisdom personified; we see it incarnated. We see what the wisdom of this book looks like in a real person living a real life. And, what we see is a picture that contradicts the currents of our culture. But, that’s how wisdom looks in a culture of fools — like a contradiction. You know, there’s another time in which we see wisdom fully incarnated in a real person and in a real life — in Christ himself. And, as the very incarnation of wisdom himself, He was so countercultural that they crucified him rather than follow him. But, God has used that which appeared foolish — the cross — to shame the wise, and now, through the cross, we can be wise.