A Valiant Woman

Introduction

Happy Mother’s Day! I think it’s only fitting that I start a message on Mother’s Day with some dad jokes. Like anything on the internet, I’m not sure if these are true but I found them to be pretty funny.

Eight-year-old Johnny and little sister Suzy presented their mom with a Mother’s Day present; a small, spindly house plant. While it wasn’t the finest looking specimen, they had bought it with their own money and Mom was thrilled. She hugged and kissed her children and told them she loved them for thinking of her. Johnny said, "There was some other flowers we wanted to buy for you, Mom, but Dad wouldn’t let us buy them because he said they were too expensive." "Yeah," said sister Suzy, "they had a real nice bunch of flowers at the shop that we were going to buy." "But I love this plant," said the happy mother. "I know, Mom," said Johnny, "but those others flowers would have been perfect for you. They were in a wreath and they had a ribbon that said ’REST IN PEACE’ on it AND YOU’RE ALWAYS ASKING FOR A LITTLE PEACE SO YOU CAN REST."

An elementary school teacher gave her class of second-graders a lesson on magnets and how they work. The next day the teacher asked her students this question: "My name has six letters. The first one is ’m.’ I pick up things. What am I?" When the test papers were turned in, the teacher was surprised to find that almost 50% of the students answered the question with the word "mother." YES, MOTHERS DO PICK UP THINGS. Yes, they do pick up after their children and often, after their husbands. But mothers are more than just "magnets," picking up after everyone in the house. They obviously mean so much more to us and this morning we want to look at the biblical characteristics of a valiant woman.

Bible Passage

Proverbs 31:10–31 ESV

An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens. She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle. She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet. She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant. Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.

Some years ago, when we first started Radiance, one of the sisters at the time asked me not to preach from Proverbs 31 for Mother’s Day because she felt like it put too much pressure on women to reach an unrealistic standard. And admittedly, this does put the bar for biblical womanhood pretty high up and I could see why reading this passage from the lens of a modern, career oriented woman seems unfair. I’ve said this in the past but from a secular perspective, men are generally evaluated on one criteria, their career, and as long as we are successful most of our other weaknesses are overlooked. Think of examples like Steve Jobs or Jeff Bezos or Elon Musk, they are not the best looking guys, not really good family men, you might even questions their ethics, but they are very successful and that seems to be the most important factor in the court of public opinion. Fair or unfair, women are evaluated on a greater number of criteria especially in our modern culture because not only should they be successful in their careers, they are judged by their physical appearance, if and who they are married to, how they raise their children, and so many other expectations.

I think we can all see why these types of expectations could be considered burdensome. But read in the right context, this famous passage from the book of Proverbs was not meant to add to the burdens of expectation but rather it was meant to liberate women from the social stereotypes and structures that have historically confined women. Sadly, in all the years of celebrating Mother’s Day at Radiance, we never went back to this passage which is a shame because we’ve robbed ourselves of some incredible life-giving truth by not looking closely at the timeless wisdom that we find here.

The verses that we read are actually in the form of an acrostic that begins with each letter of the Hebrew alphabet. There are 22 letters in this ancient alphabet and you’ll see that in the original language, each of the 22 verses that we read begins with the corresponding letter in the alphabet. Essentially, the author is telling us that all the letters of the alphabet from A to Z are needed to describe the beautiful characteristics of a godly woman. And from this long list of attributes, we see an example of a person that:

All women can aspire to become

All men would be fortunate to find

All people should praise and call blessed

Perhaps in our day and age, women might not aspire to be the person that is described in this passage because we either overlook these qualities or don’t value them as highly as we should. Even our translation of the original language seem to show our cultural biases against women. You’ll notice that I’ve chosen to title this message “the valiant woman” because I don’t believe the excellent wife is the best translation of the first verse. And the reason being: not only is this poem in the form of an acrostic but according to Dr. Bruce Waltke who is a renowned scholar in the Psalm and Proverbs, this passage is actually written in the traditional form of heroic poetry. In verse 17, we see clear references to military imagery to describe the work that godly women are called to.

Proverbs 31:17 ESV

She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong.

The literal translation for “she dresses herself” is “she girds up her loin” which is an idiom usually used to describe men getting ready to go into battle or to face a difficult challenge.

...the poem’s use of military imagery in the domestic sphere presents the godly wife “as a spiritual heir of Israel’s ancient heroes” and “a champion for those around her by her diligent application of wisdom.”

Now there is nothing wrong with a wife that is excellent in all that she does but that is so different than describing someone’s actions as being valiant or heroic. I don’t know if you have ever considered your mothers and wives and even yourselves to be heroic but knowing how some of these sisters have overcome life’s difficulties and the sacrifices made to raise their children and serve the Lord, the women in our lives that exemplify these characteristics should most definitely be considered heroes in our eyes. The value of these women are priceless and indeed, more valuable than any precious jewel.

In providing this clear model of what women can aspire to, this short poem that was written thousands of years ago breaks some of the primary stereotypes that women have had to endure through the ages:

The greatest asset of a woman is her beauty and charm. And before you think we have made so much progress as a society, just look at countless ads, tv shows, and pop culture in general and you’ll agree that this stereotype still exists today. And over and against probably every culture that has existed since the beginning of civilization, this passage places beauty and charm in its right place. Charm is deceiving and beauty is fleeting. And this should’t be an excuse to let yourself go in terms of beauty because clearly this woman does what is necessary to keep up her appearances (her clothing is fine linen and purple, which would be the color of royalty) but physical appearance is not everything to her, nor is it the most important thing.

This poem “counters ancient Near Easter literatures preoccupation with the physical charms of a woman from an erotic point of view with the celebration of her activity in the ordinary affairs of family, community, and business life.” Bruce Waltke

In contrast to this secular perspective, the traditional religious stereotype of women is that they should be quiet and submissive homemakers and it’s clear that the valiant woman is far more ambitious than that. She is out in the marketplace, she’s evaluating real estate deals, she has a keen eye for business, and still has time for her family and even extends her care to the poor and needy in her community. And it’s important for us to note here that the valiant women doesn’t use her ambition just to get ahead or gain a good reputation for herself, she uses it for the good of society. Especially for those of us here in the Bay Area, it’s important for us to remember that ambition divorced from a concern for the greater good is not valiant but it is villainous. Self-centered ambition is the cause of so much pain and evil in our world. And verse 19 and 20 are a beautiful reminder of the difference in the way that a woman of valor uses her ambition.

I love the way one writer describes the proper balance between ambition and generosity. “She closes her hand to grip the tools of her trade but opens them up to provide for all in need.”

The third stereotype is more of a current model which is that of a fiercely independent woman that has no need for anyone else. Unfortunately, in this day and age where biblical standards of marriage and family are under attack, it’s easy to fall into the notion that the mark of a woman’s strength is complete autonomy especially from men. And so the modern woman tends to cringe even at the notion that she was created by God to be a helper for her husband assuming that this is a role that is beneath her but again we look at this passage and we see more clearly what a helper looks like from a biblical framework. And we see that the role of helper creates a relational dynamic between men and women that allows both to flourish and all men would be fortunate to find someone like this.

Based on the heading of this chapter, we know that though this was written by a man, King Lemuel, it was based on an oracle that his mother taught him.

Proverbs 31:1 ESV

The words of King Lemuel. An oracle that his mother taught him:

This isn’t just the wishful thoughts of a man but is the wisdom of a godly queen. Basically, she is telling her son, “If you find someone like this, don’t let her go.” And more than detailing the role of helper in terms of position, power, or protocol which we are so prone to do in the West, King Lemuel’s mother addresses the heart posture of someone who is a true helper. Unfortunately, I think a good number of Christian women begrudgingly accept the role of helper not knowing what it really entails.

According to verse 11, the wife of valor is someone who can be completely trusted by her husband, which is actually very shocking thing to read in the OT. Men, especially the kings, were taught to trust no one but the Lord their God but we see the one exception here. If you find the right wife, she can be trusted with everything which is paramount for healthy marriages.

And the reason why a wife like this is trustworthy is that her heart’s desire is always for the good of her husband and not to bring him harm. (Of course, this applies in the reverse direction as well.)

She sets her husband up to become a leader in whatever area of life he is called. There’s a cliche that tells us, “That behind every great man there is a greater woman.” The reason why this exists is because it’s largely true. Most men need a little or a big push to grow out of their adoloscence and often it’s a good wife that does that for him.

Proverbs 31:23 ESV

Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.

The reason why this verse is inserted in this long list of attributes of a godly woman is to highlight the fact that because of everything she does, her husband is able to flourish in his sphere of influence both in and out of the home. (Generally, women who are this strong are perfectly capable of leading the family but out of reverence for God, they encourage their husbands to lead. You cannot force biblical roles on one another without a willing heart.) But let’s consider what C.S Lewis had to say about the modern debate on our roles as men and women.

…the kind of equality which implies that the equals are interchangeable (like identical machines) is, among humans, a legal fiction. It may be a useful legal fiction. But in church, we turn our back on fictions. One of the ends for which sex was created was to symbolize the hidden things of God. One of the functions of human marriage is to express the nature of the union between Christ and the Church. We have no authority to take the living and sensitive figures which God has painted on the canvas of our nature and shift them about as if they were mere geometrical figures...

Conclusion

By useful legal fiction, Lewis is talking about the fact that the secular idea of equality might be necessary to protect women in a male dominated society but it does not mean it is true. In some ways a fictious defintion of equality is needed to legislate certain unjust practices like unequal pay for equal work but in the church we don’t need this legal fiction. Equality of the genders does not mean that we are identical interchangeable parts as if it the roles of mother, father, husband, and wife can be played by either gender. That’s absurd and we all know better. Over the years, I’ve rememberd some of the stupid things men have said to their wives, one of the worst was a couple who was fighting when the wife was pregant and she was a having difficult pregnancy with severe morning sickness and her husband said, “What’s the big deal, every woman has had to go through this.” Not to minimize the importance of fathers but mothers have been called to play a unique role not only in our lives but in the story of redemption.

Genesis 3:15–16 (ESV)

I will put enmity between you and the woman,

and between your offspring and her offspring;

he shall bruise your head,

and you shall bruise his heel.”

To the woman he said,

“I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing;

in pain you shall bring forth children.

Every new birth is a retelling of the gospel story, that from the womb of a woman, the Savior of the world is born, and every new birth gives us that hope. And though the differences in gender represent the hidden things of God, it is not hidden from us. But neverthless, even these hidden things have real world consequences. For example, we know that the best outcome for children statistically are those raised in families with both mother and father in the home. If the unique roles given to men and women are good and leads to the best outcomes for marriage and the raising of children, why are we so reluctant to adhere to it? The answer to this question is not that deep. It is simply a matter of what we celebrate and praise in our society. Sadly, the role of the valiant woman that is described here in Proverbs is celebrated less and less in our society. But a woman who fears the Lord, who teaches the wisdom of God to her children, and promotes the kindness of God to everyone she meets is worth the highest praise.

That’s what Mother’s day is about. A chance for their husbands and children to praise her and call her blessed but not only, everyone within the gates of city should praise her. To not adore and praise “true beauty” is wrong. According to the words of CS Lewis, “If we do not admire what is praiseworthy, we shall be stupid, insensible and great losers.”