How Do I Raise These Kids?

Ephesians 6:1-4 New King James Version

God’s Instructions to Children and Parents

1. Children

a. Obey

i. Ephesians 6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

b. Honor

i. Ephesians 6:2a “Honor your father and mother,”

1. Obey – action

2. Honor – attitude

a. Three Reasons to Honor and Obey Your Parents:

i. It’s right.

1. Ephesians 6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

ii. It’s a commandment.

1. Ephesians 6:2b which is the first commandment with promise:

a. Fifth of the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:12)

iii. Its promise.

1. Ephesians 6:3 “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.”

2. Parents

a. Do Not Provoke

i. Ephesians 6:4a And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath,

1. Andrew T. Lincoln explains that this prohibition forbids “excessively severe discipline, unreasonably harsh demands, abuse of authority, arbitrariness, unfairness, constant nagging and condemnation, subjecting a child to humiliation, and all forms of gross insensitivity to a child’s needs and sensibilities.”[1]

2. Colossians 3:21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

b. Bring Up

i. Ephesians 6:4b but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.

1. Training – Discipline, not punishment

2. Admonition - The second term, “instruction,” refers to the training that takes place through verbal correction (i.e., exhortations, warnings, and rebukes).[2]

a. Deuteronomy 6:5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.

b. Deuteronomy 6:6 “And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart.

c. Deuteronomy 6:7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.

Four Principles of Parenting

1. The Path – Prepare your child for the path, not the path for your child.

a. Slide, merry-go-round, monkey bars

2. The Playground – Balance fun and rules.

a. Playground – Fence = Fun without Rules

b. Fence – Playground = Rules without Fun

c. Playground + Fence = Fun with Rules

i. Is your family a playground with a fence, a playground without a fence, or a fence without a playground?

d. Proverbs 13:24 He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly.

3. Proximity – Maintain the relationship to maintain influence

a. 1 Corinthians 7:12 But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her.

b. 1 Corinthians 7:13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him.

c. 1 Corinthians 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy.

4. Perspective – Seeing your child at their worst; play the long game

Acts 16:31 So they said, “Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved, you and your household.”

[1]Benjamin L. Merkle, “Ephesians,” in Ephesians–Philemon, ed. Iain M. Duguid, James M. Hamilton Jr., and Jay Sklar, vol. XI, ESV Expository Commentary (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2018), 105. i.e. that is [2]Benjamin L. Merkle, “Ephesians,” in Ephesians–Philemon, ed. Iain M. Duguid, James M. Hamilton Jr., and Jay Sklar, vol. XI, ESV Expository Commentary (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2018), 106.