Alone

Prayer

Our Loneliness

He Gets Us campaign, people get on the website because they need help. And based on location, we get connected with some of these people, referred to as Explorers.

Consistently, one of the most common struggles that are expressed by these explorers are experiences of loneliness.

One young woman wrote, “I just want to feel like I belong. I have been so lonely. I have my husband and my son, but I don’t feel like I belong outside of my home.”

Another wrote, “I feel like I’m never going to be good enough...I feel like I annoy everyone I talk to. I feel like I have nobody.”

Several of them stated simply, “I need to talk to someone.” In other words, they didn’t have anyone in their lives they felt like they could talk to.

Some have described what’s happening in our culture as an epidemic of loneliness. Which is painfully ironic, considering we have the technology to be more connected than ever, yet we are more alone that ever.

Over the last 50 years, the number of people living alone has skyrocketed. And that’s not just true here, it’s true in many places around the world. In the U.S., it’s risen from 13% of the population in 1960 to 28% in 2018.

A recent survey asked respondents whether they had in the last four weeks experienced serious loneliness - what they defined as feeling lonely frequently or almost all the time or all the time. 36%, over 1 in 3, said they had. That included 61% of young people (ages 18-25) and 51% of mothers with young children.

Tragedy how common this is - but I’m guessing it’s something all of us can relate to…we’ve had times in our life (maybe it’s happening in this season of your life) where we’ve experienced serious loneliness.

Jesus Gets Us - Alone

As we’ve been affirming all through our sermon series, Jesus Gets Us. He knows what we’re going through. He understands what it feels like to be alone.

In the Gospel of John, chapter 7, we find Jesus in Galilee, avoiding the area of Judea because the Jewish leaders were looking for a way to kill him (which that in itself would you make you feel like you weren’t wanted!).

One of the main Jewish Feasts was approaching, the Festival of Tabernacles, and so Jesus’ brothers told him he should go to Jerusalem, so his disciples and all the people could see Jesus’ works - after all, they argued, if you want to become a public figure, you’ve got to go out and be in the public.

But we soon find out his brothers weren’t offering a helpful suggestion - it was more of a dismissive, possibly even mocking comment. They didn’t take Jesus seriously - we know that because in vs. 5 it tells us, “For even his own brothers did not believe in him.”

Family is supposed to be a place where you feel like you belong, there’s a loneliness when those closest to you dismiss you.

It wasn’t just his family, but his disciples as well. In a time when he needed them most, they abandoned him. Left him alone.

On the night before Jesus was crucified, it seemed like an evening that was starting with such promise - Jesus and his disciples were all gathered together to celebrate the Passover meal, which normally would have been a rich, wonderful time together. This solemn remembrance of God freeing his people from enslavement in Egypt, all sitting together around the table.

But their fellowship was fracturing - Judas had already agreed to betray Jesus to the chief priest for 30 pieces of silver. Jesus shared this news while they’re eating…“Truly I tell you, one of you will betray me.”

It’s hard for me to imagine what it must have been like to be sitting there at that table, sharing a meal, a celebration - knowing that one of these men had literally sold you out.

Here he was, pretending to be your friend, breaking bread with you, but you know that it’s all a ruse. He’s betrayed you. There’s a particular loneliness in betrayal.

Of course, the rest of the disciples, on hearing the news that one of them will betray Jesus, immediately affirm their commitment, their loyalty to Jesus, declaring boldly how they would go to prison with him, they would even die with him. Jesus, we’re with you, 100%.

That commitment to be with Jesus doesn’t last long. After dinner they go out to the Mount of Olives, to the garden of Gethsemane to pray. Jesus is hurting because he knows what’s coming. Notice what he asks of his closest disciples, Matthew 26:38, Then he said to then, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.”

Jesus is struggling, he’s in anguish. And he doesn’t want to be alone. He wants his friends alongside him, just to be with him as he prays. It’s honestly a beautifully vulnerable moment for Jesus - so often our tendency is to hide our moments of weakness, but Jesus doesn’t here.

One of the things about suffering is that it makes us feel more alone. It’s one of the especially difficult aspects of suffering - so Jesus wants his friends with him. Unfortunately, they’re not up to the task, they keep falling asleep. Three times he asks them to keep watch with him and three times they fall asleep on him. Jesus must deal with his sorrow alone.

And the abandonment is complete when the crowd sent from the chief priests come and arrest Jesus. Though initially the disciples try to put up a fight, Jesus squelches that. And so what do they do? The Bible tells us: “Then all the disciples deserted him and fled.” They hightail it out of there, leaving Jesus to fend for himself. They abandon Jesus. He is all alone.

Jesus knows. He gets us. He knows what it’s like to be lonely, to have those you most rely on, fall through. In the time of Jesus’ greatest suffering, he was utterly alone. You can hear the cry of his loneliness on the cross as he prayed out the words of Psalm 22, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”

Here’s the vital thing to remember about feeling alone: You may feel lonely, but you are never alone. You may feel lonely, but you are never alone.

This really is one of the most profound promises of the Bible, God’s declaration to us, “I am with you.” Unlike the disciples’ promises to Jesus (we’re with you, Jesus, we’ll die for you!), God keeps his promises. God truly is with us.

This promise bookends the Gospel of Matthew...

Matthew 1:23, we see the angel speaking to Joseph, quoting the prophecy in Isaiah, “The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel”, which means “God with us.”

Jesus is Immanuel. Jesus himself is God’s promise to us, I am with you.

Then at the very end of the Gospel of Matthew, just as Jesus is about to ascend into heaven, 28:20, And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.

Surely, absolutely - this is guaranteed, I’m with you. I’m with you forever. I’m with you right now. I’ll be with you tomorrow, and the day after that, the day after that. I’m here.

Jesus professes his commitment to be with us in another way in John 14:15-17...“If you love me, keep my commands. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— the Spirit of truth.”

God made you for himself. That he might be with us and we might be with him. And though we may fail terrible on our end, God never fails on his end. And there may be times you want to get away - you’d prefer God not be with you, but he always is. Psalm 139:7-12...

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

Is there any place you could go where God isn’t? Is there some kind of hiding spot you could find that God couldn’t find you (Adam and Eve tried that, didn’t work). Or some place God just forgets to be or chooses not to be - perhaps places you can’t imagine God would be because they are so dark, so disturbing, places that seem utterly God-forsaken…even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. There’s no place too dark, no place you could go or be that God is not with you.

Problem isn’t that God isn’t with us, it’s that we’re not aware of it. We don’t have eyes to see it.

I want to spend a little longer this morning talking about soul training exercises, spiritual disciplines we can put into practice to cultivate a greater awareness of God.

Because the problem isn’t being alone - because the reality is that we’re never alone. Problem is loneliness, feeling that we are alone. That nobody cares. Nobody is with us. Nobody is for us.

But that couldn’t be further from the truth. Here’s where the spiritual disciplines are so essential, because a primary goal of spiritual disciplines is to “practice the presence of God.” What does that mean? Exactly what it says: We practice being aware of God’s presence. We engage in training in order to learn to live with an ongoing trust in the abiding presence of God - that he truly is “God with us.” Right here, right now.

More we do this, it will transform our lives - it is the huge antidote to loneliness. As we learn to live with awareness of the abiding presence of God - we will more and more become people who live in a greater sense of peace…our hearts will be filled with joy…deeper sense of purpose…pray more easily…worship more fully.

And this is a hard battle - because it doesn’t just happen. We have to work at it, put in the training time, especially in this day and age because we have become a culture that lives in constant distraction. Boredom feels like the great evil of our time…whatever it takes, I cannot be bored. So we live with constant distractions…keep TV on in the house…air buds in so we can be listening to music or podcasts…radio stays on all the time while we’re in the car…check our phones every down moment we have.

Here’s the thing: You cannot do these things and be attentive to presence of God. It’s impossible - I know, because I’ve tried for far too long, this is a battle I fight daily.

Challenge is to quiet not just the outer noise, but the inner noise as well - constant dialogue going on in your head. So, I want to offer two essential practices to care for your soul. And I would encourage you to do one of these exercise this week. This is really where we demonstrate whether we trust Jesus, willing to follow him - don’t just hear his teachings, but we put them into practice.

First is practice of Solitude - which sounds a little ironic, considering we’re talking about the issue of loneliness - but this is really helpful, as I hope you’ll see.

*James Bryan Smith story - at the local coffee shop with his son*

Solitude, we are paying particular attention to God. We make the effort to be by ourselves - here’s the critical part - in order to be with God, to be attentive to his presence in that moment. You are practicing his presence. Noticing God with you.

This could take the form of finding a quiet place to sit, away from distractions (phone put away). Spending a few moments in quiet prayer. Reading the Scriptures, slowly, thoughtfully - listening for God to speak to you. Spending some time meditating on what God brought to your attention, reflecting on it. Responding to God in prayer.

It might be taking a prayer walk - for me it’s often going on a hike - go with intention of being with God. Opening myself to him. Praying. Sharing what’s on your heart.

Here’s one that will feel so counter culture to how we normally live - challenge you to take an hour this week, to sit in your backyard in quiet for an hour. And do what?! Be attentive to God. Look at his creation. Pay attention to what’s around you. It will take time and effort (don’t even have your phone with you!), but like Smith’s son, you will discover things you’ve never noticed.

As you do these things, you will begin to realize more and more the truth that you are truly never alone, that God is with you.

Another soul-training exercise is Silence - learn to still the inner noise and be attentive to God.

Again, so different from way we normally live - we think we have to be doing all time, be entertained. But goal is simply, as God says to us in Psalm 46, “Be still and know that I am God.”

In Silence we’re practicing the presence of God. We’re slowing down to do nothing more (and nothing less) than to be with Jesus. Start with one minute every day this week (use a timer). Quiet yourself. Invite the Spirit to come over you. Sit in a comfortable position, hands open, palms up as a gesture of being open to receiving what God has for you. I like to begin with prayerful reminders of why I’m doing this (Jesus, I come to abide in you). Breathe slowly and deeply. Sit in silence - as thoughts invade your mind, as they surely will, pray a simple phrase to draw yourself back to presence of God. Gradually, increase the time.

So, one of these two practices, put into practice this week.

Inspiration - I want you to hear God’s heart to be with you

How profound his promise is, when he tells us, “And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

God of all power and glory and might, the maker of heaven and earth - doesn’t he have better things to do? Aren’t world events happening that are much more important he should be paying attention to? Really important people?

No, there is nothing better for God then to be with you, to delight in you, to teach you, to grow you, to work with you and through you.

Gospel is a demonstration of how much God desired to be with you - Jesus, bearing the price of our sin, our separation in order to make the way possible so that we can be with the Father

We get a sampling of how heavy the cost was when Jesus, on the cross, cries out the words of Psalm 22, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” Jesus felt utterly abandoned, completely alone, hanging on the cross. Taking on our sin, in that moment, Father turning away, Jesus separated from Father

In the moment of his death, something amazing happened: Matthew 27:51, At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom.

This was the curtain I was speaking about earlier, the curtain that hung inside the Temple, separating the outer room, where the priests worked daily, from the inner room, the Most Holy Place - the place that only the high priest would enter, and only once a year. The place where God himself would make himself known.

That curtain - which was somewhere between 45 & 60 feet tall, ripped in half, top to bottom, at the moment of Jesus’ death. Can you just imagine, if you’d been standing there, watching that happen?!

Powerful visual of God declaring - the way is now open, there is no more separation. The payment for sin has been made. Forgiveness is right here, freely offered. We can come now to the Father, we can be with him - because of Jesus and his great sacrifice.

This is the heart of God, how much he desired to be with us. You may feel lonely, but you are never alone.