Fig Trees & Firewood: Forbearance

Fig Trees & Firewood

Welcome back to The Gathering of Champions…

We’ve been in our series, Fig Trees & Firewood and in case you forgot how it all began, we started a few weeks ago talking about how Jesus felt about unproductive fruit trees.

We examined the case of the fig tree that failed to produce and how that failure led to its demise. Then we listened in on a conversation Jesus had with his disciples about Him being the true vine and His Father the gardener.

He told us how his Father cuts off ever branch in him that bears no fruit and how those branches, after being cut down are picked up and thrown into the fire and burned (John 15)

We decided that we don’t want that to be our end so we began examining our fruit a few weeks ago and the rubric we used is found in Gal 5:22 where the Apostle Paul writes...

Galatians 5:22 (NIV)

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace,

And today we will add to this list, forbearance. And for some of us, this is one of the most difficult fruit to produce.

It’s difficult because many of us know people who are skilled at trying our patience. There are those who are well-deserving of your wrath, yet you hold back punishment for many reasons.

Some of us hold back because someone is watching and we don’t want them to see us go crazy.

Some hold back because if we let vengeance go we just might end up in jail.

Then there are times we hold back because we need a moment to develop a full plan and when they least expect it, when they’re comfortable, and when they think there will be no punishment, you get them. (Sherice’s fork in Earl’s arm).

But some of us hold back because we genuinely hope that some day the person who is hurting or offending us will see the error of their ways and change. We hope that they will learn to love us as much as we love them.

Hope is good because

HOPE CREATES SPACE BETWEEN STIMULI & RESPONSES (Forbearance)

This space is what I like to call the space of forbearance. It is the space where decisions are made.

If you were to walk up to me after service and slap me in my face, that is a stimulus. My response may happen immediately, or it might take me a minute to calculate and respond. My response is based on the decision that I made and committed to once I processed what I believe happened. The time in-between revealed the limit of my forbearance.

The ability to forbear is different for each individual but it’s also circumstantial. How I respond to my father slapping me is different than how I would respond to a stranger my age slapping me.

I’m aware, as you probably are, that my response in any of these scenarios are based on a number of things to include exposure, experiences, and training.

When we were children, we may have been trained that if someone hits you, you hit them back. Depending on the size and reputation of your attacker, you might take some time to think about the consequences and repercussions before you adhere to that training.

If you have any martial arts experience then the gap between the stimulus and response shortens because muscle memory and your proven skill-set will influence your reaction. You know what to do because you’ve been there before.

Then, some of us have been exposed to certain situations but we haven’t experienced them first hand, nor have we been trained on what to do if we ever were in those situations. We have an idea, sometimes even a fantasy of what we would do, but we don’t really know until we’re slapped.

This person is the most unstable and maybe even a danger to their own self because we don’t have a plan. And as the saying goes, those who fail to plan, plan to fail. And by now, we all know what happens to trees who fail to produce the right kind of fruit.

So, what do we do when we don’t know what to do? How do we deal with people we’ve never had to deal with before? Specifically, the ones who are offensive, rude, mean, and just hard to love? Well,

You do what you’ve always done… but with one exception.

Let me explain.

Before, if something happened to you, or rather, if someone did something to you, you created a story. And it happened so fast, you didn’t even know you did it. But you did.

When she said what she said and how she said it, you told yourself why she said what she said and how she said it. You know this for a fact and that justified you no longer speaking to her, or cursing her out, or getting her fired.

But you never stopped to hear her side of the story. You didn’t know she snapped at you because she had been in the hospital all night with her child who was sick and you didn’t know that she doesn’t have health insurance and is worried about the bill. You just know what she said to you and how she said it and that’s all that matters.

So it happened, you told yourself why, and you made a decision about her based on the story you told yourself and now, now you are no longer friends.

In that scenario, there was little to no forbearance. What Paul is calling us to do is to pause and add an additional step into what you’ve always done. Paul is encouraging us to get their side of the story before we decide they are evil and mean and undeserving of our love.

Let me give you the scenario again. She said something rude or hurtful to you. You told yourself you know why she said what she said the way she said it. But this time, before you respond, ask for clarity.

It sounds like this,

“Hey, are we okay? I’m asking because the other day while we were talking you said… and the way you said it was not how we normally interact with each other.”

This opens the door for a conversation that will hopefully provide the clarity you need. Once you have their side of the story, then you can choose more appropriately how to respond.

And a response with the full story intact just might save you a friendship. It might save you a marriage. And since it is a fruit of the spirit, and seeing how Jesus feels about trees that fail to produce fruit, your wrong response could be the thing that keeps you further from God than you really want to be.

What I just described is what Paul means when he says that we all fall short of the Glory of God. And that’s what true death is really about. Our eternal distance from God.

And that’s why Jesus was sent to bridge the gap. That’s what John 3:16 really means. For God so loved the world...

John 3:16

John 3:16 NIV

16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

In case you didn’t know, God hates the distance that currently exists between you and him. And he’s calling all of us closer. And who wants to be in close proximity of people who hate each other?

So it makes since that God calling us closer to him means that he’s calling us to be closer to one another. And that’s why Jesus prayed that we would all become one, just as He and the Father are one.

That was an earnest plea and one of the longest recorded prayers we see Jesus pray in the scriptures. So, for Christ’s sake, please be patient with one another. And for your own sake, forgive them just as God has forgiven you.

Before I close let me say this.

Forgiveness and forbearance doesn’t mean you put yourself in a place of perpetual harm.

If they are consistently hurting you, you need to remove yourself from that relationship. Jesus already died for them. That’s not your job. But even Jesus got up after three days.

I can forgive you for the hurt you caused. That doesn’t mean I have to let you hurt me again. Because as the saying goes, the first time you may have made a mistake. The next time, you’ve made a decision.

Whatever you’re going through, I know someone who has given up over less, and I know someone who has been patient through more. That said, I think we should add one more step to this process. Before you commit to your decision, pray for God’s direction.

James 1:5

James 1:5 NIV

5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

In fact, why don’t we just pray now.