Love For Our Relationships

Well, we are in our What’s Love Got To Do With It series and we have covered the first 6 things that Paul says about love. Reading through 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, / / Love is patient and kind, Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude... So those are the things we have covered so far. a few things love does, a few things love doesn’t do. And Paul continues to write, / / It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

And we’re not just looking at the things that love is or love isn’t, but how does it apply to our lives? This is not a series for information sake.

If faith without works ends up being dead, then we need to put to practice the things we learn and the belief we have in God, right?

If it is how we act and how we actually DO this thing called love that proves we are followers of Jesus, not just our belief in Jesus, then learning to apply has to become a priority for our lives.

I want to give you an equation this morning that really defines the Christian life: / / Revelation + Application = Transformation

Let’s read Romans 12:2. / / Don’t copy the behavior of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.

It is in thinking differently that our lives are transformed. But we know that just thinking differently isn’t enough. I can know something is good for me, but if I don’t do it, I won’t experience the good that it can do for me. Likewise, I can know something is bad for me, and if I don’t stop doing it, I won’t stop living under the effects of that thing.

We know this stuff. It really is common sense. When I was initially diagnosed as a type 2 Diabetic I had a choice to make. Change the way I live, or suffer the consequences.

I had already been living with some of the side effects. I was thirsty all the time, absolutely parched, and as a result drinking water non-stop, which in turn meant I was hardly sleeping because I was literally getting up every hour to go to the bathroom, and when I got up to go to the bathroom I was drinking half a bottle of water because I was so thirsty. I didn’t know why. Diabetes knowledge was not something I had.

A lot of times people live their lives like that. They are living with the consequences of their actions without understanding that it is their actions that are causing the things in their lives they don’t like. Oh sure, everyone and their mother told me I needed to lose weight, eat less, stop eating bad things, but no one had said to me, “you are thirsty all the time because your body can’t regulate sugar resulting in too much of it in your blood stream.” But, as soon as I was given that bit of knowledge, I had what we call revelation.

/ / Revelation by definition is a surprising and previously unknown fact, especially one that is made known in a dramatic way. The divine or supernatural disclosure to humans of something relating to human existence or the world.

Bam! I suddenly know something I did not know before, and it was dramatic, the Dr looked at me and said, “You better smarten up, change the way you live or you’re going to have major health issues because of it.”

Unfortunately, like most people being told something they need to change I wasn’t really up for the challenge and I continued to live my life the way I wanted for a long time and as a result dealt with a lot of things I didn’t have to for longer than I should have, and even to this day, unless God does a miracle, which I am totally open to, I have things in my body now that Drs say can’t be reversed. Again, I’m open to miracles, I pray for miracles, I ask God to heal me. And until that day happens, I don’t just sit back and say, “Well, God is in control. He’ll heal me if he wants..” No, I have a responsibility now to live with the revelation I’ve been given and allow that to be the thing that brings transformation to my life.

How’s it work?

/ / application - the action of putting something into operation. We put into practice what the revelation has shown us.

Sometimes we get this the wrong way, we think that we need transformation before we go ahead and apply what we know. And the reason we like that approach is because the application part is the hardest part. Revelation is often times God given, be that through his word, his voice or the voice of someone or something he’s put in our lives. I’ve received revelation by God showing me something through a TV show. I kid you not.

A few years ago, we were in a pretty sticky legal situation and the other party we were involved with was basically trying to strong arm us into something. One day Kelley was watching a show on Netflix that had nothing to do with anything. I wasn’t even watching the show. But, I was in the room, on my phone and in the show the exact scenario that I was going through was happening on the show, and suddenly I knew what I needed to research. And sure enough I was able to find the information I needed, go back to the other party and when I explained how I had found how things were supposed to work, their entire strategy had to change. Whether they knew or didn’t know what I now knew, they were using the situation we had to try and get me to do something I didn’t want to do. And as soon as I knew that’s now how it normally works and I said that, it changed the situation. All from a silly show on Netflix. It wasn’t a Christian show. It wasn’t a particularly Godly show. We weren’t watching a show about a church or ministry. It was just a cute little show with a storyline that happened to bring the exact revelation I needed.

To me, I can’t explain that any other way than God stepping in and giving me what I needed in the moment.

BUT, the information alone did not bring transformation.

I took that revelation, and instead of just saying, “well how dare they...” I went ahead, did actual research, because what you see on TV isn’t always real, don’t know if you knew that or not… And my research backed up what i had seen in the show. Then I took that information and went to the other party - this is all application, using the information I’ve been given… and when that information had been given, the application part of the equation was done and what happened next, transformation!

Another quick example. I’ve talked a lot about my journey of recovery over the last year. Very connected to my revelation from 12 years ago that I have type 2 diabetes. 12 years ago I didn’t change. Or I tried, but it didn’t stick, I yo’yo’d for years like I had always done. Last January when they checked my A1C, which is the average of your blood sugar for the previous 3 months, it was >14. They just don’t measure past 14. It’s the worst you can get on the report. Checking my blood sugar it was consistently over 350 and was spiking over 450 and 500… These are all numbers that they say you should immediately go to the emergency room. But my body was just so used to it, I was what I would classify as a functioning addict, the substance was killing me, but the substance was keeping me going.

I met with an addiction counselor end of January, he said, “I think you might be a food addict.” I said, “Doubtful, but I’m open...” So I started going to meetings, reading the Big Book of AA but from a food addicts perspective. I met with people dealing with addiction, I heard their stories, even more so - I related to their stories. I came to a place where I had enough knowledge and revelation that I had a choice to make. Would I put this into application?

I did, March 10th last year I gave up sugar, flour, wheat, grains, pasta, starchy vegetables. At the time I was on 7 or 8 medications, including a daily shot of insulin, which I had been dead set against taking - and even still my blood sugar was out of sorts.

The last time I had bloodwork done my A1C was 5.6… That’s not even what they consider pre-diabetic.

/ / Transformation happens when we take the information we’ve been given, be that natural or supernatural, and apply it to our lives.

And like I said, this is a formula for all areas of our lives, not just a series on love. Whatever it is you want or desire, you have to take the truth for that situation, and if it is a spiritual or if the bible speaks to that particular situation, then that’s where you draw your truth from, and you take that and apply it to your situation. Then and only then will you begin to see change.

So, when it comes to love, when it comes to what we talked about last week, something as simple, yet as profound and maybe even as frustrating sometimes as not being rude - are we taking that information and applying it to our lives so that we can see the benefit of living a life of love? Because the transformation isn’t just in us, although that’s pretty awesome, but the transformation hits all areas of our lives. If we are more loving, more kind, more patient, less jealous and boastful, then the relationships we have, the people we are around - man, we’re going to get along with them so much better.

The more we show this way of love in our lives the more people will trust us, want to truly connect with us - and as people do that, we gain influence. I don’t mean do this so you can get your own way with people, but I mean as your life becomes a good example of Jesus Christ, and you living that way causes people to respect and honor the person you are and the principles you live by, it gives you influence to share that with them. Like I said last week, if your life is sad and depressing and full of struggle, and you profess to be a Christ follower, then people may question if they want your Jesus. But if you, even in the midst of struggle, are content, and have peace, and continue to act in love and honor and integrity, then your life becomes something to take note of.

So, with that in mind we are going to continue into the next part of this scripture and today we are taking on what I would call / / Love... For Our Relationships. Of course all of these things are ultimately about our relationships, but these next three things we’re going to look at today are some of the most potent and powerful things we can learn when it comes to our connections with other people. Whether that is our spouse or a friend, a co-worker, our children or anyone else, really.

Let’s read vs 5 again, / / [Love] does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.

Paul is giving us a heads up because the enemy, satan, who we know is out to kill, steal and destroy, will always try to use these three things to cause friction, tension and animosity between people.

Love, on the other hand, chooses to do something different - to live a different way.

/ / 1. [Love] does not demand its own way...

First, some other ways that is translated:

/ / …[love] is not self-seeking… (NIV)

[Love] does not insist on its own way... (ESV)

[Love] does not seek its own benefit… (NASB)

/ / Love isn’t selfish… (CEV)

[love] never thinks just of herself… (International Standard Version)

[love] isn’t always “me first”… (Message)

[love does not] selfishly seek its own honor. (TPT)

Most translations use the wording / / does not seek its own or is not selfish. Those are the two most commonly translated phrases.

So, what does it mean to seek your own, to be selfish, to demand your own way?

Something I was thinking through after last Sunday, talking about love not being rude, I realized that the attitude behind rude behavior is that I was not really thinking about you. If I’m loud, and it’s disrupting what you’re doing, I’m not really thinking about you. If I drive erratically and cut you off, I’m not thinking about you. If I’m late to our meeting, I’m not really thinking about how it’s putting you out. Right? All these things show my focus wasn’t on you.

And as I was thinking through that I was reminded of our 4 questions.

/ / How does God love me in this way, How do I love God in this way, How do I love myself in this way, How do I love others in this way?

So, let’s break that down to the simplest of concepts, and I’m going here for a moment because this connects with this thought that love doesn’t demand its own way, or isn’t selfish.

If being rude in its simplest form is really not thinking about you. And I wouldn’t say rude is always thinking about myself, but it IS not thinking about you or how what I’m doing will effect you. Then let’s ask those questions.

/ / How does God love us in “not being rude”?

Well quite simply, God has done everything FOR us. The very opposite of not thinking about us. Psalm 139:17-18 says, / / How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, you are still with me.

That is a powerful truth you need to memorize. God is always thinking about you, putting you in his mind, and wherever you are, He is with you.

Now, this is where this really hit me. You ever have those moments where you realize something and you just think, “Wow..” I thought, if God is always thinking of me, and that’s how he loves me because he’s not rude… / / How do I love God by not being rude toward Him? Do I live my life thinking about Him, and how my actions and my life affect Him? Do I take what Jesus did for me on the cross for granted? Like Paul says, do I make grace cheap, which is a free gift because of what Jesus did, by not taking it seriously and continuing to abuse it. Relying on grace when what I really need to do is ask for His strength and courage to change, and then apply these things to my life. Do I honor him with my time, my finances, my words, my actions? How do I not be rude toward God? / / By actively thinking about him in regard to the choices I make for MY life.

And I thought, “Wow, that really brings things into perspective. Do I honor God by thinking about what will honor Him, by thinking about my actions in relation to Him, and following through with what I know will please Him?”

And here’s how that connects with our first point for today. / / If rude is not thinking about you, then selfish is deciding to think only of me. And there is a difference. See, I can do things that are rude without even realizing it. My McDonalds drive through story from last week. I was just oblivious. I wasn’t thinking about the other person or the situation. I was just kind of in my own world. And I wasn’t intentionally out to get something for myself. I wasn’t out to beat the person in line, or to get in front of them. I was just completely clueless.

Selfish on the other hand would be that same situation, but me noticing the gap and taking advantage of it for my benefit. “You left a gap, too bad. I’m gonna take it.”

Selfish is saying, “I’m concerned only with me, regardless of how that will effect you.” That’s also rude, but it’s more specifically selfish.

I like how Paul is kind of tackling all angles of this and getting really specific.

So, Paul is writing this letter to the church in Corinth, and there’s a reason he’s bringing these things up. They’ve had some pretty rough things happening in their community. The purpose of this letter is to help them come into an expression of healthy, mature, Christian community. What do I keep saying here, that our purpose is to create and foster healthy community. Not just community, but healthy community. You can call a group of people doing something together, like going to church, a community, but what’s the point if there’s issues and problems? What’s the point if people don’t get along, or become friends and actually want to live life together? So we learn these things for the purpose of our own personal benefit, and the benefit of our greater community.

The church in Corinth was having issues. 1 Corinthians 3 says that they’ve been boasting in their human leaders, one saying they follow Paul, the other saying they follow Apollos. They’re getting arrogant, even in their sin. Taking each other to court, acting jealous and envious over spiritual gifts. And one issues was that they were getting into it with each other over the food they eat.

In 1 Corinthians 8 Paul says starting in vs 4, / / So, what about eating meat that has been offered to idols? Well, we all know that an idol is not really a god and that there is only one God. There may be so-called gods both in heaven and on earth, and some people actually worship many gods and many lords. But for us, There is one God, the Father, by whom all things were created, and for whom we live. And there is one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom all things were created, and through whom we live.

So, what he’s saying is, listen, if you eat meat that someone offered to a piece of stone, or a metal shape, or a wood carving, whatever, don’t sweat it, you belong to God who made ALL things...

But listen to what he says to them about how they should respond.

/ / However, not all believers know this. Some are accustomed to thinking of idols as being real, so when they eat food that has been offered to idols, they think of it as the worship of real gods, and their weak consciences are violated. It’s true that we can’t win God’s approval by what we eat. We don’t lose anything if we don’t eat it, and we don’t gain anything if we do. But…

And remember what I said about that word last week, but always brings the other side. We don’t want to do this, BUT, we should do this… / / BUT you must be careful so that your freedom does not cause others with a weaker conscience to stumble.

Love is not selfish, it’s not self seeking, it doesn’t insist on its own way. It prefers others, it thinks of who is around before it acts. Remember, outdo one another in showing honor!

And this is an issue that wasn’t just happening in Corinth. Paul brings it up to the church in Rome as well. And actually, he wrote the letter to Rome while he was in Corinth! He says in Romans 14:13-15, / / So let’s stop condemning each other. Decide instead to live in such a way that you will not cause another believer to stumble and fall. I know and am convinced on the authority of the Lord Jesus that no food, in and of itself, is wrong to eat. But if someone believes it is wrong, then for that person it is wrong. And if another believer is distressed by what you eat, you are not acting in love if you eat it. Don’t let your eating ruin someone for whom Christ died.

And he says this in vs 22, / / You may believe there’s nothing wrong with what you are doing, but keep it between yourself and God.

So, let’s bring it into a real world example. My own personal belief is that drinking alcohol is not a sin. Having a beer while watching the game or a glass of wine with dinner. I’m not bothered by that at all. The word of God tells us not to get drunk, so that’s a pretty easy one for me, but alcohol itself I don’t have a problem with. But, what Paul is encouraging here is, don’t just think of yourself. Don’t think of what YOU are allowed to do or not. Don’t use your freedom to drink a beer as a right to drink a beer in every situation. If I am with someone who has a problem with alcohol, someone who is in recovery, I find it very easy for THEIR sake to abstain from drinking alcohol. Why would I want to make it more difficult for someone in front of me just so I can hold on to my own sense of freedom.

Listen, if we read Romans 3:23 and determine that God has a standard for our lives, and falling short of that standard is what Paul calls sin, then there are things that may differ from one person to the next. You can eat cake. I can not. You can drink soda. I can not.

This is exactly what Paul is saying as he continues in Romans 14:23, / / But if you have doubts about whether or not you should eat something, YOU are sinning if you go ahead and do it. For you are not following your convictions. If you do anything you believe is not right, you are sinning.

Let’s just walk that out a bit. There are things that fall under a standard for all humanity and there are things that fall under a standard for your life personally. I would say to you that there are things that God speaks to us personally that he leads us to for our own personal benefit, that may not benefit someone else, so why lead them there?

Do not murder is for all of our benefit.

Do not eat sugar is for my benefit.

And so what does all of that mean? Regardless of whether we’re talking about food or not, what Paul is saying is that when we want to love each other, just as Jesus loves us, we will live, like Paul says in Romans 15:3, / / For even Christ didn’t live to please himself…

And the way the enemy will always try to get in the way of relationships is for you to think of yourself first - to be selfish.

So, here’s what I will say on love not being selfish - / / What I WANT becomes secondary to what you NEED.

/ / 2. Love is not irritable...

This is another one where we could maybe say that Paul is getting a little nit-picky .... but that’s literally what love does. It doesn’t just look at the big things, it examines and re-evaluates and goes over the small things to ensure that our lives exemplify the love and character of Jesus Christ.

Irritable is one of those words. All these little things can make it difficult to process. And look this is not a you have to get it right right away thing. This is a, we are examining our lives and looking to the word of God to see what the standard is so that we can work to live by it. This is truly following Jesus. How does He love, which defines for us how we should love.

So, love is not irritable. The word is / / paroxyno and it means easily provoked, to stimulate, to spur on, to urge, to irritate, or arouse to anger. To scorn, despise, provoke, make angry.

Some other translations actually say:

/ / [love] is not easily angered… (NIV)

[love] is not easily provoked… (KJV) and the Amplified version adds to that (nor overly sensitive and easily angered) (AMP)

[love] doesn’t fly off the handle… (Message)

But most translations use the word provoked, and the definition of / / provoked is to stimulate or incite someone to do or feel something, especially arousing anger in them. to deliberately make someone annoyed or angry.

And this one is a bit different. Paul’s not saying don’t do that. It doesn’t say, “Love does not provoke” - he’s already covered that, he’s saying, “Love IS NOT easily provoked”. He’s asking, does this happen to you? Are you easily provoked?

And this isn’t some big thing, like, are you easily pushed to the point of blowing up… no, do you hear those words? Annoyed or Angry.... Annoyed means slightly angry or irritated.

Now I know y’all are pretty good, but can anyone in the room say they don’t ever get slightly irritated? Maybe just a little bit annoyed? Angered?

I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve heard myself say, “You don’t understand how much this annoys me...” .... “No, but really, what annoys me about the situation is....”

“oh man, this just gets to me…I don’t know why, but it does...”

“That is such a pet peeve of mine...”

/ / Anyone free of pet peeves?

pet peeve - something that a particular person finds especially annoying.

Why is this such a big deal? Why dig so deep? I mean, why does it really matter if I get annoyed with something. That’s on me, isn’t it? So what, I get annoyed, that doesn’t even effect you.....

Alright, let’s talk about where we all lose a bit of our Christianity on a daily basis....the round-about… Does it really make a Christian difference if I get annoyed when people do it wrong? And yes, people do it wrong. But honestly, come on, I’m just getting annoyed at the fact that someone isn’t following the easy to follow rules of the road that would actually make traffic move easier and flow better and if they would just understand how it works....

Here’s where the connection is made. / / WHAT do you think WHEN you get annoyed?

I don’t know about you, but I end up saying things like, “Oh come on...” or “Seriously?...” and if I’m honest with myself, and with you, and with God, no matter what the degree of annoyed is, I want to say that I’m just annoyed at the situation, but in the moment, my thoughts, words and actions are directed at another human being that I’m called to love. And my viewpoint of that person, who I don’t even know, and don’t have any reason to truly think differently of, has in that moment changed.

It might seem like a small thing, but the Bible takes anger pretty seriously.

Psalm 37:8, / / Stop being angry! Turn from your rage! Do not lose your temper - it only leads to harm.

Proverbs 14:29, / / People with understanding control their anger; a hot temper shows great foolishness.

Let’s stop on that for a second. People with understanding control their anger.

It doesn’t say they don’t get angry, it doesn’t say they don’t have a reason to be angry, it says they control it. This is about emotions, and what I believe is:

/ / We must learn to manage our emotions, or our emotions will manage our actions.

Emotions themselves are God given, and often times an indication of what is happening around us. Why are you sad, why are you angry, why are you happy? There’s a reason. But when we are controlled, or ruled by our emotions, the emotion gets the upper hand rather than an indication of what is going on in our hearts or in the scenario around us.. So anger becomes an outward expression. Fear becomes a negative response. Sadness becomes isolation and depression.

Even listen to what Jesus says in Matthew 5:21-22, / / “You have heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not murder. If you commit murder, you are subject to judgement.’ But I say, if you are even angry with someone, you are subject to judgement! If you call someone an idiot, you are in danger of being brought before the court. And if you curse someone, you are in danger of the fires of hell.”

So, I’m going to give you the most practical step by step here from the book of James. James 1:19 says, / / You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.

Three practical steps that will help you live by this “love is not easily angered / provoked” thing we’re talking about.

/ / Quick to Listen

When we choose to listen rather than speak, we allow the opportunity first for the other person to explain what’s going on in them, and second, we give ourselves a moment to calm down, to be able to give a level headed response.

Sometimes we need to employ that 5 second rule so we don’t say something we’ll regret!

Remember I’ve mentioned Danny Silk, who says that the purpose of conversation is to listen and understand, not convince the other person you’re right. If all you are doing is waiting for your turn to jump into the conversation and debate against the other person, and prove you’re right, and change their mind - all you are really doing is trying to control them. You aren’t actually open to what they have to say. You aren’t really listening.

Understanding is key. And I need you to listen closely to this: Even when it comes to someone believing a lie, or acting improperly, or living in sin. How we conduct ourselves shows that we know how to love a person in the midst of things rather than just loving them when they are doing it all right. Remember where we started in this series, Paul says it doesn’t matter if you have Spiritual ability, Physical ability or Mental ability, if you don’t respond to people in love, all of that means nothing. You’re like a loud gong, a crashing cymbal - just a whole lot of noise. So even if you have the right thing to say, but say it in the wrong way, the right thing becomes the thing that pushes people away. And taking the approach of, “Well, they needed to hear the truth.” Isn’t good enough because the truth without love doesn’t work!

/ / Slow to Speak

This can be a difficult thing to do. Like I said, if we’re just waiting for your chance to jump in, we probably aren’t actually listening.

Here’s a couple scriptures to connect these two:

Proverbs 13:3, / / Those who control their tongue will have a long life; opening your mouth can ruin everything.

Proverbs 18:2, / / Fools have no interest in understanding; they only want to air their own opinions.

Proverbs 18:13, / / Spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish.

I said this last week, learning not to cut someone off is so important. Kelley and I have had to work on that. We used to be a whole lot worse than we are now, but we are still working at it, and there is something so relationally soothing even if it does happen, and the person steps back and says, “Sorry, I cut you off...” Because when that doesn’t happen, even though I want to keep talking and sharing my point because everyone really should hear what I have to say, I can feel the tension building in the background........But my mouth just keeps moving for some reason.

Or how many times has someone been talking and you think you know what they’re going to say and so you jump in and finish their sentence and they’re like, “nope...”

Listen to what Jesus says about this:

Matthew 12:36-37, / / And I tell you this, you must give an account on judgement day for every idle word you speak. The words you say will either acquit you or condemn you.

So, what we need to remember is:

/ / Listening is more important than speaking.

/ / Saying the right thing at the right time in the right way is more important than just having the right thing to say...

/ / Slow to Anger

So, we know the emotion of anger itself is not wrong. God gave us that. And sometimes we should be angry. It’s how we manage that emotion that shows how healthy our heart is. And I think the first two parts here: Quick to Listen and Slow to Speak help us in this third part. If we give way to listening over speaking, and when we speak we are doing it with well thought out words, our response isn’t going to be in anger, but will be a level headed response that promotes the building of relationship rather than just showing our desire to be right, or put the other person in their place.

I have to constantly remind myself of these things because it’s easy to want to be the person who gets the last word in and it feels nice to hear the other person say, “Ya, you know what, you’re right.” and then you’re like, “I know… I mean.... Thank you.”

Slow to anger - anger is actually a really powerful emotion. It’s often the emotion that tells us something is not right - that something is wrong. So, it can be a very good thing. But, it’s how we manage that emotion in our response that determines whether it causes us to react negatively, or respond positively.

So, if you have a problem with being provoked, with being irritated, with being easily angered or annoyed, remember those three little steps.

Be Quick to Listen / Slow to Speak / Slow to Anger

Because listen, what does the enemy try to do? push us, pick at us, tries to make the small things into the big things, the little irritation or annoyance to a thing that lasts or festers...

/ / 3. Love keeps no record of being wronged...

Some other translations are:

/ / [love is not] resentful… (ESV)

[love] keeps no account of wrongs... (Berean Study Bible)

[love] thinks no evil… (NKJV)

/ / [love] doesn’t keep a record of wrongs that others do… (CEV)

[love] doesn’t keep score of the sins of others… (MSG)

[love is not] quick to take offense… (TPT)

This is one of the biggest relationship killers I’ve seen.

/ / What does it mean to take a record of being wronged?

I like how some of these translations say it… doesn’t keep score… keeps no account… and both of those are the most common translations.

Whether it is in our marriages, family relationships, friendships, or with our co-workers, acquaintances, the cashier at the grocery store or the guy in front of us or cutting us off in the round-about, we, as humans, have a very strong ability to keep a very vivid memory of what someone has done against us.

Ever been in a conversation and someone is just venting to you about something that JUST happened to them, but your response is, “Oh my goodness, I know exactly what you are saying. They are the worst. I was there last week and......”

Where’s that come from? We kept a record of the wrong… We have an account we put it in for safe keeping so we could take it out later and use it to our benefit...

Today it’s even easier with social media… we air our grievances all day long and they stay there forever.

This is what we call... / / Keeping ammunition for future events...

I realized this one day - Kelley said something to me about something I was doing, and it was something she didn’t like. Not a bad thing, like I’m outright sinning or something, and I don’t even remember what exactly it was - most likely “Hey, when you are done with your dishes, can you just go put them in the sink?”

And my brain did this little twitch and it almost came out of my mouth, “Ya, well you always do.....”

And I realized in that moment, “WHOA! Why am I holding on to that? And what on earth does it have to do with this situation?”

If you’re anything like me, there have been times when you’ve had something done around you or to you that you don’t like and it has been written down in your mental bank account as ammunition, just in case that person ever tries to do that or say something against you and then you have something you can use to put them in their place.

Kelley and I don’t argue too much, we’re both pretty laid back, yet, even these ridiculous little simple things for some reason, I was holding on to them. And to be honest, I wasn’t even using the ammunition. I just like having the gun loaded… But the problem with that is that over time it can do serious damage. Because holding on to those things, anger, resentment, a record of wrong-doing is a burden that over time can have a serious impact on your own well being.

Alexander Pope said, / / To err is human, to forgive divine. Meaning, we all make mistakes, we all sin, and yet God forgives, and we are called to be like Christ, to forgive, to not hold on to judgement, not to hold on to resentment, not to keep a record of wrong doing.

That doesn’t mean we forget what’s happened in our lives and walk right back into dangerous situations, but it does mean we choose to let go of the resentment, let go of the hurt, and let the one who hurt us go free from our judgment. And I’m not talking legal repercussion - sometimes we have natural consequences for our actions. But when it comes to our own judgment and unforgiveness - They may not deserve to be forgiven, but here’s why when we pray and release forgiveness to someone, sometimes we have to say, “God, I CHOOSE, with your help, to give this person the free gift of forgiveness… regardless of whether they deserve it or not.”

Forgiveness seems like something we give someone else, but ultimately what it does is releases US from the resentment we’re holding on to. I was listening to a song the other day by an artist Nathan Feuerstein, and he says, “...I thought you had me in prison this whole time But i’m the one holdin’ the keys...”

Resentment, judgements, holding on to the the wrongs committed against us so we can use it as ammunition in a future argument or moment is just keeping you in a prison of your own making.

Think of it this way, by us saying, “You don’t deserve to be let go from this action of yours.” We are essentially saying, “Not even God should forgive you… You deserve to feel shame, pain or regret for this situation until the day you die because I still feel the pain and hurt from it...” And really, what does that show us? It shows us more about how we are not healed from the situation than anything else. But the issue isn’t that the thing that wounded you is still an issue, it’s that you held on to the wound and never let it heal.

They say, “Time heals all wounds.” and that couldn’t be further from the truth. What it really should be is, / / “Time heals wounds that are tended to properly...” If you don’t take care to heal a wound it can simply become infected and make the situation even worse, and that isn’t just a physical problem, it is an emotional and spiritual one as well.

If you hold on to your emotional wounds, or your spiritual wounds, they will affect your future just as much, if not more than they affected your past because you will approach every situation with the hurt and pain of those things, and treat people out of that hurt and pain causing more of a problem in your relationships than you already had.

This is the thing, I think most people actually get that we should forgive. In a study done back in 2000, 94% of Americans said it was important to forgive, but only 48% said they usually TRY to forgive others. We actually KNOW what is good for us, and consistently do NOT do it.

And holding on to unforgiveness, thinking about those who have hurt us in a negative way actually causes us to experience stronger negative emotions and causes an even greater physical stress response in our bodies.

It simply is not worth holding on to the hurt and pain of yesterday. I’m not saying it doesn’t take time to heal. I’m not saying it doesn’t take a process to let it go. What I am saying is we have to actively decide in our hearts that we will not hold on, we need to ask God to heal us, and we need to be willing to forgive those who have hurt us.

In this study 70 people, roughly half male and half female were instructed to repeatedly imagine actual situations in which they either forgave or nursed the grudge. The researchers measured the facial muscle tension, amount of sweating, heart rate, and blood pressure. They were instructed to imagine four responses: Remembering the hurt, holding a grudge and or plotting revenge, empathy toward the offender, and granting forgiveness.

The measurements showed clear agitation:

The physiological activity was substantially higher when the subjects imagined situations in which they were unforgiving. Even when they were instructed to stop imagining, their bodily responses remained stronger after imagining a negative situation than one in which they forgave the wrongdoer.

The research showed that nursing a hurt leads to agitation and hostility that linger even after you stop thinking about it and the physical responses are actually leading to future health problems.

One of the doctors involved in the study made this statement, “When I treated patients with cardiovascular disease, I was struck by how many were bitter, angry, and depressed. It clearly affected their health and their ability to heal.”

Is it any wonder why Paul wrote in Ephesians 4:31-32, / / Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

So, when it comes to our relationships, don’t let the enemy get a foothold in your life in these three areas.

/ / Love is not selfish, love is not easily irritated, love keeps no record of the wrongs done to them...

Remember, it’s all about these little adjustments. Don’t think you have to get it all figured out right away, but allow Holy Spirit to lead you and remind you in the moment.

“Hey, you’re being selfish right now, you’re thinking only of yourself.”

“OK, clearly you’re getting irritated. Stop, take a few seconds. Listen, don’t react, let’s respond in love...”

And if you do get irritated, angry, annoyed, choose to NOT hold on to it. Choose that you are not going to keep a record of it. Choose to let the ammunition fall to the ground. Even if it’s really good ammunition. Even if you know that if you kept that, the next time they say something hurtful to you that you’ll have the perfect thing to put them in their place and you’ll feel justified for your actions!

We are responsible for US! So let’s make these little adjustments. Being transformed from one degree to another as we become more and more like Christ. We may have a long way to go, but not only does it do more for our lives, leading us into a greater sense of freedom and of life in Christ, but the reality is that Jesus Christ is worthy and deserving of us being a true representation of HIS heart on this earth - and in following his way our relationships will grow and thrive!

How we live, how we act, how we choose to respond instead of reacting out of our unmanaged emotions, shows a change in us that can be nothing but super-natural - it could only be because of the love of a very good God.