Arrows | Tensions

And so today, as parents of children and children of our parents, how might you either be preparing your arrows and building your quiver? Or as an arrow, how might you be preparing for the release?

The destiny of the arrow is determined by the amount of tension applied to it.

One of only a few experiences of mine with a bow and arrow comes by way of a story told to me by a long time friend who hunts wild boar with a bow and arrow.

What I am about to tell you sounds straight out of pioneer living, and I want to believe it’s true. This may be folklore, it might be exaggerated, but it’s so good that I want to share it with you!

One time on a hunt in the backwoods of Georgia, my friend cornered down one of these wild boars between a fencing structure and a fallen down tree trunk.

With nowhere to go, facing a fight or flight situation, the boar stared down my friend eye to eye, as if to say, "sucka, it’s either you or me."

The boar snorted.

My friend sorted back.

The boar dug into the ground with its hoof.

My friend dug into the ground back with his foot.

Neither one gave an inch!

Then, my friend carefully loaded an arrow onto his bow, pulled it back, and then released it with perfect precision onto the front of the boar's skull.

The boar fell… but then miraculously stood back up, snorted again, and dug into the ground with its hooves, stating I’m still in the fight.

My friend loaded another arrow, slowly pulled it back, and then released again, splitting the first arrow in half, hitting the boar in the same spot again!

The boar fell down, and then to the surprise of my friend, it stood up a third time! This wild beast of nature still not giving up.

And so for the third time, my friend loaded the arrow, slowly pulled it back, and released it, splitting the second arrow, hitting the boar in the same spot on its head for the third time in a row, what’s called Robin hooding the arrow.

The boar finally fell for the last time, and many people feasted on wild boar stew and jerky for days to come.

I asked my friend, “How did you hit the same spot so precisely each time?”

He said, “I applied the same amount of tension to each arrow.”

Depending on the target, an arrow needs a specific amount of applied tension in order to ensure a smooth and definite flight.

According to the Psalmist, a parent must do the same with a child. A parent must apply a certain amount of tension through discipline on a child in order to ensure that child's smooth and definite flight into becoming a healthy, faithful, and productive adult in the community.

Each child requires a different amount of tension.

***Use bow to show images of applied tension

In some way shape or form, all of us underwent this process with our parents. Some of us may still be in this process right now.

● For some of you, your parents applied just the right amount of tension on your life. Your parents raised you in a strong, healthy home. They shaped your faith in Jesus and exerted just the right amount of tension in your adult preparation.

● Others of you received too much tension, which nearly broke you and caused strain on your relationship with your parents, family members, friendships, and even within yourself. Perhaps your release felt quick and off aim.

● Others of you received hardly any tension at all from your parents. They rarely disciplined you. Perhaps, your family structure was weak and undefined?

● Others of you may be living in the tension right now, preparing for your future release toward a destination full of wild and exciting adventures.

● Still others of you like me fell off the bow. At five years old, my parents divorced, and I’ve only heard from my father a few times since then. At least from his part in my formation process, he dropped both of his arrows, meaning my brother and me, and left us on the ground. And though my mom picked us both up and released us well into our adulthood, both my brother and me still needed to do some work on our hearts in order to heal from our Father’s wounding. Perhaps your parents dropped their arrow, as well, and you may be wondering right now: “Will I ever be released? Will I ever be healed?"

● While others of you may feel like your parents broke you. (SNAP Arrow) What they intended as applied tension amounted to abuse or neglect, and they broke their arrow altogether. And you may be wondering: Will I ever fly?

However you find yourself within these tensions from your own parents or with your own children, the Good News about Jesus Christ demonstrates how God enters into these tensions with us.

If you feel broken down and wondering whether or not your life will ever take flight, then let me speak two of God’s promises over you that can set you on a path toward healing today:

First, from the Psalmist who wrote: ‘[God] heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.' Psalms 147:3

In Christ, God sees your brokenness and shame… and He comes toward you, not away from you. Your Heavenly Father comes so close, in fact, that he sees your wounds up close and personal and knows them inside and out. And still God doesn’t leave you alone to suffer from them, but as a good doctor would do, your Heavenly Father knows just the right and perfect amount of healing balm to apply on your wounds.

Like a good parent, God desires to help his children heal from their wounds.

And then another promise comes written to us by the Apostle Paul who stated: “Anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” 2 Corinthians 5:17

What freedom to know that God makes our broken hearts and dead souls… alive and brand new! Truly, in Christ, your life, even within the broken confines of our world, can still experience freedom and joy despite whatever abuse or neglect has come your way… or whatever harmful decision you've made… or however bound your life may feel to your past.

On the cross, Jesus forgave your sins, and in the resurrection, he made you old life new.

Now, you may still face the rippling effects of those consequences on your life, but the Good News of Jesus broke those chains and defeated the powers that wants to take hold of your heart and soul.

We’re going to talk about this more next week, so let me invite you back next week to hear how God heals our wounds.

You’re not alone as you go through these tensions. Our Heavenly Father enters into them with his promise of redemptionaccompanied by his discipline of correction, each demonstrating unique facets of his love for us as a Good, Good Father.

The author of the letter to the Hebrews in the New Testament portrays God as a good, disciplining parent, who sets as a model for us how we can learn to discipline our children with that same love and care. The author says,

Have you forgotten the encouraging words God spoke to you as his children? He said, “My child, don’t make light of the Lord’s discipline, and don’t give up when he corrects you. For the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes each one he accepts as his child.”

As you endure this divine discipline, remember that God is treating you as his own children. Who ever heard of a child who is never disciplined by his father? If God doesn’t discipline you as he does all of his children, it means that you are illegitimate and are not really his children at all. Hebrews 12: 5-8

I think all of us know those parents who believe in this philosophy of parenting (show pic of baby): "I may be little, but I’m the boss.” We know how those children act when parents only give gifts to their children without an equal measure of discipline. All of us know how that story ends.

● usually with that kid kicking the back of our seat on a plane for 4 hours.

● or screaming at Publix for another free kids cookie

● those parents are usually the same ones asking for that same free cookie for themselves.

Dr. Henry Cloud in his book “Boundaries with Kids,” (show pic of book cover) which I highly commend to you as a resource for this series, listed 13 behaviors associated with adults who grew up in homes without healthy boundaries and discipline. Here they are listed behind me on the screen, but let me just point out a few:

• Inability to say no to hurtful people or set limits on hurtful behavior from others

• Inability to say no to their own destructive impulses

• Inability to hear no from others and respect their limits

• Inability to delay gratification and accomplish goals and tasks

• Tendency to be attracted to irresponsible or hurtful people and then try to “fix” them

• Taking responsibility for other people’s lives

• Ability to be easily manipulated or controlled

• Struggles with intimacy and maintaining closeness with others

• Inability to be honest with those they are close to

• Inability to confront others and resolve conflicts productively

• Experiencing life as a victim instead of living it purposefully with a feeling of self-control

• Addictions and compulsions

• Disorganization and lack of follow-through” (Boundaries with Kids, page 23-24)

Regardless of whether or not you have kids, I think all of us would agree that these characteristics rob our adult friends, colleagues, family members, and neighbors from experiencing real freedom and joy in their lives.

Without applied tension through discipline on our children, these characteristics will manifest themselves in that child’s adulthood years.

It’s as predictable as the Dolphins sabotaging their season. It’s always going to happen.

Applying an appropriate and healthy amount of tension onto the arrow is necessary and critical for the health and faith of a child.

The Hebrews author even goes so far to say that discipline is an act of love. The author wrote: For the Lord disciplines those he loves. 12:6

The author even calls these encouraging words!

God disciplines from a position of love and care. If we genuinely accept our role as God’s loved and cherished sons and daughters, then we should expect for God to apply a certain amount of tension on our lives because God loves us.

We should count it joy, according to the author, for it is a sign that we are his legitimate children.

In Christ, God sees us as made new and whole men and women, so therefore, God has no vengeance toward us. God’s discipline is not a vengeful or wrathful act.

Sometimes within our broken, sinful lives, parental discipline may come from a place of wrath and vengeance.

My mom had a little wooden painting hanging in our kitchen that read, “Parents of teenagers know why some animals eat their young.”

But not so funny, some of you have been on the receiving end of wrathful parents. I want you to know that wasn’t God. That was your parents. Love does not beat down. Love does not hurt others. Love does not harm others. Rather, love disciplines to make perfect your faith and hope.

As our loving Heavenly Father, God applies discipline upon our lives in order to produce faith within us. It is a sign of God’s love for us. Faith comes with hardship. All good things usually do.

● Who works out in here? If I had to guess by your facial expression when you work out whether or not you liked it (make expression and groans), then I’d probably say no.

● But what do you say when you finish? Oh I loved it!

I think very few of us enjoy going through the discipline, but afterward, we’re always better and stronger for having endured it. The Hebrews author wrote:

No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way. Hebrews 12:11

Which is to say that our Heavenly Father guides us through applied tensions with the end in mind... that end being a peaceful harvest for all of those who let God take the lead.

A harvest of peace coming from you! That’s the blessing!

Yes, it’s painful. But it’s good. It leads to peace and a harvest of fruit in the life of the believer, the fruits of the Spirit coming alive and tangible in our lives:

Love

Joy

Peace

Patience

Kindness

Goodness

Faithfulness

Gentleness

Self-Control

These fruits entirely counter the previous 13 statements outlined by Dr. Cloud. These fruits, though, only come through discipline. This is the harvest.

Now, this may seem counter-intuitive for a Christian who only believes that God should reign blessings and gifts and sprinkle favor all the time. Kinda like one of those parents who befriend their kids and give them everything they want.

But where's the goodness in that? That kind of parent, that kind of God - to me - seems more like a magic genie than a parent? Or a good God.

No, rather a good God - believe it or not - gives us trials and hardships - dare I say, as gifts - imagine that - gifts of tension through discipline - in order to produce within us the kind of faith that can go the distance.

Elsewhere in Paul’s letter to the Roman church, he wrote:

'We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.' Romans 5:3-5

Here, Paul says that trials and problems - the applied tensions of our lives - actually serve us to develop endurance, strength of character, and the confident hope of our salvation.

All the while, Paul teaches, God fills us with the love of his Holy Spirit to ensure us:

● I’m with you during the tough times.

● I’m with you as a I discipline you.

● You’re not alone.

● I’m so for you.

● I’m your good father.

● On the other side of these trials lay endurance, strength of character, and greater hope of your salvation.

● Don’t give up.

● Stay with me.

● I’m with you.

● Even when it hurts… even when you don’t understand… even when you deserve it… I love you, and I’m with you.

As parents, we partner with God in the tension of parenting, so that our kids can handle the tension of living. And all the while helping them learn just how much God loves them through our loving discipline toward them.

Only applied tension produces this kind of fruit in our lives, and the future is now. Your decisions right now - your discipline right now toward your children… or toward yourself - right now will develop you into the person that you want to become. So whether or not you have kids, are married, or even want kids in the future, these three principles will serve to help cultivate a greater sense of discipline and boundaries within your home, work, and relationships:

First, live with the end in mind.

Your actions in your teen years, twenties, and thirties will absolutely determine your destination in your fifties, sixties, and beyond.

A couple of years ago now, an older man in his sixties approached me and asked me to pray for him. I asked if he wanted me to pray for anything in particular. He told me for his sorrow. He said that he still mourns the consequences of his actions as a young twenty-something.

I felt total remorse for him in that moment. I thought, ‘This older man now probably looks back at that younger man then and thinks that young man stole his life.’

Make your decisions now with the end in mind. Take a moment now and imagine, “How do you want to envision your life over the decades? What kind of man or woman would you feel proud of?” And then make your decisions toward that end, which my friends, requires an enormous amount of discipline. It require saying lots of nos. And then course correcting when you make a decision that harms that vision.

Second, cultivate an environment of love and hope at home.

Help your children see what they can become. As God helps you become the man or woman you want to become, help your children begin to aspire toward a vision rooted in love and hope.

Right now, my 2 year old son, Levi, loves garbage trucks. He thinks all trucks are the greatest things in the world, but garbage trucks, man, they are the icing on the cake. He literally starts screaming and pointing every time he sees one.

If I had to guess now, Levi would want to become a garbage truck driver with his life. And I’d say, so be it, so long as you live as the most faithful, most loving, most hope-filled garbage truck driver that ever lives on this planet! Because that’s the vision that matters, and I want to charge all of us in the room today as parents to cultivate that vision in the home.

But if you’re single, then cultivate this vision wherever you live, work, and play! If you still live at home, then help your parents release you into the world with that vision… because here’s what we know about our God, it’s never too late to begin a new. So long as there's breath in your lungs, it’s never too late to surrender your heart over to God who makes dead things alive again.

And last, Parents are to discipline with an eye toward self-discipline.

Because ultimately, an arrow was not made for a quiver. It was made to soar! It was made to go where the warrior cannot go. Your children must go where you cannot. They are a special possession from God given to you so that with them and through them you may advance God's kingdom and mission in the world.

Keep your eye on this vision. When you feel exhausted and the fights feel never-ending, keep your eye on the vision. Keep disciplining, stay strong and faithful, for in due time, these arrows will be released and God-willing others will find their hope… and their faith… in Jesus Christ… from your arrow that you shaped and you guided in Christ’s name through healthy discipline.

To our Heavenly Father...

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him. Children born to a young man [and woman] are like arrows in a warrior’s hands. How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them! - Psalm 127:3-5 NIV [Children] are like arrows in a warrior’s hands. The destiny of the arrow is determined by the amount of tension applied to it. An arrow needs a specific amount of applied tension in order to ensure a smooth and definite flight. Each child requires a different amount of tension. (Please build these to where they build on each other as I speak them:

Just the right amount of tension on your life received too much tension received hardly any tension at all from your parents may be living in the tension right now fell off the bow may feel like your parents broke you [God] heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.' Psalms 147:3 Anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” 2 Corinthians 5:17 Have you forgotten the encouraging words God spoke to you as his children? He said, “My child, don’t make light of the Lord’s discipline, and don’t give up when he corrects you. For the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes each one he accepts as his child.” As you endure this divine discipline, remember that God is treating you as his own children. Who ever heard of a child who is never disciplined by his father? If God doesn’t discipline you as he does all of his children, it means that you are illegitimate and are not really his children at all. Hebrews 12: 5-8 show pic of baby show pic of book cover [Please show the whole slide in its entirety]

Inability to say no to hurtful people or set limits on hurtful behavior from others

Inability to say no to their own destructive impulses

Inability to hear no from others and respect their limits

Inability to delay gratification and accomplish goals and tasks

Tendency to be attracted to irresponsible or hurtful people and then try to “fix” them

Taking responsibility for other people’s lives

Ability to be easily manipulated or controlled

Struggles with intimacy and maintaining closeness with others

Inability to be honest with those they are close to

Inability to confront others and resolve conflicts productively

Experiencing life as a victim instead of living it purposefully with a feeling of self-control

Addictions and compulsions

Disorganization and lack of follow-through” (Boundaries with Kids, page 23-24)

13. For the Lord disciplines those he loves. 12:6

14. No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way. Hebrews 12:11

15. [Please build these on one slide]

Love

Joy

Peace

Patience

Kindness

Goodness

Faithfulness

Gentleness

Self-Control

16. 'We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.' Romans 5:3-5

17. As parents, we partner with God in the tension of parenting, so that our kids can handle the tension of living.

18. First, live with the end in mind.

19. Second, cultivate an environment of love and hope at home.

20. And last, Parents are to discipline with an eye toward self-discipline.

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