Communicate Belonging

“I want” conversations

“Shame on you” conversations

Expectation conversations

Everyone wants to belong to something

Depending on your Unique Buying State, you can join any number of tribes on any number of days and feel part of something bigger than yourself. You can belong to the Callaway tribe when you play golf, the VW tribe when you drive to work, and the Williams-Sonoma tribe when you cook a meal. You're part of a select clan (or so you feel) when you buy products from these clearly differentiated companies. Brands are the little gods of modern life, each ruling a different need, activity, mood, or situation. Yet you're in control. If your latest god falls from Olympus, you can switch to another one. Source:

Marty Neumeier, The Brand Gap (AIGA, 2006), p. 41

In Disney's animated movie Toy Story, Woody (a plush toy cowboy) confronts Buzz Lightyear (a toy astronaut) with the fact that he is only an action figure and not really a space hero. Early in the movie Woody shouts, "You're not a space ranger! You're an action figure—a child's plaything."

Only after failing to fly, Buzz realizes the truth of Woody's statement. Grief-stricken and disillusioned, Buzz hangs his head in resignation, declaring, "I'm just a stupid, little, insignificant toy."

Woody later seeks to comfort his friend by underscoring the love of the boy who owns them both. "You must not be thinking clearly. Look, over in that house, there's a kid who thinks you're the greatest, and it's not because you're a space ranger; it's because you're his."

In 2002, the U.S. Secret Service completed the Safe School Initiative, a study of school shootings and other school-based attacks. The study examined school shootings in the United States as far back as 1974, analyzing a total of 37 incidents involving 41 student attackers …. The young men who carried out the attacks differed from one another in numerous ways. However, almost every attacker had engaged in behavior before the shooting that seriously concerned at least one adult—and for many had concerned three or more different adults …. Far from being "loners," the killers are more likely to be aspiring "joiners" whose attempts at belonging fail. Many of the shooters told Secret Service investigators that feelings of alienation or persecution drove them to violence.

Somewhere in your world, there is a young man looking to you to model real, emotional resiliency. To show him that male-to-male friendship can extend beyond work, golf, or some other idolatry and withstand life's most difficult blows. To provide entry into a … honorable … definition of what it means to be a man in the 21st century.

Source:

Adapted from R. Todd Erkel, "Boys Need Good Role Models Now More Than Ever,"

“Great is the Diana of the Ephesians”

Because of the grace we have received, we need to communicate grace to those around us so that they experience they belong.

The text

By grace we belong

Building up

What is the Holy Spirit doing?

Ephesians 1:13–14 ESV

13 In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, 14 who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory.

Ephesians 2:22 ESV

22 In him you also are being built together into a dwelling place for God by the Spirit.

Romans 8:15–17 ESV

15 For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” 16 The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, 17 and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.

Don’t manipulate with your communication

My parents showing up in a ape costume - Christians can do the same

Attack the problem not the person

Appealing to their desires to belong (in your kingdom) to get what you want

Competition (Varsity)

You’re only a good _______________ if...

Jews vs Gentiles (if they’ve been circumcised or keep the law or…)

Racism

Shame (Curt Thompson and Pepper Sweeney’s conversation)

Beating a well worn path that includes disintegration and isolation

Older vs younger

American vs not

Breathe grace

Many of us tend to do just about anything to avoid conversation or even eye contact with strangers. And smartphones make it easier than ever to do that. A recent study found that phones can keep us from even exchanging brief smiles with people we meet in public places. But a body of research has shown that we might just be short-changing our own happiness by ignoring opportunities to connect with the people around us. Several years ago, [two researchers at the] University of British Columbia tested whether short conversations with strangers could lift moods. They asked participants to enter a busy coffee shop and grab a beverage — half would get in and get out, and half would strike up a conversation with the cashier. The people who turned the economic transaction into a quick social interaction left Starbucks in a better mood. They even felt a greater sense of belonging in their community. Another researcher led a series of experiments revealing that train and bus commuters who interacted with other passengers experienced a more pleasant ride—even when they believed they would prefer the solitude of, say, reading a book. A third researcher noted that even brief eye contact increased people's sense of inclusion and belonging. Possible Preaching Angles: Followers of Jesus should lead the way in reaching out to strangers with conversation and kindness. As we engage others in a posture of kindness and prayerfulness, it may also open doors to share aspects of the gospel with others in our daily life. Source: Paul Nicolaus, “Want to Feel Happier Today? Try Talking to a Stranger,” NPR (7-26-19)

As fits the occasion or requirement

In and Out - You can’t give what you don’t have

Communicate out of a fear of God - don’t grieve the Holy Spirit

Really believe the Gospel in your bones

Communicate that they belong often nonverbally

Communication with my kids - You are part of the family. I delight in you. I want you. You are valuable. You are a part of this.

Be with people. Look them in the eye and smile. Thank them for being with you.

Do you belong?

Failures and Sins - Christ

Smallness and Weakness -

Insufficient - God has provided a Lamb

Ineffective - The Holy Spirit is there

You belong if you realize you need and have received grace.

Alarms/ Reset

Core groups/ Community groups

Buzz LightYear