Conflict or Contentment: How Never Enough Destroys Loving Relationship

James, Jesus’ Brother

What must it have been like to grow up with Jesus?

You thought measuring up to your older brother/sister was tough??!!

Anybody grow up with sibling rivalry??

I wonder what it was like for James getting into a fight with Jesus his older brother??

I remember getting so mad at my younger brother one time growing up that I tied his hands and legs to rope and staked him out in the front yard in the middle of summer!!

After hearing some of the stories of P. Eric and his brothers, I feel like my sibling conflict was pretty mild in comparison....

James 4: James continues this discussion on how our WORDS get us in trouble!

James 4:1–4 (ESV)

What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?

You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.

You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.

James asks, What causes our conflicts?

One thing I didn’t realize when I said yes to becoming a pastor is that one of my biggest roles was going to be helping people resolve their fights (Church, don’t look at me like you don’t know what I’m talking about!!!)....husband/wife or co-workers or families in the church…they usually come into my office smoke coming out their ears, having practiced all the things they plan to say!!!

....almost no one starts by saying “you know what, I just need to grow up and deal with my own faults first....

NO!! What do we do? .....

We typically find a scapegoat…put our focus on something else to relieve the tension built up on the inside.

We spend a lot of time trying to police our “doing” (behavior)…what we don’t realize often is that our “doing” is being controlled by what you are “saying”...

In other words… How you speak to others , how you carry yourself, is controlling the atmosphere around your life.

Why is it that the church who claims Jesus is Alive still seems to live in constant conflict and dissension?

We sing about Jesus being “all we need” but then get angry when life doesn’t seem to be working out like we think it should....

A few decades ago we coined the term “culture wars” to describe the ongoing battle between the morals of the church and the cultural institutions like government, education, and politics.

But might I suggest, for all the outrage and moralistic posturing, the Church has exchanged our joy and peace for Facebook rants and relational conflict. (not just outside the Church…but also inside!)

Not just conflict with each other…but it starts with a conflicted and discontented heart…striving for more because of the fear of “never enough”.

The Way of the World is a Constant Striving for more… The Way of Jesus is Love, Joy, and Peace in the Holy Spirit.

James 4:2-3

You long for something you don’t have, so you commit murder.

You are jealous for something you can’t get, so you struggle and fight. You don’t have because you don’t ask.

3 You ask and don’t have because you ask with evil intentions, to waste it on your own cravings.

Too often the church spends the week striving, fighting, and manipulating to get what we don’t have, then try to worship Jesus on Sundays!

.....That’s a divided heart!

.....You can’t be striving in the world on Monday and then be at peace with God on Sunday!

Matt 6:24 You cannot serve God and wealth (mamon represents the economic system of enslavement, not just currency).”

Matthew 6:24 CEB

No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be loyal to the one and have contempt for the other. You cannot serve God and wealth.

James is not a pacifist avoiding CONFLICT…but he is a Jesus-follower who refuses to use the tactics and tools of the world to resolve them!

When we believe the lie of “not enough” in our marriages, we lose the peace and contentment necessary for loving relationship....the enemy destroys loving relationship that we desperately need by taking our eyes off Him and getting our focus on what we don’t have or what has been taken from us.

Our striving and our conflict is driven by the fear of losing something, that there will not be enough of something we need in this world.

Could be satisfaction, could be money, could be power, could be preference, could be importance, could be value, even our identity gets wrapped up in what we do and do not have.

So…what is the Church’s response to injustice or fear or lack or need or offense???

…not fighting or revenge or back-biting or retaliation....

…It’s self-giving love (SO MUCH easier said than done!)

How Jesus heals a “never enough” spirit...

When we Surrender to the Ways of Jesus

James is saying, that following Jesus is more than just being in the religious in-group…it’s about a life lived in allegiance to the Father in EVERY area of my life.

When we Repent from the Hustle (striving for more at whatever cost)

[this might be hard to hear for a blue-collar culture like ours, but…] The opposite of laziness or entitlement IS NOT hustle & performance…It’s OBEDIENCE!

I grew up with the value of a hard days work.. (I know you think pastors just play golf all week and preach on Sundays!!!)....but I had to learn that driving myself to exhaustion made me depleted and brought conflict into my home.

We’re not performing for God (that’s a trap!)…We are saying yes to the daily assignment(s) on our lives.

James says to “Resist the Devil” - He’s referencing Jesus in the wilderness where Satan tempted Jesus to obtain the Father’s Promise in a way other than surrendered obedience

When we Clean up our Words

Last week..power of the tongue…sometimes it’s best just to shut up!

My daughter and her mom…I’ll say “Anna you need to stop....Anna you need to just be quiet…she’ll say BUT....

Your words that are filling your home, your car, and your mind are either bringing joy into your life or creating conflict!

When we Live in Humility

Micah 6:8 “…What does the Lord require of you but to do justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with God?”

What this world needs is the Church to spend more time weeping with and listening to our neighbors, than we do debating and fighting for our rights and our preferences.