Husbands and Wives

Jesus had this little phrase at the end of the Great Commission for His disciples in Matt.28:20 “teaching them to observe everything I have commanded you. And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age.””

When we were called to be followers of Jesus, we accepted that call with the command to be obedient disciples. But then we come to passages like this. Some things…no problem. Love your neighbor as yourself? Well, let’s see…Rick and Rhonda, they’re good people. Joe and Brooke, no problem there. Mr. and Mrs. Young? Great. Bill and Sandy? First people to give Jakob a job. Yeah, I’ve got no problem loving any of them. And plus, the world could use a little more love. After all, all you need is love.

But then we come to passages like this. People may say this passage is outdated. People may think this is antiquated male chauvinism and patriarchal oppression at its finest. But it’s not. And, a true measure of our willingness to follow Jesus is in the matters that culture calls irrelevant. A true measure of our true discipleship is when we obey the things that may not yet make sense to us.

Today, we’re dealing with men and women, and in particular, wives and husbands. Now, if you’re single, don’t tune out. All that we’re talking about this morning is profitable. But, we will deal specifically with husband and wife roles. As we start, take a little trip with me through the old television set.

In the ‘40’s, ‘50’s, and ‘60’s, fathers were generally portrayed as wise and loving authorities in the home. Shows like I Love Lucy and Honeymooners had a stereotype where fathers were breadwinners and authorities in the home. Sure, they would be mocked from time to time, and ignored on occasion, but eventually whatever conflict arose was resolved with some type of implied recognition of the husband being the final authority.

In the mid-1980’s, this began to change. Domestic sitcoms began to poke fun at the father’s expense, up from 1.8 times/episode in the ‘50’s to 4.3 times/episode by 1990.

Further, the blue collar working class families portrayed the father as the “butt of the joke” more often than shows with middle-to-upper class families. As a matter of fact, blue collar fathers were twice as likely to the be the butt of the joke than middle or upper-class fathers.

Even if you are only surface-level aware, shows like Father Knows Best, Leave it to Beaver, and The Cosby Show were replaced with Married, With Children and The Simpsons. Wise dads were exchanged for bumbling fools.

Research has shown that the more people consume media, the more they imitate the values and actions in said media. Conscious or not, the four hours/day the average American spends watching TV has taught us that fathers are not to be revered and followed, but rather, mocked and laughed at.

Is it any wonder that modern children may question the importance of the father figure when TV tells them the average dad is thick-headed dead-beat who lounges on the sofa scratching his beer belly or constantly has to be put back in line by his ever-condescending and all-wise wife?

And that’s just how the family is portrayed, saying nothing of the effect the erosion of the nuclear family has had on society as a whole.

How about a different way? How about a better way? What if God gives us instructions, both husbands and wives, on what marriage should look like? Well, He does. And this morning, we’ll dig into this better way.

Instructions to Women

Submit to your husbands.

Remember that there is an aspect of mutual submission that governs all relationships in the body of Christ

Eph.5:21 “submitting to one another in the fear of Christ.”

Phil.2:4 “Everyone should look not to his own interests, but rather to the interests of others.”

Submission is a gift freely offered, not a service to be demanded.

Submission is an act of worship.

It accepts that the husband is responsible before God to lead the family.

It runs contrary to the curse of the fall (Gen.3:16 “He said to the woman: I will intensify your labor pains; you will bear children with painful effort. Your desire will be for your husband, yet he will rule over you.”)

Submission is a gospel issue.

More will be said by a believing wife’s actions than her words.

The evidence of a wife’s changed life will be her changed life.

At worst, she will live peaceably with her husband, able to practice her new faith.

At best, her husband would join her and be converted to Christ.

Focus on adornments of character.

Peter cautions against an inordinate obsession with outward appearance.

The word for beauty is cosmos.

It is typically translated world or created order.

It can carry the idea of a decoration that alleviates plainness.

Peter says don’t look to outward beauty to be the thing that sets you apart. One scholar said be more concerned with turning hearts than turning heads.

Character should set you apart, a Peter notes specifically a “gentle and quiet spirit.”

Gentle = humbly considerate of others, someone who isn’t overly assertive.

Quiet = someone who is not divisive with carelessly spoken words.

Spirit = frame of mind.

Just for the sake of introspection, ladies wrestle with this question: do you spend as much of an investment (time, energy, financial) on the inner self as you do the outer self?

Concern for inner beauty coincides with women of faith in the past.

Prov.31:30 “Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised.”

Consider Sarah.

Perfect? No.

She didn’t always go along with Abraham.

There was the instance when she demanded Hagar and Ishmael be sent away, and Abraham conceded even though it’s not what he wanted.

Abraham put her in a compromising situation before foreign leaders more than once!

But, Peter says she is to be followed because she submitted to Abraham’s authority as the leader of the home.

This should help us understand submission as well — it’s not blind servanthood but a willingness to follow and trust God for the outcome.

Husbands, be the loving leader of the home.

Live with your wives in an understanding way.

Know and be willing to serve your wife’s desires.

Speak and engage with your wife in conversation.

Be “emotionally available.”

Rejoice with her.

Be compassionate when she is sad.

Embrace her joys.

Practice transparency.

Provide financial security — hold down a job and handle your responsibilities!

Remember that they’re your kids, too!

Remember the weaker partner.

Refuse to take advantage.

Particularly important in a society where women did not enjoy “equal footing,” so to say. NT actually paves the way for better treatment of women (Peter reminds the church that women are “co-heirs,” underscoring their equality before God.)

Do not abuse your power, neither as the physically stronger sex, nor do you view your leadership as a means to simply get what you want.

Provide protection for your family.

Honor your wife as a coheir of grace.

Learn to praise and compliment her.

Be chivalrous.

Show manners.

A.R.K. — Acts of Random Kindness.

Protect your spiritual vitality.