Ephesians 5

Hello! how is everyone doing on this Sunday Morning. My name is Harrison and I am the youth pastor here at the Quarry Church. If this is your first time here at the Quarry, welcome! I’m so thankful, and happy you are here and I’d love to meet you after the service if I haven’t met you already.

First things first. Disclaimer, I am a young, 24 year old man that sometimes acts like a child with no kids talking about parenting. I’m a dude, that could literally be your Childs age, talking about parenting your child. Oh, yeah and I’m also gonna say this in todays message.

Eph. 5:22 - Wives submit to your own husbands...

We’re gonna talk about that. Trust me it’s not scary. Anyways, I got married like 2 years ago and I just got off Dads health insurance, iM only 24 but he was like boom kick you off. Just kidding. But clearly, I am of little life experience. I’m not an expert on marriage, I’m not an expert on parenting children, I don’t even have children. I’m just a guy who wants to do his best at encouraging you to consider what this book has to say. So if you could please give me Grace as we touch on this difficult subject and I promise you I will do my very best to get behind the cross and let the word say what it has to say, Amen. Amen. Let’s do this.

Okay, so we are on this topic of Discipleship, Michael whats a disciple!

Disciple Definition (Matthew 4:19)

....Just some context, my dad had the grand idea of implementing this anxiety inducing game to scare people into helping them remember what it means to be a disciple. Now, because of my Dad, I’ll be in some random church meeting when out of no-wear pastor Michaels whipin a ball across the table yelling at me saying, Harrison! What’s a disciple. Isn’t that great, now the whole church is in fear that my dad and Michael could be just around the corner ready to chuck a ball at your face and ask you, whats a Disciple! Thanks dad!

But in all seriousness, over the last few weeks we have been talking about discipleship and I want us to go into today remembering that definition. A disciple is .... Say it with me...

Disciple Definition (Matthew 4:19)

Someone who is Following Jesus, Changed by Jesus, & Committed to the mission of Jesus. We get this from Matthew 4:19. I don’t have time to exegete that passage. Please go home on your own, and read Matthew 4:19 . Today though we are going to start off by focusing on that third part, someone who’s committed to the mission of Jesus. What is the mission of Jesus. I know a lot of you know....Matthew 28:19-20

Matthew 28:19–20 ESV

Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”

Okay, I know a lot of us know this. But this is the mission. Anyone play sports back in the day. I know some of ya’ll gotta think a ways back. So think way back when you used to play sports, what would coach say right before you went out to that field? I had this coach that would get right up in my face mask and say, common man, let’s go win that football game. Let’s go win that football game! In a similar way, Matthew 28:19.... Jesus is saying, Let’s go win people to Jesus. Let’s go win the Nations to Jesus! That’s our Jobs as disciples, winning people into intimate and contagious relationships Jesus. Go, do your job, get out their on the field and win people to Jesus, and I’m going to be with you every step of the way.

Okay, Jesus, thats great but whats the game-plan. How are we actually going to do this? How are we actually going to win? John 17:22-23

John 17:22–23 ESV

The glory that you have given me I have given to them, that they may be one even as we are one, I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me.

How are we actually going to win the world to Jesus? It’s when, you- you- you -you, when all of us become perfectly one. Some of y’all are like, that’s crazy talk Harrison. Well, trust me. It’s not crazy talk. John 13:35

John 13:35 ESV

By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

I know it sounds cheesy. But you gotta believe the words of Jesus. It might sound crazy, but like I got a better plan. I ain’t gotta better plan, just ask my wife, my plans stink. You know, if I’m being honest though, I know some of us here have issues with building deep meaningful relationships. And I get it, it’s hard. Some times I would much rather be hanging out at home eating oatmeal pancakes or something. But that’s the one thing the devil wants. He wants you to get comfortable, by yourself, not caring about going out and winning. We are getting into Ephesians now, Ephesians 5:15-16

Ephesians 5:15–16 (ESV)

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.

I was at a conference a few months ago and I met an awesome guy in a seminar named mark ward. He’s got a youtube channel that you should all check out. Anyways, he pointed something out about this passage that I will never forget. Mark said, notice how the passage doesn’t say: making the best use of the time, because the days are short. No, it doesn’t say the days are short, it says the days are evil. let me say that again, it doesn’t say the days are short, it says the days are evil. It’s not about the shot clock time as much as it is about who we are playing against. Every single day satan is prowling around like a roaring lion, seeking to devour you. And watch this, satan wants you focused on yourself and your own pleasures. This is why Paul says in verse 18 Ephesians 5:18

Ephesians 5:18 (ESV)

And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery

Satans strategy:

Satan wants you so focused inward that you misuse your time, fall into sin, and become distant to the church! What are we going to do??? Stop focusing inward, and on self comforts, and focus on loving God and others outwardly. Eph 5:18-21

Ephesians 5:18–21 (ESV)

And do not get drunk with wine (inward Focus), for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another (outward Focus)in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord (outward Focus)with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God (outward Focus) the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another (outward Focus) out of reverence for Christ.

Does anyone want to win here. Let me hear a Go Pack Go. ho ho, I almost got some of y’all to say it. For those of you who don’t know, I’m a huge packer fan. At packer games, the whole crowd has one mission, cheer on the packers. So the whole crowd, all 80,000 cheese heads, i get it this is a nightmare for some of you, but each individual fan has one responsibility, you yell outwardly at the top of your lungs when the music start playing, GO Pack GO. and behold, one unison crowd voice of 80,000 people working as one because everyones doing their part focusing outward, not inward. If a bunch of cheese heads can do it, And they’re probably intoxicated cheeseheads. Then you better believe a bunch of sober, like-minded Christians can do it. Jesus said it’s gonna work, lets make this happen.

Okay, so if becoming one united church is the way towards winning people to Jesus. How do we do this? It’s time we get practical. How do we become one? Lets look at verse 21 again. Eph 5:21

Ephesians 5:21 (ESV)

submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Okay, so we just talked about being outward focused. Well, being outward focused really comes down to this phrase submit to one another. In other words, becoming less, sub, like a submarine, lowering yourself. Getting below, beneath one another and lifting each other up. This is what Jesus did when he washed the feet of his disciples. Jesus was outward focused, serving others, thats why he said to his disciples: let the greatest among you be the servant. He set the example and he actually expects you to do this. That’s why we do it out of reverence for Jesus. We have to be outward focused, submitting to one another here at the Quarry church if we are to make Jesus known in the city of Monticello.

But then Paul goes another layer deeper. Practical Paul is about to get more practical. He transitions here from talking about, bigger picture, we all, apart of this church body need to submit to one another. It’s very big picture, but Paul is about to dial in his focus on what submission should look like in the most common relationships of their time. And this is where we get to the Elephante, in the room. Key and Peele reference. The elephant in the room, Paul is gonna talk about mutual submission and how it looks between husband and wive. Ephesians 5:22

Ephesians 5:22 ESV

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

Wives, Submit… like, common. This is 21st century practical Paul, the college campuses ain’t gonna like that statement. Psh, Practical Paul. This is why we are to read multiple verses at a time, and not cherry pick our bible verses. If you actually keep reading, Paul eventually gets to the husbands and says, Ephesians 5:25

Ephesians 5:25 (ESV)

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

2 commands, Wives submit to your own husbands. Husbands, love your wives. Let’s dive into what that means.

Ephesians 5:22 (ESV)

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

First things first. Who’s receiving the order here, the wife or the husband? This isn’t complicated, wives are receiving the order here, not the husband. It’s wives submit, NOT husbands be a jerk and make your wives submit.

This ain’t the WWE. Like husbands, don’t be taking wifey to the mat. You’re not forcing the wife to tap out here. That’s abuse. Wives are to willingly submit. Submitting is not something done to the wife, it’s something the wife intentionally does on her own.

Ephesians 5:22 (ESV)

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

Secondly, the verse doesn’t say, Wives, submit to every single man on planet Earth. It doesn’t say that! Christianity isn’t some Male dictators cult. There are other religions in the world like that, not christianity. The verse says, wives submit to their OWN, someone say own, their own husband. Thats one man, it’s a husband and wife thing, not an all women submit to all men thing.

Ephesians 5:22 (ESV)

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

Third, the word submit. Most bible scholars believe that the word submit was used in their context as a military term. Submit was a military term meaning to voluntarily rank below someone else. To voluntarily get behind the commander and follow his lead. Culture today, with how messed up we are, when we hear the word submit we assume it means less valuable. Does that mean Jesus was less valuable than God when he said Luke 22:42

Luke 22:42 (ESV)

“Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.”

Of course not. Jesus submitted to the father, but was equal to the father. Submission is about functionality, having order, it’s not about value or equality.

That’s where we get into verse 23 and it says Ephesians 5:23

Ephesians 5:23 (ESV)

For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.

The husband is the head of his wife, him and and his wife together make up one body, one flesh, and the head, the husband, helps give direction and lead their one united body towards Christ. This doesn’t mean wives, shut up and listen to your husbands. We are going to talk about husbands in a second. But Husbands are commanded to care for their wives, that means care about your wives opinions and work together as a team. In genesis 1, we see that Adam and Eve were to both have rule over the world. That means they’re working together, it’s a partnership, a collaborative effort, they’re one body. Not a husbands communist dictatorship. This leads into my next point Ephesians 5:22

Ephesians 5:22 (ESV)

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

As to the Lord! Remember, this ain’t the husband cult where guys become Gods over their wives. Believe me, there are foolish religions that believe that. The wife needs to be submitting to her husband as she’s already submitting to Jesus. This means if the husband says anything that contradicts Gods word, the wife has every right and should say no to her husband. Husbands, you’re outranked by Jesus. Wives have every right to say no if the husband is acting sinful. The lord comes first. If he wants to get you guys drunk some nights, you have a right to say no. If he wants to lead you into gossiping about people at the church, you say no. If he wants to pressure you into sinning sexually, you say no. The husband isn’t God, the Lord is God. Last thing before we switch over to husbands. verse 24 Ephesians 5:24

Ephesians 5:24 (ESV)

Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

This is important here. The verse says wives submit in everything. This one is probably going to be the hardest for me to talk about, but please reason with me here. Imagine, a husband and a wife disagree on something. Psh, imagine that right. Who gets the final say? The easy thing to do is to just avoid conflict, avoid collaboration, and run in opposite directions. She makes decisions over in this corner isolated and he makes decisions over in this corner isolated. Separate bank accounts because it’s easier. Separate ways of parenting kids because it’s easier. Husbands then become passive, and pretty soon a family that is supposed to be one isn’t one anymore. Husbands have their jobs that are stressful, wives over here have their jobs that are stressful, and kids are at public school, and thats stressful. And we wonder why are kids be acting up. I was a short, insecure, awkward, teenage kid thrown in front of 2,000 people every single day.

You know, if you were to walk the halls of monticello high school, you would see teenage girls and teenage guys living life with zero direction. And it’s the saddest thing. Why do kids dress the way they do, why do kids act the way they do. Why are 75% percent of students leaving the church after high school. COVID was not the issue, COVID just exposed the issue more. The Public school is not supposed to be teenage childcare. Ephesians 6:1-4

Ephesians 6:1–4 ESV

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Children need someone to obey, they need someone to follow, they need someone who’s going to give them direction, disciple them and teach them how to walk with Jesus. Thats discipleship! And whether you like it or not, Your child is being discipled, by their phone, by pornography, by their friends and teachers at public schools or… they’re going to be discipled by you! It’s not time to be complacent.

Separate lives. No. Husbands got to be the head and wives got to submit in everything and this is a team effort. This means, wives, when your husband is being complacent and not leading, it doesn’t mean, oh forget him I’ll do this on my own. No you go to your husband and say, I want to submit to you, I want to honor and my desire is to respect you, but you got to lead this family. Let’s collaborate, let’s be a team, and I want you functioning as the head, having the final say and making the weighty decisions, not me. Order is so crucial to this, because the moment we lose order, the body doesn’t function. Wives submit to your husbands, children obey your parents, Ephesians 5:25

Ephesians 5:25 (ESV)

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,

first, Let’s focus on, “as christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

This one that I think most men get. Husbands got to be the protectors, willing to die for their wives like Jesus died for the church. This just reminds me, growing up we had an alarm system and every once and a while, someone would leave a window cracked open or something and the alarm would accidently go off at 2am in the morning. I was like, a 9 year old kid still scared to death by Gollum from the Lord of the rings, I hear the alarm go off at 2am, well, I think it’s pretty reasonable to assume Gollum’s coming to kill me. Anyways, the thing that always made me feel safe was the first thing that alarm went off, my dad would go sprinting down stairs to go check and make sure everything was alright. Husbands, you are responsible for your families health. No ones dying of hunger in your house, no ones getting in harms way before you do. You hold primary responsibility over everyones well being.

Second, let’s read the rest of the section.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her - How he loved us

that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish - The Goal of loving us

Jesus didn’t just die for no reason. He had a goal, something that he was doing. Gave up his life out of love for his wife the church so that she could be made beautiful again. Christ did not die for a bunch of beautiful perfect people, He died for a bunch of dead, smelly corpses who hated his guts. He set the example, he laid his life down so that we could be made beautiful in the presence of God. Husbands need to follow that example.

Husbands, we are responsible for helping our wives flourishes in her relationship with God! Husbands, love your wives means disciple your wife. Lead her to Jesus, that is your primary responsibility. Go and make disciples of all Nations, that starts at home, with the husbands, discipling your wives. Discipling your children. My dad, refused to let me play football until I got to high school because he didn’t want me missing church on Sundays. He said Harrison, your going to have to wait until high school when games are on Fridays and not Sundays because being apart of the church is more important than your football game. Thats discipleship. And you know what, I turned out to be pretty darn good at football. My dad also led my mom, took her on retreats, and always made sure the two of them were apart of an Access Group at Willow Creek Church. They even started leading an access group and still do today. Husbands, get involved in access groups, be apart of the church body. Pray with your wife before bed every night, be the responsible one for apologizing and making things right.

How are we using are free time too? Husbands. Eph. 15 - the days are evil.

If you don’t take advantage of your free time satan will! My wife Natalie, she’s always reading Christian books, diving into scripture, listening to youtube. She keeps me on my feet. I’m like, no way. Nat, you ain’t about to sit down and read your bible longer than me. Jk, it’s not a competition. But husbands, if you’re going to love your wives, she cant be the only one reading books like love does by bob Joff and listening to John Pipper sermons. That’s not gonna work. The free time you have is so valuable, the days are evil, don’t let time go to waste on hobbies and sports. Hobbies are great, but your primary responsibility is not to pickle-ball club its to your wife.

Husbands, think of it like this. You are the pastors of your home, leading your family to Jesus! We need to love our wives as Christ loved the church.

Lastly, i want to finish on these last few verses. Eph 5:28-30

Ephesians 5:28–30 ESV

In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.

My second year of college I met a group of men who I just grew so close with. I was actually hanging out with some of them in Milwaukee this past weekend, thats why I wasn’t here playing the drums and Noah was mr one man band. But man, I grew so close with those guys. I mean staying up until like 5 in morning talking about Jesus while most college students are partying til 5am. I didn’t even know you could chat about Jesus that long. But seriously, these guys became like brothers to me and every single day I spent with them, working on homework, talking about our anxieties, reading scripture together, knocking on doors in Minneapolis to share the gospel with anyone would listen to us. I literally felt like I was being fed every single day when I was with those guys. Like, I could feel it. Jesus was literally feeding me, feeding us and growing us together as one. How’s the world going to know the name of Jesus? When we as a church become one. Discipleship is not a Youth Group thing, evangelism is not a College Student thing that you grow out of. It’s something that you need to be doing every day and it starts at home. Starting with the family. Starting with husbands and wives. Be encouraged, Jesus is building his church and man, I hope you’re with me. Let’s follow, be changed, and commit to the mission of Christ. Let’s pray.