It's Not You; It's Me - 1 Kings 11:1-13

Introduction

A few years ago, I had a wife call me who wanted me to understand what had happened between her and her husband. And, the way she explained it has always stuck out to me. She said: “It’s important for you to know that he hasn’t done anything wrong. He’s always treated me well and taken good care of our family. He’s a good dad, and I know that he loves me with all of his heart. So, he can’t understand what’s happening, but I’ve just fallen out of love with him.” How does this happen? How can a person go from believing at one point that this is the person they want to spend the rest of their lives with — a person to whom they vowed for better or worse — to being someone that just wants to move on with no reason other than you’ve just fallen out of love? How does a person fall out of love?

I wonder if you might describe your relationship with Jesus that way. Perhaps, there was a time in which you were certain that Jesus was worthy of all of your life, and you began to live for him full force. But, gradually, you find your attention faltering and your affection weakening and your passion waning so that you’d wonder: “Maybe, I’ve fallen out of love.” Maybe you’d look to Jesus this morning and say, “It’s not you; it’s me.”

God’s Word

This morning, we see what’s really an unexpected twist in Solomon’s story. Chapter 11 is where we have the first overt disapproval of Solomon in the Scriptures, and it appears to be a case of him just falling out of love with the Lord. The lip service is still there. The religious activity is still part of his life. But, he’s just trying to be roommates with God at this point; his heart has moved on. And so, I want to ask of this passage what I always wondered about that wife all those years ago: How do you fall out of love? (Headline)

Compare “yourself” with “others”.

A few weeks ago, Josiah was out in the yard playing with his little, plastic golf clubs, and I decided it was time for ole’ dad to show him how to play a little bit. So, I grabbed one of my clubs and went out into the yard and hit a couple of balls around. Now, what’s interesting is that when Josiah was out there alone, he was so happy and proud of his little golf club. But, when he saw mine, suddenly he put his down and started reaching for dad’s. He’s only two, but already he plays the comparison game — already he’s measuring what he has by what other’s have. Of course, that doesn’t usually get better as the years wear on, but worse. You wonder how THEY could afford THAT, or how they could deserve a raise, but not you. When you first had your husband, you were happy with him, but now that you see other people with other husbands who look happier, you’re not so satisfied with yours. You play the comparison game but nobody wins. This Solomon’s problem:

He wanted “more.”

1 Kings 11:1-3 “Now King Solomon loved many foreign women, along with the daughter of Pharaoh: Moabite, Ammonite, Edomite, Sidonian, and Hittite women, from the nations concerning which the Lord had said to the people of Israel, “You shall not enter into marriage with them, neither shall they with you, for surely they will turn away your heart after their gods.” Solomon clung to these in love. He had 700 wives, who were princesses, and 300 concubines. And his wives turned away his heart.”

Deuteronomy 17:16-18 “Only he must not acquire many horses for himself or cause the people to return to Egypt in order to acquire many horses, since the Lord has said to you, ‘You shall never return that way again.’ And he shall not acquire many wives for himself, lest his heart turn away, nor shall he acquire for himself excessive silver and gold. “And when he sits on the throne of his kingdom, he shall write for himself in a book a copy of this law, approved by the Levitical priests.”

You can see the tension clear as day in the first three verses. On one hand, you have the strong, seemingly irresistible desire of Solomon for more foreign wives. The NET translates “clung to” as being “irresistibly attracted to”. It’s a sexual, instinctive, internal desire. But, notice what’s sandwiched in between the verses about Solomon’s love and Solomon’s attraction. It’s a direct quote from Deuteronomy 17:17, which gives specific warnings to the kings of Israel. It’s a passage that Solomon would’ve had memorized and was something he was supposed to commit his life to. So, we see the conflict, don’t we? Solomon really wants what God has forbidden. God has a clear boundary, but Solomon has an irresistible desire.

Now, think about this. God has made Solomon the wealthiest and wisest king in the world. His prosperity and wisdom have become so famous that other rulers from other nations come just to take him in. And, how does Solomon respond? “I want more. I can be happier than I am if I just have more than I have.” That’s the lie that we believe, isn’t it? If I can just have a bit more, I’ll surely be happier. If I can have a car like him or a family like her or live in an exciting place like them, then I can be happier. And, what we’re seeing in Solomon is what we find in ourselves: Our sense of desire has been corrupted by sin so that we often want what God forbids and more than God gives. And, what does that desire tell you? “Right this way to happiness.” One more purchase on your credit card won’t hurt. Indulging the same-sex attraction you feel can’t be bad if it feels right. Submitting to my addiction is the only hope I have to be really happy.

When you have an irresistible desire that conflicts with God’s clear command, it comes down to who you trust. Who knows you best? You or the Lord? Who knows the pathway to human flourishing? You or Jesus? Is the pathway to happiness really to have more of what you want? Well, how much more will it take?

He sought “normal.”

1 Kings 11:1-3 “Now King Solomon loved many foreign women, along with the daughter of Pharaoh: Moabite, Ammonite, Edomite, Sidonian, and Hittite women, from the nations concerning which the Lord had said to the people of Israel, “You shall not enter into marriage with them, neither shall they with you, for surely they will turn away your heart after their gods.” Solomon clung to these in love. He had 700 wives, who were princesses, and 300 concubines. And his wives turned away his heart.”

But, what’s interesting about Solomon is that God had set Solomon apart from all the other kings to be the greatest — to be the very one who would show everyone else how great God really is. But, what does Solomon do? He tries to be normal. He tries to be like everyone else. You need to realize why it is that Solomon was so drawn to these other women. Of course, there was physical attraction, but there was a lot more to it. You see, to have wives like these meant two things: 1) Incomparable prosperity: A king’s wealth was often measured by the size of harem. 2) Political expediency: A king would marry wives from his enemies as a sign of peace and alliance with them.

So, what’s Solomon doing? He’s trying to be like all the other kings. He was supposed to rule by the word of God according to Deuteronomy 17. It would make him unique among all the nations and make him stand out as the greatest so that God can make his name great. But, Solomon say, “I’d rather just be normal. I’d rather be great in the eyes of the other kings.” In other words, Solomon wanted to win the comparison game.

My goodness, that’s a word for us. God has set us aside as his people that we would be unlike anyone in the world. He’s calls us to holiness and humility in a world of depravity and pride. He calls us to generosity and gentleness in a world of greed and malice. He calls us to live for prosperity later so that we can live with peace now. But, we just say, “Nah, I’d rather be like everyone else.” How much of who God has called you to be are you sacrificing right now in order to win comparisons? Is that why you have to have your kids everywhere? Is that why you have so much debt? Is that why you aren’t more outspoken about your faith? Y’all, we’re living for normal, and normal doesn’t work! We’re living here on earth trying to build the nicest cardboard mansion when God is offering us a Kingdom that will never perish. Give up normal, and stop the comparisons!

Slowly “redirect” your “heart.”

1 Kings 11:4 “For when Solomon was old his wives turned away his heart after other gods, and his heart was not wholly true to the Lord his God, as was the heart of David his father.”

No man or woman ever plans to fall out of love with their spouse, and a lot of them can’t even tell you how it happens. And, it’s because falling out of love is a lot like boiling a frog. It happens so slowly that you don’t even notice the temperature is rising. You spend years moving an inch apart a day at a time until one day you realize you’re miles apart. That’s we’re seeing with Solomon. You’ll notice in verse 4 that it repeats a phrase we’ve already seen twice in verses 2-3 and that will show up again in verse 9: “turned away his heart.” It means to bend down or even to bow as a servant. It’s the bending of the will and affections so that it wants something new, and it happens just like anything you bend — gradually, slowly, bit by bit. It’s redirecting your heart a little at a time. Notice how this looked in Solomon’s life, and see if sounds familiar:

He began to “love” what God “hated.”

1 Kings 11:4-8 “For when Solomon was old his wives turned away his heart after other gods, and his heart was not wholly true to the Lord his God, as was the heart of David his father. For Solomon went after Ashtoreth the goddess of the Sidonians, and after Milcom the abomination of the Ammonites. So Solomon did what was evil in the sight of the Lord and did not wholly follow the Lord, as David his father had done. Then Solomon built a high place for Chemosh the abomination of Moab, and for Molech the abomination of the Ammonites, on the mountain east of Jerusalem. And so he did for all his foreign wives, who made offerings and sacrificed to their gods.”

You’ll notice that “wholly” shows up in verse 4 and verse 6. And, this is key in understanding how to fall out of love. It doesn’t start not loving; it starts with sharing your love with someone or something else so that it’s diluted. The issue isn’t the Solomon doesn’t acknowledge God; it’s that he compartmentalizes the Lord to one part of his heart while giving the rest of his heart to the gods of his wives. In the beginning, it was just one more wife and her god. He only gave them a small piece of his heart. He changed from being “wholly” committed to the Lord to being mostly committed. Then, it was a few more and a few more and a few more until it was the Lord who had the smallest share. And, ultimately, he’s building altars for gods that aren’t just less than God, but the exact opposite of him. They’re immoral and unethical. “Ashtoreth” (v.5) was a sex goddess that required unthinkable acts to arouse her. “Chemosh” and “Molech” required human sacrifices to be offered.

Solomon wasn’t just sharing his heart; he was taking it in an entirely new direction. He wanted God — the almighty covenant-keeping God — to share his love with those whom He hates and whom seek Solomon harm.

What are you asking God to share your heart with? Slowly, gradually, are you beginning to love what God hates? Maybe one television show at a time, one website at a time, one date at a time, you’re gradually, slowly beginning to soften your position and open your heart so that it bends and is directed away from Christ. Are you beginning to accept and love and embrace what God condemns? Oh, don’t you know that Christ has come to give you a new heart! Christ has come so that you’ll love what God loves more?

He stopped “caring” what God “thought.”

1 Kings 11:6-8 “So Solomon did what was evil in the sight of the Lord and did not wholly follow the Lord, as David his father had done. Then Solomon built a high place for Chemosh the abomination of Moab, and for Molech the abomination of the Ammonites, on the mountain east of Jerusalem. And so he did for all his foreign wives, who made offerings and sacrificed to their gods.”

And, gradually, as he began to love what God hated, he stopped caring what God thought. It’s interesting. One of the things I’ve realized is that there comes a point in most affairs where the two lovers want to be caught. It’s too exhausting to try and hide it anymore. That’s what happens with Solomon. You know, in the beginning, I’m sure Solomon was quiet about the false gods coming in. He was bringing them in under the cover of night through the back gate, but slowly, gradually, over time, there were just too many, and he was just too tired to care. After all, he was the king, right? So, get the picture here. Solomon is the very king who God used to build the Temple which made the high places — remote places of worship — obsolete. And, yet, he goes and he begins to construct new high places “on the mountain east of Jerusalem.” That’s the Mount of Olives, if you know where that is. And, that’s the mountain the Temple faces. So, right in God’s face Solomon builds altars to false gods. He’s basically saying to God: “This is going to be an open marriage. Just deal with it.”

Are you at the place this morning where you’re going to do what you want to do no matter what God thinks about it? Do you already know you’re going to look at pornography tonight? Are you counting down the minutes on this sermon so that you can text that person you know you shouldn’t? Do you plan to keep the lie going at work this week? Are you going to keep berating your family and justifying your temper like its normal? Look up this morning, and realize that you’re in a place you never intended to be, and you’ve gotten there a little at a time. But, if you see it, if you hear it, if you realize it, the Lord will have you back! You can be reconciled to him, no matter what you’ve done in his sight, if you will scrap your plans and come back! Come back to the cross where sin has been put to death so that you can see your sins clearly again. Come back to the cross again so that you can see that no sin in God’s sight goes unnoticed. Come back to the cross again so that you can see that you’re headed toward a path to death, but there has been a way to life purchased.

Lose “what” you “had.”

Because there comes a point, and Solomon is there, in which you will lose everything that you have. There will be a point where if you keep blowing through all of the signs and signals that eventually you will show that you never really loved the Lord. that’s the thing about “falling out of love.” Most people go looking for more happiness and more love, only to find less and lose what they had to begin with. It proves that you never really understood what it meant to love in the beginning. And so, with Solomon, we see:

An unexpected “fall.”

1 Kings 11:9-10 “And the Lord was angry with Solomon, because his heart had turned away from the Lord, the God of Israel, who had appeared to him twice and had commanded him concerning this thing, that he should not go after other gods. But he did not keep what the Lord commanded.”

On two different occasions, the Lord had come to Solomon. Think about having that kind of intimacy with God. This is the very man who wrote that “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom” yet he wasn’t wise enough to realize that intimacy with the Lord today doesn’t mean we can’t fall tomorrow. You see, no one who’s fallen ever expected to fall. No one plans on having an affair. No one, when they’re a new Christian, thinks they’ll stop having time for Jesus later on. No one expects to be addict or thief or a red-handed liar. Falls don’t happen that way. They’re a long time coming, but they’re a sudden fall. It’s a slow walk across the ice until it falls through.

The problem isn’t that people plan to fall out of love; it’s that they don’t plan not to. They don’t invest in the relationship so that they keep gas on the fire. They slowly, gradually give themselves to new passions, new means of securing joy. And, it’s a grave warning for us. Intimacy today doesn’t mean invincibility tomorrow. Lest we have an unexpected fall, let us seek Christ anew this morning. Remind ourselves of how wonderful He is. Reengage with him in prayer, word, and worship. Abide in him that our joy be renewed.

An undesirable “cycle.”

1 Kings 11:11 “Therefore the Lord said to Solomon, “Since this has been your practice and you have not kept my covenant and my statutes that I have commanded you, I will surely tear the kingdom from you and will give it to your servant.”

Because unexpected falls lead to undesirable cycles. When parents fall out of love, it’s that children that pays most, isn’t it? That’s the landing point here this morning. Solomon received an inheritance from David that was much better than the inheritance he would leave his sons. The Lord refused to tear the kingdom away from Solomon because of the faithfulness of his dad, but Rehoboam would never even have the chance because of his. The irony here is that Solomon ends up being a lot more like Saul than David. Saul was impressive and had a lot of promise. He was the kind of king the world admired. But, he became full of himself and led Israel into false worship; so, the Kingdom was torn from him. That’s what we see in Solomon. Solomon is the reminder that for the throne of David to truly exist there would have to be a truer Son of David that would come. And, He’s the One we need, and He’s the One our kids needs.

There’s a space here to ask: what view of God will our kids inherit from us? Will they watch our hypocrisy and here us say to Jesus: “It’s not you; it’s me?” Or, will they watch our pursuit of God, and come to realize: “It’s not me; it’s all Him”?