Dealing With Disappointment
TEXT: Ecclesiastes 1:18 With much wisdom comes much disappointment; the person who gains more knowledge also gains more sorrow. (NCV)
INTRODUCTION: We are in a series entitled, “Dealing With The Seven Deadly D’s.” So far we have looked at how to Deal With Discouragement and How To Deal With Defeat. Tonight I want us to learn how to Deal With Disappointment. Just as we have to face Discouragement and Defeat we also have to face Disappointment. Perhaps we face disappointment more than we want to admit.
Disappointment is seen in the face of the little boy who has been promised that he would get to play in the game but at the last minute the coach changes his mind and decides to keep him on the bench and let someone else play.
Disappointment is heard in the voice of a little girl that has been saving her allowance so she could buy the doll that she saw in the toy store last month. When she returns she discovers that the dolls have been sold and there aren’t anymore in stock.
Disappointment can be felt in the shaking sobs of a loved one that hears the doctor say, “I am sorry, we did everything that we could.
Regardless of who we are and regardless of our social status in life all of us experience disappointment in life. None of us are immune to disappointment. We never become so calloused and tough that we cannot be touched by it. All of us have and will continue to experience disappointments in life.
Allow me to make some quick observations about disappointment. We can call these facts of life.
· There is always some level of disappointment, even in the best of circumstances.
· Circumstances are rarely at their best.
· Life is often blatantly unfair. We often say that life dealt me an unfair hand or the deck is stacked against me.
If I may paraphrase what the writer of Ecclesiastes is saying: He is saying regardless of how much you know or how much wisdom you have, life is still full of the pain and heartache that accompanies disappointment.
I. Defining Disappointment
A. The first thing we need to do is try and understand what disappointment is.
1. The dictionary defines it as a failure to meet the expectation and hope of. Many of us have a certain expectation of life in general and when those expectations aren’t met then we are disappointed or let down. We expect certain things from people, places, things and events and when our expectations aren’t met we are devastated by disappointment.
2. Another way of defining disappointment is to say that it is an undoing of an appointment. Disappointment is the opposite of appointment. An appointment is the aligning of our plans and future with a desired event.
If you make an appointment with a doctor to see him in his office you have to align your schedule with his schedule. You may have to put off having lunch with a friend in order to make this appointment. You may have to take off work early to make this appointment. In other words we have to make adjustments in our schedules to make these appointments happen. But when the doctor fails to keep that appointment or he notifies you that the appointment has to be canceled, do you know what you have? A disappointment.
3. When we apply this to our lives it means that we plan and arranged our lives in such away that we expect certain things at a given place and time in our lives.
4. Disappointment comes as a result of the break down or the undoing of our appointed plans, hopes, dreams, goals and ambitions in life. We have planned and put all of our energies and efforts to accomplish a given task only to be disappointed when things don’t turn out the way we wanted them to.
Example: Godly parents raise their children in church. They pour their heart and soul into the lives of their children with dreams that they will one day do something great for God. Only to be disappointed when the children don’t turn out the way that they planned.
B. Disappointment comes when things fail to live up to our expectation.
II. Detecting Areas of Disappointment:
A. We are Disappointed in Ourselves
1. There isn’t much in life more difficult to deal with than when you are disappointed with yourself.
2. We become disappointed with ourselves when we choose to walk the wrong pathway or we choose the wrong course of action.
3. Life is full of choices and when we fail to make the right choices we suffer the consequences.
4. Several times in God’s word we are exhorted or commanded to make a choice.
B. Disappointed with others.
1. All of us have been disappointed in someone. It may be a friend, a family member, a spiritual leader or a political leader.
2. Someone, somewhere a long the way has disappointed us and let us down.
a) We expected more out of them than they gave.
b) We expected them to accomplish more than they promised.
c) We become disappointed with others when they turn their backs on us or when they turn away from the gospel.
d) We are often hurt and disappointed by the one we love and admire the most.
3. I want you to notice two words that can lead us to disappointment in others.
a) Disagreement: Not everyone will see eye to eye on every subject. There is going to be a certain amount of disagreement among friends and family as well as in the church. People have the right to their on opinion as long as they don’t try to force it on others. Now let me caution you here. We are not talking about what the word of God say’s is right and wrong.
b) Deserted: There are times when we feel and believe that someone may have deserted us at a crucial moment in our lives. They deserted us when we needed them the most. It can be very disappointing when someone walks away from us.
III. Disappointed at God:
A. Not many people will admit that they are disappointed with God.
1. In fact some would say that it is blasphemy to even think such a thing. But the fact of the matter is, there are people that are disappointed with God. I don’t mean to be negative but I do want to be realistic. Let me share a scripture with you from the book of Jeremiah.
Jeremiah 20:7 O LORD, thou hast deceived me, and I was deceived: thou art stronger than I, and hast prevailed: I am in derision daily, every one mocketh me.
2. Jeremiah was making his complaint to God.
a) Jeremiah felt that when God called him into his prophetic ministry that God had failed to tell him of the troubles he would encounter as a result of his ministry.
b) He felt deceived and tricked by God. Have you ever felt that way? However that was not the case. Jeremiah failed to remember that God had warned him of the danger he would encounter and the divine protection that would be given to him for his faithful ministry.
Jeremiah 1:18-19 For, behold, I have made thee this day a defenced city, and an iron pillar, and brasen walls against the whole land, against the kings of Judah, against the princes thereof, against the priests thereof, and against the people of the land. And they shall fight against thee; but they shall not prevail against thee; for I am with thee, saith the LORD, to deliver thee.
3. When you stop and consider why we're disappointed with God, it comes down to three questions that are difficult to answer.
a) Why Did This Happen?
(1) God could have prevented this or that from happening. Yes, God can prevent things from happening but sometimes he doesn’t. I believe that it would do us good to remember that certain things happen in our lives because of something we said, something we did or a choice that we made. Not only that but it would do us good to remember that we are living in a fallen world. Adam by his disobedience sold this world to Satan. We are living in a sinful world where people do wicked things to other people. There motto is not the golden rule that say’s, “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” There motto is, “do unto others before they do unto you.”
b) Where Was God When This Happened?
(1) On September the 11, 2001 many asked both these question. Why did God allow this to happen? Where was God when those planes flew into the World Trade Center? God is where He as always been, waiting for us to acknowledge Him and call upon His name. Isn’t it amazing how people put God on the shelf until they need Him. They use Him more for a fire escape than they do for fire prevention. A fire escape is used only in times of emergencies or in case of a fire. Fire prevention is something that is in place to stop the fire before it starts. God has promised to be with us at all times in our lives. But He never promised that things would not happen. In fact it’s just the opposite. He fore warned us of what was coming and promised to be with us as we went through it. He didn’t promise the three Hebrew boys that He would keep them out of the fire, but He did promise them His presence in the fire to protect them.
c) How Long God Must We Wait.
(1) There is one thing that I have learned about God and that is He doesn’t get in a hurry. God is more concerned with your character than He is your Comfort. God knows that it takes time to build character in our lives. Sometimes we simply just misunderstand God. We must understand that God works on His times schedule and not our.
B. There are some truths in these scriptures that will helps.
1. God is an awesome God.
2. His wisdom and knowledge are beyond finding out. No one is smart enough to counsel God.
3. God's way of thinking and way of doing things are higher and greater than ours.
4. It is easy for us to be disappointed when our prayers aren’t answered the way we had hoped they would be. Maybe God didn’t meet your need in the way that you wanted Him to. However you look at it, it comes out disappointment. But remember this God knows His thoughts toward you and He knows His Plan for your life, just trust Him.
5. There are some things that we will never understand about God. We just need to know that He is sovereign and in control of the events of our lives. He has our best interest at the center of His heart. Our disappointment with God is a result of our misunderstanding of God.
IV. Dealing With Disappointment:
A. Again all of us will face disappointment in life.
1. There will be times that we will be disappointed with ourselves;
2. Times when we will be disappointed with others and as hard as it is to admit,
3. times when we will be disappointed with God.
B. WHEN YOU'RE DISAPPOINTED...Things not to do:
1. Don't retaliate.
2. Don't try to get even.
3. Don't strike back.
a) The Bible says in Romans 12:14 “Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.”
b) It's the typical reaction for most people in this kind of situation to retaliate.
4. Don’t Rehearse It.
a) Sometimes we will dwell on the disappointment going over it in our minds and eventually it will get the best of us.
5. Don’t Nurse It.
a) That is don’t feed it.
b) If you feed it will grow and eventually take over your life.
C. WHEN YOU’RE DISAPPOINTED… Things to Do:
1. Make Things Right With God.
a) After you have made things right with God then you have to Trust His sovereignty (He is In control),
b) Trust His Timing (My times are in the hands of God),
c) Trust His Purpose (God has a reason for allowing this disappointment to come into my life).
d) Let me suggest a few reason as to why God allows disappointments to come into our lives.
(1) Disappointments are good teachers. Learn form the experience.
(2) Disappointments are times of adjustments. What an opportunity to realign your life and will with God’s will and purpose for your life.
(3) Disappointments are indicators of problems that need to be dealt with.
(4) Disappointments are necessary for you to be fully developed. The greatest test of your character is what it takes to get you to quit.
2. Commit your life to God.
a) Why should I commit my life to God?
b) Because the Bible says in Psalm 25:3 (The New Living Translation) “No one who trusts in God will ever be disgraced.” No one. God is a God who never lets his people down.
3. Claim God’s Promises to you.
a) Joshua 23:14 says, “Deep in your hearts you know that every promise of the LORD your God has come true. Not a single one has failed!”
b) God has an incredible track record of keeping his promise.
c) Never in the history of this world has God ever broken a promise. When you are experiencing disappointment, you can claim a promise that will guide you through that difficult time.
4. Make Things Right With Others. When someone has disappointed us it is easy to give up on them without resolving the problem. Disappointments don’t have to destroy your relationship with others. Recognize that all of us are different and that we all have likes and dislikes that are different than someone else’s. God’s word say’s that we are to show respect to all men. When you are disappointed with others it proves that they are just as human as you are.
5. Make Things Right With Yourself. I once and prayed and ask God to deliver me form my worst enemy. The Lord then asked me if I knew who my worst enemy was. I replied yes, Satan. The Lord said no, your worst enemy is you. Over the years I have found out that no one can be harder on me than me. When I’m disappointed with myself I usually walk around for days beating myself up. When we fail to live up to our own expectation it is usually due to an inflated ego. We hate to admit that we are limited in our abilities, our knowledge and our strength. Many people are living a life of self-condemnation because they failed to live up to there own expectations. They refuse to forgive themselves and that makes it hard to forgive others. Forgive yourself and pick up the remains of your life and move forward with God. If God has forgiven you shouldn’t you forgive yourself?
