Marital Conflicts - Man's Way vs. God's Way

Introduction

Many conflicts in a marriage result from living to please self instead of living to please the Lord. These conflicts can be resolved and are actually opportunities for spiritual growth when dealt with in a biblical manner (based on Matthew 5:3-16; Romans 5:3-5, 8:28-29; 2 Corinthians 4:7-10; Philippians 2:14-15, 3:12-14; James 1:2-4, 25; 3:16; 4:1-3; 5:16).

When living to please self, each spouse will blame the other for problems and difficulties even though both are sinning.

Genesis 3:12–13 KJV 1900

12 And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat. 13 And the Lord God said unto the woman, What is this that thou hast done? And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat.

James 4:1 KJV 1900

1 From whence come wars and fightings among you? come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members?

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When a husband and wife live to please themselves, they often try to solve marital conflicts man’s way by:

Compromising Biblical principles to solve conflicts;

Seeking to find trade-offs and bargains in order to get their own way;

Basing decisions and actions on the world’s erroneous concept of having a good self-esteem or self-image;

Trying to find someone new “more compatible;”

Building a separate life with separate interests, even though continuing to live together;

Learning how to argue forcefully;

Seeking reasons to leave or threatening to do so;

Hoping for and seeking to find satisfaction with someone else or in another location;

Allowing their “feelings” or emotions to determine the course of their actions; or

Immersing themselves in work, children, travel, sports, alcohol, drugs, friends, ect.

God desires that problems in marriage be solved for the good of each spouse, as each seeks to please the Lord within the marriage relationship (based on Psalm 19:7-11, 127:1; Proverbs 2:6, 3:5-6; Isaiah 55:8-11; 2 Timothy 3:16-17; Hebrews 4:12; James 1:25).

God commands a believing spouse to love Him (Matthew 22:37-39) and to obey His Word (Luke 6:46-49; John 14:15; 1 John 5:3; 2 John 1:6).

Out of a thankful response to God’s love through the Lord Jesus Christ, a believer can demonstrate love for his spouse in a Biblical manner (Matthew 22:37-39; 1 John 4:7-11, 18-21).

As a believer esteems his spouse as more important than himself (based on Ephesians 5:24-25; Philippians 2:3-4), he will face and deal with all difficulties in a manner that pleases the Lord (Luke 9:23-24; Romans 14:7-8; 2 Corinthians 5:9, 14-15; 1 Peter 4:1-2). This leads to an increasing oneness of mind and purpose as both spouses receive encouragement from Jesus Christ (based on Philippians 2:1-2).

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Spouses are to be drawing closer to God, especially during times of conflict.

As both believing spouses individually draw closer to God the Father through the Lord Jesus Christ (John 14:6; Hebrews 4:14-16), the draw closer to each others (based on Ephesians 4:1-3; 5:1-2, 21-33).

Even when only one spouse draws closer to God, it is the best hope of drawing the other spouse to the Lord (based on Matthew 5:16; 1 Corinthians 7:16; 1 Peter 3:1).