Pregnant Expectations

Our Gospel reading today brings us back to Upper Room and Jesus’ farewell to the disciples. There’s no tongues of fire. There’s no gathering of an international crowd. There’s no miracle of the disciples’ bold words of hope and faith being heard by all people in their own native tongue. Instead of that miraculous Pentecost moment which we point to as the birthday of the church as we know it… instead of that moment of glory and hope… we find ourselves still in the pregnancy before the birth of the church.

As a young husband, I had certain expectations about what a pregnancy would look like. Two people fall in love. The woman becomes pregnant… precisely when they decide they want to become pregnant and only when they decide they want to get pregnant. And then during the pregnancy, there is only a smooth ride to the finish line with Lamaze classes with the occasional pickle and anchovy sandwich eaten along the way. I had expectations that pregnancies were, actually, pretty easy except for a few minutes of hard breathing at the end of the 9 months.

But in the years to follow… I found out that reality… at least the reality we experienced… rarely met my early expectations. In our own family, we experienced several miscarriages. Some of them we knew we were pregnant… some we did not know it until the miscarriage occurred. Sometimes I was a good supportive husband… and there were times that I turned inward in my pain rather than being present for Ashley in the way that I would always hope I would be. Pregnancy, I learned, was much more challenging than I expected as a young husband. There are few guarantees with possibility both of great joy as well as tremendous pain. Fears can rise up when the babe spends a few hours without kicking as they normally would. Or, alternatively, pain and discomfort can abound as a kidney is transformed into a punching bag for those reassuring kicks! Now don’t get me wrong, there is beauty and joy shared throughout that time that I would not give up for anything. And the results aren’t too bad either… I love my boys. But the road was much bumpier than I ever dreamed it would be.

2,000 years ago, as Jesus spends some of his last earthly hours sitting with the disciples in that upper room, the disciples struggle. “Lord,” Phillip says, “show us the Father, and we will be satisfied.” Oh Phillip… if only birthing the church were so easy. You know, it dawned on me this week that it’s very possible that none or very few of the disciples had children of their own. Peter was married… we know this because we hear about his mother-in-law. Most of the disciples would likely have been in their early 20s… maybe even still in their late teens. Many of them had likely not experienced having a child. Having children changes one’s perspective about expectations.

As Jesus creates something new among the disciples, they are still very much in the dark of the womb. Right now, they feel safe and secure. They have the warmth of Christ surrounding them. They don’t want to experience change… they don’t want to see what the next step for them might be… this step that Jesus seems to suggest they will take without him.

And remember, at this point these disciples don’t know about the tongues of fire. They don’t know that they will soon be preaching in such a way that all people can hear their words in their own tongue. The disciples don’t have an inkling of understanding of what life will be like on the other side of Pentecost. All they know is that in this moment they are dwelling safely in a room together with their teacher and friend. And they don’t want that to change. “Just show us the Father…” Phillip says. All ya gotta do is put the world into direct connection with God… and then we will all believe. That’s all that’s needed. Just let God show up and we’ll all be happy. That’s all it’s going to take. And you don’t even have to do it for very long… that’s all we need.

Have you ever had that feeling that if you just had that one thing in your life… then you’d be happy? Maybe all you need is that toy football… or that new car… or someone to feel about you the way you feel about them. Maybe you are looking for that medical screening to come back in a particular way… or you just want one good night sleep and that’s all you’ll need.

I don’t know about you, but it’s been my experience that even if I get whatever I am looking for… that I might be satisfied for a little bit… but before long there will be something else that I want or think that I need. I imagine most of us struggle with that.

Just over a week ago we were able to spend a day over in Silver Dollar City thanks to a friend through the Synod who had some guest passes that were about to expire. Luke, Daniel, Gabriel, Mom and Dad all enjoyed a fun filled day over there with a Saloon show and a train ride and rollercoasters and so much more. But at the end of the day, we all started to get tired. And I remember as we started making our way up the long hill toward the exit of the park… I remember Gabriel tugging on our hands, upset that we were leaving and begging… “I just want to have some fun!” He would say. “I just want to have more fun!”

The disciples could relate. They just wanted to have more fun with Christ. They just wanted him to be around a little longer… perform a few more miracles… create a few more loaves… turn a few more jars of water into a few more jars of wine. That’s all they wanted… that’s all they needed… was it really that much to ask? If they received all of that… if they received any of that… then life would be complete--Right? Of course not.

These disciples who had expectations of smooth sailing toward the creation of the new Mega Church of Jesus Christ where Jesus could be seen preaching every Sabbath and offering miracles the rest of the week… these disciples who had expectations of the people of Israel rising up and defeating Rome in one fell swoop after claiming Jesus as their new King David… these disciples who thought that all that life had to offer was within the womb of that upper room… they couldn’t possibly know what was on the other side of the barriers of what they thought they wanted. But Jesus did.

As Ashley, Luke, Daniel and I all took turns helping Gabriel exit Silver Dollar City… we found a car in the big parking lot. As we opened the doors, Gabriel called out, asking for his blanket. It was over 80 degrees… but he wanted his blanket. As Luke started asking the question why Gabriel would want his blanket when it was so hot outside… we looked in the backseat and Gabriel was already fast asleep. I hadn’t even been able to turn on the car… and he was out.

Sometimes, we don’t know what we need. But God does. Jesus does.

While the disciples think they need a Messiah to perform tricks and keep them comfortable, Jesus knows they need a Messiah willing to die for their sins on a cross. While the disciples think all they need to feel close to God is to keep their Jesus around in bodily form… Jesus knows he can send the Holy Spirit to be present with them wherever and whenever they are. Jesus knows what Phillip does not… that there is life beyond the womb… life beyond the tomb.

But Jesus also knows that the road to the new church is harder than the disciples realize. Like a high-risk pregnancy, there will be significant challenge in the days and weeks to come. And yet… the challenge is worth it. The promise of new life… life for all… is worth the pain and the tears. The promise of new life is worth the risk of trusting God… even trusting God to and through death and into a new birth.

As we celebrate Pentecost today, we celebrate not only the birth of the church… we celebrate not only the tongues of fire and the miracle of understanding that followed. But we also give thanks for God seeing the church through the journey. We give thanks for the vision of life on the other side of the womb. We give thanks that even as our expectations of what the world should be are too often broken… that we know God is calling and pulling us through the pains of it all and into that which cannot even fathom.

Whatever challenges you might be experiencing this day or this week… I invite you to remember that we are being birthed from this life into the next. I invite you to remember that things will not always go smoothly… but that we have God as our divine OB… we have God pulling us out.. holding us… cradling us… welcoming us into life everlasting.