Communicate Kindness

Big Idea: Act, Don’t React.

Why do we struggle with forgiveness?

Forgiveness is not necessarily reconciliation.

Forgiveness is not about change.

Forgiveness is about justice and relationship.

Mayo Clinic

What are the benefits of forgiving someone?

Letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for improved health and peace of mind. Forgiveness can lead to:

Healthier relationships

Improved mental health

Less anxiety, stress and hostility

Lower blood pressure

Fewer symptoms of depression

A stronger immune system

Improved heart health

Improved self-esteem

Why is it so easy to hold a grudge?

Being hurt by someone, particularly someone you love and trust, can cause anger, sadness and confusion. If you dwell on hurtful events or situations, grudges filled with resentment, vengeance and hostility can take root. If you allow negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice.

Some people are naturally more forgiving than others. But even if you're a grudge holder, almost anyone can learn to be more forgiving.

How do I reach a state of forgiveness?

Forgiveness is a commitment to a personalized process of change. To move from suffering to forgiveness, you might:

Recognize the value of forgiveness and how it can improve your life

Identify what needs healing and who needs to be forgiven and for what

Consider joining a support group or seeing a counselor

Acknowledge your emotions about the harm done to you and how they affect your behavior, and work to release them

Choose to forgive the person who's offended you

Move away from your role as victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life

As you let go of grudges, you'll no longer define your life by how you've been hurt. You might even find compassion and understanding.

Remember The Grace of Your Forgiveness

“I will not dwell on this incident.”

“I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you.”

“I will not talk to others about this incident.”

“I will not let this incident stand between us or hinder our personal relationship.” **

Luke 7:41–48 ESV

41 “A certain moneylender had two debtors. One owed five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. 42 When they could not pay, he cancelled the debt of both. Now which of them will love him more?” 43 Simon answered, “The one, I suppose, for whom he cancelled the larger debt.” And he said to him, “You have judged rightly.” 44 Then turning toward the woman he said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave me no water for my feet, but she has wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. 45 You gave me no kiss, but from the time I came in she has not ceased to kiss my feet. 46 You did not anoint my head with oil, but she has anointed my feet with ointment. 47 Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.” 48 And he said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”

Shy kids

Remove Malice

Romans 1:29 ESV

29 They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips,

1 Corinthians 5:8 ESV

8 Let us therefore celebrate the festival, not with the old leaven, the leaven of malice and evil, but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth.

Titus 3:3 ESV

3 For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another.

Count of Monte Christo

Malice is a need to control the ending of the story to the way you think it should go - the evil one should get their due.

Anxiety needs to have malice in order to avoid the pain of seeing evil win even temporarily.

Pushing through needs to have malice to ignore the pain of seeing the results of evil.

Staying connected to God releases malice as I become aware of it by going to God with the pain because he controls the ending and I have not received the ending due me when I was trapped there.

Share Forgiveness

Creating Space for Grace

Mark 6:34 ESV

34 When he went ashore he saw a great crowd, and he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd. And he began to teach them many things.

Matthew 18:26–27 ESV

26 So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ 27 And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt.

Luke 15:20–24 ESV

20 And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. 21 And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ 22 But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. 23 And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. 24 For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.’ And they began to celebrate.

Anxiety can be released as I learn to taste of God’s grace and share it with those around me.

Pushing through can rejoice as I learn to slow down and share my forgiveness with those around me.

Will you act based on God’s grace instead of react to how others treat you?

Pepper Sweeney

Surround yourself with people who know God’s grace.