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James 4:1–3 (ESV)
4 What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you?
Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? 2 You desire and do not have, so you murder.
You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel.
You do not have, because you do not ask.
3 You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.
Conflicts are Inevitable and disruptive.
The Bible is clear.
Each of us is a selfish sinner.
No exceptions.
Therefore, conflict is simply inevitable.
Conflict is more than simple disagreement.
Peacemaker Ministries defines it as, “A difference in opinion or purpose that frustrates someone’s goals or desires.”
· In a conflict at least one of the people involved, if not both,
o becomes upset because he fears he may not get what he wants—
o even if what he wants is simply to have someone else see a particular situation the way he/she does.
· James strikes at the heart of it when he writes,
Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? 2 You desire and do not have, so you murder.
You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel.
· While we saw last week that James seems to be talking about the unlimited pursuit of pleasures no matter the cost.
o But not all pleasures are bad,
o nor is the pursuit of all pleasures bad.
· On top of that, not all conflicts or differences of opinions are not sinful as well.
· Sometimes we get into conflicts over passions that are good and honorable.
EXAMPLES
· Moreover, people can sometimes deeply disagree over significant matters without an actual conflict arising.
§ For our immediate purposes, however,
§ it’s enough to say that generally,
o we recognize conflict when we’re in it—
§ we know the difference between simply disagreeing with someone and
§ finding our hearts rising up in offense or frustration or anger because of something someone else does or says or believes.
o As long as we live this side of heaven,
§ we will continue to experience conflicts with others,
§ and we will continue to hear God’s call to repentance
o Relational conflict,
§ like everything else God puts in our path, is used by him for our good.
o When responded to with humility,
§ long-suffering, grace, and forgiveness,
§ such conflict leads to stronger, more Christ-honoring relationships.
o Whether we are the offender or the offended,
§ if we choose to delay the resolving of our conflicts with one another then we short-change ourselves—
· hindering our own spiritual growth
· and that of others.
§ To resist or neglect the resolution of conflict,
· especially between yourself and another Christian,
· is a small but real rejection of the gospel itself.
· No wonder it can hinder our prayers.
So, what do we do about it?
Have a Sense of Urgency?
o The Bible exhorts us to do everything in our power to resolve conflict ASAP.
o The clearest scriptural call to this duty is found in Matthew
Matthew 5:23–24 (ESV) Pg 963
23 So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar and go.
First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.
o Those are radical words.
o The original Jewish hearers were able to place these words of Jesus into a familiar context.
o For them, the Lord was referring to animal sacrifice within the Temple.
o This was a solemn, somber, and deeply meaningful act of worship and trust that lay at the heart of the Old Covenant.
o For us, this would correspond to our most significant interactions with God as his children,
o including private worship through personal prayer
o as well as corporate worship.
o But here Jesus is saying there is one good reason to stop right in the middle of it all—because you have other, more important business.
o There is no point in singing songs in church;
o there is no point in praying a passionate, heartfelt prayer in church;
o there is no point in putting a generous donation in the offering plate –
o if you are harboring hatred and contempt for another human being in your heart.
Spurgeon said:
“I would anxiously desire to be at peace with all men before I attempt to worship God, lest I present to God the sacrifice of fools.”
o Jesus considers conflict resolution among believers a high priority
o He tells us plainly that it is better to interrupt or postpone our worship than to engage in it under the wrong conditions.
God is not interested in receiving our worship until we honestly face the wrongs we have committed against one another.
o Listen, brothers and sisters,
o do everything you need to do to be at peace with other people
BEFORE you come in here to worship –
and before you stand before God at the final judgment.
o And the former is intended to foreshadow the latter.
o that is why we give you a few minutes to review the state of your heart before we serve communion.
o We are doing that to HIGHLIGHT THE CONNECTION between our audience with God here
o and our audience with God THERE.
o In both cases, you want to come before the Lord in a state of peace.
Conflict resolution s urgent.
o So do what you need to do to get yourself into that state of peace.
o Reach out.
o Send an email.
o Make a phone call.
o Extend an olive branch.
o No matter what it costs you.
Lloyd Jones again is helpful here, he says:
“I must humble myself, make a fool of myself as it were, and let the other person gloat over me if necessary, as long as I have done everything I can to remove the barrier and the obstacle.”4
Have you done that?
Do it before the next communion – do it before the final judgment.
o To come before God aware of unresolved conflict with another Christian,
o when it is within our power to seek resolution to that conflict,
o renders our worship false and hypocritical.
o Unresolved conflict hinders our relationship with God,
o and this hinders our prayers.
The Bible says...
Pursue Restoration.
§ Instead of avoiding our interpersonal conflicts or delaying their resolution,
o Scripture compels us to pursue peace relentlessly.
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