Hey Alexa, Where is Jesus? The Home

Parental Interjection

How many of you have heard the term “parental interjection”? I had not until just this past week. You do know what it is, even if you don’t know the term. We’ve seen all these commercials, which are fueled by “parental interjection”:

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We laugh because this is all of us. We laugh because we’ve all experienced parental interjection… which is when a child begins adopting many of the traits of the parents. These ads made Dr. Rick, or comedian Bill Glass, a star. The coach who helps us not become our parents. The ad agency that created these ads did some research. They expected to find that kids begin acting like their parents when they have kids. But research shows that kids begin acting like their parents when they buy a home. And of course, Dr. Rick was created to help sell home insurance.

Something about the idea of a house and a home that is our own… that triggers something inside of us that we all reach for. We reach for comfort, we reach for the familiar, we reach for our parents. In making the big step of buying a home, grown American children are trying to bridge a gap between generations, a gap that our own society has widened with home ownership and cars and meaningful incomes.

Paul’s Instructions for Families

When Paul writes to the Ephesians who are gathering as a church in Ephesus, these kinds of generational gaps were not as wide as they are now. In fact, Paul is writing to families whose generations all live together. Many homes in the Jewish and Roman cultures were like compounds. It wasn’t simply the nuclear family. They were more like clans living together, mom, dad, aunt, uncle, grandma, grandpa, cousins, grandkids… they all lived in the same basic space. I’m fascinated by the colonias here in the valley, many of them have the same kinds of familial arrangements that could be found in the first century. So Paul, writing to this gathering has some comments and instructions for families.

We have been making our way through Luther’s Small Catechism, and we are nearing the end of Luther’s instructions for church members, and before he is done, like the great missionary Paul, Luther has some words for families. And he simply repeats the same words Paul uses here in Ephesians. Husbands, wives, children, workers, supervisors… we’re going to work our way through this list, but then we’re going to look at these through our gospel prism. First, here’s the list:

Wives: Wives, submit, to your husbands (Ephesians 5:22) “Wives, submit to your husbands...”

Husbands: Husbands, love your wives (Ephesians 5:25) “Husbands, love your wives...”

Children: Children, obey your parents (Ephesians 6:1) “Children, obey your parents ...”

Parents: Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children (Ephesians 6:4) “Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children...”

Workers: Slaves, obey your human masters (Ephesians 6:5) “Slaves, obey your human masters...”

Employers: Masters, treat your slaves the same way (Ephesians 6:9) “And masters, treat your slaves the same way (serving with a good attitude)”

There’s a lot that could be said here and our purpose today is not to unpack each one of these instructions. In fact, these instructions, on the bare face of it, are pretty straight forward, even if at least a couple of them seem a bit jolting. We’re not going to jump into the questions of what it means for wives to submit, other than to say that this doesn’t mean that there is a master and servant relationship between husband and wife (and yes, there are those who pretty much attempt to interpret it that way… and that’s not what Paul is after.. Wives are to allow their husbands to provide leadership in the home. End of story. And because of the way the service industry in ancient Rome was a part of the family unit, slaves here are not a one-to-one correlation with the kind of slavery we have known here in America. Luther has it right when he uses the words “employees” and “employers” here.

But what we need to see in this list is what is missing.

Wives, submit. Husbands, love. Children, obey. Father’s, don’t stir up. Workers, obey. Employers, treat.

If I had to wager, most of the sermons and classes I’ve heard and experienced regarding these verses, that is the main summary of what is being said. These are simply instructions on what our roles and our duties in the home should be. But I would suggest that such a reading of these in this way is absolutely tragic, because it misses the whole point, to the point of being completely wrong. Paul isn’t giving a bunch of rote commands. These are absolutely radical for Paul’s day. The first century world was not used to thinking about family relationships this way. But I would argue, neither does our own day and age, even within Christianity.

You know how many books have been written about these verses here? Hundreds. And most of them run along the lines of providing for a well-ordered society. “If we could only go back to the way things were here in the book of Ephesians. If we could just get people to do these things, we’d be much better off.” There might be some truth to this. It’s not too hard to see the breakdown of the family in our culture. but if this is what we’re selling, there is no hope for the American family. Commands don’t change hearts and they don’t change lives. If we are going to rightly think about the family for our own families, much less Los Fresnos, then we’re going to have to think about these instructions in the way that Paul gives them. And he doesn’t give them as brute or blunt instructions. There are at least four ways that Paul is giving us something more than just bare instructions here.

First, this list, or theologians commonly call “housecodes”, or codes for home life, doesn’t begin in Ephesians 5:22. “Wives, submit” isn’t the beginning. That word “submit” has already been used once by Paul… in the verse immediately preceding verse 22. And it’s almost always excluded, but it shouldn’t be. These housecodes begin in verse 21

Eph 5:21 “Submit to one another in the fear of Christ.”

Everything that follows flows out of this verse. Wives, husbands, children, parents, workers, and employers… all relationships are to be characterized by mutual submission. There isn’t a thought break between verse 21 and verse 22. There’s no philosophical or ideological break. It’s all the same thought. If you want to know what it means for all of us to submit to each other, then this is what it looks like for wives, what it looks like for husbands, for children, for parents, for employees and employers. Mutual submission. Always giving deference to the other guy. This is in keeping with the entire framework of loving others as we love ourselves. Mutual submission is everyone in the relationship being willing to give up for the benefit of the other. This is true love. And that brings us to the second way Paul frames these instructions.

Ephesians 5:2 “Walk in love, as Christ also loved us and gave himself for us, a sacrificial and fragrant offering to God.”

This entire section of the letter has love in the backdrop. “Love”. If you look at those family instructions as simply roles to play in the family, or raw, simple commands, it’s not too long before love goes missing, even in the instruction to husbands to love their wives. It’s impossible to legislate love. But the love that Christ gives us becomes love in the way we treat each other. “Walk in love”… what does that look like? Well, for starters, it means these family instructions. And these family instructions are to be absolutely saturated in self-sacrifice, laying down our lives for each other in the home. That’s true love. Allowing the other person to win. Allowing the other person to control the TV remote or the radio channel. Overlooking offenses. Putting up with flaws and setting aside disappointments for the good of the other person. The list goes on and on. Self-sacrificial love colors everything.

But that love has one more added dimension when we take one more step backward in Ephesians.

Ephesians 4:32 “And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.”

Forgiveness. What does Paul want to see in these family instructions for wives, husbands, children, parents, employees and employers? Forgiveness. Kindness, compassion, forgiveness. That’s true love. Mutual submission to each other means being willing to forgive and forgive and forgive and forgive. I tend to think that the breakdown of family in society, has, at its core, failure and unwillingness to forgive. In fact, we’re taught this by our culture. Forgiving someone is weak. Forgiving someone lets bad people off the hook. Forgiving someone is me not being true to myself. And the list goes on and on. Over and over and over again, Jesus and Paul and Peter and John and the other writers of the Bible return to this theme of forgiveness. When forgiveness goes missing in the family relationships, these house and family instructions become weapons to be used against each other.

But there’s one more thing that makes Paul’s list completely different from anything else you’ve heard about the family and how we relate to each other in the family. It’s what was missing from our original list. Let’s look at that list again:

Wives, submit. Husbands, love. Children, obey. Father’s, don’t stir up. Workers, obey. Employers, treat.

What’s missing? Jesus is missing. Jesus. In fact, I read this list like this because this is how we teach it and hear it, but this is not the way Paul wrote it.

Wives, submit to your husbands as to Jesus.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and give himself up for her.

Children, obey your parents in Jesus.

Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children, but instruction them in Jesus.

Workers, obey your employers as you would Jesus.

Employers, treat your workers fairly because there is no favoritism with Jesus.

This isn’t simply a list of instructions to obey or to order life because Jesus is in the home. Paul puts Jesus in every single instruction because Jesus is the one who has created the relationship to begin with. Jesus is the most important part of the relationship. Jesus isn’t simply an example here… he’s the cause for all of it. He’s the reason. He’s the source.

And it’s not just these family instructions. Remember the context that Paul provides. It’s in every single context.

Submit to one another, in the fear of Christ.

Walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself for us.

Forgive one another, as God forgave you in Christ.

This is what makes Paul’s instructions radical. Anybody can submit. Anybody can obey. Anybody can be kind. Some of the best people I know with nice, loving homes are atheists and Mormons and Muslims and Buddhists. If all we’re doing is providing a good moral foundation for our social order, we’ve completely missed the point that Paul is making.

We obey, we love, we serve because this is what the gospel has done for us. Paul says this to these families that he is writing to even earlier in his letter:

Ephesians 2:15,19 “Jesus… created in himself one new man...So, then, you are members of God’s household.”

This is radical stuff. Jesus is in the home because mom and dad and juan and juanita are all members of God’s household. How often do I think about Emily as being my sister in Christ first, and then a wife? How often do I think of Luke as a brother in Christ, and Noelle as a sister in Christ? We’re so caught up in trying to figure out just how we are supposed to live out these family instructions we completely forget that before Paul said anything about wives or husbands, he’s talking about wives and husbands members of God’s household saved by grace.

What we receive in Christ’s life and death and resurrection we give to each other. We say it often, here, that the forgiveness and grace we receive here on Sundays becomes forgiveness and grace for others during the week. But the very first place that becomes a reality is in the home between parents and kids and husbands and wives. What Jesus has done for us we do for each other, in the home. Jesus is in the home, with us, providing the love we give to each other. We are the hands and feet of Jesus to each other. As I do the “honey do” list, I’m the hands and feet of Jesus for Emily. Loving my neighbor as myself begins with loving Emily as the neighbor.

The family life is spiritual. It’s not just sociological. That’s the beauty of what Alex and Bobbi Jo did a few months ago. I get it. They’ve given us an example of what this looks like. They were married by a justice of the peace many moons ago. But in recognition that Jesus is in their home and a part of their home and that their relationship is to each other is spiritual, created in heaven, as brother and sister in Christ. Does this mean everything is perfect? No. It simply means that Jesus always has them and has us in our relationships.

Our homes are places of conflict. They are places where sinners reside. These are sinners who know they need Jesus. Who know they need forgiveness, even as they work hard at forgiving each other and loving each other and mutually submitting to one another. But there’s one thing that is always true about our homes from Paul’s instructions. Tucked into his instructions to husbands is this:

Ephesians 5:25: Christ loved the church and gave himself for her.

Jesus loves the church. And because these instructions are to families in the church, Jesus loves the home. Jesus loves your home. Jesus died for your home. All the love that you give and feel in the home, Jesus is doing that for you. All the conflict you don’t like about your home… Jesus doesn’t give up on your home. He’s still there, still loving you and your family.

Hey Alexa, Where is Jesus? Jesus is with us, in the home, giving life and salvation to members of God’s household, even as we live out the confession of our faith with those closest to us.

Let’s Pray.

This Table sets the tone for life in the home. This is where forgiveness happens. This is where salvation happens. It happens for you. It also happens for your family. Jesus meets you here and then he goes with you into your lives and into your homes. Even when we are not perfect with each other, Jesus reminds us here that he has forgiven us and made us a new creation… for us and for our families. His broken body and shed blood are for you and your children, as Peter said.