The Gate Keepers

Today we are beginning to see a rise of the world trying to get into our homes through children’s shows, social media, mainstream media, and even some areas of academia. Don’t get me wrong; I don’t think all these things are always bad. However, sometimes I am too trusting of these things as well. Whenever I have an abundance of work to do and don’t necessarily want to worry about where my children are, I will let them sit in front of the tv. However, out of curiosity, I have begun to watch the shows my children watch as well and have seen an alarming rate of things enter into what used to be seemingly innocent shows like Blues Clues. As Christian parents, we know we need to be gatekeepers to what our children are hearing and learning; this is clear. Society has become way too trusting of other people and expecting those other people to raise our children correctly, to the point that we have become complacent to what is being taught in schools, what is being learned on devices, and what is silently entering our homes while we let our children sit on the screen.

Our job as parents is to raise our children as best as we can, ultimately with the hope and aim that they will someday choose to be a disciple of Jesus Christ. But this means we must be willing to converse with our children on why God created us the way we are, biologically, and even mentally. We must be willing to point out in the Bible where the scripture calls out sin when sin is evident. Most importantly, we must be willing to affirm our children with God's grace. We must be willing to love our children, and we must be willing to set boundaries where boundaries are needed and let our children run free when and where freedom is appropriate.

Some people struggle with setting boundaries for children. They don’t want to snuff out their child’s creative, unique identity. I can see the concern here. The truth is setting boundaries for our children shows them that we care enough to consider their safety. One of my favourite T.V. dads is Andy Taylor from the Andy Griffith Show. When a homeless man told Andy he should just let Opie "decide for himself" how he wanted to live… Andy had these words of wisdom. "No, I'm afraid it don't work that way. You can't let a young’n decide for himself. He'll grab at the first flashy thing with shiny ribbons on it. Then, when he finds out there's a hook in it, it's too late. Wrong ideas come packaged with so much glitter that it's hard to convince ‘em that other things might be better in the long run. All a parent can do is say 'wait' and 'trust me' and try to keep temptation away."

This very true proverb can be back up with a command to children found in Ephesians 6: 1-3

Ephesians 6:1–3 NLT

Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do. “Honor your father and mother.” This is the first commandment with a promise: If you honor your father and mother, “things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth.”

Recently I was watching a clip of Prince Louis interacting with his mom. On national television, you could see a mom trying to correct her child patiently, but Louis was having none of it. I felt bad for Kate; she had no real options. She knew she had to stay composed in the public eye because the world was watching. But she also needed her child to listen and to be kind to her. Kate was in a situation where she is “damned if she lets her child keep on walking over her, and damned if she puts her foot down.” I am thankful the whole world isn’t watching and judging me as I stumble through parenting. I tend to be a “you listen now and right quick” type of guy. I have always taken a firm approach to obedience, probably partly due to my upbringing and also probably something to do with my military background. I have often taken a no-nonsense position on obedience with my children, which has perhaps helped protect my children but has also, potentially, hurt my position with my children as well. Listening to me has probably saved my children from getting run over by a car or prevented them from being burned from the wood stove. And all this is good. However, sometimes when we have such a firm hand on everything, we begin to lose the ability to talk with our children about real issues.

The rest of that verse I mentioned above doesn’t just address children obeying their parents. It also addresses the parents. Let's read verse Ephesians6: 4

Ephesians 6:4 NLT

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.

Maybe we can re-word that verse like this “Father’s do not get on your children’s case so hard that you cannot bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Suppose you are always telling your child to quiet down! Quit doing that! Ask your mom! Or you are so quick to act that there is very little room for mistakes. Your children will be on edge around you, and there will be no room for them to grow around you. And maybe they will begin to look forward to not having you around. They may start just to bide their time until they are old enough that they can fly the coop and take off living their own life. And they may think to themselves, why would I want a god that makes people act like that. I’m not saying spare your child discipline. Disciplining a child is vital in teaching them right from wrong. But when a discipline is applied justly and within the proper context, it can be a helpful learning tool for understanding boundaries and consequences. There is an old proverb I once heard “Sometimes the board of education must be applied to the seat of learning.” Proverbs 13:24 says he who spares the rod hates his child, but the one who loves their child is careful to discipline them. I also like what the author of Hebrews wrote in Hebrews 12:5-13

Hebrews 12:5–13 NLT

And have you forgotten the encouraging words God spoke to you as his children? He said, “My child, don’t make light of the Lord’s discipline, and don’t give up when he corrects you. For the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes each one he accepts as his child.” As you endure this divine discipline, remember that God is treating you as his own children. Who ever heard of a child who is never disciplined by its father? If God doesn’t discipline you as he does all of his children, it means that you are illegitimate and are not really his children at all. Since we respected our earthly fathers who disciplined us, shouldn’t we submit even more to the discipline of the Father of our spirits, and live forever? For our earthly fathers disciplined us for a few years, doing the best they knew how. But God’s discipline is always good for us, so that we might share in his holiness. No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way. So take a new grip with your tired hands and strengthen your weak knees. Mark out a straight path for your feet so that those who are weak and lame will not fall but become strong.

Discipline is never enjoyable, but what makes discipline from God beneficial? We find reconciliation. Through his love and forgiveness, God sought to reunite us with Him through Jesus Christ. God does not just discipline us and leaves it at that. He aims to reunite with us and seeks to further his relationship with us.

I have always believed that God has provided a template for us to live by following His example. God hates sin very clearly and plainly. This is irrefutable. Even at the cross, when Jesus took all that sin on Himself, we see Jesus crying out, “Eli Eli Lema sabachthani (Sa-bach-kan-eye)?” (which means “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”). God hates sin, and I believe we must hate sin as well. But the problem begins here, especially when we look at our children and point to all the sins out in the world and forget about the sin we are committing in front of our own children’s eyes, living a double standard. It is essential to look at our children and say that sin that you see isn’t right in the Lord’s eyes. It is crucial to tell our children that the Bible says that (the world) will say that “evil is good and good is evil” they will look to undermine God by claiming who He is not, and God will respond justly. Romans 1:18-23 says,

Romans 1:18–23 NLT

But God shows his anger from heaven against all sinful, wicked people who suppress the truth by their wickedness. They know the truth about God because he has made it obvious to them. For ever since the world was created, people have seen the earth and sky. Through everything God made, they can clearly see his invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature. So they have no excuse for not knowing God. Yes, they knew God, but they wouldn’t worship him as God or even give him thanks. And they began to think up foolish ideas of what God was like. As a result, their minds became dark and confused. Claiming to be wise, they instead became utter fools. And instead of worshiping the glorious, ever-living God, they worshiped idols made to look like mere people and birds and animals and reptiles.

As I said, we must point out to our children the follies of this world. But when we live a sinful life in front of our children, we are not helping. When we are so concerned with the speck in our brother's or sister's eye, ignoring that log sticking out of our eye, we unintentionally begin concussing our children; especially as that log is swinging around while we are looking this way and that, pointing out the world's problems and unintentionally smacking our children in the head with that log. When we look at the people around our children who we hold responsible for helping raise our children, and we point the finger at them, telling them that our children don’t respect them, but then behind their backs, we disrespect that very person our children take note and act in kind. We tell our children to love and respect their mom or dad, but we yell at each other over money or other feeble issues. No kidding, our kids respond ill towards their parents, teachers, or other leaders today, especially when their parents are setting the example.

There is this story I once heard about a dad who was making an ever frequent trip to the Bar because he was addicted to alcohol. As he was trudging through the snow, he looked behind him, and there was his 8-year-old son. He looked at his son and said, “what are you doing?” as his son was placing his foot as best as he could in his father’s footprint, he looked at his dad and said, “I’m trying to follow in your footsteps dad!” The dad, alarmed by his son’s confession and determination to follow him, turned around and returned home, determined to live a life worthy of his son's following.

We can’t look at our children and say, “do as I say and not as I do,” and expect our children to listen. Our children follow us by example, and our teens follow our example. Being gatekeepers of our children’s lives doesn’t mean we bar the gate shut from the world by our own strength. But it does mean that we show our kids by example how to live. It means we admit when we can’t do things by our own strength and turn to God and the community he has placed around us and ask for help.

This last week has been a costly one for me. It started with a leaky overhead pipe in the basement and a humidifier with a float valve that had malfunctioned so the water kept flowing all over the basement floor carpet. It was a situation that I needed to resolve. So I got to work. I went and picked up some PEX pipe, some shark bites, and one shark bite with a shut-off valve (of course). I started by turning off the water to the whole house. And as I began cutting, the pipe I needed to cut somehow had an abundance of water in it even though I had opened all the faucets in the house. Determined, I stood under the freezing water while I worked to get the new pipe on and the new water shut-off on. Despite the constant flow of water, I accomplished the first part of my mission. I turned on the water to the whole house again. No leaks (good)! The pipe is holding under pressure (excellent)! Things are going well. Next, I needed to put the new humidifier on the furnace. This involved cutting a bigger hole in the furnace air output vent. In this particular housing was the AC coolant coils (this tidbit of information is vital for later).

You see, I like to try to fix things myself because I can more often than not do the work that is required. This means that often I rely on myself and not necessarily the community God has placed around us to fix household issues. Most of the time, this is okay because I am good at fixing things, but God had a lesson in mind this time. Maybe two. The first lesson is I rushed when I should have been patient. I started cutting away at the housing with tin snips. Tin snips allowed me more control and less potential for a screw-up. But the problem with tin snips is they take time, and I still had a sermon to finish for today. So I decided to go and grab the quickest tool I could think of and grabbed my zip cut. As luck would have it, it already had a cutting disk, so I was already saving time! I began to cut along the template line I had drawn out.

Things were going well! Until I stopped cutting and could hear a very distinct sound that poised as a problem. A hissing was coming from the housing. Upon inspection, I realized I had cut the coolant coils, and AC gas was coming out at 156psi. Naturally, I tried to pack the holes with vent tape to stop the leak, but this was futile. Realizing I was out of my league, I phoned Queens Street Plumbing and Heat, and they came and assessed the situation and instructed me on what to do next. They also told me I would probably need a whole new system. My week went from mildly stressful due to the water leak to majorly stressful due to my screw-up. I would have probably been okay if I hadn’t rushed and instead taken my time with tin-snips. But since I rushed and tried to force a result that I needed to accomplish, I ended up screwing the whole thing up. In the end, I ended up talking to some congregants (the church), and they pointed me to Kristi Belzner, who told me I didn’t have to replace the whole system and she could fix my screw-up easily.

Raising children is kind of the same as starting a new and important project. We know where we want our children to get to with God. But sometimes, we try forcing results, so when our children get to that point, they are damaged and hurting, all because we did not have the patience and didn’t look to Christ for help and guidance. Our intentions were good, but the results were disastrous. It is not our job to redeem our children. It's our jobs to patiently walk with our children, correcting them when we need to, pointing them in the right direction, but ultimately allowing Jesus to do the work and redeem our children. The results will be perfect if we allow Jesus to do the work. It is our job as parents to know we can’t and shouldn’t do this on our own. Ultimately when we try to force it, the results may be more costly than we ever intended.