Christ Journey Students | How to Lead a Life Free from Porn

Porn talk

Set the tone:

- Prayer

- Gratitude

- Confidentiality

When I say the phrase “nuclear reactor,” what comes to mind?

Some great uses and some terrible uses. All depending upon how you use it.

Sexuality functions in a similar way. God gave us sexuality not only as a way to experience some of the most intense and satisfying pleasure, as well as an expression of unity, but also to know God more deeply and intimately.

Some thoughts on sex and the garden

In Genesis 1 and 2, God made female from male - both in his image - creating one from the other, and sex is the ultimate physical expression of joining back male and female together as one.

In fact God designed sex with such an intense passion that when a male and female engage in sex together, research shows that when dopamine releases in both the male and female brains, the two biologically become emotionally, and I would also argue spiritually, joined together.

Hence why the marriage bond is so crucial for a healthy, faithful, intimate, and satisfying sexual relationship.

The Bible doesn’t say, ‘don’t have sex before marriage. I challenge you to find it. But God’s Word gives every reason why sex belongs in a marriage covenant.

But what happened in Genesis 3? Sin entered into the world. How? Through the evil one’s temptation for humanity to become like what? Their own god. What does that mean? Essentially, it means that every good thing that God created become distorted, divided, dishonored, and destroyed - in that very moment, including our own bodies, which involves sex and sexuality, diseases, physical ailments, and especially, death. God did not intend for death to enter into the world, but the wages of sin is death. Romans 6:23. The verse continues, though, saying: Yet the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus.

As a result of the evil one’s lie, what did God banish the evil one to do? Genesis 3:14, says:

So the Lord God said to the serpent, “Because you have done this,

“Cursed are you above all livestock

and all wild animals!

You will crawl on your belly

and you will eat dust

all the days of your life.

Slither on the ground to devour the dust of the earth, but what did God make Adam from? The dust of the earth. The enemy’s lies continue to this very day. He intends to devour you by distorting and deceiving you from the truth, causing division among you, and destroying your life.

“Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.”

‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭5:8‬ ‭NLT‬‬

1. The evil one uses Porn to distort and deceive.

Porn like so many many things in this world is a distortion of Gods good gift. Divides a man’s heart from the man and a man from his lady. And ultimately destroys a man’s soul.

So what is porn? Is looking at naked bodies? Is it sex?

What if I said that porn is any image or act that elicits immoral and unfaithful thoughts about a woman made in the image of God. Which means most of the magazines at the Public check out would be considered pornographic. Though the model is at least somewhat covered, her pose and revealing certainly leads out minds to think only one thought: I want you.

To some extent, even music can be pornographic in nature. When songs that all of us listen to depict graphic images of sex, such as Cardi B and Demi Lovato, then those images appear in our minds and stimulate the same response as viewing them with our eyes.

Is I want you the same as a fulfilling sexually intimate and unifying experience between a marriage bond that symbolizes the strength and power of Christ and the church?

No.

It is pride. I want you to please me. And then when I am pleased I am finished with you. Like a cheeseburger wrapper.

Is a woman a cheeseburger wrapper? Or is she the daughter of the most high God and made in his very image?

***women who participate in porn often do so against their will through drug induced stupors. Many of them have been trafficked. Most sexual images are forms of rape. And almost all of them are non consensual. Even in pics of just girls, you are not only witnessing distorted and unrealistic sex but you are often watching violence and injustice.

***70% of underage victims of sex trafficking said that porn was made of them while they were in slavery. In 2018, giant tech companies reported over 45 million photos and videos of child sexual abuse on their platforms.

The evil one twists one of the greatest gifts given by God into something that is counterfeit. It’s not real. It doesn’t spend. And everything that porn buys is fake.

God calls Satan a prostitute in revelation. “His judgments are true and just. He has punished the great prostitute who corrupted the earth with her immorality. He has avenged the murder of his servants.””

‭‭Revelation‬ ‭19:2‬ ‭NLT‬‬

2. The evil one uses porn to divide

Pornography is a form of adultery. The root word of porn in the Greek is porneia, which means, ‘sexual immorality, ‘infidelity,’ and ‘adultery.’ Porneia happens when we commit physical adultery with another person. It also happens when we place our mind’s attention on someone else in a sexually immoral away apart from the one to whom we pledged our covenant comment and joined together as one under the power of God’s Spirit.

Porn divides not only a man from his lady but most important a man from himself. I’ve personally never met anyone who finishes using porn and says, ‘man, that was amazing, and I am so thankful.’ At best, I hear men say, ‘I enjoy it, but I feel disconnected from myself and others.’ Disconnection always leads to shame. Shame is the combination of feeling humiliated for doing something wrong. Man, I use porn, I can’t stop, and I feel embarrassed about it. That equals shame, and shame is like a sword sharp sword that cuts right between you and others and you from your very own heart.

In genesis 2, God said, he who joins these two together, let no one divide. Porn, among others, is a tool that the enemy uses to divide what God joined together for blessing, pleasure, and worship.

Porn divides you from truth, which leads you away from Christ who is the one source of all truth. It also divides you from freedom and into slavery to fake intimacy and connection. Jesus said he who the son sets free is free indeed, John 8:36. It is isolating. It is deafening to the Spirit, and creates a life-sucking buffer between you with the Lord. Quite frankly, it is a tool of the enemy to keep you apart from life and the good gifts of your Father.

3. The evil one uses porn to destroy

Sadly, but not surprisingly, porn does an incredible amount of damage to its users and to those around them. Researchers have linked porn to increased depression, antisocial behavior, and promiscuity. It even causes changes in the brain, following the same patterns as other addictive substances. Porn has also been linked to sexual dysfunction and decreased sexual satisfaction.

Research has shown that porn makes people more aggressive, narcissistic, and misogynistic. People who consume porn are less likely to marry and less likely to seek out sexual consent from their partners. They are more prone to be unfaithful to their partners and more likely to commit sexual crimes.

“A second angel followed and said, “ ‘Fallen! Fallen is Babylon the Great,’ which made all the nations drink the maddening wine of her adulteries.”” Porneia.

‭‭Revelation‬ ‭14:8‬ ‭NIV‬‬

What are some reasons that people use to justify using porn?

- It’s private, so it’s not hurting anyone

One of the most common justifications by far for porn use being okay is that because it’s private, it’s not hurting anyone. We disagree with the underlying assumption in that statement, which is that actions are right or wrong based on whether we believe they will hurt people. But when people make this argument, it’s usually because they don’t perceive any harm taking place. We might not be able to see the damage our actions are causing, but real harm could still be occurring.

For example, we could indulge in lust in our hearts and say it’s fine because we’re not acting on our desires by having an affair. But whether we recognize it or not, that sin still impacts every part of our lives, such as our ability to worship God and be in healthy relationships with those closest to us. Moral values are not determined by what we think hurts people, but are rooted in who God is: just, merciful, and loving. We must base our morality on God’s character, not on our subjective perception of what is hurting us and those around us. Porn is objectively wrong because it violates God’s character and the rules He gave to protect our flourishing.

And as we’ve already noted, porn does hurt its users. It makes them depressed, aggressive, and less empathetic toward women, and it has been linked to sexual dysfunction in both men and women. And as we have pointed out elsewhere, porn is not merely an outlet for sexual desire, but an inlet as well. It increases people’s sexual appetites and becomes less satisfying over time.

- The actors are participating voluntarily

This reason is irrelevant. Even if male and female porn stars are participating in porn voluntarily, to watch them is still to take part in their degradation and to treat them as less than human. As a comparison, if people willingly harm themselves, it’s wrong for us to celebrate their twisted satisfaction. Even when sin is done voluntarily, it’s still sin, and it’s wrong for us to support it.

But again, porn users have no way of knowing whether or not the people—the actresses in particular—are participating voluntarily. A woman in a video might be willingly employed as a porn star, or she might be a victim of human trafficking.

Even if porn actresses are not being trafficked, it’s more than possible they are being pressured into doing something they feel uncomfortable with but are tolerating anyway. If you can, we recommend watching the Over 18 documentary we referenced earlier. It provides a glimpse into the effects of the industry on two female porn stars who were very popular at one time and who joined the industry willingly.

- Porn is educating me about sex

Many people turn to porn to fill in gaps in their sexual education. But porn shows an exaggerated, unrealistic depiction of sex, something that people in the adult film

industry admit themselves in their interviews for Over 18. In addition, porn only shows us the physical aspect of sex and ignores the emotional, mental, and spiritual impact it has on those involved (which highlights the need for Christian parents to be more open and willing to teach kids about healthy, God-honoring sex starting at young ages — see our “Parent’s Guide to the Sex Talk” for more on that).

- It’s free, so I’m not supporting the porn industry

It’s easy to see how someone would think this statement is true, but it most definitely is not. When people watch porn, whether it’s free or paid, they support the industry by fueling the demand for porn, increasing its online traffic and popularity—and therefore its profits. So even people who don’t pay for porn online are supporting the industry in a real way.

2 Tim 2:22 - Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts.

1 Cor 6:12-20 - You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. And even though “I am allowed to do anything,” I must not become a slave to anything. 13 You say, “Food was made for the stomach, and the stomach for food.” (This is true, though someday God will do away with both of them.) But you can’t say that our bodies were made for sexual immorality. They were made for the Lord, and the Lord cares about our bodies. 14 And God will raise us from the dead by his power, just as he raised our Lord from the dead.

15 Don’t you realize that your bodies are actually parts of Christ? Should a man take his body, which is part of Christ, and join it to a prostitute? Never! 16 And don’t you realize that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? For the Scriptures say, “The two are united into one.”[d] 17 But the person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him.

18 Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. 19 Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, 20 for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.

1 Peter 2:11 - Dear friends, I warn you as “temporary residents and foreigners” to keep away from worldly desires that wage war against your very souls.

Col 3:5 - the antidote to Genesis 3:5 - And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. 2 Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

—

Phil 4:8 - Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Romans 12:1-2 - And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. 2 Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

— if time:

Porn and masturbation

There is no clear biblical command as to whether people should or shouldn’t masturbate. Some would argue that masturbation is unhealthy and not God’s best because sexual pleasure should be connected to the mutual giving of self to another person. By design, we long for something more than just physical release when we masturbate. We crave relational intimacy and connection because sex is ultimately about marriage as an expression of Christ’s relationship with His bride, the Church. By nature, solo-sex cannot focus on anyone but ourselves and our personal needs.

Dr. Juli Slattery writes:

Our sexuality was created to draw us into covenant love. Without sexual desire, very few people would ever go through the sacrifice required to commit your life to another person. We would be content with work, hobbies, and friendship. But our sexuality prompts us to think of romance, passion, intimacy, and belonging to another person.

So rather than viewing our sexual arousal as a beast to be managed and controlled, we should think of it as a drive toward binding ourselves in covenantal love to another person.

Dr. Slattery continues:

One of the greatest dangers of masturbation (along with fantasy, hooking up, erotica, and pornography) is the belief that we can satisfy our sexual needs without pursuing covenant love.

According to her perspective, in the absence of a clear biblical command about masturbation, wisdom principles lead most people away from solo-sex.

An alternative perspective argues that the main issue isn’t masturbation, it’s lust. Natural physical urges (arousal) are not the same as the sinful objectification of another human’s body. Can someone masturbate to the point of orgasm without lusting (which Jesus clearly prohibits)? Since that’s a subjective question, each person must answer for themselves.

Pastor David Martin shares that the secrecy of his struggle with porn caused a fight- or-flight adrenaline response in his brain, which actually strengthened his addiction. He wonders if forbidding masturbation makes it more appealing and therefore addictive?:

If we forbid any and all masturbation, then we actually create the context where anytime a guy (or girl) masturbates, they are engaging in a forbidden act... which invariably triggers the adrenaline component. But if a young man simply finds release in the shower as an inconsequential and matter-of-fact part of his day—without engaging his mind in lustful thoughts—then it will not trigger the adrenaline, nor will the experience be memorable or induce any sort of “attachment.”

This mindset shift could be quite helpful for someone in the midst of compulsive masturbation. Rather than telling him/herself that they’re never going to masturbate again, and then giving into temptation over and over, Martin would encourage them to shift their focus to avoiding lust, being thankful that their bodies are capable of experiencing pleasure, and moving on. Perhaps masturbation will lose some of its appeal if we treat it with less intensity. For some people, realizing that self-stimulation does not have to include lust is incredibly freeing and actually helps them avoid sin.

So according to this view, masturbation is like a tool which can be used properly or improperly, for good or for sin. And what is sinful for one person may not be sinful for another.