Honoring our fathers

Proverbs 1:8, “Hear, my son, your father’s instruction And do not forsake your mother’s teaching;”

Proverbs 3:12 “For whom the Lord loves He reproves, Even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights.”

INTRODUCTION

BODY

1. Honoring our fathers by listening to him (Proverbs 1:8) How do we honor (공경) our fathers?

a. Proverbs constantly reminds us of a common theme. It reminds us to know wisdom and know instruction and gain understanding. Throughout Proverbs, we learn that the fear of the Lord is included in wisdom.

b. With wisdom and understanding in mind, Solomon constantly reminds his son to listen to his instruction. In today’s text, this is the first time Solomon reminds his son to listen to his instruction. He repeats this in 2:1, then in 3:1 says to not forget his teaching. He repeats this idea to receive his instruction till chapter 7.

c. So here in 1:8, it is the first instruction that Solomon gives to inform his son regarding instruction. It is important to note verses 2-3. It’s not simply to hear instruction, but to hear it and discern it, then after hearing and discerning, you receive it by applying it. Solomon writes receiving in wise behavior. Then goes to verse 7 by explaining how a man grows in knowledge and wisdom. The means in which you understand wisdom and discern is to know God and to know the fear of the Lord. It is to recognize that we are small and God is big. It is to know that He is above and we are below.

d. This leads us to 1:8 where Solomon writes, hear my son your father’s instruction. What I love about this phrase is because of the simplicity and yet depth of this verse. What do I mean by this?

e. This verse makes sense because all throughout human history, the father has always been the bread winner. Due to the fact that fathers would be bread winners or protectors of their homes due to wars, they would not be involved in the daily lives of their children. Most often, the mothers would be the one who would stay at home and raise the children. This is similar to even today. Our society acknowledges fathers but nothing in comparison to fathers.

f. Although I recognize the influence and work of mothers, it’s sad to see how fathers don’t receive the recognition and affection from their children. In a society where fathers are looked down upon, it’s hard for a proverb like this to make sense today. In most families, there is much discord between the parents. In most of those situations, the children side with the mother over the father. We see this even in court cases as most divorces and children custody are favored for mothers over fathers.

g. So I want to encourage everyone to honor your father by listening to him. As I have become a father, I realize how difficult it is in being a father. It’s more natural that children gravitate towards their mothers because mothers are usually more involved and affectionate with their children. Basically, not because my children love my wife more, but because she’s more involved in their daily lives, she is the first priority. Every time Abbey falls or something happens, she starts crying and asking for mommy.

h. What I’ve learned from my life is how easily it is to neglect (방치) fathers. I am guilty of this even as I grew up. I always spoke with my mom and never acknowledged my father. Only when I became a believer, did I realize the importance of my father. It’s easy to think that our fathers have nothing to contribute, but it’s important to listen to what they have to say. You might not agree with everything that they say, but it’s important to listen and give affirmation and respect to them by listening to their instruction.

i. We have to understand verse 7 in light of this. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge. The fear of the Lord is to be humble and to be able to listen. This is why Solomon writes that fools despise wisdom and instruction. You see, only a fool thinks he knows everything. Immediately following this, he instructs his son to listen to him.

j. When we think about it, we don’t take this to heart often. We think we know more or better than our parents, most of the time our fathers. We often look at them for their wrongdoing or their neglect in our lives and we dismiss them. I have been guilty of this all throughout my life. I haven’t been a good son to my father. Why? Because I have been a fool for the better part of my life. In the words of proverbs, a fool despises wisdom and instruction. That is not to say that my father’s words are infallible and perfect all the time. But wisdom is to hear what others have to say and listen, then discern what they are saying and gain understanding from it. That whole process is what wise people do. It’s not to say what others are saying and think that’s immediately wise. No, it’s to listen and see what they are saying and the biggest and greatest part of wisdom is knowing why they are saying these things to you.

k. I believe the fool is the person who is convinced that our father is against us. The fool is the person who believes that the ones that love him, whether it be our wife or husband or parents, the fool is the one who thinks that the people who love us are saying things to hurt us. I have been that fool for a good part of my life. I bought the lie where it told convinced me that my father had nothing helpful to tell me because I was mad at him for the way he wasn’t there for me or the way he disciplined me. Because of my anger towards my father, I refused to listen to him.

l. But as I became a Christian, I started to understand my father better as I became a father. I am not saying my father is perfect but he is a good father. I’ve been blessed with a father who loves me unconditionally and a father most importantly, is always praying for me. He knows he can’t be the best dad to me. The only thing he can do is pray for me. And as I’ve grown up, I realize that is the best thing that he can do for me. That is the best way to love me and to remind me that he is praying for me.

m. I’ve come to realize more and more, through this, through his constant reminding me that he is praying for me, it has softened my heart towards him. I love my father and I am truly thankful to God for a father like him. I want to be like my father when I get old, I can tell my children and remind them that I love them and I am always praying for them.

n. This is why we need to listen to our fathers. We need to honor them because they are doing the best they can with what they have been taught. We are trying to love us to the best of our ability. Nobody can love you perfectly you way you want to be loved. We must accept and trust that our fathers are loving us the way they know how. This is what it means to honor your fathers by listening to them.

2. Honoring our father by receiving his discipline (Proverbs 3:12)

a. Not only are we to honor our fathers by listening but by receiving his discipline. This was the hardest part of loving my father. My father used to discipline me, spank me quite often. I used to dislike my father because of this. But as I have had my own children, I can understand why he disciplined me. Even more so, I can understand why he disciplined me so often because I was that difficult of a child. When I look at Matty, and I look at how he is, I can see why he disciplined me because Matty is exactly like me.

b. My mother always told me how I used to touch everything break everything and just go around the house looking for something to break. Matty does the same thing and as I grew up, I realize how difficult I made it for my parents. I wasn’t the best at school and not only that, I did whatever I want. When I was young, I grew up with my cousins family and I grew up with my twin cousins. Every once in awhile, we would go out to dinner and we would go eat Chinese food. Everyone would say they wanted to go, and I would say I am not going just because everyone said they would go. My mom would go crazy because of me and throw me in the bedroom with the lights off and I would cry and then come out and apologize and end up going. When I think about it, I was disciplined often because I deserved it, not because my father was unreasonable. They didn’t know how to handle me because I was a difficult child.

c. Proverbs 3:11 gives us the background for discipline. Solomon tells his son to not reject the discipline of the Lord or to feel disgust of His reproof. Solomon tells us that we should not reject and hate His correction (수정) by telling us in verse 12, that whom the Lord loves, He corrects.

d. This is a verse that many of us don’t do well. There are a very few number of people who do well when we receive discipline or reproof. We might take discipline well, but rarely do people take correction well.

e. It’s amazing how we read 3:11 as well. Many people think that Solomon is just telling his son to accept the discipline of the Lord and His correction. But rarely do we read it as if God is speaking to us. When we read Proverbs 3:11, it is telling us, you and I to accept the discipline of the Lord and to accept His corrections. Learning to accept and receive the Lord’s discipline is to honor your father. What is the setup? Verse 12, for whom the Lord loves, He reproves just as a father disciplines his son in whom he delights.

f. What a beautiful verse to help us understand how we are to receive his discipline. We see that this verse is quoted in Hebrews 12:5-6 and the author of Hebrews goes further in 12:9, by saying we had earthly fathers who disciplined us, and we respected them.

g. The thought here is, do we respect, honor our fathers for discipling us? This is certainly one of the areas that I failed at and as I became a father, am now understanding that discipline is not perfect. All fathers who discipline will make mistakes here, not because they hate us, but because they love us. Notice Proverbs 3:12 that the assumption why fathers discipline their children is because they love them just as the Lord loves those whom He corrects.

h. Proverbs 3:12 tells us that just as we accept discipline from the Lord, if we are to accept discipline from our fathers. If we are to accept discipline from our fathers, we must first learn how to receive discipline from the Lord. The better we receive discipline from the Lord, the better we will receive discipline from our fathers.

i. We tend to ask the question, how could God love us when He makes our lives so difficult? When we face obstacles, we fail to see the love of God. But loving God is to see His goodness despite the circumstance.

j. If you have ever been disciplined by your father, and you talk with him, the hardest task of being a father is to discipline. I always thought that discipline would be easy but the more you love your child, the more you want to be good to them. But when you discipline, you are doing something that nobody likes. Nobody likes to be spanked or corrected. So one of the hardest things to do is to discipline and if this discipline causes our children to hate us, then I can see why parents don’t like to discipline.

k. You see, just because our fathers discipline us, doesn’t mean that He hates us. It’s like asking the question of if God loves us why would He do this to us? Well in the parents situation, we know that our fathers discipline us because they love us. It is the same with God. God doesn’t discipline us because He hates us. Rather, He does this because He loves us. Why? Because both God and our fathers are doing this to teach us we are wrong and we need to learn from these hardships. It is never their hatred for us that causes them to discipline us. Rather, it is their love for us that causes them to discipline us.

l. The better we understand how the Lord disciplines us, and how hard it is for our fathers to discipline us, the better we can receive instruction and discipline from the Lord. But if we constantly think that our fathers hate us and that is why they are disciplining us, we are being deceived. We always say that my true friends say the hard things and that’s how I know they care for me. Why does that change when our parents do the hard thing? Nobody likes to discipline. Nobody likes to say hard things. But they do it and say it because they love you. Let this serve as a reminder to everyone.

m. When you get older and you have your own children, you will understand how hard it was for your father when he had to discipline you. When you have your own kids, you will know how imperfect you are when you are raising them. With that in mind, learn to honor your father by listening to him and secondly, accept his discipline. The better you do this, the better your family will be.

CONCLUSION