Sermon Tone Analysis
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WHAT? What are we talking about today?
POLL | This or That
Welcome back to our series, Familia, where we're talking about the people we fight with more than anyone else — our families.
Sometimes we fight with family over really important things, but I'd be lying if I said I never got into a fight over a completely unimportant difference of opinion.
INSTRUCTIONS: Have students stand up in the center of the room.
Explain that you will read a series of "this or that" scenarios and they will walk to the left or right sides of the room to show which one they'd choose.
If they wouldn't choose either, they can stay standing in the middle of the room.
After each scenario, ask a few students why they chose that option.
Give scenarios like . . .
Home-cooked meal or take-out?
Family road trip or family cruise?
Movie at home or movie in the theater?
Never do a chore again or get paid every time a sibling does a chore?
You always pick what's on TV or you always pick what's for dinner?
QUESTION | "What's the most unimportant thing your family has ever fought about?"
So what's the dumbest thing your family has ever fought about?
INSTRUCTIONS: Give a few students a chance to respond.
When we're fighting with our family, it can be so hard to find common ground sometimes, right?
No matter how big or small the issue is, fights continue when we . . .
Think we're right.
Think everyone else is wrong.
Don't feel like we're being listened to or understood.
Don't want to hear others' points of views.
When we're fighting with our families, understanding each other can sometimes be so difficult that it feels like we're speaking totally different languages.
ACTIVITY | The Language of Family
In this series, we're talking about familia — that's Spanish for "family," but we've been learning it in a few other languages too.
INSTRUCTIONS: Open Google Translate on a device of your choice.
If possible, mirror that device to your screen so students can see and hear it.
Spend a few moments taking requests from your students about which language they want to see "family" translated into.
For each translation you choose, play the audio of the pronunciation and practice saying it together.
If students request a language you're unfamiliar with, take a moment to look up the countries in which it's spoken.
There are more than 7,000 languages spoken today.
That means there are more than 7,000 ways to say "family," but there are also more than 7,000 ways to misunderstand, miscommunicate, and fail to understand each other.
When we're fighting with our families, it can sometimes seem impossible to understand or be understood by each other.
Today, let's see if we can find a path forward, even when that doesn't seem possible.
SO WHAT?
Why does it matter to God and to us?
STORY | Talk about a time you refused to admit you were wrong.
Sometimes, when we argue with others, we're fighting for what's right!
But more often than not, we're actually just fighting for our own pride and ego.
INSTRUCTIONS: Tell a story from your own life (or ask a volunteer or student to tell a story) about a fight you had with a family member where you knew you were wrong, but refused to admit it.
Share how your refusal to apologize, concede, or compromise impacted your relationship with the person you were fighting with.
My wife and I are both very strong-willed.
So when one of us is wrong, it’s really hard for us to admit it.
Then, you factor in the truth that men tend to deal with things in black and white while women tend to live through the lens of emotions, and things can get complicated.
We can have a disagreement about something, and I can repeat word-for-word what she says, but she can MEAN something else by what she said.
This makes guy’s heads explode, but it makes perfect sense to most ladies...
Now, I’ll admit there are many times when I’m not sensitive to Kayla’s feelings and I just want to be “right” about something.
But being “right” without caring for my wife’s feelings isn’t loving her like Christ, and it can have a negative effect on our relationship when this happens.
Every family fights.
Even if you have a friend whose family seems so perfect that you can't imagine them ever raising their voices at each other, I promise, they fight too.
But the way we handle our fights with our family members is often not-so-great.
Maybe your fights get physical.
Or passive aggressive.
Or mean.
Or maybe your idea of "apologizing" is to just keep your distance until they get tired of being mad at you.
You're always going to have fights and disagreements with your family — that's not going to change, but what can change is how you handle yourself in those moments.
Will you be the kind of person who fights only for yourself?
When you let selfishness, anger, unforgiveness, and bitterness build up in you, it's like road kill on the side of a hot desert road — eventually, it's going to get really rotten.
Or will you be the kind of person who fights for your family?
Will you do what it takes to address the ugly, painful, difficult things before they begin to rot?
SCRIPTURE | Ephesians 4:31-5:2
Every family has its own set of unique unhealthy patterns.
It's not easy to fight well with our families, but the Bible is full of guidance on how to love each other well — we just have to be willing to apply that at home.
The New Testament of the Bible (that's the part that was written after Jesus came to earth) is full of letters from early church leaders to the family of God.
People like Paul wrote them to help Jesus-followers learn how to live and love like Jesus would.
These letters communicated a lot of important things, like what God is like and what Jesus came to do.
But a lot of these letters are simply filled with advice on how to get along with each other.
One of these letters is the book of Ephesians — a letter Paul wrote to the church at Ephesus.
INSTRUCTIONS: Read Ephesians 4:31-5:2
Paul gave us a list of things to get rid of.
How many of these things have you done or felt toward your family?
Bitterness.
Rage and anger.
Fighting.
Talking badly about each other.
Being cruel.
And he said to choose a few different things instead.
I wonder what it would look like if you chose to give your family more . . .
Kindness.
Compassion.
Forgiveness.
Love.
But there's a really important idea Paul communicates here:
The reason he tells us to do these things is because God has already done them for us through Jesus.
Just like God forgave us, Paul tells us to forgive others.
BUT WHAT ABOUT . . .
?
But maybe you’re thinking, "You talk about forgiveness like it's easy, but you don’t know my situation."
Maybe for you, your family has hurt you in ways that are much more significant than taking your AirPods or annoying you constantly.
For you, maybe . . .
You once made a huge mistake and are really hurt that your family doesn't trust you like they used to.
A parent walked out on your family, and you hate that they left you or never said they're sorry.
A relative is struggling with addiction or their mental health, or is in prison, and you're so angry at them for not being perfect or there for you.
Or maybe a loved one has hurt you, or continues to hurt you.
Maybe you've been abused physically, emotionally, or sexually by someone who is supposed to love and care for you.
If any of these situations sound familiar to you, here's what I need you to know about this passage:
IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU.
While there are things in this passage you can learn from and apply, Paul didn't write this letter about your situation.
He was writing to a group of adults who were fighting about much more ordinary things — not young people who were hurt by the people who were supposed to keep them safe.
IT'S NOT ABOUT ABUSE.
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