Eph #7

Northside Church

Eph #7

Northside Church

Eph #7

7/3/22

Jamey Mills

Good morning, My name is Jamey and I am the lead pastor here at Northside. So glad you all could be here today… It's great to be with you all.

I was doing some reading this week and came across a pastor who made this remark… I believe you get the most out of something when you use it according to the way it was designed”...

It is an illustration that we’ve used here at Northside before… but it’s true… right…

How many of you have experienced…

A broken screwdriver because it's not a hammer or ice pick?

The gods must be crazy… show with a pop bottle

You get the most out of something when you use it the way it was designed…

Here we are in the second to last week of our sermon series on the book of Ephesians… if you’ve missed any of it, you can find them online on our website.

Last week we talked about the end of Ch 4 where it said this… Be careful… intentional… purposeful about how you live. Don’t live foolishly but make the most of every opportunity… and we talked about how the wording of that passage carries the idea of redeeming even or moment… taking them back and giving them purpose under God…

And it’s interesting that Paul goes straight from that mindset… and right into talking about family.

But first let me say this… the passage we are looking at today is probably the most controversial in the book of Ephesians… and one of the most controversial in all of scripture.

Not so much because Biblical scholars don’t know how to interpret the words of it… but other reasons…

Historically, it's been handled poorly… abused… and significant damage has been done because of it. It's easy to become weary of it for that reason.

We aren’t sure how it applies today… cultural context stuff.

White as snow passage…

A lot of us simply don't like it.

I think all of those things… play a bit of a role in it…

What do we do… or what is the appropriate response when what we see around us, what we think, or what we want, desire, or like sounds different from what God teaches?

So much of what the bible teaches is incredibly freeing to me… it’s helped me to let go of some things I didn’t even realize were destructive in my life… it's helped me to prioritize and even add some things that have led toward a more fullness and freedom in my life.

In all honesty, there are some passages in scripture that I just assume weren’t there… mostly for selfish reasons… things I’d rather not teach on, things that I know might hurt or confront people I care about, or that even might cause damage to those relationships…

And the passage we are looking at today would have been easier to skip, and I was tempted to do that… but honestly, that's not the kind of Church Northside will be.

To help me get where we are going today I want to talk about what happened right out of the gate…

Genesis teaches that God created all that is and ever was… and with each phase of creation, God stood back and said that it was good… but in this pattern of his creation and saying it was good… it feels like for our benefit… God steps back and points out something that “wasn’t good”

Genesis 2:18 NLT

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”

(NLT)

18 Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”

The loneliness of man wasn’t good and so God created woman… and placed them in the Garden of Eden and lined out his design… and it didn’t take long… Eve was tempted, believed a lie and she and Adam both ushered sin and the brokenness it causes into the world.

And it came with consequences… sin always does.

God tells them some of what that means…

more painful child bearing…

physically fighting for the rest of your life to scratch a living from the ground… toil…

One of the things that God mentions here that is often overlooked is this…

Gen 3:16… to the women He said… “you will desire to control your husband”...

And my point here… is that part of the brokenness that sin brings into the world is an attack on God’s design for marriage and family.

It’s important that you know that Marriage is God’s idea.

That when it comes to marriage, God has something in mind, and it’s foolish to consider or be within a marriage without considering God’s design… what God says about it…

It shouldn't shock us… that in the midst of a fallen and broken world… what we see as normal or even celebrated and taught within our culture… doesn't line up with what God teaches and so as Christians… we have to be able to see through it.

Again and again in Ephesians, one of the reminders that Paul gives to them is… our experience as believers… is supposed to be and look different… that Jesus and our willingness to follow Him… changes things.

When it comes to singleness, marriage, and family… there is a way to honor God within it… there is a design that both

Honors the lord best but also,

Allows us to experience it the way it was created/designed to be.

Ephesians 5:21–24 NLT

And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.

(NLT)

21 And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. 24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.

Throughout Ephesians… God continues to emphasize unity… and now focuses on what is designed to be the closest, most inmatment, and committed relationship within humanity… between a husband and wife.

There is often one word that causes people to struggle with this passage… What is it?

Part of why this passage is so tough… is that all kinds of things have been done and said… in all kinds of backhanded ways… for centuries… because of this gross misuse of this idea of submission.

For women it’s not an indicator of lesser value

A call to 2nd place

It's not a command to remain silent

Paul makes that incredibly clear in

Galatians 3:28 NLT

There is no longer Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male and female. For you are all one in Christ Jesus.

(NLT)

28 There is no longer Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male and female. For you are all one in Christ Jesus.

Paul is not wiping away gender, but he is addressing equality in three areas that were assessed differently and often still are… …

Ethnicity, Gender, and social standing… at the end of the day… We’re all sinners in need of a savior and the forgiveness and grace that He brings.

And we do have to take the cultural context into consideration…

Nearly every philosophy of that day believed women were inferior to men… not lightly so either… and so when we take that into consideration, we realize in greater detail what

Paul is actually elevating the voice and value of women within culture and within marriage.

; and I’m not at all suggesting that we have it down in our culture, but it does feel different in our culture to some degree… and our responsibility is to find the underlying truth that God is wanting to communicate to humanity within this passage…

Vs. 21 serves to set the tone for the entire passage…

It carries thoughts of mutual submission, value and sacrifice.

Here is a fun and as far as I can tell, an undisputed fact among modern Biblical scholars…

Verse 21 and 22 are actually one sentence in the original Greek, and the word submit is actually not even in vs. 22…

This is the way it would actually read word for word… or as close as I know how to get it… “Submit to one another out of reverence to Christ, wives to your own husbands”.

And part of my point is, I’m not so sure that we aren’t putting emphasis in the wrong places… for instance…

When you look at the passage as it is… the

two ideas that seem to really stick out in this passage:

Mutual submission

Out of reverence to Jesus.

The giving up of our own way and rights… in view of honoring and following Him.

And so for me, the sticky part or hard part of this passage… isn’t the submission part… that is clearly something God calls Husbands and wives too…

The sticky part… the hard part in our culture is where it says

“For the husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of His Church”...

And Paul seems to immediately suggest limitations to this illustration… there are things that Christ provides for His Church that a husband could never provide for his wife… Christ saved His Church…

I do think that scripture seems to give some sort of leadership role to men within the marriage relationship… however… Just like our culture often has a pretty mangled view of what love is… leadership doesn’t fare much better.

Men the way you lead matters… and Paul is quick to point out Jesus as the ultimate example…

Ephesians 5:25–30 NLT

For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body.

25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. 27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. 28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. 29 No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. 30 And we are members of his body.

This idea of headship has two major ideas, and one of them is leadership.

I’ve heard many ladies say… “I don’t need a man to lead me” and I don’t necessarily disagree with you… there are tons of strong lady leaders…

But one of the reasons behind it is… unity.

When a husband and wife are married, even under the best of circumstances, there will be times when one wants to go left and the other right… and in those moments, as believers what do we do?

This idea of leadership is not a privilege but a relational responsibility under God.

leadership is not just a position or privilege, but a relational responsibility.

It is selfless… and sacrificial…

Two ideas behind the word headship:

leadership

Initiate or instigate

The other idea that headship carries is to instigate or initiate…

In those moments where we don’t agree… we aren’t right if we simply expect our wives to be quiet and submit… that is NOT what this passage is saying…

A huge part of the way God calls us to lead is through instigating togetherness through conversation, prayer, seeking godly counsel, listening, value and respect… and truly seek what is best for our wife and family under God… Together!

99% of stuff resolves itself within that… and if you ever find yourself on a different page after that, you’ve just made it far easier for your wife to say… I don’t see it the way you do, but am so thankful that you hear and respect me… I’m with you.

And Paul says that serving your wife with that sort of leadership… is one of the ways we care for ourselves… I feel like Paul is saying… It's a huge part of how we get to the point of enjoying God’s design for marriage.

Leading like that… is so different from what we experience in the world around us…

One of the authors I read said this… that it almost feels as if God is challenging us in areas we are prone to struggle within… and… within His design to meet a created need within the other…

For Husbands to engage… be present… to engage and initiate conversation/prayer

Wives do not seek to control your husbands but to have respect for them

But here is really what I believe the unlininging Biblical principle is…

It is mutual submission out of reverence to Christ.

I believe it’s a timeless truth about God’s design.

Ephesians 5:31–33 NLT

As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

31 As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” 32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. 33 So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Things get incredibly complicated on both sides if we ignore what it is that God is telling here about His design…

Godly leadership does not demand its own way or exploit itself for personal gain. It will never ask of you or lead you into things that go against what God teaches…

It will never demand submission… seek to initiate an environment of oneness under the leadership of Christ Himself.

Part of the reason this passage is tough… is because it's been viewed and used by both sides in unhealthy ways.

Men… are you leading and instigating well?

Ladies… are you respecting well?

Not only is that one of the ways we honor and reflect God best, it's also one of the ways we experience God’s design.

It would be easy to feel like a loser a bit… that you haven’t done well… and that all is lost… that’s not productive.

Instead… Pray… pray together… that God would give you the wisdom to understand and live out His best for your marriage.

One more note…

Singleness might be looking attractive…

Churches as a whole tend to do lousy at ministering to and even valuing singleness. In all seriousness… at times, without intention… creating almost a shaming culture toward it.

Singleness is something the apostle Paul chose for Himself… and something that I believe some folks are called to… At one point in 1 Cor 7, Paul talks about the value and benefits of remaining single… and that is an incredibly legitimate and meaningful, but often very hard thing.

Prayer

Gary— Communion