Yes or No

Questions

WHat do I want them to know?

Every Christian can live honestly by practicing simplicity, transparency, and integrity

What difference will it make?

The church needs to look different than the world in this area…maybe above most other matters. In a world of denial, avoidance, and soft lies, the truth is hard to take, but soooo needed

What will they do?

Become aware of their words

How will they know it?

Why will they care?

Communion

Monica’s Grandpa Farr is a man I wish I could have met. A business owner, church elder, and respected by all. Recently Monica’s aunt Mary was cleaning out old things and asked if I would want some of his books that were ministry related. Books on evangelism, stewardship, and a few books of meditations for communion and offering.

It is a reminder to me that this meal we take is a story passed to us that we now pass on to others.

THis one connected with me as I thought about today:

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Announcements

Men’s breakfast

picnic

Kids

pray

Sermon

Problem: If we’re honest, honesty is a struggle

The 1997 movie Liar Liar to me is one of the top 2 or 3 movies Jim Carrey did. If you don’t remember, or are too young, here’s the premise:

Fletcher Reede is a rising attorney, doing very well for himself.

He and his ex share a son Max whom Fletcher disappoints by not showing up over and over again.

The movie really kicks in when Fletcher doesn’t show up for Max’s birthday party and Max makes a wish as he blows out his candle that for one day his dad couldn’t lie.

wishes sometimes come true.

The rest of the movie is Jim Carrey in his typical over the top acting dealing with telling the truth.

A secretary with wild hair asks how he likes her dress, “Whatever takes the attention from your hair”

A homeless man asks if he has spare change. “yes i do”…”can I have some”…no you can’t”…”why not?”...

And then in his role as an attorney defending people he knows are guilty...

I think the reason the movie is so funny, is that it’s so relatable.

“If we’re honest, honesty is a struggle”

Consider the times you bend the truth because it’s uncomfortable when someone asks your opinion

Or maybe when you are in a room where you want to be respected, you adjust details in a story

Or you tell your kids someday…when you aren’t positive that you will really be able to do the thing they were asking for…but you figure they’ll forget.

Probably not consciously…you may not even notice you did it. It may be only after the fact.

You mispoke, or they misremember

Commitments come with the same struggles: I made a commitment…but then the circumstances changed.

When I was too young to remember, my Nana said she would buy me a mercedes when I got older. My mom reminder her while I was growing up…so I knew. But I could also tell that this was not a real promise…I didn’t get a Mercedes…but I did get an 82 Corolla that had moss holding in the windshield…so pretty close.

We can justify all of this as we go by appealing to circumstance, need, or a mistake…but if we are honest…honesty is a struggle.

Jesus has established that our blessed life begins when we get honest about our need, grieve it, and surrender to him to lead us. That heaven is reserved for those with righteousness higher than the pharisees, and that this righteousness only comes through Christ’s fulfillment of the law.

As we began last week, Jesus is describing what Kingdom life looks like

He is dealing with the heart of the law, not just the words. He took the two sins we most often elevate to red alert status (murder and adultery) and showed us that the heart of murder is anger, insult, and condemnation, and adultery is already at work when we begin to lust. More reason we need Jesus to be our righteousness…if my anger, my unkind words, or second looks has me guilty, I need Jesus.

He now leaves the sensational sins for the ones we are far less worried about…and let’s us know we shouldn’t be quite so relaxed.

The law was clear on not bearing false witness. There are also references to oaths taken that those must be fulfilled. The Pharisees had drawn up a system where the object you take the oath by determines how binding it is.

A little like kids. “cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye” is binding…unless your fingers are crossed…then you’re good.

This attitude toward our words and commitments what Jesus tackles in the next two statements:

Lets read the whole of it together:

Matthew 5:31-32 ““It was also said, Whoever divorces his wife must give her a written notice of divorce. But I tell you, everyone who divorces his wife, except in a case of sexual immorality, causes her to commit adultery. And whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”

Matthew 5:33-37 ““Again, you have heard that it was said to our ancestors, You must not break your oath, but you must keep your oaths to the Lord. But I tell you, don’t take an oath at all: either by heaven, because it is God’s throne; or by the earth, because it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, because it is the city of the great King. Do not swear by your head, because you cannot make a single hair white or black. But let your ‘yes’ mean ‘yes,’ and your ‘no’ mean ‘no.’ Anything more than this is from the evil one.”

Let’s pray

Impact

The question for us, is What does dishonesty/lack of commitment cost us? We live in a world where ice cream containers are now 1.5 quarts instead of a half gallon. Shaving cream says 20% more free…20% more than what? At what price?

We live in a world where nearly a quarter or kids live with one parent or the other

As the political season ramps up, we get to hear ads where candidates shape truth about themselves to appeal to their base, while shaping the truth about their opponents to make them look like monsters…and then we wonder why people overreact to elections...

Side note…please. Take your right to vote seriously…but always hold on to love and grace. Trust that God is ultimately in control, and be kind and respectful.

Sometimes it hurts to even vote these days. When the candidates who claim Jesus also engage in name-calling and mud-slinging…Let’s be different. Vote, be persuasive and engage in meaningful talk…but be willing to listen and be thoughtful.

end side note

But that does highlight in a big way a problem we all engage in in less public settings.

When we have a dispute or a disagreement with someone, it is our tendency to read motives into their choices and our own that create the story we prefer.

We then frame the story around the motives we decided they have.

In politics, “Does candidate A hate children? Well they voted no on this bill that had an earmark for a new playground”

In life, “They said A because...” “They did this action because...” And then that imagined thing becomes a wedge that deeps our divides and conflicts

The costs of dishonest?

Living with mistrust, and with people mistrusting us.

We lose our sense of peace, we waste time wondering if the product really effective or the news is really giving us the story, or if the public figure is genuine.

We lose our own reputation when we fail to live up to an obligation or get caught in an untruth.

So what do we do?

Two quick notes before we move forward.

1. We are going to talk about divorce this morning. That likely hits all of us in one way or another. So know this: If you have been through divorce, God is not done with you. If you are in a marriage that is abusive, this is not a mandate to stay.

If you are struggling with a previous divorce or what to do in a struggling marriage, we want to help you navigate that. God’s grace is sufficient and his power mighty to do change every story.

2. When we are talking about honesty, this is not permission to use truth like a hammer to bludgeon people. “Just being honest” is not an excuse to ignore grace, love, kindness, mercy, and remembering sometimes it’s better just not to speak.

With that in mind:

AHA!

Jesus gives us a clear Goal: Be “yes or no” people. Say what you mean, do what you say.

Whee

Here are three concepts that will help us be “yes or no” people:

Yes or No People:

Simplicity

Simplicity is Foundational to everything else. Let’s review that part of that text one more time:

Matthew 5:33-36 CSB ““Again, you have heard that it was said to our ancestors, You must not break your oath, but you must keep your oaths to the Lord. But I tell you, don’t take an oath at all: either by heaven, because it is God’s throne; or by the earth, because it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, because it is the city of the great King. Do not swear by your head, because you cannot make a single hair white or black.”

Complexity…The more you say…the less it means. If you want a bigger picture of the oath rules I mentioned earlier check out Matthew 22. If you swear by the altar…that’s not biggie, but the gift on the altar. you’re stuck. silly stuff.

Consider the terms and conditions you have to say you’ve read everytime you do something.

Consider how much paperwork goes into a document that really only means: I give you this car in exchange for money. Or I borrow this money and promise to pay it back.

Makes me nostalgic for Pa in Little House on the Prairie. A handshake was enough.

Consider the prenuptual agreements that are written up for celebrity couples…it’s almost like they know going in that they aren’t really sticking with this commitment. So you’ve got to protect your income.

We don’t trust contracts because we’re always wondering what else is in there. Like a bill in congress. Could be 5 words. Here’s money, build a bridge. But it’s never that simple. but...

Simplicity...

Matthew 5:37 CSB “But let your ‘yes’ mean ‘yes,’ and your ‘no’ mean ‘no.’ Anything more than this is from the evil one.”

Jesus is giving us a reality check. Don’t make elaborate promises, just say yes or no. Or “I will try” or “I’m not sure”. Only say, “I’ll look into that…if you’re going to.”

What’s funny here, is I really don’t have to teach much here…Simplicity is simple. As Kevin in the office once said, “why waste time say lot word when few word do trick”

Keep it simple. and then add.

Transparency

Being “Yes or No” people becomes easier when we practice transparency…we are who we are

John’s 1st letter gives us this picture.

1 John 1:5-7 CSB “This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light, and there is absolutely no darkness in him. If we say, “We have fellowship with him,” and yet we walk in darkness, we are lying and are not practicing the truth. If we walk in the light as he himself is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.”

We were meant to live in the light. It’s nice there. But it’s vulnerable and exposed. It’s scary.

But there is power in choosing to be brave and real.

Like mentioned before about the hammer, this isn’t about being a jerk and then saying, I am who I am.

This is about allowing God to shine in and show us our sin and dealing with it. Then allowing others to see our journey.

It’s about being comfortable not being perfect, so others are allowed to not be perfect too.

This one does best with two-way transparency. You can choose to be transparent on your own, you should be brave and do so. The world will be better…but so much easier when it works both ways.

Consider how much more comfortable you are in front of open windows during the day, compared to at night.

During the day, people can see in your windows…but you can see out too. At night…people can see in your windows…but you usually see a reflection in the glass.

Your life and others is better when you’re transparent…but your life and others is better when others are transparent…so be a safe person to be transparent with.

Listen without judging. Hear stories without telling someone else a story that isn’t yours. Going back, don’t assign motives without asking someone’s permission. “Do you mean that...”

Allow people freedom to be where they are.

I hear the reaction, because it’s in my head too…how do I tell someone they have a problem then?

With grace, with a mutually transparent relationship, with acceptance and love of them as an image bearer of God, with a willingness to walk with them through it, maybe recognize that their problem might actually be your problem and deal with that first, and if you do not have that kind of relationship…build it and step into it first.

A little later in the sermon on the mount, Jesus will deal with this issue specifically. So I’ll leave it there. In short, worry about your own transparency, and be someone safe to be transparent around.

Integrity

Being “yes or no” people becomes functional when we live with integrity. Or, it isn’t functional until we live with integrity.

Jesus uses one of our most common commitments to get this point across:

Matthew 5:31-32 CSB ““It was also said, Whoever divorces his wife must give her a written notice of divorce. But I tell you, everyone who divorces his wife, except in a case of sexual immorality, causes her to commit adultery. And whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”

This is not Jesus’ only teaching on divorce and marriage. he puts this here for a reason. You see, while words are important, it’s what we do that determines who we are.

Divorce is a very public picture of a decision made that is then unmade.

I want to circle back to a note I made before: Divorce is not a simple matter.

Jesus adds an except for infidelity of the marriage vows. If they have chosen to break the vow, you have the choice to do the same.

Sometimes your partner will make that choice and you don’t have one.

In cases of abuse, physical, emotional, or spiritual, the covenant is broken as much as infidelity breaks it.

What Jesus is addressing is divorce because:

They aren’t the same person I married

We don’t get along like we used to

We fell out of love.

I’m bored

Because all of those things are…inevitable. A thriving, loving, joy filled marriage has to accept change, that you won’t always see eye to eye, that love is not something you fall into or out of, it’s action and choice, and boring is just as much a choice as anything else.

And the same thing is true for any other commitments we make. And it is just another way of looking at honesty. Integrity is honesty in action.

in 2004 there was a case where a man got away with murdering his girlfriend. After watching the movie the passion of the christ, he felt remorse. Though the case had been ruled a suicide and was closed, he shocked everyone by coming forward and confessing. He plead guilty to his crime…until his attorney told him that he would drop him as a client if he didn’t agree to change his plea to not guilty.

You waive certain rights when you plead guilty…and the attorney convinced him that these rights were worth more than integrity.

We do the same in the scale of everyday life.

Little things here and there. Denial of the truth in our lives.

A couple times we have lived in a duplex home. From the outside, it looks like one house. But if you walk in one door you will meet one person, the other door is an entirely different one. Same walls, different furniture.

We want to be people who are who we are.

Again, let’s go back to the very beginning of the sermon on the mount.

Blessed are the poor in spirit…those who know they are not perfect, who are honest first with themselves. They mourn, they humble themselves, they allow God to do the work in them…and then that honesty moves outward.

Let’s have the worship and prayer teams come up.

Application

John 14:6 “Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

At the end of the day, the priority in our honesty is ourselves. We have to be willing to look in the mirror and be real about what we see.

We need to listen to our words, our promises, our actions and challenge ourselves. Is that really true? Do I know that for sure? Do I really mean that? Am I trying to sound better than I am?

When we catch ourselves, we ask Jesus to show us why we felt we needed to lie, why we couldn’t stick to the commitment, and pray with the psalmist:

psalm 139:23-24 “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my concerns. See if there is any offensive way in me; lead me in the everlasting way.”

Sometimes we hear people claiming that something is their truth…if we want a life that is blessed, living as God designed us to be, then we need to not just listen to the truth, but trust that Jesus is in fact THE truth we need.

we need Jesus to be our truth…He shows us our weakness, and then shows us the greatest love by dying on the cross to cover our sins. The Holy Spirit convicts us of our sin and then empowers us to live faithfully. The Father grieves our rebellion and then runs to embrace us the moment we repent and turn back.

Today, let’s thank God that though honestly, honesty is a struggle, we worship a God who leads us into the truth and all the peace which it brings.

PRay