The Tongue is Mightier than the Sword

I. Ahimaaz vs. the Unnamed Cushite - Speaking the truth in love

Setting: Ahimaaz along with Jonathan was responsible to get messages to David about what was happening at the Capital. He had experience as a messenger and was trusted. So Joab doesn’t choose him because of some fault in Ahimaaz. Possibly he worries about how David will interpret the messenger - David declares that Ahimaaz is a good man and brings good news - but for David, that isn’t the case. So Ahimaaz’ presence unintentionally results in making the shock of Absalom’s death all that more sudden.

Ahimaaz goes by the plain, while the Cushite goes through the forest (see map). His route is longer, but as it is less difficult, he travels faster and gets there just in front of the Cushite.

Ahimaaz, unlike Joab his boss, doesn’t disobey Joab’s authority. He pressures Joab a lot but doesn’t go until he gets permission. He knows that Joab’s insubordination doesn’t justify his own rebellion.

Ahimaaz apparently wants to be known as the one that tells the good news of victory for David’s men. He knows full well that Absalom is dead. Joab told him that (v.20). But when David asks, he claims not to have seen clearly what happened. That’s not what David asked. David asked if Absalom was safe, not if Ahimaaz was a witness to his death. Ahimaaz is clearly telling a “little white lie.” He is trying protect David’s feelings, so gives a classic avoidance-lie.

The Cushite, on the other hand, is a master-class in speaking the truth in love. He focuses on the victory, but when pressed he lets David down about as gently as it is possible to do. David gets that Absalom is dead, but the Cushite doesn’t say that directly at all. He instead wishes that all who oppose David be like “that young man.” not naming Absalom means trying to help the King distance himself from it as much as possible.

Now the King doesn’t take it well, but that’s not the Cushite’s fault. Ahimaaz’ little lie helped nothing. He didn’t actually succeed in protecting the King’s feelings, only making the shock worse when the truth came out. And just as Joab had said, he didn’t actually get any credit for all his work. You aren’t responsible for how people respond. You are responsible for what you say.

“little white lies” are harmful. They don’t actually protect the feelings of the people you are trying to protect in the long run, and they don’t make people like you better. Practice speaking the truth in love. Sometimes the truth hurts and there’s no way to avoid a bad reaction. But it’s better than you will get if you lie about it.

This is an illustration of the importance of honesty, a truth taught everywhere in the Bible. Psalm 15:1-2; Prov 8:7; Zech 8:16; Eph 4:25; Col 3:9-10; Rev 21:8

Psalm 15:1–2 NKJV

Lord, who may abide in Your tabernacle? Who may dwell in Your holy hill? He who walks uprightly, And works righteousness, And speaks the truth in his heart;

Proverbs 8:7 NKJV

For my mouth will speak truth; Wickedness is an abomination to my lips.

Zechariah 8:16 NKJV

These are the things you shall do: Speak each man the truth to his neighbor; Give judgment in your gates for truth, justice, and peace;

Ephesians 4:25 NKJV

Therefore, putting away lying, “Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,” for we are members of one another.

Colossians 3:9–10 NKJV

Do not lie to one another, since you have put off the old man with his deeds, and have put on the new man who is renewed in knowledge according to the image of Him who created him,

Revelation 21:8 NKJV

But the cowardly, unbelieving, abominable, murderers, sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars shall have their part in the lake which burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death.”

II. Joab vs. the people - Confrontation

Setting: God is behind the successful resolution of the current situation. Most of the actors in this story are flawed in some way, however, the overall point is that David is still God’s anointed King and God will continue to support and defend him. Joab’s insubordination has the very real potential of undermining the entire victory and very nearly does so. But if it did, God’s overall salvation plan would be defeated.

David goes completely to pieces. He wasn’t able to be in the battle and so couldn’t direct decisions as he wanted. What he feared did happen. Now I completely understand why he grieves the death of his son, but I think there’s more there.

He didn’t go this much to pieces when Bathsheba’s son died. There’s some evidence that son #2 died in childhood, and he didn’t go to pieces that much either.

Other men also grieve the loss of their children - it’s natural to do so. But other men don’t always go to pieces like this either.

So what is going on?Remember that this isn’t just a natural tragedy. David had those with his family already and managed to retain his general composure. David feels guilty because he is guilty of sins that created the situation. It his sin with Bathsheba that brought God’s judgment that the sword would never depart from his house. It is his mishandling of his older sons that did not bring Absalom to emotional maturity, and thus Absalom’s emotional infancy reacted to David’s sin so negatively; and reacted in a flawed manner to the tragedy of his sister’s rape.

His guilt is not the guilt of an active participant, but of a flawed character that unintentionally creates the circumstances making the present tragedy possible. This is still guilt, though one step removed from the actors.

Feelings of guilt are not equivalent to actual guilt. Actual guilt is whether or not you are objectively guilty of moral failure. Feelings of guilt are whether or not you believe yourself to be guilty. Your feelings of guilt can be right or wrong. You can feel guilty about things that aren’t actually wrong; You can not feel guilty about things you should feel guilty about.

But with David, his keen sense of justice means that he correctly knows his own guilt and recognizes it. But since that does not exonerate him, I think his feelings make things worse for him. Still, it’s better to see things the way they are, even when they hurt.

Furthermore, David’s acquiles heel is his children. He lacks confidence about his own family, for good reason. He’s a lousy father. This lack of confidence means he doesn’t have the strength to withstand the present, rather extreme, tragedy.

Application: Joab’s response to David is correct, not in naming David’s intent, but in the effect of his actions. He makes four claims

David disgraced those who saved you and your family. True - Surely David wasn’t trying to do that, but look at the results.

You love your enemies and hate your friends. Again, surely David did in fact care about his men. He has led some of these men for decades, and cared for them. But in the present case, he has made them feel like he wants them dead and their enemies alive.

You would have preferred everyone died and Absalom lived. David wanted victory. Why else would he volunteer to lead the battle himself? But he did make people feel that way.

If you don’t go out and befriend the people, you will lose everything. Again quite right. Joab’s confrontation to David is not the best approach, but it has to be done and he’s the only one who does it.

The people don’t confront David, which is understandable, he’s the King. But he needs to be confronted, for despite his grief he has to pull himself together and do his job and thank his army for the victory.

On the other hand, Joab charges David with actually wanting the defeat of his army and loving his enemies. This is quite unfair and doesn’t help Joab’s case to influence David. Charging someone with motives that they know to be false is the quickest way to getting your words rejected. Joab’s counsel, as we might expect, is quite devoid of empathy, and is quite practical.

Pray that if someone needs to confront you, that they are better equipped than Joab. But if you need confrontation, you don’t get to choose who does it to you. You must be mature enough, as David was, to accept good counsel even when it isn’t nice. The scars from Joab’s brutal method of solving David’s depression will likely remain; but David’s maturity allows him to profit from it anyway.

If you find yourself needing to confront someone, then you will need courage. Confrontation is seldom if ever easy. Confronting an authority figure rightly, as the people should have done, is even more difficult. But if it is necessary practice Biblical confrontation - Go directly to that person first, make sure they clearly understand you. Keep a check on your own emotions and be more understanding than Joab, but don’t be a coward and fail to speak. Worse, don’t go and spread it to other people first. That’s the coward’s way out and creates far more harm than the original point that created the need for confrontation in the first place.

How to confront:

When to confront: Choose between covering the offense and confronting the offender

Covering the offense means continuing in relationship with someone without making an issue of the person’s sin. It accepts the pain and damage of another’s actions and chooses not to let it affect the relationship. Prov 19:11; 1 Pet 4:8

Proverbs 19:11 NKJV

The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, And his glory is to overlook a transgression.

1 Peter 4:8 NKJV

And above all things have fervent love for one another, for “love will cover a multitude of sins.”

The decision whether to cover or confront should be based in love for that person, not out of fear. If the sin is causing significant harm to yourself or others, confront.

How to confront. Groves, J. Alasdair. “Nine Ways to Confront in Love: A Primer for the Timid.” The Journal of Biblical Counseling 31, no. 1 (2017): 56–74.

Get the Log out.

Be gentle (Gal 6:1) That is, use the least amount of force necessary to accomplish your goal.

Galatians 6:1 NKJV

Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted.

Some ideas

Question - Questions convict, accusations harden the will

Encourage - be positive about the good things the person has done.

Show compassion for other’s temptations

Exhort - when someone is aware of a problem, but isn’t taking action, it’s better to directly ask them to fix it.

Express concern

Warn - If you need an explicit warning, you are needing to ratchet up the force quite a bit. It focuses on outcomes. Tell them what will happen if they continue doing what they are doing. (“Jesus’ parable of the wise and foolish builder Matt 7:24-27)

Plead. Appeal to the relationship between you and them, such as “I beg you not to” “Please don’t” “Isn’t there anything I can do to change your mind?” Phil 2:1

Philippians 2:1 NKJV

Therefore if there is any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and mercy,

Rebuke - It can be just as loving if it is needed. Rebuke names a problem and insists the person stop. “Faithful are the wounds of a friend.” E.G Matt 23

Pull Back - most severe, declares that the only solution is to withdraw to one degree or another. Not just for church discipline, though that’s the most well known example. It helps the person by preserving them from doing even more damage to you; It is the most powerful tool you have to get them to change. Use it carefully, use it sparingly; but do not fail to use it. You may preserve them from a far worse fate. Matt 18:17 Now, this is also subject to degrees. It means no longer trying to preserve them from the consequences of their actions. It may mean no longer sharing certain kinds of information. It is not necessarily always total cessation of contact. Indeed, sometimes it’s impossible to completely cease contact, as in marriage, or if they are your coworker. Whatever form this takes, always leave the door open for renewed relationship if there is a change of heart.

Matthew 18:17 NKJV

And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.

III. David Vs. the People - Encouragement

The dispute implies there was a difference of opinion, but only one opinion is named. The reason is that like most contentious issues, Absalom’s kingship was supported by some but not others. The side that supported Absalom obviously doesn’t have any more to say, but the side that still supported David has been greatly strengthened by the win and Absalom’s death. Those who supported Absalom did so in part because they falsely believed that David was a bad king, so they still don’t like him, but with their chosen leader dead they don’t know what to do now. So the Davidic supporters are now dominating the conversation, however, the country seems to be stalled.

The people as a whole, therefore, want to bring David back, but the will to act doesn’t exist. They don’t need to change their mind, as current events have done that for them. But they need encouragement to do what they already want to do.

David accomplishes this encouragement by both action and words

Apparently the people of Judah are the most resistant, so David uses the family argument to make his case. It was the argument they had made to him when they first made him King 2 Samuel 5:1. It was also how Abimelech gained his authority Judges 9:2.

2 Samuel 5:1 NKJV

Then all the tribes of Israel came to David at Hebron and spoke, saying, “Indeed we are your bone and your flesh.

Judges 9:2 NKJV

“Please speak in the hearing of all the men of Shechem: ‘Which is better for you, that all seventy of the sons of Jerubbaal reign over you, or that one reign over you?’ Remember that I am your own flesh and bone.”

Understandably David’s relationship with Joab has soured somewhat. He hasn’t accused Joab of murdering his son, as he knows it was justified. But that doesn’t meant he has to like it. He already didn’t like Joab’s violent tendencies, so this pushes him over the edge. He decides to abandon caution and appoint the enemy commander in Joab’s place. 2 Samuel 17:25 As we will see, he still didn’t really have the power to do that, but the action was quite justified and it worked. Using the enemy commander gains him popular support among those who still supported Absalom, but are silent because they don’t know what to do.

2 Samuel 17:25 NKJV

And Absalom made Amasa captain of the army instead of Joab. This Amasa was the son of a man whose name was Jithra, an Israelite, who had gone in to Abigail the daughter of Nahash, sister of Zeruiah, Joab’s mother.