10 Promises of Marriage

It’s an honour to spend time discussing various aspect of marriage with you, Vincent and Melinda. We have had some wonderful, thought provoking conversations around the topic of relationships within the context of marriage.

To add to what we covered during our pre-maritial counselling sessions, I would like to share 10 Promises of Marriage with you. What I’m going to share with you is based upon the wonderful work of Dr. Trevor O’Reggio.

When most people think about the 10 Commandments, they immediately think about Do’s and don’ts, and “Thou shall not, thou shall not etc...” There is one Commandment, the Sabbath Commandement which begins with the word remember. However, all the other’s begin with “thou shall not.” However, if you were to read the Hebrew text, you would see that the Commandments are not so much phrased as “Do’s and don’ts” but as a response to what God has done.

Preamble

Exodus 20:1–3 NKJV

1 And God spoke all these words, saying: 2 “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. 3 “You shall have no other gods before Me.

God had delivered… response they would surely...

I like to call them the Ten Responses, rather than the Ten Commandments, and they are Ten Responses attached to a promise.

God promised to deliver the children of Israel from bondage and he did what he promised. He brought the children of Israel a mighty long way.

We can derive ten principles of marriage from the Ten Commandments, or Ten Responses, and they too are attached to a promise, just like with the children of Israel, God has brought you Vincent… a mighty long… to this joyful moment. So, let’s briefly examine the Ten Commandments or Ten Responses of Marriage.

Commandment One (or response)

Exodus 20:3 NKJV

3 “You shall have no other gods before Me.

Surely you will ...

Principle 1.—Put Your Marriage First

“No other human relationship should come before the marriage relationship. It must be primary, foundational, number one. The purity of this allegiance sets each member free for loving, serving, caring, and respecting in other healthy relationships, providing both the pattern and the energy.”

Marriage is building block

No tie, except to God comes before your marriage rlshp, not your jobs, hobbies, friends, even your children...

Response Two

Exodus 20:4 NKJV

4 “You shall not make for yourself a carved image—any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth;

Surely you will...

Principle 2. —Discover the uniqueness of your relationship

“Do not set up an unreal ideal. Do not pattern your marriage after someone else’s idea of marriage”… only God’s idea of marriage which we covered during our sessions. The principles found in the Word of God are your pattern and no other.

“Your marriage is unique, a living, growing, dynamic between two people in the process of becoming one. The goal and excitement of a godly marriage is to be found in the risk of “knowing” in the transparent biblical sense - safe only because our ultimate worth, identity and security are in our relationship with God.”

Response Three

Exodus 20:7 (NKJV)

7 “You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain,...” or Do not Misure the name marriage

Surely you will...

Principle 3.—Live out the true meaning of marriage

Surely there will be no “mockery of marriage by allowing such things as an independent spirit, tension, bickering, alienation, emptiness, perversion or abuse - attitudes and behaviors that mar this reflection of God’s unity.”

Your union by God’s grace will demonstrate the Character of a loving, kind, and patient God and influence to get excited about the joys of marriage.

Response Four

Exodus 20:8 NKJV

8 “Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.

Surely you will...

Principle 4.—Valuing and spending time together

“Set aside time in honor of this special relationship to spend time solely with and for each other.” Laugh together, play together, walk together, pray together, and when necessary cry together.

Just like the Sabbath is a weekly 24 hour vacation with God, find time, despite you busy schedules to spend time, just the two of you on a weekly basis.

Response Five

Exodus 20:12 NKJV

12 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.

Surely you will...

Principle 5. Honor Your parents, or honor the memory of your parents

“[S]trong marriages and productive lives of the children and grandchildren are a source of peace and security in later years and an unending source of enjoyment. The greatest gift you can give your parents, as well as yourselves and your children, is a healthy marriage.”

Studies show that...

Married people lead a healthier lifestyle in terms of eating, exercising and advoiding harmful behaviors

Married people live several years longer than single, divorced or widowed person. This is often because they have the emotional support of their partner and access to more economic resources.

Married people have a satisfying sexual relationship

Married people have more wealth and economic assets, because they pool their resources together.

Children generally do better in a two parent home [under the protective boundary of holy matrimony]

Response Six

Exodus 20:13 NKJV

13 “You shall not murder.

Surely you will...

Principle 6. —Safeguard your marriage

You will surely safeguard your marriage by never speaking words that will “murder” the joy out of each others lives, no cutting remarks, no put downs, no cruel jokes, but rather building up each other. As the Apostle Paul wrote,

Ephesians 4:29 NIV

29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Response Seven

Exodus 20:14 NKJV

14 “You shall not commit adultery.

Surely you will...

Principle 7.—Nurture your relationship

Your theme song will be “I only have eyes for you”

“No other alliances are allowed —not work, [church], friends, children, or self – to which you give your total self. Only your God and your spouse have the right to all of you.”

A powerful protection against adultery is… a healthy knowing relationship

You belong to each other, and should never use sex as a weapon

1 Corinthians 7:5 NKJV

5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Response Eight

Exodus 20:15 NKJV

15 “You shall not steal.

Sure you will

Principle 8. —Cultivate your marriage as a fruitful garden

“Do not rob your spouse of his or her potential, gifts, rights, recognition, or [self-worth].”

Once, again you belong to each other, so do not defraud or rob each other of what belongs to the other.

“Your privilege and joy is to discover hidden ‘treasures’ in your mate, bring them to light, nurture and encourage them to maturity, and finally to bask in the reflected glow of their public recognition.” Be a giver and not a taker, and as you do so you will lift each other up to reach heights of development that you did not think were possible.

Response Nine

Exodus 20:16 NKJV

16 “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.

Surely you will...

Principle 9.—Build trust and intimacy

“Do not blame your spouse for your mistakes and weaknesses, or make unjust accusations. Be honest and straightforward in appreciation, confrontation, criticism, and conflict.”

Never devulge the inner workings of your home to anyone! That way you will build trust and permit each other to freely express themselves in a healthy manner without fear of reprisal from friends or relatives.

Exodus 20:17 NKJV

17 “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor’s.”

Response Ten

Surely you will...

Principle 10. —Make your marriage a journey of discovery and mutual sharing

Don’t begrudge your spouses gifts, strengths, opportunities, earning power, etc. You will not stand higher for having stepped on the other person

Be content with the spouse that you have. There is a song that I love that’s entitled “Comparison Kills,” never, ever compare your spouse to another’s spouse or any other person, the grass is never greener on the other side.

Declaration of Intent

Who gives away this woman to be the wife of Vincent Kennedy?

Does anyone here have a reasonable objection that these two individuals standing before you should be joined in holy matrimony?

Charges and Vows

Forasmuch as you, (Groom), and you, (Bride), have come here to be united in the holy bonds of wedlock, you may now signify your desire to be so united by the joining of your right hands.

(Groom), do you take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife?

The bridegroom answers: I do.

Do you solemnly promise before God and these witnesses that you will love, honor, and cherish her in sickness and in health, in prosperity or in adversity, and forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto her so long as you both shall live?

The bridegroom answers:I do.

(Bride), do you take this man to be your lawful wedded husband?

The bride answers:I do.

Do you solemnly promise before God and these witnesses that you will love, honor, and cherish him, in sickness and in health, in prosperity or in adversity, and, forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto him so long as you loth shall live?

The bride answers: I do.

Exchange of Rings

[After Exchange of Rings] Since you have before these witnesses solemnly made mutual pledges of affection and vows of fidelity by exchanging rings, Vincent, you may now kiss your bride.

Lighting Unity Candle

Sharon sings

Signing of Document

Blessing

As a minister of the gospel, by the authority of God’s word and province of NS, I do hereby pronounce you husband and wife. What, therefore, God has joined together, let no one separate.

Prayer, and the benediction:

"The Lord bless you and keep you: The Lord make his face to shine upon you, and be gracious unto you: The Lord lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace," now and evermore. Amen. (Num. 6:24, R.S.V.)

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