Man's Theories and Practices for Raising Children

Introduction

Many of man’s philosophies for the raising of children typically arise from individual experience. Moreover, in the area of bringing up children, even Christians often look to ungodly counsel, or to “common sense,” rather than to the sole authority and totally sufficient standard of the Scriptures (based on Deuteronomy 4:9; 6:6-9, 13-14, 17, 20-25; Ephesians 4:11-20; 2 Timothy 3:16-17; Titus 1:10-11; 1 Peter 1:3-10).

Characteristics of Man’s Theories and Practices for Raising Children

The modern focus of man’s theories about the training of children is the exaltation of self and the importance of emotions in regard to both parents and children. The wisdom of the world teaches that you must bring up children to have a “good self-image” and that you and your children must “get in touch” with your feelings (which often means to live by your emotions).

Some of Man’s Mistaken Explanations for Problems Between Parents & Children

The “wisdom of man” has many “reasons” for parental failure in rearing children, such as:

Parents are deficient in “parenting” skills;

Parents lack “conflict-resolution” skills;

Parents did not receive love and “proper role models” from their own mother and father and so are unable to love and bring up their own children;

Parents who verbally and physically abuse their children try to trace and blame their actions back to their own parents, who verbally and physically abused them as children;

A parent doesn’t receive “support” from the other parent for decisions that affect their children;

A single parent who is divorced doesn’t have enough help to bring up children properly;

A parent’s lack of money hinders children from having material advantages;

Parents may have a child who will not respect them, no matter what;

Parents today just don’t have the “quality” time necessary to raise children effectively;

Parents don’t understand all the “pressures” placed on children and youth today, and

Parent’s fail because they have a “poor self-image” themselves.

Man’s earthly wisdom also gives “reason” for children’s failures, such as:

Their parents are inadequate;

Their “home atmosphere” isn’t “free enough” for self-expression;

They have inherited “personality problems;”

They lack financial, educational, or social advantages;

They are overwhelmed by “peer pressure”;

They can’t be expected to understand the reasons for obedience and are often too young to be responsible for their behavior;

Their “family tree” has a history of drug or alcohol abuse (“chemical dependency”); and

They have a poor “self-image.”

Some of Man’s Vain Attempts to Solve Parent-Child Problems

Solutions given to parents:

Read books and attend parenting seminars;

Do not place restrictive guidelines on your children but, instead, allow your children to learn from their own mistakes and experiences;

Receive therapy or psychological counseling to deal with the lack of love shown by your own parents;

Find someone to listen to the problems associated with your spouse and children;

Get a divorce from an uncooperative spouse; then, if possible, marry someone else who will help bring up the children;

Find someone to give you “moral support;”

Get away from the children and take time for yourself;

No matter what, do not harm your children’s “self-concept;”

Never moralize; be careful how soon you bring up God’s standards so that you don’t “beat your children over the head” with the Bible;

Let children do what they want, since they will do what they feel like doing anyway; and

Join a support or therapy group for parents who have similar problems.

Solutions given to children:

Find an adult to be your “parent-substitute;”

Outwardly be nice, but do what you want anyways, since only you can decide what is best for you;

Ignore your parents;

Leave home if your parents are too restrictive;

Accept the “fact” that you will probably have the same problems as your parents;

Be more aggressive in expressing to your parents exactly how you feel and give them only the respect they have earned;

Write how you feel in a journal and develop your own fantasy life to escape your parent’s lack of understanding;

Remind parents of their own failures to prove to them that they cannot “moralize” to you;

Improve your “self-image” by excelling in some area or achieving a goal;

Focus on your own development and learn “to be your own person;” and

Join a support or therapy group for young people just like yourself.

Some Unbiblical Views Within the Local Church Regarding Raising Children

Unbiblical “advice” or “counsel” given to parents:

You have to learn parenting from people who have had the same experiences as you, since they are the only ones who can truly understand your struggles (disregards Proverbs 14:12; Romans 15:15).

Teach your children to trust you and rely on you first; then teach them to rely on the Lord. It is essential to gain their trust before they can trust God (disregards Proverbs 3:5-6).

Don’t constantly use the Bible when you talk to your children about their lives. Using Scripture too much might cause them to resent the Bible (disregards Deuteronomy 6:5-9; Psalm 19:7-11; 2 Timothy 3:16-17).

When it comes to raising children, you really only need good common sense (disregards Proverbs 14:12; Jeremiah 17:9).

If your children are disobedient to your rules, punish them severely. Let them know they cannot get away from breaking your rules (disregards Ephesians 6:4).

You are the role model of the Lord to your children. The way your children view you as parents will be the way they view God (disregards Matthew 11:27; John 14:9; 2 Corinthians 4:3-6; Colossians 1:15; Hebrews 1:1-3, especially verse 3a).

All children will “sow some wild oats.” It is a phase they must go through; but don’t worry, they’ll grow out of it (disregards Proverbs 19:18; 20:11).

Unbiblical “advice” or “counsel” given to children:

You are the master of your own destiny because of the potential within you. No one, not even your parents, has any right to dictate to you (disregards Proverbs 16:18; Isaiah 64:6; 1 Corinthians 10:12).

God wants you to feel good about yourself. Find something that you do well and excel at it (disregards Proverbs 21:2-4).

Look at the mess your parents have made of their own lives. How could they possibly give you any legitimate guidance (disregards Proverbs 20:9-10; Matthew 7:1-5; Romans 15:14; 2 Corinthians 3:5)?

Certainly there are going to be times you and your parents are at odds with one another. When you disagree, learn to write stories about how you feel and how you would like to deal with your parents. Put all your anger down on paper. You will feel much better because this will help you get rid of your angry feelings (disregards Proverbs 18:17, 25:28; Ephesians 4:15; Philippians 4:6-9).

Explain to your parents how much you are being deprived by their not allowing you to have or to do what you want. Tell them how you think you have been mistreated (disregards Philippians 2:3-4, 14; 4:11).

Release your anger by participating in some kind of strenuous activity (disregards Proverbs 16:32, 25:28; Ephesians 4:31-32).

There are other adults who are more understanding and kind than your parents. Find a sympathetic adult in the church or in your school and tell them your problems. If necessary, got to a professional counselor. If your parents do not understand, it is not necessary to try and communicate with them (disregards Ephesians 4:25, 6:2; Colossians 4:6).

If all else fails in dealing with problems at home, leave. You do not need this frustration and pain (disregards Romans 8:28-29; James 1:2-4).

No one is responsible to obey their parents all the time. There will be times when you need to “clarify your values” and judge “truth” for yourself (disregards Ephesians 6:1; Colossians 3:20; 2 Timothy 3:16-17).