Containing Complaining

Introduction: Tonight we begin a new series called “Zip it!” The title for tonight’s message is “Containing Complaining.”

Real quickly, I’d like to ask all of you a question: how many of you would say honestly that you complain often? Raise your hand if that is you.

Now, some of you at this moment, are sitting next to a complainer who did not raise their hand. If you would like to complain about that, go ahead and raise your hand!

The truth is, that it is incredibly easy for us to slip into a mode of finding the negative things in life and complaining about them, rather than searching for the good things.

I remember a story I once heard about a lady who was characterized as being very, very negative. She’d complain about absolutely everything.

This lady, one time, went to the grocery store, and she was complaining because they only sell a whole head of lettuce.

And she said, “I’m a single lady. I can’t eat all of the lettuce that goes bad. I demand that you sell me a half a head of lettuce.”

And the worker there said, “We can’t,” and she threw a fit.

So finally, the worker went back and was cutting the head of lettuce in half. One of his buddies said, “What in the world are you doing?”

He said, “Oh, some old bag who’s just a pain like you would not believe wants to buy a half a head of lettuce.”

Then he looked up and saw that lady right by him, and he said, “And this fine lady would like to buy the other half of that head of lettuce.”

I remember an incident from my life, when I was working at Eckerd Drug. A customer had come up to the register to make some purchases and had some ice cream. She said to me “Oh honey, be a dear, I grabbed the wrong flavor could you go get me chocolate?”

Being that I was a customer service professional, I immediately went to the ice cream section and returned with a gallon of Edy’s chocolate ice cream.

“No I wanted Hagen-Dazs!” She said as I approached the register. Annoyed, I turned back around and got her the Hagen-Dazs brand. I rang her up for her purchases, and held back my complaints.

I turned to my coworker Tessa and said “AHH! I hate customers like that!” Suddenly I felt a sharp kick in the leg from Tessa. This was her less than subtle way of letting me know the customer was still standing near the register. OH NO!

“Gee Mike, what do you mean?” she said. I scrambled to find words to undig this hole I was in.

“Oh… um…this lady earlier… she wanted to make a return without a receipt. Imagine that… Have a nice day ma’am!”

If you are like me, it is so easy to slip into a mode of complaining. We find fault with everything and everyone. We complain about big things. We complain about small things. Tonight we are going to talk about containing our complaining, and we’ll start with scripture from Philippians 2:14-15.

Philippians 2:14-15 “Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation…”

The Bible says to do how much? Everything without complaining or arguing!

Why should we do everything without complaining? Verse 15 says, “So that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and a depraved generation.”

Say it out loud. The Bible says to do, “Everything without,” what? Say it out loud, “Do everything without complaining or arguing.” Now, why should we do everything without complaining? Verse 15 says, “So that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and a depraved generation.”

This is week number one in a multi-part study where we will examine our words, but don’t miss this.

The words are only a symptom of the real issue that takes place in our heart. The heart is the main issue. Our key thought for this study is this:

I. The words that we speak reveal the condition of our heart.

a. Matthew 12:34-37 “…For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned."

b. Take a closer look at verse 36. “But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken.”

i. Can you imagine how long some of those meetings might be?

ii. I’m glad that Jesus has saved me and wiped the slate clean, because I said a lot of careless and hurtful things before I knew HIM

iii. In truth though, it seldom stops after salvation!

iv. We will all have to answer for our words!

c. And Read on to verse 37 and it says “For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.”

d. Our words reveal the condition and attitude of our heart.

II. How does this play out in everyday life?

i. From a negative heart overflows negative words

ii. Which generally become negative actions

iii. Resulting in a miserable life.

1. For example, how many of you have ever met a joyful complainer? Someone who whines and moans all the time but is full of joy?

2. I haven’t!

b. My story/illustration about complaining.

c. A formula to really jack up your life… if you want to make a big miserable mess… here’s what you do:

i. If you want to hate school for the rest of your education career:

1. Complain about it every single day.

ii. If you want to be miserable at school:

1. Complain about the bus ride there

2. Complain about your parents lousy driving

3. Complain about the people in your classes that just get under your skin like putting nails on a chalkboard.

4. Complain about your idiot teacher that doesn’t know squat.

5. Complain about the lack of senior benefits.

6. Complain about the preps, the jocks, the scene kids, the nerds, etc.

iii. Complain about how you don’t like your school environment, and I guarantee you, you will hate it.

iv. If you’re still not miserable, complain about everything. Everything! I mean everything!

1. Complain about the economy

2. Complain about the weather

3. Complain about gas prices

4. Complain about the stupid stuff on TV.

v. Complain enough, and you will be miserable.

d. From a negative heart overflows negative words which generally become negative actions resulting in a miserable life.

III. Now, in case you think that I am overreacting with just my own opinions, let me show you the word of God.

a. Let me remind you, this is the inspired, living word of a holy God.

i. This is going to really help a lot of you young men in the next few years.

ii. Proverbs 21:19 NLT “It is better to live alone in the desert than with a crabby, complaining wife.”

iii. And all of God’s Men said AMEN!

b. Now, ladies, I didn’t want to leave you out, so I’ve got another verse.

i. This one isn’t in my notes but it comes from the Gospel according to Mike, Chapter 5, Verse 2

ii. “It is better to have an ice pick in your eye than to be married to a condemning, controlling, and judgmental airhead.”

c. Now that I’ve offended both genders equally, if you would like to complain please raise your hand!

d. You want to mess up your relationships? Speak words of criticism, complaining, negativity, and words of death.

e. Let me show you just how real this is.

i. There was an article years ago printed in U.S. News and World Report.

ii. This article said that in your marriage, if you speak one in ten of your statements with a negative tone towards your spouse, your marriage has better than a ninety percent chance of ending up in divorce.

f. Now I’ve only got a handful of married people in here since 95% of you are under the age of 20, but the principle applies to all of our relationships.

g. If you, like me, battle with complaining words, ask yourself this question. If you are constantly complaining, ask yourself what is in your heart.

IV. Same Event, Different Perspectives.

a. We are going to look at four different Bible stories, but we are going to look at them one event at a time.

b. What I want you to notice is how, when we look at one event, we can see the exact same event from two different perspectives.

c. The Same Old Manna: Num 11:1-6

i. The Israelites were for years in bondage, in slavery in Egypt.

ii. God used Moses to lead them out.

iii. God miraculously provided for them manna from heaven. Day after day, God provided every one of their needs, and yet, the Israelites did what so many of us do, and they started complaining.

1. “God, oh God, we are sick and tired of this manna.

2. If only we could go back to Egypt where the fish were free.”

3. Complaining.

iv. Same event, different perspective.

1. Moses says, “Did you forget that when you were in Egypt, you were slaves?

2. Shouldn’t you be overcome with thankfulness?”

v. Complaining, thankfulness.

vi. Same event, different perspective. Do you see that?

d. The Expensive Perfume: Matt 26:8-10

i. There was a very sinful woman who was forgiven by Jesus.

ii. This woman took a very expensive jar of perfume and broke the jar open and poured this valuable perfume over Jesus in an act of worship.

iii. The contents of this jar were valued at, literally, about a year’s worth of wages.

iv. Judas looked on and said, honestly, what I would have said,

1. “Woman, you’re being stupid. Why didn’t you sell that and give the money to the poor. You are wasting it.”

v. Jesus looked on, same event, different perspective, and said,

1. “You’re missing the point entirely. What this woman has done is one of the most beautiful things that I have ever seen. What she has done will be told about her for generations to come.”

vi. Same event. Different perspective.

e. The Overwhelmed Host: Luke 10:38-42

i. Mary and Martha were hosting Jesus in their home.

ii. Martha was doing what most of us do, wigging out.

1. And she comes in complaining, “Mary is just sitting at your feet.

2. She’s just sitting there.

3. No good, lazy girl.

4. Tell her to help me out.”

iii. Same event, different perspective.

iv. Jesus looks on and says, “Martha, Martha. You are worried and upset about many things. Mary has chosen what is better and it will not be taken away from her.”

v. Same event, different perspective.

f. The Worshiping Prisoners: Acts 16:25-34

i. Paul and Silas were preaching Jesus, and they were arrested.

ii. They were stripped down naked.

iii. These guys beat the tar out of them

iv. Put them in prison.

v. Locked them up by their feet in shackles.

vi. All the other prisoners were complaining.

vii. Paul and Silas, at midnight, after just getting whipped big time, started worshipping God, singing hymns.

viii. God showed up, brought this big earthquake.

ix. All the doors flew open and the shackles fell off.

x. The jailer looked on and said,

1. “I’m as good as dead. I might as well kill myself.”

xi. Same event, different perspective.

xii. Paul and Silas said,

1. “You don’t understand. Jesus did this stuff,”

xiii. And the guy said,

1. “Well, what can I do to meet this Jesus? What must I do to be saved?”

xiv. And they led him to Christ, then his whole family, and that event led to the beginning of the church in Philippi.

xv. Same event, different perspectives.

V. The Challenge & Positive Promises

a. I challenge you to look at the same things that you have been complaining about, but look at them from a different perspective. Rather than zeroing in on all the negative and on all the bad.

b. You don’t have to look that hard, but instead, take a step back and look at the same things that you have been complaining about, and look at them from a different perspective.

c. Now, this has been a major issue in my life, and so over the years, I am learning to live out these three positive promises that I would challenge you to make and keep. Let’s look at them one by one.

d. I will not hang out with negative people.

i. You see, negative people, they are cancerous and they are poisonous, and this negativity spreads very, very quickly.

ii. Corinthians 15:33 "Bad company corrupts good character."

1. I’ve had a lot of good friends over the years.

a. Some of them, I noticed, would complain about a lot of stuff when we would hang out.

b. So guess what I would do, I would join in, and I’d complain.

2. I’ve also known a lot of people that would say bad stuff about me or bad others.

a. They criticize me.

b. They criticize my friends.

c. They pick everybody apart.

d. Every thing’s bad.

e. They are negative and miserable.

f. What I found is, when I hang around them, they hurt me and made me more negative and more defensive, so I don’t anymore.

iii. I will not hang out with negative people.

iv. I still love negative people (the person, not their attitude) and I’ll still minister them when I can, but I won’t associate with them as friends would.

e. I will speak words of life.

i. Proverbs 18:21 “The tongue has the power of life and death.”

ii. The tongue has the power of both life and death.

1. When we speak negatively over someone we speak death.

2. When we speak positively over someone, we speak life!

iii. My commitment is this, in all of my friendships and relationships; I will not knit pick people.

1. I am going to speak words of blessing.

2. I am going to speak words of encouragement.

iv. In my preparation this week, God was working in my heart, and was showing me still a lot of negative things that were in my heart.

1. And so, I said, “God, I am going to go a whole day without saying anything that has to do with complaining. God, one whole day without complaining.”

2. And what I am here to tell you, I didn’t say hardly anything all day long, because so often, what I wanted to say was not God honoring, didn’t uplift others, and it would have been complaining about something that I didn’t have the power to change.

v. I will speak words of life and not words of death.

f. I will be thankful for what I have.

i. I will be thankful for what I have.

1. Instead of complaining about what I don’t like or don’t have,

2. or I wish this was such and such,

3. or I wish it was that way,

4. or I wish I had different this or a different that …

5. Instead of complaining, which is so easy to do, I will give thanks in all things.

ii. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 “Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.”

iii. When do you give thanks? In all circumstances!

iv. How does this play out in everyday life?

1. Bad Hair Day

a. “I’m going to church, and my hair won’t do what it is supposed to do,” and you know you can’t worship God adequately on a bad hair day. So you’re freaking out. “I wish my hair would do this.” When you are tempted to complain about your hair, thank God that you have some, because a lot of people would take some!”

2. Gas Prices

a. When you are about to whine about gas prices, “Oh, they’re so high.” Realize that if you own a car, you are in the wealthiest three percent of people who are alive today. Have you thought about that? You are in the richest three percent of the people in the world if you own an automobile.

v. Same event, different perspective.

Conclusion:

Your words reflect the attitude of you heart, and if your words are characterized by complaining, let God do a work right here. So, what’s happened to me is that God has done a work in my heart. My words have changed. My actions have changed. My life has changed, and the lives of those around me are changing. All when God does a work right here. Look at your words. If they are not of God, if they are not God honoring, let Him by the power of the Spirit change your heart, change your words, change your actions, and your life will never, ever be the same. When you are tempted to speak words that do not honor God, zip it. Let God continue to work in your hearts and forever be different in His presence.