Sermon Tone Analysis

*The Pillars of Community XVIII: Families in Community*

*Titus 2:3-5*

*/May 10, 2009/*

 

 

*Prep: *

·         Prov 31,

·         Sermons: 70, (HP 2006 Showing), 59

·         Grudem & Piper, notes

 

*Scripture reading*: Titus 2:1-8

 

Intro

 

Happy Mother’s Day!

The reason I am so into community is not because I *read* some *book* and found out it was important, but because my life has been and is continuing to be *transformed* by it, even *before* I knew it was called community.

I had *awesome* *parents* growing up, and one of the best things they did for us was being part of a community, because that meant we weren’t *just* *raised* by mom and dad, our lives were *enriched* by the members of the *community*.

·         *Diane* taught me proper *English* and to value education.

·         The *Kinsmans* taught me to *share*.

·         Bob Kinsman demonstrated healthy *adult* *male* *friendships*.

And even *more* *important* was how the community poured into my *parents* in ways we *didn’t* *see*, and *they* poured into the lives of *my* *friends* in way I never saw.

My desire is to encourage us as a community to *support*, *encourage*, and *assist* our *families*, especially the *mothers*.

Prayer

 

Thank you for the *mothers*, bless them.

Be with those for whom Mother’s Day is painful.

Show all of us (married, single, young, old) how to *help* and *support* each other in raising these kids.

Does it take a village?

First, we have to be clear that the *responsibility* for raising children belongs to *parents* (whether birth *parents* or *adoptive*), not the *government*, not the *church*, not the *community*.

·         The biggest error in America is *abdication* (ask a teacher).

Parents by far have the *most* *influence* in developing their children’s *values* and *beliefs*.

More important than their values, parents shape a *child’s* *value*, whether or not they believe that they are *innately* *valuable* and worthy, has the most profound effect on them.

·         The church community’s *highest* *responsibility* is to *support* and *assist* the *parent* in their God-given role.

Don’t go it alone

 

At the same, we would be *literally* *negligent* to go to the other *extreme* and not get help from the community.

Let’s face it, we *don’t* *instinctively* know everything about parenting.

Q   Do you remember that *moment* that you first thought “What the heck am I *doing*?

Who is the *idiot* who let us *have* a *kid*?”

You feel guilty taking the kid *out* of the *hospital*, like someone should stop you, “Can I see your *parenting* *license*?”

The *pressure* is *enormous*, and the fear of *permanently* *damaging* these precious little ones.

Parenting is a little like getting *married* – if you are *not* *scared* to death, you are *not* *ready*.

·         Knowing that we are *not* *alone*, that we have a community to help makes it a little *less* *scary*.

I remember the *relief* I felt the first time Grace brought home her *CC* *lesson* and told me about how Moses saw a burning bush, talked to *Ro*, turned into a *snake*, died, then came back to *life*.

·         I am happy knowing that my children are *learning* from *others*.

·         I count it as one of my highest privileges that I am *impacting* my *friend’s* *children*.

But this is also *humbling* and *scary*:

 

*Mark 9:42 NIV* And if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a large millstone tied around his neck.

Jesus *not* talking specifically to *parents* here if our actions cause our children to *turn* *from* *God*, we are in *serious* *trouble*.

·         As *church* we have a huge responsibility to protect the children from *predators*.

·         As individuals we have to show *God’s* *love *and* CHARACTER*.

Ä  This *double* *pronged* attack of *supporting* the *parents* (focus on mothers) and *helping* the *children* is the focus of the sermon.

Call to mentor

 

The first, and most important role of the community is supporting mothers (Keep open to this):

 

*Titus 2:3 *  3 Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good.

*Mentorship* is part of God’s design for supporting and training mothers – it’s his *expectation*, right next to not being a drunk.

There are a *couple* of *significant* things here:

 

1.

*/The /**/vital/**/ /**/contribution/**/ of “older women/*.*”

*

 

·         It’s funny the *twist* of our *culture* where that is a *negative* things to say, but the *Bible* *values* *age* and *wisdom*.

Especially in the *ancient* *culture*, as children grew up, older women could feel they had *little* to *contribute*, bringing feelings of *uselessness*, *loneliness*, low *self*-*esteem*, and *pity*.

God’s plan is to “*recycle*” that *hard*-*won* *experience*.

Rather than begin shuffled away, God desires there to be a *seamless* *link* from *generation* to generation, learning from each other.

The problem is that between our *culture’s* *prejudice* against *age* and the *arrogance* of *youth*, there can be a reluctance share.

·         One woman I talked to (who is full of wisdom) wondered if she had *anything* to *offer* because of how much has *changed*.

I think that it now becomes *our* *responsibility* (as the *younger*) to *approach* the older.

While the *specifics* may be changing, there is much *wisdom* and *principles* to be gained.

·         This is to *all* of us, not just mothers.

I am learning my need for sage advice.

2.

*/The value of /**/learning/**/ by /**/example/**/, not teaching/*.

I can say a lot of stuff, but really the *best* way you are going to grow is having someone, in community, *walk* *along* side you, working it out in *practice*.

·         This is *not* necessarily just *older* *women*, but the *more* *experienced* helping the *less*.

·         I felt pride hearing a young husband crediting *my* *mom* with saving his marriage by *encouraging* his *wife*.

I think that at almost *any* *stage*, we should have people we are *mentoring* and *being* *mentored*.

How to mentor

 

Because mentoring is a little bit of a lost art, I think it is good to think about how we mentor:

 

1.

*/Encouragement/*: Parenting can be very *discouraging*, and it becomes so easy to *focus* on the *bad*.

Q   Have you ever thought that your child was *demon*-*possessed*, only to have a friend *encourage* you with a *compliment*?

·         Jewel: “Encouragement comes from someone who has a *better* *perspective* from where they are...”

 

Whether *formal* *mentorship* relationship or a *casual* *comment* over coffee before service, all moms can use *encouragement* from time to time, to be reminded they are *not* *bad* parents, their kids are *not* *Hitler’s* in training, and “*this* *too* shall pass.”

 

2.

*/Support/*: Offering to help out in *practical* *ways*, from *cleaning*, to *child* *care*, to *praying*.

We all get to take turns *carrying* *each* *other*.

·         Sometimes this just means being *aware*, and opening a *door* carrying the potluck dish, or *intercepting* an escaping child.

3.

*/Teaching and Correction/*: Showing a *better* way through *words* and *actions*.

This is one that requires caution because *unsolicited* *advice* is seldom well-received.

I did an entire sermon on “*truth* *telling* in community,” but the one main point is the importance of *getting* *permission* to speak into another’s life.

·         Whether we are making *mistakes*, or simply need to hear *another* *perspective*, all parents occasionally need *some* *input*.

My *mom’s* *mom* wasn’t an *affectionate* person and didn’t show that she enjoyed her kids.

Mom learned that from her *pastor’s* *wife*.

Or sometimes it is a *different* *perspective* on the kids: You might be a little too close to a situation.

*Michel* told me that it was another friend that suggested that Christopher might be *autistic*.

That takes guts (and relationship) to say.

·         Remember, your *responsibility* *ends* at the *sharing* and *praying*, after that, it’s *their* *responsibility*, ignore or accept.

4.

*/What it is not/* (adapted from Jewel Wheeler):

 

·         When someone is ready with *advice* before *listening*.

·         When someone only *focuses* on what I’m doing *wrong* with the attitude that they are doing everything right.

·         When someone *puts* down my husband or my kids.

·         When someone comes *talks* to *me* or *others* about my child when they are *annoyed* with them.

·         When someone says when my child needs to be *spanked*.

·         When *criticism* is the main *objective*.

·         When my *needs* as a mother are *ignored*.

·         When my *child’s* needs are *ignored*.

·         When people *criticize* *decisions* we’ve made: birth control, shots, home schooling, (things *Christians* *disagree* on).

Paul’s list

 

In our passage, Paul gives a list of what he wants taught.

This is *not* an *exhaustive* list, but gives some key points:

 

NIV *Titus 2:4* Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

Love their husbands and children