A biblically intimate marrige
Notes
Transcript
Handout
Introduction
Introduction
Great to be back
Thankful for an amazing staff and volunteers
Thank you for being a church that understands the importance of a pastor getting away to be refreshed. I never want to take that for granted as I’ve heard stories from other pastors about them having to fight for vacation.
When I was on vacation I got to visit a couple churches and can I tell you, when I go to other churches I always gain an even greater appreciation for the great people of Liberty. Thank you all for being awesome and helping take care of the facility so it looks excellent and for being kind to everyone that walks in by saying hello to people you don’t now. If you are a visitor here and no one says hello to you, I’m sorry. Let’s call it an off day because I know the people here are nicer than that. Now, don’t make me a liar Liberty…
Today we have opened up our junior church ages to 6th grade. we are inviting kids 3yr-6th grade downstairs for a lesson at their level.
The 3yr-3rd grade will be in their normal big room right below us and you can pick up the 4th-6th graders in the first classroom on the right as you go down the hall.
Today we are going to be talking about a Biblically intimate marriage.
This is a topic that I don’t remember hearing much about growing up or I just wasn’t paying attention. Either of those could be true.
Let me set this up for us though. We are continuing in our ReThinking Church series today as we go through the book of 1 Corinthians to exam what the Apostle Paul was writing to the church at Corinth where there were many problems going on.
If you were here last week and hear Jordan preach from 1 Cor 6 and didn’t have that context you may be thinking “wow, what’s going on at Liberty” He was just being faithful to the text and I’m glad he was.
Today, as I preach on the subject of intimacy and marriage, I want you to know that I’m being faithful to the text.
In the book of 1 COrinithians Paul is responding to things he heard about the church and also a llist of questions. He approaches disunity in the church, he approaches immorality in the church, and also a list of questions sent to him.
Today we are going to read how he addressed immorality and the first question that was written to him about sexual relations.
Turn over to 1 Corinthians 7 in your Bible
I’m going to be talking about marriage, divorce, sex, and other things that God has given direction on. You may find yourself sitting here today divorced, engaged in fornication outside of marriage, broken from a terrible relationship…You are loved. You are not judged. God’s grace is greater than all your sins and mine.
IF you’ve sinned in any of these areas don’t neglect the conviction the Holy Spirit can bring. Confess it as sin, ask for forgiveness, and trust what the Bible says about the forgiveness of God. IF we confess our sins He is faithful and just ot forgive us our sins.
Maybe you are here and fall into one of those categories but you don’t believe in Jesus. You haven’t liked going to churches because you were afraid they would judge you, wouldn’t accept you, or would think less of you. You are welcome at Liberty. You are loved by the people here and you are loved by God. None of the sins in your life can keep you from the love of God. The Bible says if you put your faith in Jesus, then you are saved and those sins are covered because of the sacrifice of Jesus.
This last week in our Emothionally Healthy Relationships Life Group, that I’m blessed enough to teach this coming week here at the church at 630, we did something called a Genogram. IT’s where we examined the relationships in our family back three generations.
Mine was pretty sad. Multiple divorces on each side. Broken relationships abounded. This was not what God intended when it comes to marriage.
24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
Gen 2:24
Becoming one flesh in’t a combination of the the physical bodies of the people involved. based on scripture and what we observe, it is an emotional or spiritual connection that comes as a man and a woman develop and grow together.
It doesn’t happen naturally. It happens with intention. It takes working through the difficulties of life, forgiving grievances, and repenting of your own offenses towards your spouse.
It’s the complete opposite of how our cultural says we should date.
Think about it. When your dating…if the “feelings of love” go away for any reason whatsoever…you dump them. If they don’t treat you like a queen or king 24/7, you dump them.
Remember, marriage is a picture of the gospel.
Here is an excerpt of something I normally share at a wedding:
Marriage is a symbol of the love that God has for each of us. John 3:16 says “For God so loved the world, He sent His only Begotten Son, that whosoever believeth on Him should not perish but have everlasting life.”
Notice first in that verse the self sacrificing love of God. husband and wife, as you begin your journey together know that the love you have must be a self-sacrificing love. You must put each other first. As God gave all He had for us, you must give all you have for one another. Notice secondly that God’s love is a covenant with us. The Bible says in Ephesians 2:8 and 9 “For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: not of works, lest any man should boast.” husband and wife, as our salvation is secured because of our faith in Christ your love for one another must be secured. The vows you take today are a commitment to one another to keep them and are given in faith that the other will hold to theirs. Just as we can never be separated from God, you should never be separated from one another.”
The Gospel, the good news of Jesus’ death burial and resurrection and our subsequent faith in it brings us into an intimate relationship with God through Jesus.
It is a relationship that is not severed due to your faults. It is a close relationship that requires intentionality on your part to grow and develop it. How? The same way you develop the relationship with your spouse, by developing a deeper understanding of them through conversation and doing life together.
What is the result of this type of a relationship with God? A life lived with joy and peace through difficult times that allows you to see others and the circumstances of life through the lens of the heart of God.
The marriage and the closeness of a husband and wife is a picture of the closeness of man and God.
Today, I’d like you to see Paul’s writing to the Corinthians by inspiration of the Holy Spirit as a challenge to your understanding of your marrriage and your relationship with God.
I’d like for you to ask yourself right now these two questions: Am I pursuing my spouse with love daily? Am I pursuing my God with love daily?
Paul speaks to the Corinthians in a way that it appears their understanding of marriage and their relationship with God was flawed.
Follow along with me in verses 1-3
1 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.
2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
1 Cor 7:1-3
Exegete: I am sad to say that after further study on this first verse I discovered its application is not exactly what I had always taught it. I’ve quoted this to support the idea of not touching or kissing prior to marriage. Now, listen…I still thing there is value and Merit to that. I will say that this verse shouldn’t be used as a proof text for it though.
This is Paul writing to them and saying: Ok, let me address question #1. Your question or statement was Its good for a man not to touch a woman.
That phrase according to the CSB Bible Study notes when compared to greek literature is a euphamism for sexual relations.
1 Now in response to the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.”
This is a more literal translation of the intention of the verse.
Why would they ask this question?
If you remember what we have talked about when it comes to the city of Corinth they were what you think of Vegas on Steroids. They had the temple of Aphrodite where religious prositution was a thing. There have been tunnels found between the marketplace and the temple with some advertising of what could be had at the temple for the men who left their women shopping.
This culture along with the teachings of the gospel and Jesus Christ that Paul brought to the people created 2 factions of people.
On one end were the people saying “I can do whatever I want” and the others saying “You can do nothing.”
They were even advocating for a sexless marriage.
Paul’s solution for this is in verse 2. To avoid fornication, or sex outside of marriage, get married. Now, this isn’t the reason to get married…don’t go off and try that one. It is the solution to avoiding the sin of fornication.
Fornication or sex for the sake of sex outside of the marriage bed is a sin and a cheap substitution for the beautiful, intimate, and fulfilling act that God has created to for us to enjoy with a spouse that we are connected with on a level that far surpasses the connection of any other relationship we have in this world.
Even as a married couple we can find ourselves missing out on this connection. We can begin to think that intimacy is sex and sex is the only form of intimacy.
Paul went on to dispell this myth in verse 3. Husband and wife should render due benevolence. The greek word for benevolence is translated as kindness or as a euphamism for marital duty.
If we take this verse at face value without thought we can easily think that it is the obligation of each spouse to dutifully fulfill the desires of the other without thought or regard to the intimate connection they have.
Let’s remember that Paul has taught them prior to writing this. We have the rest of scripture to compare this statement to for better understanding.
We must understand that Paul has written about not being unequally yoked. That means to not marry an unbelilever. So let’s assume this instruction is to two Christians.
Eph 5:25 Husbands love your wives, Eph 4:2 we as beleivers are told to bear with one another in love. When Jesus is speaing to the disciples he is speaking to a group of believers...
34 A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.
35 By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.
John 13:34-35
When you are two married believers, you not only are to love and respect your spouse because of them just existing as God’s created being. You are to love and respect them as a fellow believer.
So the command of loving in Eph 25 that is given to husbands isn’t just to husbands and the command to respect your husband, isn’t just to the wife. Husbands should respect their wives to.
In a relationship that has at its foundation the love of God, the sacrifice of Christ, and the guidance of the Holy Spirit the connection between a man and woman goes deeper than just the desires of the flesh.
You see the marriage bed is a privelge of marriage and the ultimate form of intimacy between a man and a woman. It’s not just a place for physical bodies to intertwine in a loving embrace. Is is the place where two hearts are coming together in full vulnerability and submission to one another.
Illustration:
I don’t want to diminish the statement I just made but I want to illustrate what I mean in a way that may help you process the information.
I recently read a story about a man named Pastor Young who was talking to a porn actress from Europe about salvation through Jesus Christ. She did not believe and questioned him. She wondered if she would have to leave to porn industry to become a Christian. Pastor Ed told her to come to Jesus as she is and then he would take care of the rest. She was shocked that God and the church would accept her as she is.
Pastor Ed explained sex like this to her: Sex is a beautiful and special gift given to us by God. It is like an expensive car or fine piece of art. If you had a Maserati, you would not drive it anywhere. You would not let anyone drive it. You would keep is safely parked in the garage and not let anything come close to it. You would not take it offroading or drive it in a demolition derby.
In the same way, God gave us sex to enjoy in one way – with our married spouse. We should not have sex with anyone; we should protect our sex life from abuse or misuse.
The woman’s boyfriend was shocked and said, “I can’t believe you brought up a Maserati. We were just shopping for a Maserati – that is her favorite car!
As they left, the woman said to the man, “What if he is right?”
Apply:
Can I answer her question for you? He was right.
He was right that sex is a gift from God to be shared between 1 man and 1 woman for 1 lifetime. He was right that it is precious and should be seen as the special, intimate, and god honoring act that it is.
Teenagers, people that are unmarried, protect the God honoring act of sex in your life reserving it for the marriage bed as God intended.
It is more than a physical act, it is a gift that is the ultimate connection a man and woman can have on this earth.
I. Sexual Relations are a gift of marriage
I. Sexual Relations are a gift of marriage
The author of Hebrews wrote
4 Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
Heb 13:14
God has a strong opinion of those that abuse this gift he has given to a man and wife.
Paul goes on to write about this topic and in doing so reinforces the idea of the emotional and even spiritual connection that sex involves.
4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
6 But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment.
7 For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.
1 cor 7:4-7
Exegete:
This first verse seems to build off the idea God gave at the first marriage of Adam and Eve. Being one flesh means that there is submission from one to the other in all matters.
Now do not take my words and twist them to get what you want when you want it against the wishes of your spouse.
You see here a proof text if you will for a monogomous marriage…sorry mormons.
Verse 5 Paul gives one reason to deny one another in this way and that is for what?
Fasting and prayer…Woah…wait a minute…What in the world? How does fasting and prayer and sex have anything to do with one another?
Let’s hear verse 5 in a little more modern vernacular
5 Do not deprive one another—except when you agree for a time, to devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again; otherwise, Satan may tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
If physical intimacy between a husband and wife were not emotional or spiritual in nature, then why does it make since to be put away for prayer and fasting?
Traditionally fasting refers to food. Food is the source of life. We desire it, we go after it, and our emotional and spiritual state can be affected by the lack of it. Don’t believe me? Go without eating for 3-4 days. Tell me how your feeling. Tell me if you are a nice person to be around. Some can, some can’t.
Verse 7 Paul speaks to how people are made different in this way. He himself was single and celibate. But not all should be.
While men are the ones considered in our culture by the ones who are whats known as a higher desire spouse, women can be too. So this admonition is not specific to one gender.
The intimate and emotional connection that we should find between a man and wife should a reflection of the deep and intimate connection they have with God.
Stopping the physical representation of that connection should only be done to draw closer to God.
As husbands and wives we should not just be seeking to grow closer to one another but closer to the Lord.
A biblical marriage is between 1 man and 1 woman. There is a third party that should be involved as well....Jesus.
Illustrate:
Marriage is not a two way street, it’s a triangle.
You see when we see marriage as a two way street and we solely focu on getting closer to one another, we are leaving out a very important person in our lives.
If both the husband and wife are seeking to get closoer to God, then they are going to naturally get closer to one another.
Apply:
I don’t have a verse or statistics off hand to prove this statement but this is an assessment based upon 3 years as a lead pastor and about a decade in ministry. The relationship you have with your spouse is a representation of your relationship with God.
How can I say that? Because both your spouse and your heavenly father are to be loved by you, to be purusued by you to know them more, and to have a connection that you don’t have with anyone else.
If you aren’t persuing your savior then how can you pursue your spouse?
Now…I understand some could sit here and say “Pastor our marriage is great and we don’t believe in Jesus.” Ok…but is it? Really? I have a hard time believing you. You should schedule some time and talk with me about it.
A marriage is about more than the gift of sexual relations. It is also about the Spiritual relationship you have with your spouse and with God.
You should be discipling each other into a closer walk with God. You should be your spouses biggest spiritual supporter.
Having a healthy relationship with God will result in having a healthy marriage. When your relationship with God is weak, your relationship with your spouse will be weak.
II. A Spiritual Connection is the key to a healthy marriage
II. A Spiritual Connection is the key to a healthy marriage
A connection to Christ and a connection to your spouse.
Viewing the relationship between us and our spouse as God-honoring, emotionally and spiritually connected, and meant to be full of joy should affect how we act in it.
This passage is about the physical intimacy about a man and wife but it points to the spiritual intimacy beween a believer and God because of Jesus.
As I said earlierif you are someone who has found yourself in sin as it pertains to sex, God loves you as you are and offers forgiveness through Jesus Christ.
Time of Response
Time of Response
Husbands and wives, have you treated sex as a commodity in your marriage? One to be bartered with? Something to be earned because you did some work around the house? Something to hold over the others head to get what you want?
Teenagers, have you only thought of sex as a pleasurable act that can be enjoyed with anyone as long as you have consent? Are you believing the lies of the porn industry, hollywood, and social media that intimate relationships are something you go through like new clothes?
Single people in the room, have you elevated the act of sex as to the purpose of the relationship and not the intimate connection that is to be had between a man and a woman?
Do you have sin to confess in regards to past sexual exploits? Do that now.
Bow with me please.