Intimacy

Introduction

I would like to use my time to speak about INTIMACY

It is very likely you have a vary narrow idea what this lesson will be on. That is why I believe we need to speak about it.

World of shallow relationships

social media, yes

church relationships, yes

but yes even in our marriage

connect physically in this world is disconnected from commitment and relationship

Intimacy thought of as a physical act does not meet the deep needs of our lives.

Research from 2017 said the majority of millennial thoughts that a first date was more intimate than “hooking up.”

If we had a generation raised to drive by watching Fast & the Furious we would be in trouble on our highways. Being that we have a generation that learned about physical intimacy through pornography we have great problems in our homes and in all of our relationships.

Physical Intimacy touches the soul

Makes one flesh

Genesis 2:24 “24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”

Physical intimacy brings the body and soul together in a unique way

1 Corinthians 6:15-18 “15 Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid. 16 What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh. 17 But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit. 18 Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.”

Sex brings the body and soul together in a way that nothing else does.

You can physical hurt yourself in a way that does not hurt your soul / broken you arm as a kid - don’t struggle with self worth as a result or struggle to connect with others.

Intimacy, relationships, feelings of self worth can be affected through this physical relationship

Song of Solomon

Demonstrates that physical intimacy is more than just appreciation of the body.

Solomon shows a great love and respect for his bride in her entirety.

We have chapter 7 with the funny expressions of his love for her from toe to head.

Other descriptions start from the head down.

More than physical Compliments (however there are many)

You are respected by your friends. Song of Solomon 1:3 “3 Because of the savour of thy good ointments Thy name is as ointment poured forth, Therefore do the virgins love thee.”

Those who fear God love you. Song of Solomon 1:4 “4 Draw me, we will run after thee: The king hath brought me into his chambers: We will be glad and rejoice in thee, We will remember thy love more than wine: The upright love thee.”

He was described as an apple tree among a forest of trees. 2:3

He loved to hear her voice. 2:14

Described as the one my soul loveth. 3:3

This is more than lust. They really loved each other completely.

Song of Solomon 5:16 “16 His mouth is most sweet: yea, he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved, and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem.”

The end result of this manner of speaking was not just to stir up desire but to build trust. Song of Solomon 7:10 “10 I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me.”

It is in this intermingling of souls that physical intimacy has the place that God designed it for.

It is important to see that the book describes married love as God intended it to be. The full abandonment to each other in mutual satisfaction which is described in this song is possible only because it is experienced within that total oneness which marriage alone permits. - Robert Morgan

Three times, in 2:7, 3:5 and 8:4, the bride turns from her rapture and delight with her lover to give the secret of this delight: Song of Solomon 2:7 “7 I charge you, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, By the roes, and by the hinds of the field, That ye stir not up, nor awake my love, till he please.”

The meaning of the refrain is that love cannot be forced but must be patiently waited for. In other words the beloved reminded all those desiring a relationship like the one she and Solomon enjoyed to wait patiently for God to bring it into their lives

Limited understanding of the word love

I have been criticized for not speaking English in a way that is hard to understand. I would like to take a chance to criticize English for not being able to be easily understood.

We use the word love for everything. I love wings, I love my wife.

In Hebrew and Greek we have more words.

Three that build on top of each other.

Friendship

Proverbs 17:17 “17 A friend loveth at all times, And a brother is born for adversity.”

Foundational place for relationships.

Shannon to Olivia. I love you and I like you.

How does Jesus describe the difference between servant an friend? John 15:15 “15 Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.”

Share life and not just responsibilities. / Many marriages act as if they work different shifts at the same factory. Always grumbling at what the last shift left for them to do.

Beware of intimacy killers. [Netflix and Chill - can kill a relationship}

If a couple establishes early patterns of primarily watching and doing instead of being and sharing it can hurt a relationship severely.

Deut 24:5 “5 When a man hath taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war, neither shall he be charged with any business: but he shall be free at home one year, and shall cheer up his wife which he hath taken.”

Love of the will.

Genesis 29:20 “20 And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her.”

Means “I have seen your crazy but still love you.”

Story: You are going to argue with someone the rest of your life. Do you want it to be her?

In a committed, friendship can you have the intimacy that God intended in physical intimacy

Designed to be cherished as a soul before appreciated as a body.

Beloved. Dod

Song of Solomon 2:3 “3 As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, So is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, And his fruit was sweet to my taste.”

People speak of making love. They speak of a physical act. But intimacy is made through friendship, trust, committment and then two people knowing that their desires are wholly given to one another. This is the opposite of what the world describes.

Not feeling connected

Usually when people begin to feel disconnected from one another, the root issue of the problem is intimacy.

One of the keys to reconnecting is understanding that intimacy is a multifaceted thing.

Spiritual intimacy

Spiritual intimacy comes from being in the word together, praying for one another, and worshiping together. The word of God is the nourishment of our souls (Matthew 4:4; Deuteronomy 8:3).

When we are on the same spiritual diet, we can expect to grow in similar ways and therefore grow together — not separately.

After the first husband and wife fell for Satan’s lies, they experienced a lethal disruption in their intimacy. They hid their bodies from each other (Genesis 3:7), and Adam failed to take his role of responsibility — both to God and to Eve.

Myth: Your lack of physical intimacy is causing you to sin. Very likely the reverse is true as well.

“If spiritual intimacy is high, then the other types of intimacy will have a chance.”

Recreational Intimacy

God has made us to enjoy life’s activities — especially with our spouses. Ecc 9:9 “9 Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun.”

Most of us live for our kids and ministry and just sleep with or beside our spouses. God has called us to more.

our marriages need the ability to laugh and play together NOT JUST SOLVE THE WORLDS PROBLEMS TOGETHER

This may require being more intentional and less reactionary in your planning. Proverbs 21:5 “5 The thoughts of the diligent tend only to plenteousness; But of every one that is hasty only to want.”

Intellectual Intimacy

Similar to recreational intimacy, intellectual intimacy tends to be at its highest at the beginning of a relationship.

As time passes, couples often assume they know how their spouse thinks on nearly every issue, and they cease exploring each other’s intellectual worlds.

Always wondered why my grandpa could understand my grandmother when he couldn’t hear other people. After 50 years you don’t need to hear their words to know what they are saying.

Emotional Intimacy

Intellectual intimacy discusses topics and is usually dominated by thoughts, whereas the other (emotional intimacy) discusses experience and is usually dominated by emotion.

Men often misunderstand their spouses when they speak, thinking that what she wants is an exchange of ideas when what she really wants is someone to identify with her feelings.

There first thing Adam does when he sees Eve is not build a bed, but utters the world’s first love poem. Genesis 2:23 “23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”