Dad's Funeral

I’d like to start this time with just sharing a few memories of my father. Not just from me, I mean from anyone. Would anyone be willing to share any memories? Good, bad, funny…doesn’t matter. Just interactions you had with him that describe the type of person that he was.

My father was a complicated individual. He lived his life with what I call a lot of comedic contradictions. He was the old grump who would yell and cuss at you if you looked at him wrong in the grocery store or walked in front of him, all while wearing a Mickey Mouse shirt. He always declared a desire to be with his family for the holidays, yet cherished himself as the grinch, or a scrooge…literally saying bah humbug to everyone. He had a quick temper. You could be having a great morning together, spending time in the car, going to the grocery store to buy donuts for the family…and next thing you know he was sending a jelly filled krispy kreme zooming at your head because his hearing was atrocious that the thought you were mouthing off to your mom…even though you were just asking a question…true story. He had the opposite personality of someone you would think of that wore hawaiian shirts on a daily basis…yet that’s what he did. As I was growing up, he was quick to hold doors open for women and the elderly, allow single moms in front of him in line at the grocery store…he was quick to be chivalrous…and yet he would tell some of the crudest jokes and sing some of the crudest songs you ever heard. He was the man that would reminisce about the times him and I as a kid would pop popcorn, drink Dr. pepper, and watch Beauty and the Beast…and yet in the same conversation make an allusion or joke about some adult film that he had seen or knew of.

Like I said, he was a man of contradictions…some things just didn’t make sense how they came together in his mind.

He was also the type of man who gave up most of his life to provide for his family…yet when the time came for him to retire and be closest to his family, he pushed them away. Isolated himself.

He taught me hard work, sacrifice, family provision, boldness, and dedication. A very very  conservative estimate of time he spent out on the road during my 32 years of life is…197,100 hours…8,212.5 days….or 22.5 years. That’s assuming he was home for at least 2 months every year…which we all know wasn’t the case. That is a long amount of time spent in a semi truck, earning as much money for his family as he could and keeping very little himself.

That’s another hard contradiction to wrestle with. The man that gave up so much of his life towards his family, really struggled to stay true to that in his final years.

My relationship to him caused me great joy at times, and great pain. It was complicated. That’s how I would end up describing my relationship to him in these final years. Complicated.

And I know that most of you in this room share that sentiment. I know many of you spent years where you wouldn’t talk with him or he wouldn’t talk to you. I know that many of you in this room spent time not only grieving his death…but grieving what the relationship you had with him could have been. The potential it had. I know that’s how it was and is for me. I have felt regret, sadness, anger, hurt, emptiness, and a list of other emotions.

I’ve felt regret that I didn’t say what I felt needed to be said to him. And that I let him push himself away from me.

I’ve felt sadness that the man who supported and raised me, he took many opportunities to tell me he was proud of me and loved me…sadness that he had passed and that I couldn’t even remember the last words I spoke to him.

I’ve felt anger because he didn’t bother to know my children the way I wanted him to know him. And treat my mom the way a husband should treat a wife.

I’m speaking honestly tonight, because I wanted to honor my Dad. And my thought is that the best way to honor him was to speak the way he spoke. Because if there was one thing Gerald Fouts was good at…it was telling you what he thought. What he thought about you…or your beliefs…or your actions. It was definitely a trait that I feel like I got from him…though prayerfully, what I have to say will come across with just a little more tact than he used to use.

My dad was not afraid to talk about dying. He mentioned it more than was comfortable. As such…over the years I remember a couple of things that he asked for at his funeral.

I know he wanted this music playing. Check.

This was one of his favorite CDs of all time. I remember when he first found it and bought it. He played it every time he was home…and eventually it made its way to my collection when I became a Christian at the age of 17. This CD was actually quite crucial to my understanding of worship…and what it meant to be a worship leader. All that to say, my Dad’s influence on my life even extended to my career and calling.

He didn’t want people staring at his body. Check.

I know my father wanted the gospel preached.

If there was another thing that we know about Gerald Fouts…it’s that he loved reading, he loved war and action movies, he loved listening and talking about politics, and he loved being set in his religion. He was passionate about these things…to the point oftentimes of agitation and anger.

I admit to you, that this has been a difficult thing for me to think through over the past several weeks. You wouldn’t think so…because I’ve dedicated my whole life the truth of the gospel. My career, my family, my children…all to Jesus.

So why is it hard? Preaching the gospel to your own family is extremely difficult because you don’t want to cause tension. You don’t want to make people feel uncomfortable…especially the people you live life with. You want to respect and love them for who they are…and, you know full well that your family is the one who sees all your faults and mistakes and flaws…simply put. Your family knows your sins, so it’s hard to talk at times to them about how you’re committed to living a life that squashes sin and glorifies God.

I know that for some or many of you in this room…you don’t want the gospel preached. Because to you it may be awkward, uncomfortable, wrong, foolish, or maybe even painful. To that I say two things.

It’s not your funeral. It’s Gerald’s. At your funeral, you can do whatever you want. But at this one…we are going to honor the wishes of the dead, no matter what the condition of our relationship was with him at the end.

Give me the grace for the next five minutes to hear what I have to say. I don’t think I’m going to say it the way you expect. I’m not going to demand a response from you, I’m just going to ask that you sit and politely listen to what I have to say…and for most of you in the room…you know this is not something I cram down your throats. I don’t beat you over the head with it. I don’t force it upon you. I love you for you. And I pray that the relationship I’ve built with you over my life shows to you that I’m not going to start doing that now. However, there are some very true things that my dad would have wanted to be said…and things that need to be said.

What I speak tonight is the truth. The honest, blunt, no punches held truth. Just the way Gerald Fouts liked to handle things. Bold, in your face, leaving you no questions how he felt.

I have four points that I’ll make concise and they might sound odd at first. I want to talk tonight about how the Gospel is a reason for concern when it comes to my dad’s soul, and why the Gospel is also a reason for joy when it comes to my dad’s soul. Now, when I say concern…I mean that the Gospel should cause us to be concerned that my father’s soul may not be in heaven. I know we all like to believe that everyone except hitler goes to heaven when they die…or even that we go nowhere when we die. Both of those are easier to believe than the idea that there is punishment that awaits those that don’t belong to God. So I’m going to give two reasons tonight why we should be concerned for my Dad’s soul.

But also, I’m going to give two reasons why we may have joy when it comes to my father’s soul. Why there may be a chance that he is indeed in a better place.

First point. The gospel is a reason for concern when it comes to my dad’s soul…because scripture tells us how we finish our lives matters.

Scripture shows us that one of the ways we know someone is truly a Christian, is that they will run the race of faith with endurance. They will love God, and do Godly things, throughout their life of knowing him. They will love the weak, the orphan, the widow. They will care for those in need. They will love their enemy. As they grow in age and maturity…they will seek to look more like Jesus. Christians call it sanctification. The lifelong process of becoming more holy. Of sinning less and becoming more righteous.

The Author of the book of Hebrews calls Christians to do this when talking about the people of faith.

Hebrews 12:1–2 ESV

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

How Christians finish their race matters. That’s what the gospel teaches. Christians will be marked by having a life sustained in repentance…that is the turning away from their sin. Jesus even commands us to.

Matthew 3:8 ESV

Bear fruit in keeping with repentance.

So why is this aspect of the gospel a concern when it comes to my dad’s soul? Because this was not tangible in his life.

I don’t think any of us in this room would describe my father as someone who got more righteous and less angry over his lifetime. I don’t think we would describe him as less divisive, less bitter, and less crude as he got older. Or, more caring, more loving, more passionate for the weak and lowly. We didn’t see my father grow in patience, and kindness, and love, and gentleness…all evidence that the Holy Spirit is working in our lives. If anything, many of our experiences show that these things got worse in his life as he went on.

This is coupled with our second point of concern…

Second point. The gospel is a reason for concern when it comes to my father’s soul because Christians will be known by their love. Their love for God, their love for the church, and their love for others.

Luke 10:27 ESV

And he answered, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.”

John 13:34–35 ESV

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

This is what was so difficult about my father. We all know his declared love for God. He wore this necklace every day of his life because of his declared love for God. His political views reflected someone that believes in God. His facebook posts would reflect a belief or love for God.

But yet, we did not see a consistent love for the church, and for others. Sure, we saw seasons of his life where this came and went…but my father’s life was not marked by a growing maturity and consistency in these things.

This is what made it so hard to speak to you tonight. Because my dad was probably the most outspoken believer in God in our family…and yet was marked by the greatest lack of love towards others. That lack of love towards others caused a lot of pain in our lives sometimes. Whether you were his wife, his children, or his siblings.

Jesus is clear, the world will know that we are Christians..that we belong to God, that we have been saved from an eternity in hell by Jesus’ death on the cross…the world will know that, by seeing the way we love God, the way we love the church, and the way we choose to love others.

With this aspect in mind, the truth of the gospel causes concern for my dad’s soul, because we didn’t see growth and maturity in his love towards the church and others.

But here’s the good news. The hopeful news.

The gospel is a reason for joy because while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Romans 5:8 ESV

but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Christ died for sinners. Not perfect people…not ones who deserved it or earned it…but imperfect, lowly, sinners.

Sinners like us…and like my father. This verse should cause joy because it shows us that merit and honor is not what earns us our salvation. Doing good things is not what caused Christ to die for us…but rather, his love for us is what caused him to desire to save us from an eternity of punishment.

This verse shows us that no one is beyond saving, because anyone who has ever been saved is and was a sinner. This shows us that my father, despite all his flaws, despite the things he did in our lives to push us away or hurt us…despite the words he said and the things he did…he was not beyond saving.

No one is beyond saving. No matter what you’ve done or how long you’ve done it.

That ties in to my fourth point.

The gospel is a reason for joy concerning my Dad’s soul…because good people don’t go to heaven. Let me say that again. Good people, don’t go to heaven.

We aren’t saved by our works…we are saved by our faith.

The world will tell us that some random standard of good works will save us…that if we have enough good in the bank account, then we are able to pay our way to heaven. But scripture doesn’t reveal that.

When Jesus died on the cross, he died between two criminals. One criminal, literally being executed as they spoke, put his faith in Christ…and was saved. No matter what he had done in his life previously.

Good people don’t go to heaven. But humble people do.

It says in 1 Peter that God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Who are the humble? Those who are willing to set their self reliance and pride aside…those who are willing to stop seeking their own self comfort and pleasure…and are willing to give their Lives over to God to do his work for his glory and their joy.

The humble are those described in

Romans 10:9 ESV

because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

Here’s what I know about my dad. He had the head knowledge of what Jesus did. He had the part here in Romans 9 about confessing with your mouth that Jesus is lord. He certainly did that. What only God knows, is the sincerity of his belief in his heart. But what I know…is that that opportunity was there for him.

He spent his last days with a bible in his hand. He spent his last days with the knowledge of scripture of what it said about God. He spent his last days in a position where at any moment that faith could have been confirmed as sincere…where belief in his heart could have come to fruition…he spent his last days in a posture that set him up to not be good person…but to be a humble person.

That’s the grace of God. That’s the mercy of God. That’s the love of God. That my dad would live some a complicated life, one that had these crazy contradiction in it…and yet God in his goodness would bring up to a place, to allow him the opportunity to get right with him, to allow him the opportunity to repent of his sins and place his faith in him.

Guys. We can’t say with certainty what happened to my father’s soul. To do that of anyone’s soul would be foolish, because only God knows the heart and the extent of our belief. But…I rest knowing the opportunity and chance was there for him. And…his life…his funeral…serves as an opportunity for you to know the chance is there for you as well.