Marriage, Mirroring the Messiah in Marriage

Marriage 2

Mirroring the Messiah in Marriage

Eph 5:22-31, Philippians 2:3-8

Pray

Read Eph 5:22-31

Introduction -

Marriage 2 - Loving Your Spouse Well.

How do I reflect the Gospel to my spouse?

How can I “Mirror the Messiah in my marriage”?

What your spouse needs from you most of all is for you to … Mirroring the Savior in my marriage.

In a very practically focused message today, we are going to look at what you can do as a spouse to love your spouse well.

For the married, What is a key take away for me?

For the young and unmarried, What is key that I can take into my future marriage?

-If you are not married and have plans for marriage...

What we discuss about marriage today, except for 1 point, will apply to your close Christian friendships.

The more you internalize the greatness of what Jesus has done through saving you.

-The more you let sink in what salvation has done for you, the more your are affected by the Gospel.

-It is at that point in that the grace, mercy and love found in the Gospel overflows out of your life and onto others.

But especially on to the one you are married to.

Last week we spoke about the meaning of marriage, the spiritual purpose of marriage, the covenant, and love in marriage. That message is available online.

The question - We are going to answer to today is this.

What can I do to Mirror the Messiah in my marriage?

What can I do to be as much like Jesus to my spouse a I can?

Introduction - Hook

There is a story told of a little boy who had been taught how God created woman out of Adams rib.

One day the boy got a pain in his side and was crying out for his mom.

Mom came in the room and asked what was wrong.

The boy said, with a very serious and concerned look in his eye,

“I think I’m having a wife.”

If all you had to do too have a successful marriage was to give a rib - that would in fact be easy.

A successful marriage takes a lot of effort.

A wise pastor told me once that a successful marriage doesn’t require a 50/50 effort to make it work. It requires 100/100 to make it work.

What can you specifically do to Mirror the Messiah to your spouse?

Today we will look at 4 gifts you can give your spouse.

Susan and I have a love hate relationship with the gifts I give her. I love to give her cake. She loves to eat cake, but she despises the extra calories. She both loves and hates when I bring her cake.

Transition - The gifts God has for your to give your spouse are ...

The first and most important gift you can give your spouse is ...

Transition - The second way you can gift your spouse is with intentional communication.

Intentional Communication

Illustration

A story is told about a man and a wife who had such a terrible argument that they were giving each other the silent treatment. 2 days into the silent treatment the man realized he needed his wife’s help.

The man had a terrible habit of sleeping through alarms.

The next day he had a flight to catch for work and needed to be up by 6am.

Being too prideful to break the silence the man wrote his wife a note. “Please wake me up at 6am. I have a flight out of town.”

The next morning he woke up to the sun shining. It was 9am. He missed his flight.

Next to him he found a note on the bed.

It read, “It’s 6am. Time to get up.”

If you are married, you’ve had communication problems.

God communicates to us well

-He gave us the book the Bible

-God has communicated to us well. 2 Peter 1:3

2 Peter 1:3 (NIV)

3 His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.

God has given you His Word to communicate with you so that you know Him & live for Him.

The Holy Spirit convicts us, guides us into truth in knowing God.

Transition - God is specific about our marriages. (and also our friendships)

Philippians 2:4, “4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

Ephesians 5 tells men to love their wives like Christ and for women to respect their husbands.

One of the practical outworking of love, respect and commitment to your marriage (or friendships) will be a commitment to good communication.

Many times we do not communicate well because we are so focused on what is going on in our lives that we miss looking out for the interests of others.

We fail to lovingly stop and ask ourself - What does my spouse need to hear from me right now?

A spouse who is not communicated with doesn’t feel loved.

A relationship with poor communication struggles to establish trust.

It is God’s desire for your marriage to grow in communication.

There are 2 practical kinds of communication in marriage.

The administrative and the personal

The administrative is about schedules, finances and what keeps the wheels of the family turning.

-When you regularly fail to communicate the administrative - you begin to place unnecessary stress and frustration in the relationship.

-When you communicate well about the administrative you are saying, We are a team and I want our heads together.

The second kind of communication is the personal.

The personal is about relationships, thoughts, feelings, spiritual.

When you share about your relationship, your walk with God, your thoughts, and feelings you say to your spouse,

“We are a team and I want our hearts together.

Communication is so important in our walk with God we do it every day.

Jesus spoke with His Father every day.

You need to be communicating with your spouse every day.

How do I communicate with my spouse?

Answer - Intentionally

-Pick a time each day where you put down your phone and tablet.

-Give your spouse your full attention.

-Ask questions and listen.

-If you struggle sharing, pick one thing you can share from your day with your spouse.

-Intentionally take time to communicate.

If you are a talker

Talkers - Here is how you can love your spouse well.

-Ask them questions & listen.

-When there is silence wait, don’t jump in. Give them time.

-They don’t spill their thoughts as easily as you do.

Talker - Challenge yourself to say what you need to say, in as few words as you can.

Get to your point and make it.

Your spouse may be avoiding you because you say in 30 minutes what should have been expressed in 5 minutes.

Listeners (and this is me in my marriage) - If you are someone who usually just listens, here are a few things for you.

-Be intentional to invest in the conversation. Add your thoughts, explain yourself. Nods and grunts don’t count as sharing.

-Graciously express what you really think. Tell the full story. Be invested in the conversation. Try to give as much detail as you can stand to.

Listeners (especially you introverts) -Understand that God desires to use your voice to influence others.

-When quiet people speak, others listen.

-Quiet People, understand that when you do speak up, people take much more seriously what you say - then the person who speaks too much.

-When you talk about spiritual things, your words are leveraged for good 10 fold.

-Your voice can be a powerful voice for the Lord by you simply speaking up. I have several friends in this church like this.

Married Couples - Can I challenge you to use your communication in one of the most God glorifying ways by asking each other 2 questions,

After church each Sunday, What was a take away for you from either Sunday School or the worship service?

This would be great to ask once a week, “What is God teaching you or challenging you with right now?”

Love & respect each other enough to ask the most important questions.

God created us all to communicate.

When you communicate with love and respect you are...

-Mirror the Messiah in your marriage.

Transition -

So far we have seen that we Mirror the Messiah in Our Marriage

-Through being an actively Growing Christ Follower

-Through communicating with love and intentionality.

Serving -

God has called me to serve my spouse (X2)

Philippians 2:5-7

Eph 5:24-25

God has called husbands and wives to look after each others best interests, and to serve one another.

Illustration -

I was at a mens conference where I heard a speaker share about how He and his wife had committed to themselves to eagerly serve each other.

The husband speaking was a competitive man and he had married a wife equally competitive. Serving each other had gotten a little out of hand.

-One Saturday night he found her linen dress that she had hung out for church the next day. But it needed ironing.

He took it in the laundry room and began to iron it along with his clothes.

She caught him ironing and demanded he stop ironing and let her do the ironing. He refused and wouldn’t give her the iron when she tried to grab it out of his hand.

She started crying.

He said, why are you crying. I’m just trying to iron your clothes, she responded, because you are out-serving me.

Husbands - You are called to love your wife like Christ loves the church. Part of that love shows up in serving her. Serving her spiritually & serving her practically.

Husbands - Help you wives around the house. Help them with the children. Clean the kitchen. Clean some toilets.

-Husbands, prayer with your wife. Talk to her about spiritual things. Encourage her spiritually.

Wives - You are called to be a help mate. One of the greatest ways you can serve your husbands is to help him with his blind spots. Graciously come along side him and help make him better.

Illustration - There is a Cristian man I know who likes to be funny and make silly jokes about his marriage. Recently he said to me, I make jokes a lot about my marriage, but my wife is the best thing that ever happened to me.

Gal 5:13 “13 For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.”

-When you server your spouse, Mirror the Messiah in your marriage.

Transition

This morning we have seen that mirroring Jesus in your marriage includes:

-Being a growing Christ Follower

-Being committed to loving communication

-and Serving your spouse

Physical Intimacy - I Corinthians 7:2-5

Physical Intimacy is so important in marriage that God wrote an entire book on it with the Song of Solomon.

I want to draw you attention to ...

I Cor 7:2-5 “2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another,...”

Illustration -

Many years ago Susan and I were sitting in a Sunday School class.

Lesson on heaven.

Sunday School Teacher, Tracy

Student in the back of the class - Brad is sitting right next to his wife. They are in their mid to late 30’s. Brad was one of those guys that you never knew what he was going to say.

The lesson that day was on heaven.

About 5 minutes into the lesson Brad raises his hand and asks a random and uncomfortable question.

Tracy, Does the Bible talk about there being sex in heaven?

Tracy - No - Not my knowledge.

Brad - Good because I feel like I’m in heaven already.

Married Couples - God has given you to your spouse to meet their need for physical intimacy.

Do not hold this back from your spouse.

Withholding from your spouse makes your spouse feel desperate and opens them up to temptation.

You say, Jonathan our life is so busy … it is hard to make physical intimacy a priority. Or, we have children. Privacy in our house is impossible.

Yes, These things are a challenge.

Consider that we live in a hyper sexualized culture

-Withholding from your spouse can bring vulnerability in their fight for purity.

-The Evil One is happy to destroy your marriage

So what do I do?

Similar to communicating regularly set aside specific times during your week to meet each others needs.

Jesus has met our souls most intimate needs in awakening us and communing with us.

God calls you to physically commune with your spouse.

And in doing so, you reflect the Messiah in your Marriage.

Transition -Finally and briefly, One of the most beautiful and essential gifts you can give you spouse is the gift of ...

Forgiveness -

Scripture

Matthew 6:14 ESV

14 For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you,

For our marriage to last till death do us part we must forgive every day.

For our marriage to Mirror the Messiah we must forgive every day.

-You forgive everyday because Jesus forgave you the day you came to faith & his forgiveness extends to the sin of the future.

-We forgive because we have been forgiven so much.

-One of the marks of being a Christ Follower is to be someone who forgives.

-Forgiveness is so wrapped up in the identity of those who are Christ Followers, those who do not forgive are not considered Christ Followers.

-The Father doesn’t forgive those who do not forgive because all true Christ Followers forgive.

-And who has the opportunity to offend you the most and the deepest

-Your spouse

That is why I tell couples in pre-marital counseling that for a marriage to last it takes 2 professional forgivers.

What in your life is God calling you to forgive today?

Where forgiveness exists relationships thrive.

Close -

As we close, What gift has God shown you today that you need to give to your spouse (or a close friend)?

Is it - being an active growing Christ Follower?

Making efforts in your communication

Committing yourself to serving

Physical intimacy

Forgiveness

Which of these is God placing on your heart?

Gospel

If you do not know Jesus as your Savior, will you confess your sin to Him, trust that the work on the Cross paid for your sin, and following Him as your Lord?

Pray