Donna Funeral

Introduction/Initial Stories

Good morning, for everyone who doesn’t know me, my name is Cody and I am Donna’s step son. Donna has been my step-mother for as long as I have conscious memories.

I grew up with 3 older siblings, my father, Donna, and my mother. The interesting things about this family dynamic (which is all I have ever known)

was that there was never really a difference between me and my siblings — despite the fact that they weren’t biological.

There wasn’t a difference in the way Donna looked at me or treated me. So I count myself blessed to not have the typical movie “evil step mother/red headed step child” syndrome

That was one of the things about Donna, she had a way of welcoming you in and treating you like family.

Some of you here today are here because you are friends of mine and were viewed by Donna almost as another one of her children.

Growing up with Donna was amazing, and challenging, and hysterical, and frustrating. It was, like family.

In this moment, I want to look at some cherished memories, as most of us are today. Others have talked already today about Donna’s love of food and gardening.

One thing, (maybe has been mentioned already) is Donna’s love of eating food — particularly crunchy food.

Which would inevitably make Brian annoyed, which made all of us laugh because Donna had a crunch that could be heard across the street.

So many of my memories revolve around food. From the “dinner bell” as we called it (which was essentially Donna setting off the smoke detector EVERY DAY) to the standard Bockelkamp weekly food menu

(which us kids could recite of the top of our heads), to Donna saying that she has NEVER seen the beginning of ANY movie EVER because she was ALWAYS doing dishes (which is so not true).

There was one time (may have already been said) that we went out to Cold Stone back when it was by the old movie theatre (now Old Navy) in the mini van. We got our ice cream and where eating it in the car when…

…shocker…we hear crunching. Brian happens to look over at Donna and says “Mom. Are you eating the bowl??”

The Styrofoam bowl that is. She had a waffle cone in a bowl and apparently hadn’t noticed the difference in taste. I remember that story so vividly because I laughed so hard I almost peed myself.

Spiritual Transition

I also remember being in this building with Donna. We grew up going to church and it was just kind of a thing we did, nothing more.

But eventually, following Christ became a serious part of our lives. It wasn’t just a thing we did, it was a life we lived. When our lives and family centered on Christ and lived for Him…

… I remember how things changed. I remember watching Dad and Donna’s marriage change. I remember changing with them and looking more like Christ.

When I was on break with school me, dad and Donna would sit in the living and talk about Jesus and the church and how we can better look like Him, better love those around us,

Help our church better grow in Christ, and ultimately, how Jesus would be glorified in our family.

One of my most cherished memories was when Donna had decided she wanted to get baptized. She was baptized as a baby but once she started living for Christ, she wanted everyone to know that through the act of baptism.

I remember Pastor David asking me if I would help baptize her, and so…I did. What an honor it is, to look back now and recognize that not only was she a mother to me, but also a sister in faith in Christ.

Memories and Grief of Life

Memories can be a powerful thing. A beautiful thing, but more than that, powerful. If you would indulge me for a moment, that as a Pastor myself, I might give us some Christian wisdom for a moment such as this.

You see, in all deaths, but ones like this in particular, ones of sickness, suffering, and all to quick ends, beautiful memories can display themselves in powerful ways.

You see, no matter how fast you are, grief you cannot outrun. No matter how strong you are, grief you cannot out fight.

No matter how smart you are, grief you cannot out wit.

Grief MUST be worked through. It demands it. And so, memories, beautiful ones like these, when wrapped in the sadness, or sorrow, or pain, or anger of grief…

…when not properly dealt with, they will sow seeds of a grief in us that produces death. When not dealt with properly, this grief will make us run to numbness and vices to blind us from the persistent opponent of grief.

But the same memories, if used rightly, can display their power to not only move us through grief but through it in such a way that we come out a different and BETTER person — a grief that produces life.

When such sadness, sorrow, pain, or anger arises in you, I ask you, take a memory of Donna. Something she truly loved, and do that thing in memory of her. Let me explain by using myself as an example.

One thing that as an adult I love to do is to cook. Donna loved making food. One of my last memories of her is actually the last conscious words she ever said to me.

I brought over dinner for her and dad (who was outside at the time) and she said something so simple, “I’ve always loved your cooking.”

And so, with that, whenever the pain of loss arises, the anger of “why God” comes knocking, or sadness overwhelms me…

…I’m going to cook a meal. Because it is a true memory. And as a true memory, it will serve me as a right tool, to move through grief and end up as a better person on the other side, one Donna would have wanted me to be.

For the siblings

Might I simply suggest some for you my siblings…

Michelle, me and you might have to battle for who is the better cook because I know that will likely be your way forward as well.

Brian, you have the tall task (that’s not a height joke…well…now it is) of outdoing Donna’s garden and salsa. I don’t know if you can EVER beat it but….when grief comes, you try you damndest to.

Brandon, We all know that Donna already passed down the crunching gene so you have that covered. But seriously, one things I’ve also seen passed down, is your love and desire to serve and help others. You’re so much like your mother in that.

So when grief overwhelms. When the long dark night comes and seems not to go away, Cook. And garden, and serve the best you can. Keep your head up, and walk forward through griefs refining fire

.

Be changed by it, into who Donna always wanted you to be, a steadfast follower of Jesus, produced out of the grief of life.

Last Thoughts

To everyone else here, I offer my closing thoughts and my last memory.

As her brother in Christ, I mentioned the privilege of baptizing Donna. And the statement we make in baptism is

“Buried in the likeness of His death, and raised to walk in newness of life.”

As one who served her, in helping her display her faith in Christ by her burial in His death and being raised to new life,

I also had the privilege (along with other family and pastor David) to serve her in ushering her through death, and into eternal life. I want to read you the last prayer I read over her before she passed from this life and into the next and ask you just one simple question.

The prayer is this:

“O God my Father,

O Christ my Brother,

O Spirit my Comforter,

I am ready.

Now meet me at this mortal threshold and deliver me

to that eternal city; to your radiant splendor; to the table

and the feast and the festival of friends; to the wonder

and the welcome of my hearts true home.

I but await your word. Bid me rise and follow,

and I will follow you gladly into that deeper glory,

O Spirit My True Guide,

O Christ My True King,

O God My True and Love Father,

receive me now.”

Last Ask

We are here because death has brought us together, to think on these memories.

But it also draws our attention, as I believe Donna would want me to.

If you, were faced with this same end…

…or rather, WHEN you, are faced with this same end….the end of life….

Would you be ushered into that glory with Christ? Do you follow Him? Have you trusted in Him?

If not, I ask, as Donna would have me, I appreciate your condolences but I ask, if NOT talk to me after about following Christ. To know the Savior she did. The Savior who has made her knew again, and redeemer her forever.