The Characteristics We Should Have

When Your married To A Self Sabotaging Spouse

1 Samuel 25:1–38 AMP

1 NOW SAMUEL died, and all the Israelites assembled and mourned for him, and buried him at his house in Ramah. David arose and went to the Wilderness of Paran. 2 A very rich man was in Maon, whose possessions and business were in Carmel. He had 3,000 sheep and 1,000 goats, and he was shearing his sheep in Carmel. 3 The man’s name was Nabal and his wife’s name was Abigail; she was a woman of good understanding, and beautiful. But the man was rough and evil in his doings; he was a Calebite. 4 David heard in the wilderness that Nabal was shearing his sheep. 5 And David sent out ten young men and said to [them], Go up to Carmel to Nabal and greet him in my name; 6 And salute him thus: Peace be to you and to your house and to all that you have. 7 I have heard that you have shearers. Now your shepherds have been with us and we did them no harm, and they missed nothing all the time they were in Carmel. 8 Ask your young men and they will tell you. Therefore let my young men find favor in your sight, for we come at an opportune time. I pray you, give whatever you have at hand to your servants and to your son David. 9 And when David’s young men came, they said all this to Nabal in the name of David, and then paused. 10 And Nabal answered David’s servants and said, Who is David? Who is the son of Jesse? There are many servants nowadays who are each breaking away from his master. 11 Shall I then take my bread and my water, and my meat that I have killed for my shearers, and give it to men when I do not know where they belong? 12 So David’s young men turned away, and came and told him all that was said. 13 And David said to his men, Every man gird on his sword. And they did so, and David also girded on his sword; and there went up after David about 400 men, and 200 remained with the baggage. 14 But one of Nabal’s young men told Abigail, Nabal’s wife, Behold, David sent messengers out of the wilderness to salute our master, and he railed at them. 15 But David’s men were very good to us, and we were not harmed, nor did we miss anything as long as we went with them, when we were in the fields. 16 They were a wall to us night and day, all the time we were with them keeping the sheep. 17 So know this and consider what you will do, for evil is determined against our master and all his house. For he is such a wicked man that one cannot speak to him. 18 Then Abigail made haste and took 200 loaves, two skins of wine, five sheep already dressed, five measures of parched grain, 100 clusters of raisins, and 200 cakes of figs, and laid them on donkeys. 19 And she said to her servants, Go on before me; behold, I come after you. But she did not tell her husband Nabal. 20 As she rode on her donkey, she came down hidden by the mountain, and behold, David and his men came down opposite her, and she met them. 21 Now David had said, Surely in vain have I protected all that this fellow has in the wilderness, so that nothing was missed of all that belonged to him; and he has repaid me evil for good. 22 May God do so, and more also, to David if I leave of all who belong to him one male alive by morning. 23 When Abigail saw David, she hastened and lighted off the donkey, and fell before David on her face and did obeisance. 24 Kneeling at his feet she said, Upon me alone let this guilt be, my lord. And let your handmaid, I pray you, speak in your presence, and hear the words of your handmaid. 25 Let not my lord, I pray you, regard this foolish and wicked fellow Nabal, for as his name is, so is he—Nabal [foolish, wicked] is his name, and folly is with him. But I, your handmaid, did not see my lord’s young men whom you sent. 26 So now, my lord, as the Lord lives and as your soul lives, seeing that the Lord has prevented you from bloodguiltiness and from avenging yourself with your own hand, now let your enemies and those who seek to do evil to my lord be as Nabal. 27 And now this gift, which your handmaid has brought my lord, let it be given to the young men who follow my lord. 28 Forgive, I pray you, the trespass of your handmaid, for the Lord will certainly make my lord a sure house, because my lord is fighting the Lord’s battles, and evil has not been found in you all your days. 29 Though man is risen up to pursue you and to seek your life, yet the life of my lord shall be bound in the living bundle with the Lord your God. And the lives of your enemies—them shall He sling out as out of the center of a sling. 30 And when the Lord has done to my lord according to all the good that He has promised concerning you and has made you ruler over Israel, 31 This shall be no staggering grief to you or cause for pangs of conscience to my lord, either that you have shed blood without cause or that my lord has avenged himself. And when the Lord has dealt well with my lord, then [earnestly] remember your handmaid. 32 And David said to Abigail, Blessed be the Lord, the God of Israel, Who sent you this day to meet me. 33 And blessed be your discretion and advice, and blessed be you who have kept me today from bloodguiltiness and from avenging myself with my own hand. 34 For as the Lord, the God of Israel, lives, Who has prevented me from hurting you, if you had not hurried and come to meet me, surely by morning there would not have been left so much as one male to Nabal. 35 So David accepted what she had brought him and said to her, Go up in peace to your house. See, I have hearkened to your voice and have granted your petition. 36 And Abigail came to Nabal, and behold, he was holding a feast in his house like the feast of a king. And [his] heart was merry, for he was very drunk; so she told him nothing at all until the morning light. 37 But in the morning, when the wine was gone out of Nabal, and his wife told him these things, his heart died within him and he became [paralyzed, helpless as] a stone. 38 And about ten days after that, the Lord smote Nabal and he died.

Be A Person That Takes Action Quickly

Abigail Responded Quickly To The Situation

The first life lesson to learn from Abigail is to be a person that takes action quickly. In other words, don’t be a procrastinator.

After the servant told Abigail what had happened between David’s messengers and Nabal, the servant said “think it over and see what you can do” (1 Samual 25:17 NIV).

But the next verse states that “Abigail acted quickly”. There was nothing to think over. The solution was obvious.

She took two hundred loaves of bread, two skins of wine, five dressed sheep, five seahs of roasted grain, a hundred cakes of raisins and two hundred cakes of pressed figs, and loaded them on donkeys. Then she told her servants, “Go on ahead; I’ll follow you…” But she did not tell her husband Nabal.

Humble Yourself When Necessary

Abigail Humbled Herself Before David

The second life lesson to learn from Abigail is to humble yourself when necessary. The issue that David had with Nabal wasn’t Abigail’s fault, despite that The Bible indicates that when she saw David, she bowed down saying, “Pardon your servant” (1 Samuel 25:24 NIV).

Abigail’s humility eventually led David to change his mind about killing Nabal and all the men in his entire household. Did you get that?

Although it was not her fault, her humility saved them!

Abigail could have easily said “Nabal needs to deal with that. I’m tired of making excuses for him.” If she did, that attitude could have cost many innocent people their lives.

in life, a problem may not always be your fault, but you may have to humble yourself to solve the problem.

Having the attitude that the person that caused an issue should own up to it could cause you more than if you simply humbled yourself and took the issue on.

Be Knowledgeable

Abigail’s Knowledge of David Made A Difference

The third life lesson to learn from Abigail is to be knowledgeable. There is no doubt that Abigail was knowledgeable.

After all, The Bible explicitly described her as intelligent (1 Samuel 25:3). Her knowledge stood out when she approached David.Unlike her husband who arrogantly asked “Who is this David? Who is this son of Jesse?” (v. 10), Abigail knew who David was. That knowledge enabled her to persuade David.

Because of her knowledge of who David was, she was able to say very specific things that mattered to him, ultimately causing him to cool down and change his mind.

Be Approachable

The fourth life lesson to learn from Abigail is to be approachable. What does it mean to be approachable?

It means to be the type of person that is open-minded and willing to listen to the advice of others.

Being approachable doesn’t keep people back from telling you things that can help you in the long run.

Abigail’s Servants Found Her More Approachable

Abigail was approachable in that the servant was comfortable going to her to explain the potential disaster that was about to take place.

In contrast, Nabal was not approachable. The same servant that spoke to Abigail said he is “a wicked man that no one can talk to him” (1 Samuel 25:17 NIV).

Abigail’s approachability ultimately saved lives. After Nabal, she was likely the only person in the household that had the power to do something about the situation and if she was anything like her husband, the servant may have avoided talking to her.

Speak To People At The Right Time

Abigail Spoke To Nabal When He Was Sober

The last life lesson to learn from Abigail is to speak to people at the right time.

There is a subtle detail that was included in Abigail’s story that teaches this.

When Abigail came back from meeting David, The Bible states that when she went to Nabal, “he was in the house holding a banquet like that of a king.

He was in high spirits and very drunk. So she told him nothing at all until daybreak. Then in the morning, when Nabal was sober, his wife told him all these things…” (1 Samuel 25:36-37 NIV).

You may argue that it was obviously not a good time for Abigail to speak to Nabal while he was drunk and you would be making a reasonable argument. But since The Bible includes that detail, we’ll learn from it.

In life, there are times when it’s not obvious that it’s not a good time to bring up an issue.

A person may not be drunk, but in the same way that a person is out of their right mind when drunk, they may be angry, hungry, or distracted. If you decide to speak about certain issues at such times, it may not be received well.

In the workplace, this could mean scheduling a meeting with your boss to discuss a concern rather than surprise them with it in the hallway. In a marriage, this could mean making sure your spouse had something to eat before correcting them on a fault.

If you got some good news personally, sharing it with others when they are upset will not be received the same as when they are in good spirits. As Abigail illustrated, in life, it’s important to speak to people at the right time. It makes a difference.