Proverbs description of a friend.
Book of Proverbs • Sermon • Submitted
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Kids desire strong friendships and adults have given up on it.
Let’s look at description of good friendships from Proverbs.
It is easier to stay on the surface with our so-called friends, and as such they are not friends who help us fight sin.
Different sermon than I emailed out yesterday morning. Eager to move to the theme of our missions conference.
With kids going back to school I am burdened especially for this.
Moving to Lamentations after Proverbs. Intro on Oct 9th as we will have a panel about grief with the Ashleys
Good friends aren’t just close friends, according to Solomon’s proverbs. They must also be wise friends. Proverbs 13:20 “20 He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: But a companion of fools shall be destroyed.”
20 He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: But a companion of fools shall be destroyed.
We all have a variety of friends
Friends by proximity.
Friends by family.
Friends by circumstances.
Friends by association.
What about friends by conviction.
1. Good friends are dependable.
1. Good friends are dependable.
Proverbs 17:17 “17 A friend loveth at all times, And a brother is born for adversity.”
17 A friend loveth at all times, And a brother is born for adversity.
The word love here is the same word to describe the love between Jonathan and King David (Solomon’s father): He loved David as he loved his own soul 1 Sam 20:17 “17 And Jonathan caused David to swear again, because he loved him: for he loved him as he loved his own soul.”
17 And Jonathan caused David to swear again, because he loved him: for he loved him as he loved his own soul.
This is close friendship.
In fact, Solomon says, this is what brotherhood was born for: times of adversity. This is why God gives us good friends.
Solomon is saying, what people really want to see in a friend is steadfast, unfailing love more than they need you to have a truck or a boat. Proverbs 19:22 “22 The desire of a man is his kindness: And a poor man is better than a liar.”
22 The desire of a man is his kindness: And a poor man is better than a liar.
This is what people want in a friend: someone who reflects God’s character and sticks with you.
2. Good friends are honest about their sin.
2. Good friends are honest about their sin.
Proverbs 28:13 “13 He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: But whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy.”
13 He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: But whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy.
This means friends confess sin to each other. Friends are accountable to one another.
Accountability is a buzzword in the Christian community, especially among men. But in order to do accountability well, we need to know what it is.
Here’s a good definition of accountability: Accountability is being honest with trusted friends about our temptations, our sins, and the state of our heart.
There are all kinds of games guys play when it comes to avoiding real accountability.
For some it’s sheer avoidance. Some men are really good at just never getting into discussions about personal sin.
Others play the “We” game. They might get into a conversation with their Christian brothers about a struggle they have and end up couching everything in “we” terms.
Some men keep their confessions at surface level. They tell someone just enough to soothe their consciences but heavily edit and sanitize their stories.
Some confess their sin to others but play the “elapsed-time-game.” They do something they know is wrong and want to confess it to someone, but they make sure to put a good week or so between the sin and the confession.
Some people are really sly: they play “musical chairs” with their accountability partners. They have more than one person they confess their junk to, so no one person really has the whole picture of how bad they are. .
3. Good friends are trustworthy.
3. Good friends are trustworthy.
Proverbs 16:28 “28 A froward man soweth strife: And a whisperer separateth chief friends.”
28 A froward man soweth strife: And a whisperer separateth chief friends.
After all we’ve said about confession, we need brothers we can depend on, brothers who will be confidential with the information we give them.
Solomon advises here: Don’t be close friends with a gossip.
1 Timothy 5:13 these people are called busybodies, people who just like to be in the know, who like to be up on what’s happening in your life, who like to talk to others about everyone else’s business. 1 Tim 5:13 “13 And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not.”
13 And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not.
13 And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not.
Say to yourself, “Despite my fears, I choose to believe that God has placed me into a redeemed family—the church—among people who are being changed from the inside out, and as I pray for discernment, God will guide me into relationships with brothers with whom I can be completely honest.”
4. Good friends lovingly confront.
4. Good friends lovingly confront.
A wise brother confronts our sin. Proverbs 27:6 “6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend; But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.”
6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend; But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.
Some people just want to commiserate with someone over our sin and get something off our chest. We just want to have someone tell us our sins are forgiven.
When a friend wounds your pride, it’s not intended to harm you, but to heal you.
Does being rebuked hurt? You bet. But it’s a wound worth receiving.
James 5:19-20 “19 Brethren, if any of you do err from the truth, and one convert him; 20 Let him know, that he which converteth the sinner from the error of his way shall save a soul from death, and shall hide a multitude of sins.”
19 Brethren, if any of you do err from the truth, and one convert him; 20 Let him know, that he which converteth the sinner from the error of his way shall save a soul from death, and shall hide a multitude of sins.
Strong language. May require sparks. Proverbs 27:17 “17 Iron sharpeneth iron; So a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.”
17 Iron sharpeneth iron; So a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.
Real friends are willing to risk some friction with you because they love you more than winning a popularity contest. T
5. Good friends know when and why to extend grace.
5. Good friends know when and why to extend grace.
Proverbs 17:9 “9 He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; But he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends.”
9 He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; But he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends.
Sometimes love is better served by silence. Sometimes what we need is empathy, not a sermon.
A good friend learns how to balance both confrontation and compassion, persistence and patience.
This type of balance (completeness) comes from proper fellowship with God. We will know the role of conviction and grace in our lives.
6. Good friends keep things real.
6. Good friends keep things real.
Proverbs 25:20 “20 As he that taketh away a garment in cold weather, And as vinegar upon nitre, So is he that singeth songs to an heavy heart.”
20 As he that taketh away a garment in cold weather, And as vinegar upon nitre, So is he that singeth songs to an heavy heart.
The people think they are bringing you joy, but they are depriving you of the warmth you need.
The look-on-the-bright-side guy: You tell him you’ve just lost your job and he says, “Well, at least you have your health.” Thanks.
The class-clown guy: There’s not a serious moment with him. You tell him something serious and he cracks a joke in the name of good fun.
The super-spiritual guy: Confess some struggle you’re having and all he can say is, “Well, praise God in all circumstances,” and walks away whistling his favorite hymn. Again, thanks.
A good friend is someone who knows there is more to life than just feeling good.
7. Good friends focus on your heart.
7. Good friends focus on your heart.
Proverbs 20:5 “5 Counsel in the heart of man is like deep water; But a man of understanding will draw it out.”
5 Counsel in the heart of man is like deep water; But a man of understanding will draw it out.
The depths of the human heart.
Why do we do what we do?
What really motivates us deep down?
Why are we tempted by this thing or that thing? What makes a sin so at- tractive?
Where does our anger comes from?
Our fears?
Our cravings?
Our lusts?
Our hearts are like deep water. Look all you want, you cannot see the bottom.
But a friend of understanding is someone who helps you discern the motives of your heart.
A man of understanding thinks deeper than just what you said or did. He knows how to probe beneath the surface. He not only seeks God’s wisdom, he seeks to know you.
What is a “man of understanding” like? The book of Proverbs says we identify these wise friends by how they live.
A man of understanding…
knows when he lacks wisdom. He seeks understanding diligently. Proverbs 2:3 “3 Yea, if thou criest after knowledge, And liftest up thy voice for understanding;”
3 Yea, if thou criest after knowledge, And liftest up thy voice for understanding;
He’s quick to listen and slow to speak Proverbs “12 He that is void of wisdom despiseth his neighbour: But a man of understanding holdeth his peace.”
Doesn’t find humor in the things God calls folly. He finds pleasure in wise living Proverbs 10:23 “23 It is as sport to a fool to do mischief: But a man of understanding hath wisdom.”
23 It is as sport to a fool to do mischief: But a man of understanding hath wisdom.
Fostering friendships by conviction
Fostering friendships by conviction
These sorts of friendships aren’t built overnight. We need to start small and work up. Experience shows that every friendship goes through different levels of communication.
Move from cliche to facts to opinions to feelings to full transparency.
Not overnight but could start tonight.