The Four Horsemen of a Marriage Demise

Revelation 6:1-8: “And I saw when the Lamb opened one of the seals, and I heard, as it were the noise of thunder, one of the four beasts saying, Come and see. And I saw, and behold a white horse: and he that sat on him had a bow; and a crown was given unto him: and he went forth conquering, and to conquer. And when he had opened the second seal, I heard the second beast say, Come and see. And there went out another horse that was red: and power was given to him that sat thereon to take peace from the earth, and that they should kill one another: and there was given unto him a great sword. And when he had opened the third seal, I heard the third beast say, Come and see. And I beheld, and lo a black horse; and he that sat on him had a pair of balances in his hand. And I heard a voice in the midst of the four beasts say, A measure of wheat for a penny, and three measures of barley for a penny; and see thou hurt not the oil and the wine. And when he had opened the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth beast say, Come and see. And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him. And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the earth, to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth.”

A white horse- conquering and to conquer

a bow

a crown

a red horse- war and bloodshed

this horsemen takes peace from the earth

a black horse- famine

a pale horse- death

death and hell followed him

People primarily change for two reasons:

they have internal pain- a nervous breakdown,

they have external pain- someone is going to leave

GOTTMAN’S THEORY:

CRITICISM

DEFENSIVENESS

CONTEMPT

STONEWALLING

I LIKE THE IDEA OF THIS, IN KEEPING WITH THE BIBLICAL MODEL

CONQUERING-A HUNGER TO RULE OR TO LEAD— TO WIN! This one is internal.

Gene Edwards

Ortlund on Eve- what does it mean to have her desire to her husband?

What about Abraham? Devotional. His tendency was to become apoplectic and disengaged.

CRITICISM

WAR AND BLOODSHED- A BATTLE! This one is external.

Gottman’s words are defensiveness and contempt

emotional abuse

physical abuse

revenge adultery- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/drawing-the-curtains-back/202205/infidelity-revenge

what does it mean to take it out on the kids? Make them choose sides? Triangulate- when one or both of the people involved in a conflict pull a third person into the dynamic with the goal of deflecting some of the tension or creating another conflict to take the spotlight from the original issue.

FAMINE- A FEELING OF UNSAFE-UNLOVED-UNDERVALUED-IGNORED- as Gottman puts it, “stonewalling.” A dearth of love, a lack affection, an unfelt and unstated appreciation for one another, dutiful sex or a lack of regular intimacy, a lack of communication.

we are no longer fighting

silent treatment (what that is and what it is not)

this is the period after war has been waged and sides have been chosen

85% of stonewallers are men

heart rate over 100 bpm

trying to not make it worse

silence tends to instigate, making matters worse

FIGHTING FAIRLY:

fighting is not a cause for divorce

unfair fighting is

rules of engagement

reconnection in short succession of time

YOU SHOULD HAVE SOME NEVER’S in your FIGHTING

DEATH- what this looks like may differ- it may be divorce; it may be separation; you may be living in the same house but you are not living in the same world.

TAMING THE WILD BEASTS: