How do I deal with sinners in my life?

(Update on Pastor of Discipleship)

Here are some of the questions we will tackle throughout this series:

How are we saved?

Can I lose my salvation?

Can someone be gay and a Christian at the same time?

What makes Christianity unique from other religions?

What are angels like, and does everyone have a guardian angel?

What are heaven and hell like, and will Christians be judged for their sins?

How does God speak to us? Does he still speak in dreams?

How do we know the Bible is true and that we have the correct books in the Bible?

Did God create evil? How can God be loving and allow evil at the same time? Was it evil for God to command the Israelites to kill all of the Canaanites?

Goal of this series: Stronger faith.

Removing roadblocks and laying foundations.

Some find their answer in one truth of scripture, the route and some will be answered from several truths of scripture.

Biggest difficulty in this series is that there are specific situations that lie in the backgrounds of many of these questions.

May sound insensitive

ILLUST - problem of evil and someone dealing with grief.

**May not sound pastoral, but pastoral care can only be applied if it is first rooted in theological truth, otherwise it is nothing more than a placebo for the soul.

2. May not completely satisfy your question

I need to distill several questions into one, and I may not comprehensively cover your question to satisfy the particular situation in your life.

If this happens - reach out. Follow up.

Website has changed from “Asking for a friend” to “Asking for myself”

Question 2: How do I deal with sinners in my life?

May have been asked in this way:

“After praying, at what point do we turn and walk away from those that continue to treat us poorly, and those in our lives that refuse to repent from living in outward sin?”

“How do I help to restore someone to fellowship with God, without them thinking I am judging them?”

“Is first Corinthians 5:11 a rule that would need to be applied individually to family members in this situation? Or is it more a rule for the church at large to be applied to the sexually immoral who call themselves believers?”

Boiled down, the heart of these questions is: How do I deal with sinners in my life?

Guy in the office who is lying, cheating, and stealing his way to the top

Neighbors who want nothing to do with your Jesus thing or hear your religious rules

Family member who is rebelliously living a sexually immoral lifestyle

Person at school who claims to be a Christian but parties harder and talks dirtier than your non-Christian friends

How do you deal with people like this?

While each is a unique situation, there are some guiding principles in Scripture that can help us navigate these relationships.

Take sin seriously

Sin is saying, “this life is for ME”

God takes sin seriously

God made us to be in relationship with us and sin has separated us from him - he hates what is hurting us.

Psalm 45:7 (ESV)

7 you have loved righteousness and hated wickedness. Therefore God, your God, has anointed you with the oil of gladness beyond your companions;

Sin is serious - deadly serious

ILLUST - I probably should have died 37 times before I turned 18. As a kid, I did things I thought were fun, but now that I’m a dad, realize could have killed me!

People view sin as fun but it is deadly serious

Romans 6:23 (ESV)

23 For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

God is a God of love who hates what keeps us from His love.

ILLUST - Mama bear.

God hates what harms us and so should we.

God hates what harms others and so should we.

Unlike ‘mama bear’ God cannot simply attack and rid the thing which is causing separation from him because that thing is us!

Romans 3:23 (ESV)

23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,

Matthew 18:8–9 (ESV)

8 And if your hand or your foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life crippled or lame than with two hands or two feet to be thrown into the eternal fire. 9 And if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than with two eyes to be thrown into the hell of fire.

Jesus seriously took our sin

2 Corinthians 5:21 (ESV)

21 For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

What was that like - to never have felt guilt because you have never sinned and in one moment feel the weight of the everyone’s sin?

Sin is serious — and costly

“Sin doesn’t hurt anyone” Cost Jesus everything.

I’m truly concerned that many in our churches today are weeping because they believe they are not receiving what they deserve from God instead of weeping in repentance of their sin toward God.

*God is God and I am not

Say it with me!

You are neither Savior nor Judge

You are not the final Judge - God is.

Romans 12:19 (ESV)

19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”

It is neither your responsibility nor your role to play the final judge of someone’s heart or soul.

You are not the faithful Savior - Jesus is.

It is not your responsibility to get someone saved, because you can’t save anyone!

It is your responsibility to be faithful to the gospel and to Jesus, the Savior who can save.

PARENTS - you are not responsible for the salvation of your children. You are responsible to create a home environment that honors God and to faithfully witness the gospel through your actions, your teaching, and your correction.

SPOUSES - same

When we understand this, we can:

Relate to sinners gracefully

Two types of people who sin - saints who sin and sinners who sin.

Don’t be shocked when sinners sin - it’s their nature.

Don’t be silent when saints sin - it’s not their nature.

“Gracefully” - in accordance with the grace of God.

This is why, Don’t be shocked when sinners sin - they need grace.

This is why, Don’t be silent when saints sin - they are abusing grace.

This is why we sometimes see a difference in Scripture in the way that sinners, in their sin, are approached.

Best for us to follow the example and words of Jesus.

He was the only one who didn’t sin and everyone he encountered was a sinner.

We see how Jesus interacts with sinners differently:

He’s not shocked at the sinner’s sin.

Woman at the well. John 4

His interaction is different with her than with those who understood God’s law and grace, i.e., the religious.

Matthew 12:33–37 (ESV)

33 “Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or make the tree bad and its fruit bad, for the tree is known by its fruit. 34 You brood of vipers! How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. 35 The good person out of his good treasure brings forth good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure brings forth evil. 36 I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, 37 for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”

Forgive fast and first

Matthew 18:21–22 (ESV)

21 Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” 22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.

**Forgiveness refused is bitterness at root.

Forgiveness is not denying, approving, or diminishing sin.

Forgiveness is not naivety.

Forgiveness is not enabling sin.

Forgiveness is not waiting for someone to acknowledge sin, apologize, and repent.

Forgiveness is not forgetting sin committed against us.

Forgiveness is not dying emotionally and no longer feeling the pain of the transgression.

Forgiveness is not a one-time event.

Forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation.

Forgiveness is not neglecting justice.

Remain humble and honest

Humble because you have sinned

Matthew 7:3–5 (ESV)

3 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

This was the problem of the Pharisees, of the religious, and of many religious today.

Honest by dealing with the sin

Matthew 18:15–16 (ESV)

15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses.

Keep a safe distance and reach with the gospel

Keep a safe distance not a complete absence

John 17:14–19 (ESV)

14 I have given them your word, and the world has hated them because they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. 15 I do not ask that you take them out of the world, but that you keep them from the evil one. 16 They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. 17 Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth. 18 As you sent me into the world, so I have sent them into the world. 19 And for their sake I consecrate myself, that they also may be sanctified in truth.

If grace-filled believers avoid all sinners, how will sinners ever be filled with grace?

Is the gospel influence in your life greater than the sin influence in theirs?

Keep a safe distance not a complete acceptance.

The difference between the two comes down to influence.

Psalm 1:1–2 (ESV)

1 Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; 2 but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night.

1 Corinthians 5:9–13 (ESV)

9 I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— 10 not at all meaning the sexually immoral of this world, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. 11 But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one. 12 For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? 13 God judges those outside. “Purge the evil person from among you.”

Context is that the Corinthians were actually boasting about it. It had influenced their understanding of morality.

1 Corinthians 5:6–7 (ESV)

6 Your boasting is not good. Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump? 7 Cleanse out the old leaven that you may be a new lump, as you really are unleavened. For Christ, our Passover lamb, has been sacrificed.

Practically:

When you are with your group of friends, do you end up doing things and finding yourself in situations or talking about or doing things that you wouldn’t normally do? back away

ILLUST - Kerry Cole

Is someone’s sin affecting those over whom you are called to protect? remove them.

Can you be a light in a dark place?

Matthew 18:15–17 (ESV)

15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

If someone is not a believer and they are living in unrepentant sin, what do they need? The gospel.

If someone is a believer and they are living in unrepentant sin, what do they need to be reminded of? The gospel.

Matt 18

ILLUST - lifeguarding and approaching someone who was drowning.

Those who know they’re drowning you rush to save

Those who fight you - keep a safe distance (so they don’t pull you down) and reach when they are ready

Those who don’t believe the water is rising you simply watch and wait

Where are you? Who

**You cannot receive God’s grace while in rebellion. You can only receive God’s grace through repentance.