Lesson 17: Forgiveness

TESTIMONY

Forgiveness

Principle 6: Evaluate all my relationships. Offer forgiveness to those who have hurt me and make amends for harm I’ve done to others, except when to do so would harm them or others.

"Happy are the merciful." (Matthew 5:6)

"Happy are the peacemakers" (Matthew 5:9)

Step 8: We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

"Do to others as you would have them do to you." (Luke 6:31)

Step 9: We made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Matthew 5:23–24 NIV

23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.

Introduction

Tonight we are going to continue to work on evaluating all of our relationships. We will offer forgiveness to those who have hurt us and, when possible, make amends for the harm we've done to others, without expecting anything in return.

We have discussed how to make your amends, but tonight I would like to talk about something that can block, stall, or even destroy your recovery: the inability to accept and offer forgiveness. I think we all agree that forgiveness is a beautiful idea until we have to practice it.

I seen an e card around the New Year that said it would be easier to keep my New Year’s Resolution to accept and forgive people if they’d stop being the same jerks they were last year. Man doesn’t that ring true? It would be so much easier to forgive if people stepped into alignment of where we believe they ought to be, except that wouldn’t truly be forgiveness would it?

All joking aside though, forgiveness is not something that those of us in recover y can take lightly, because forgiveness is clearly God's prescription for the broken. No matter how great the offense or abuses, along the path to healing lies forgiveness.

We all know that one of the roots of compulsive behavior is pain - buried pain.

In Principle 1 we learned that pretending the hurt isn't there or that it doesn't bother you anymore won't solve your problems. Jeremiah 6:14 (TLB) reminds us that "You can't heal a wound by saying it's not there!"

Facing your past and forgiving yourself and those who have hurt you, and making amends for the pain that you have caused others, is the only lasting solution. Forgiveness breaks the cycle! It doesn't settle all the questions of blame, justice, or fairness, but it does allow relationships to heal and possibly start over.

So tonight let's talk about the three kinds of forgiveness. But before we start let us pray.

Forgiveness

In order to be completely free from your resentments, anger, fears, shame, and guilt, you need to give and accept forgiveness in all areas of your life. If you do not, your recovery will be stalled and thus incomplete.

The first and most important forgiveness is extended from God to us. Have you accepted God's forgiveness? Have you accepted Jesus' work on the cross? By His death on the cross, all our sins were canceled, paid in full; a free gift for those who believe in Him as the true and only Higher Power, Savior, and Lord.

Jesus exclaimed from the cross, "It is finished" (John 19:30). No matter how grievously we may have injured others or ourselves, the grace of God: always sufficient! His forgiveness is always complete!

Romans 3: 22-25 (GNT) says, “22 God puts people right through their faith in Jesus Christ. God does this to all who believe in Christ, because there is no difference at all: 23 everyone has sinned and is far away from God's saving presence. 24 But by the free gift of God's grace all are put right with him through Christ Jesus, who sets them free. 25-26 God offered him, so that by his blood he should become the means by which people's sins are forgiven through their faith in him.”

Remember, if God wasn't willing to forgive sin, heaven would be empty.

The second kind of forgiveness is extended from us to others. Have you forgiven others who have hurt you? This type of forgiveness is a process. You need to be willing to be willing, but to be truly free, you must let go of the pain of the past harm and abuse caused by others.

Forgiveness is all about letting go. Remember playing tug-of-war as a kid? I was more of a Red Rover guy...As long as the people on each end of the rope are tugging, you have a war. You "let go of your end of the rope" when you forgive others. No matter how hard they may tug on their end, if you have released your end, the war is over. It is finished! But until you release it, you are a prisoner of war!

Think about who your anger is hurting most. I'll give you a hint. Its you! Forgiveness enables you to become fully freed from your anger and allows you-to move forward positively in those relationships.

The Bible has a lot to say about forgiveness. Romans 12:17 -18 says, "Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."

Causing an injury puts you below your enemy. Revenging an injury makes you even with him. Forgiving him sets you one above him. But more importantly, it sets You free!

While we are considering anger and forgiveness another relationship that we need to put on our lists, is that of ours with God. When we are hurt by others, when we suffer abuses at the hands’ of others, it can become easy to be angry with God.

God cannot and does not sin. His very nature is marked by perfect holiness in every attribute and action. God is perfect in love, mercy, and grace. But remember that He loved us so much that He gave us a free will. He didn’t want us to be His puppets so God created us as free moral agents. In this freedom, He wants us to choose to love Him. You need to understand and believe that the harm others did to you was from this freedom that is granted to all of us. It was their choice. And please don’t think that God does not care about the pain that you have experienced at the hands of others. Look what God says in his word.

Psalm 34:18 ESV

18 The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

Psalm 56:8 NLT

8 You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.

Romans 8:28 ESV

28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:35 ESV

35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?

Romans 8:37–39 ESV

37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

See God cares for you more deeply than you know. He cares about the pain that you have experienced at the hands of others. All those tears you have cried, His word says he has collected and recorded them. Even if you did not feel it he was there in the midst of it with you. And forgiveness is a tool that God has given you to deal with that pain. It’s not to tell you to be over it and move on. It’s not to tell you to act or feel as though the pain has never happened. No forgiveness is a tool given to you by God who will deal with your situation with perfect justice in his perfect timing all he is asking is for you to trust him.

Once you understand "free will" you will understand that your anger towards God has been misplaced.

His promise is found in 1 Peter 5:10 (PH): 'After you have borne these sufferings a very little while, God himself (from who we receive all grace and who has called you to share his eternal splendour through Christ) will make you whole and secure and strong."

If you have been the victim of sexual abuse, physical abuse, or childhood emotional abuse or neglect, I am truly sorry for the pain you have suffered, I hurt with you. More importantly God hurts with you. But you will not find the peace and freedom from your perpetrators until you are able to forgive them. Remember, forgiving them in no way excuses them for the harm they caused you, but it will release you from the power they have had over you. Steps 8 and 9 of the 12 Steps have been rewritten for you.

Step 8: Make a list of all persons who have harmed us and become willing to seek God’s help in forgiving our perpetrators, as well as forgiving ourselves. Realize we've also harmed others and become willing to make amends to them.

Step 9: Extend forgiveness to ourselves and to others who have perpetrated against us, realizing this is an attitude of the heart, not always confrontation. Make direct amends, asking forgiveness from those people we have harmed, except when to do so would injure them or others.

To recap, we need to accept God's forgiveness by accepting what Jesus did for us on the cross, and we need to forgive and ask forgiveness of others. The last kind of forgiveness is perhaps the most difficult for us to extend.

We need to forgive ourselves. Have you forgiven yourself? You can forgive others, you can accept God's forgiveness, but you may feel the guilt and shame of your past is just too much to forgive. This forgiveness of self can also be known as understanding God’s grace. When we except God’s forgiveness we then dwell in a place of grace which is extended to us from God. This grace s a gift, yet it is a gift that we can struggle to except. Why do we struggle, because there is a part of us that wants our own merit to be that which has saved us. I want you to listen to what God’s word says on this.

Ephesians 2:1–9 ESV

And you were dead in the trespasses and sins 2 in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— 3 among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. 4 But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, 5 even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— 6 and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, 7 so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. 8 For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, 9 not a result of works, so that no one may boast.

That darkness you walked in, those desires of your flesh, those deeds that made you children of wrath, this is what the Lord has to say: “Come, let's talk this over! says the Lord; no matter how deep the stain of your sins, I can take it out and make you as clean as freshly fallen snow. Even if you are stained as red as crimson, I can make you white as wool! If you will only let me help you" (Isaiah 1:18- 19, TLB).

No matter how unloved or worthless you may feel, God loves you! Your feelings about yourself do not change His love for you one bit.

Let me ask you a question: If God Himself can forgive you, how can you withhold forgiveness from yourself? Why would you reject God’s gift of grace?

John Bakker states,

“I believe that we must forgive ourselves before we can honestly forgive others. The first name on your amends list needs to be God, the second needs to be yours. Why?

The answer is found in Matthew 22:36-40 (TLB), where Jesus was asked,

"Which is the most important command?" Jesus replied, "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment, The second most important is similar: 'Love your neighbor as much as you love yourself."'

Bakker continues,

Now how can you love or forgive your neighbor, if you can't love or forgive yourself? If you have not forgiven yourself, your forgiveness to others may be superficial, incomplete, and done for the wrong motives.

Self-forgiveness is not a matter of assigning the blame to someone else and letting yourself off the hook. Its not a license for irresponsibility. It is simply an acknowledgment that you are human like everybody else and that you've reached the stage in your recovery at which you are able to accept God’s grace to you.

Wrap-Up

As you take the necessary steps of forgiveness, you will discover that you are letting go of the guilt and shame. You'll be able to say, "I'm not perfect, but God and I are working on me. I still fall down, but with my Savior’s help, I can get up, brush myself off, and try again.

We can say, "I forgive myself because God has already forgiven me, and with His help, I can forgive others."

When you forgive yourself, you don't change the past, but you sure do change the future.

CLOSE IN PRAYER