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Subject: No More Drama
Today, we’re starting a new series called No More Drama.
This series on relational health – No More Drama – we’re going to look at the drama-filled people in your life that just irritate you, and how to deal with those people.
When I think of this topic, it reminds me of a preacher who went over to visit an elderly woman in the church.
She had lost her husband a number of years ago.
The woman he visited was in her eighties.
He went over to just pay her a visit.
As they sat there in her living room, it was right around lunch time and he was kind of hungry.
She had a big bowl of peanuts.
As they talked he ate one.
And of course you can’t eat just one and he started eating more and more.
When they finally finished he realized he’d eaten the entire bowl of peanuts.
He felt a little embarrassed by it and he said to this elderly woman...
He said, “I’m really sorry!
I’ve eaten all your peanuts.”
She said, “Don’t worry, Preacher.
I can’t chew on them after I’ve sucked the chocolate off.”
He said, “I felt a little foolish!”
What’s the point?
We all do foolish things from time to time.
Usually unintentionally; sometimes intentionally.
You’d have a lot fewer problems if you were less foolish and more wise.
Wisdom doesn’t get rid of your problems, but wisdom definitely minimizes your problems.
If you know how to respond wisely to situations, your problems will be dramatically reduced in your life.
It’s all about wisdom, knowing how to handle things and not be foolish.
Nowhere are we more foolish than in our relationships.
We foolishly treat people in ways that are really counter productive.
In fact, a lot of times we provoke people to do the very behavior we don’t want.
We foolishly think, “This is how I’m going to get what I need out of this relationship – more fulfillment, more intimacy, more joy, more satisfaction, more stability.
I need my relationships to be fulfilling and not draining.”
But actually the things you do are often counter productive.
They are foolish.
They are not wise.
Because if you do what you naturally feel like doing in a relationship it’s almost always the wrong thing.
As I said, wisdom doesn’t eliminate problems but it definitely does reduce them.
The classic passage on wisdom in our relationships is in the book of James, chapter 3, verses 13-18.
James 3:13–18 (NLT)
If you are wise and understand God’s ways, prove it by living an honorable life, doing good works with the humility that comes from wisdom.
But if you are bitterly jealous and there is selfish ambition in your heart, don’t cover up the truth with boasting and lying.
For jealousy and selfishness are not God’s kind of wisdom.
Such things are earthly, unspiritual, and demonic.
For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.
But the wisdom from above is first of all pure.
It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others.
It is full of mercy and the fruit of good deeds.
It shows no favoritism and is always sincere.
And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness.
In verse 17, James gives us a checklist.
These are the foundations of healthy relationships.
In the future series in the weeks ahead, we’re going to look at the drama people in your life, how to diffuse, deflect, and defend yourself against them.
But in any relationship half of the problem is you.
It’s how you respond.
When you respond incorrectly to the drama people in your life you actually make it worse.
So let’s get right into it.
Foundations of healthy relationships...
First the Bible says that wisdom, if I want to be wise…
1. Wisdom that comes from heaven is pure.
It means uncorrupted, clean, unpolluted, clear, untainted.
What’s he talking about?
The word we use today is the word “integrity.”
He’s talking about integrity.
He’s saying that the foundation of all good relationships is integrity.
If a guy’s lying to his wife all the time, he may have an arrangement but he doesn’t have a relationship.
He may have a commitment but he doesn’t have a relationship.
Because relationships are built on truth, because truth is the foundation of trust.
Honesty is the bedrock of all relationships.
You’ve got to be honest.
You’ve got to shoot straight with people.
If you’re lying to the people in your life you don’t have a relationship.
If I want to be wise in my relationships I won’t compromise my integrity.
I won’t compromise my integrity.
I won’t violate my conscience.
I won’t compromise my convictions.
I won’t live a double life.
I won’t lie to you.
I’ll tell you the truth.
Because trust is built on truth.
No truth, no trust.
No trust, no relationship.
2. Wisdom is peace loving.
That’s the second thing he says.
In other words, wise people are peacemakers not troublemakers.
Wise people don’t carry a chip on their shoulder.
Wise people are not always looking for a fight.
Do you love a good fight?
Then you’re not wise.
The Bible says wisdom is peace loving.
Fools love to fight.
Just go on the internet – it’s full of them.
Just look up any blog.
Foolish people love to fight.
They love to argue.
They love to mix it up with people.
Some people get into politics just because they love a good fight.
That’s not smart.
It’s dumb.
It’s foolish.
The Bible says wisdom is peace loving.
It’s not always trying to provoke anger.
If I want to be wise in my relationships, I won’t antagonize your anger!
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