Patterns for Parenting

Introduction: During our study in Haggai we discovered the truth that God disciplines his people. This set me to thinking about how that truth about God impacts the lives of God’s people. Specifically, what role does discipline have in the life of the church? There are many ways that discipline should impact jesus’ church, for example see little booklet on “Should a church practice discipline?” However, this morning we are narrowing our focus to the patterns of parenting.

Transition: Do a brief overview of Ephesians chapters 1-6. Read verse 6:4.

Do not provoke to anger.. negative imperative. (“to Father’s)

A couple ways this can happen.

Negligence. Do nothing. Apathetically and selfishly focus on your own desires and treatment and let someone else handle your kids. When we shirk our responsibility to raise our own children we are provoking them to anger. Proverbs 29:15

Proverbs 29:15 ESV

The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.

Poke em’ with a stick. Prodding and imposing ungodly expectations on our kids that they were never meant to endure. Putting informations and garbage into their minds that causes their brains to ooze and their behavior to attack. Abuse these days comes in a variety of forms… Giving discipline to our children in the form of guarding and withholding, restraining, or correcting is not abuse. Granting our children everything they think they need is. Proverbs 13:24

Proverbs 13:24 ESV

Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.

Bring them up… positive imperative.

means to nourish, raise, provide for, look after until adulthood. How??

in the discipline and instruction

Discipline- whole training and education, reproof, punishment

Instruction- admonition, counsel, warning, teaching

Point: parenting involves both actions and words. Proverbs 3:11-12

Proverbs 3:11–12 ESV

My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.

4. …of the Lord

a. this is not my discipline and instruction. Not the wisdom that my granddaddy passed down to me, unless it’s Biblical wisdom, rather this is the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.

b. Fathers, we might offer discipline and instruction for many things in life but if we don't raise them up in the Lord we have failed as fathers. Oh yes they might be great leaders with wonderful work ethic, they might be team players knowing how to dribble , pass or hit a ball, they may know how to have hobbies, be neighborly, or respect their grandparents.. but do they know the way of the Lord?

Transition: I want to spend the remainder of our time offering some patterns that can be utilized to raise them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Be an example of a growing follower of the Lord.

This implies first that you are a Christian. And that you are growing as a Christian.

In order to discipline and instruct of the Lord, must know the Lord. No excuses… (Story of pastor Bob reading Bible to his kids.)

What kind of example are we setting? Is gathering for worship with other believers a vital part of your life? Reading Scripture? prayer? What will your children remember about the regular habits of your life?

We must direct to Jesus and teach about Him. He is the standard of discipline and the substance of instruction.

Can your child observe your life and say.. “Jesus is important to my dad.”?

Be genuine Jesus follower. Normalize Jesus conversations

From the heart the mouth speaks, so if Jesus is important to you its going to be normal for you to talk about Jesus? This may be conversations with others, with your wife, certainly with your kids.

Eat together and talk about Jesus.

Pray together.

Go on daddy dates

Car rides

Take walks Deut 6:4-9

Deuteronomy 6:4–9 ESV

“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

Redeem the time to genuinely talk about the Lord.

Proverbs 19:18

Proverbs 19:18 ESV

Discipline your son, for there is hope; do not set your heart on putting him to death.

3. Be a united front! Dad and mom must get on the same page. You have to talk about it, be settled on the same goal, and go for it. Dad, take the initiate. This does not mean that mom and dad have to discipline the same way… but they must for the same reason. Dad cannot say it’s okay for kids to climb on the table while mom disciplines the kids to get off the table. Now, dad may simply use a firm instruction and tell the child to get off the table. Mom might just pick the child up and sit them on a chair while telling them this is not okay. Two different styles but the same goal. This doesn't need to be complicated, but we do have to complement one another.

- This is another reason why Scripture forbids a Christian to marry a non Christian. Children are the obvious and hopeful blessing of that union. And if dad and mom are not on the same page with the Lord, they will not be on the same page with raising their children.

Also important to not put expectations on grandparents that are not “of the Lord”.

4. Grace upon grace.

A. I know this may come as a huge surprise to most of you, but there will be times when you blow it as a parent. Apply the same gospel of grace to yourself that God has given. And to your kids. Pattern confession, repentance, forgiveness, and renewal.

B. In the same way that we practice communion in order to pattern this same gospel, consider as often as you might, during the bed time routine… have a time of prayer where you ask is there any sin you want to confess?

Closing Challenge: Kiddos, or dad’s and moms, at lunch today , talk about “what is one new pattern your going to start?”