FRIENDSHIP (2)

FRIENDSHIP

Topics: Affections, Appreciation, Boyfriend, Caring, Character, Dating, Devotion, Differences, Ego, Favoritism, Feelings, Forgiveness, Friendship, Girlfriend, Gossip, Help, Jealousy, Loneliness, Love, Loyalty, Neighbor, Partnerships, Quarrels, Relationships, Respect, Sensitivity, Teamwork, Trust, Value

Starters

A Nice Reflection

This game uses mirrors to illustrate the concept that we reflect to others information that they use to build their self-images. Divide into teams; this activity may be done as a relay or with team representatives. Give each team a small mirror and a script. The scripts for each team should be stories about high school kids (such as articles from Campus Life magazine) and should have lots of short paragraphs. The stories should be different for each team but of equal length. Have each team choose a mirror holder and a script holder. At your signal, the first person runs to the front and stands between the mirror and the script, facing the mirror. He or she looks into the mirror and reads the script aloud as quickly as possible. (This will be difficult because the words will be backward.) The contestant completes a paragraph and then returns to the team. Then the next person comes and reads the next paragraph, and so on. The team to finish reading the story first wins.

*Connections

Distribute cards and pencils to everyone. Have students record the following facts about themselves (you may add to these but be sure that the facts are not too broad or too specific): placement in the family birth order, father’s name, favorite dessert, career plans, month of birth, hobby. Next, explain that their assignment is to find someone else with whom they have one of these individual characteristics in common (for example, both fathers are named Fred). When a connection is made, they should join hands and continue to search for others who can connect with their chain’s free hands. Continue the game until almost everyone is part of the chain of connections. While students continue to hold hands, have them explain, person-by-person, their connecting links. (Note: many of the connections will involve stretching the facts a bit—an architect linking with a housewife, etc. When this happens, ask why they did it and how it parallels life.)

In Common

Explain that friends often have a lot in common and that right now you want to see how much everyone in the group has in common with each other. Distribute pencils or pens and copies of the “We Have a Lot in Common!” worksheet. Tell students to get as many signatures as possible for each category. Afterwards, see who had the most signatures for any one category and who had the most signatures for the whole sheet. Note: when you copy this sheet, be sure to leave room for the signatures.

WE HAVE A LOT IN COMMON!

1. Someone with a birthday in the same month as yours

2. Someone who has lived in the same city as you, previous to this one

3. Someone who has one of the same names as you (first, middle, or last)

4. Someone with the same initials as you (first and last)

5. Someone whose mother or father has the same first name as your mother or father

6. Someone who has the same hobby as you

7. Someone who is the same height (within ½ inch) or weight (within 2 lbs.) as you

8. Someone who is wearing the same brand of shoes as you

9. Someone who saw the same movie last that you did

10. Someone who this past year has read three of the books that you read (not for school)

Name That Kid!

This is a take-off on “Name That Tune.” Use a series of contestants, two at a time, and seat them at one end of the room. Then describe a person, one characteristic at a time. When a contestant thinks he or she knows who you are describing, he or she should jump up, run to the other end, and ring a bell (or blow a whistle). This may be done with just two contestants or with teams using new team representatives for each round. Begin with celebrities and then move to students in the room. To make this most effective, you will need specific information about the students. Ask their parents about childhood nicknames, birthmarks, hidden talents, awards, famous quotes, etc.

*Siamese Strut

Have everyone find a partner. Form the group into a circle with partners standing side by side. Explain that they are such good friends that they are almost like Siamese twins. So as they walk clockwise with their partners, you will call out ways that they are joined together. They should touch their partners at those spots and keep walking. Get everyone walking clockwise and call out the following connections:

• joined at the hip, left to right

• joined at the tip of the shoulders, one shoulder each

• joined at the foot

• joined at the shoulder blades

If you want to make this a bit more rowdy and competitive, form two concentric circles with the partners. Have one circle move clockwise while the other one moves counter-clockwise. As you call out the connections, students should get to their partners and stand there, connected. Each time, eliminate the last set of partners to connect. Here are some possible connections:

• knee to knee

• fist to nose

• forehead to forehead

• foot to seat

• little finger to little finger

• big toe to armpit

• etc.

Continue until you have a winning pair. Give them the “Best Friends” award.

Discussions

Friendship Feud

This game is similar to “Family Feud.” It could be used as an opener or as a wrap-up, using questions that cover points from your talk.

Divide into two teams, making sure that everyone is involved.

1. The M.C. gives the possible number of answers and reads the question. One member from Team #1 guesses an answer. If that answer is one of the answers, Team #1 has the option to pass or play. If the answer is NOT one of the answers on the board, a member from Team #2 should guess an answer. If that answer is one of the answers on the board, Team #2 has the option to pass or play.

2. To play, without discussing it with the rest of the team, individual team members must guess all the remaining answers before they get 3 misses (strikes). If they are successful, they win that round. If they are unsuccessful, the opponents collectively may give one answer. If their answer is correct, they win the round. If their answer is incorrect, the other team wins the round.

Play four rounds, using the categories listed below.

1. What do most friends argue about?

• other friends

• amount of time spent together

• what to do/where to go

• opposite sex

• physical appearance

• gossip

2. Name places where you first meet a friend.

• school

• sports team

• party

• church

• neighborhood

• club

• through your family

• through another friend

3. Name things you do when visiting your friends.

• talk/Gossip

• play cards/games

• watch TV/movies

• listen to music

• party

• eat

4. Name a key factor necessary for a good friendship.

• acceptance

• trust

• honesty

• common interests

Afterward, discuss these answers, focusing especially on the key factors for a good friendship.

Designer Friends

Give kids two minutes to brainstorm character traits and qualities of a good friend. List these on the board.

Have members vote on the top friendship qualities. Allow each student five votes and narrow the list to the top five. Enter the five top qualities on the board. Distribute index cards and ask students to grade themselves from 1–10 in the areas listed on the board.

Discuss how they would rate their “friendship.”

Intervention

Ask:

• Why is it difficult to intervene in a hurting friend’s life?

• When is it not very difficult?

• When might it be a bad idea to get directly involved in a friend’s problems? (When it is more than you can handle; when it’s a minor issue that doesn’t concern you.)

• What can be some negative after-effects of getting involved? (The person might become angry with you for interfering.)

• What positive results can come from getting involved? (A problem can be solved; a relationship can be built.)

• When has someone confronted you with a problem and helped you?

• When did Jesus intervene in people’s lives? (When they had needs; when they asked for his help.)

Proverbs

Read these Proverbs about friendship and discuss their implications: 17:17; 18:24; 19:4 (real friendship?); 22:24; 27:6, 9–10, 17.

*Scripture Search

Explain that you want to look at a few verses that give tips on nurturing friendships.

Divide into groups and hand them cards with these verses on them. The groups should discuss the passages and appoint someone to jot down the biblical principle in each passage that relates to friendship (possible answers appear below).

Friendship Scripture Search

Discuss these passages and appoint someone to jot down the biblical principle in each passage that relates to friendship.

1. John 15:13

2. Philippians 4:8

3. Romans 12:3

4. 1 Peter 3:3–4

5. Ephesians 5:3–4

6. 1 Samuel 16:7

7. 1 Peter 2:17

Some suggested answers: 1. John 15:13 (lay down your life, put others first); 2. Philippians 4:8 (think only positive thoughts about others); 3. Romans 12:3 (don’t over-value yourself); 4. 1 Peter 3:3–4 (don’t over emphasize outward appearance); 5. Ephesians 5:3–4 (keep the conversation clean); 6. 1 Samuel 16:7 (look at a person’s inner beauty); 7. 1 Peter 2:17 (show each other respect)

Afterward, have each group read the passage aloud and report on what they found. Write the biblical principles on the board as they are given.

Have individuals read aloud the following passages that deal with intervention. After each one, ask what the passage teaches about how and when we should intervene in each other’s lives. (Possible answers are in parentheses.)

• Proverbs 13:24 (Parents should discipline their children to teach them.)

• Matthew 18:15–17 (We should confront others when they wrong us, if they are believers, by talking with them about it, and by bringing serious matters to fellow Christians.)

• 1 Thessalonians 5:14–15 (We should warn those who are being careless and encourage those who feel discouraged.)

• James 5:19–20 (We should try to persuade fellow believers to follow Christ when they wander from him.)

Challenge

Bridge Builders

Read aloud 1 Corinthians 13:4–7. Explain how this passage emphasizes respect, trust, honesty, and sensitivity. Then give students the following statements to ponder:

• When you have decided that you are headed in the same direction, with the same destination, it makes sense to travel together. The point is that to build a positive and lasting relationship, the two people must be headed in the same direction, toward the same destination.

• Respect, trust, honesty, and sensitivity can be seen as bridges. The more bridges you have, the more you can fall back on if one collapses. If you only have one bridge, what do you do if it collapses?

Challenge students to be bridge-builders in their relationships.

*Building Relationships

Use the following outline for a talk. These are the basics for building good relationships.

1. Communication—being open, honest, and vulnerable. It means listening to what a person says and means.

2. Compromise—willing to give in to what the other person wants and to admit wrong.

3. Commonality—spending time together.

4. Consultation—asking the other person for help—allowing him or her to become involved in your life.

5. Care/Concern/Consideration—showing love and helping to meet the other person’s needs.

6. Commitment—sticking by someone, no matter what—not being ashamed of that person, trusting him or her totally.

Christian Friends

Explain that Christians should make the best friends because they have the Holy Spirit living inside them. Therefore, they can exhibit the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22–23). Briefly explain how each quality would affect a friendship. Be sure to explain, however, that strains may come in a friendship when one person is a Christian and the other one isn’t. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t have non-Christian friends; it does mean that we should beware of giving in to pressures to compromise our values and beliefs.

Extras

Books

Burn—Live the Compassion of Jesus by Brian Shipman (Thomas Nelson Publishers). This book teaches how to live with an extreme passion for family and friends both inside and outside the body of Christ.

Finding the Jesus Experience, Real Life … Real Questions … Real Jesus by Linda Washington (Standard Publishing). This book, the second in a series of four devotionals tied to The Jesus Bible (Tyndale Publishing House), helps young people find the Jesus experience by applying his teachings in four main areas of their lives. The first section deals with relationships and explores the underlying principle that the way we relate in any relationship comes from our experience with Jesus—how much we understand his love for us.

How to Get Along With Almost Anyone by Norman Wright (Word Publishing). Dr. Wright gives step-by-step help in dealing with all sorts of people and building loving and lasting relationships.

Quick to Listen and Slow to Speak by Robert Fischer (Tyndale House Publishers). This book is geared toward family relationships but will revolutionize and revitalize all relationships.

Ready for Life by Dave Veerman (ed.) (Tyndale House Publishers). Written as devotions for early adolescents, this book focuses of life skills and is loaded with practical teaching. It would be a valuable resource for parents, teachers, and youth leaders.

Risk in our Midst: Empowering Teenagers to Love the Unlovable by Dr. Scott Larson (Group Publishing). This is a must-have resource for anyone interested in loving the unloved and in helping young people to do the same.

Tough Parents for Tough Times by David Veerman (Tyndale House Publishers) is designed for parents to help them face conflicts with their teenagers. Chapter 1 deals with friends.

Friend Hunt

Choose individuals to compete and have them come to the front of the room. Explain that you will tell them a specific kind of person to find. Then, they should go into the large group, find the person, and bring him or her back to you. The first one back with the right person wins that round. Repeat for about ten rounds and declare a winner. Possible “friends”:

• someone you dated recently

• someone you’d like to date (different from # 1)

• a person with at least three brothers and sisters (four total siblings)

• a friend who will tell you a secret (have the secret whispered to the person and then to you)

• someone with a special talent (If possible, have the talent demonstrated.)

• a very popular person

• a very shy person

• a girl with a great personality

• a boy with a great sense of humor

• a person who throws a great party

Circles

Divide into small groups of 5 to 7. Give each group a problem that a friend might be facing, and have them discuss what someone could do to help that person. If a group finishes quickly, give them another situation. Here are some problems to use:

• Marcia’s parents have been fighting a lot. She’s worried that they might get a divorce.

• Brendan is struggling in Geometry. He knows that if he brings home anything less than a B, his father will be furious.

• Amber and Hershel have been going out for three months, but she thinks they’ve been getting too serious lately. She wants to break up but is afraid of what Hershel will feel and do.

• J.D. is in a gang and wants to get out.

• Frankie’s older brother has cancer and is on chemotherapy. Frankie is afraid that his brother is going to die.

• Kim knows that some kids at school are angry with her and want to beat her up. She’s afraid to walk alone in the halls.

• Lisa wants to stop drinking, but she can’t seem to say no when alcohol is offered.

Group Identity

This is similar to a “sit down game” only a lot more weird and wild. Explain that you are going to try to discover the makeup of the group. They should respond the way you tell them if they meet your requirements. Proceed with the following:

• Stand-up—everyone.

• Sit down—if you are already tired.

• Turn around 180 degrees—if your life has changed a lot recently.

• Bounce 3 times—if your parents liked your last report card.

• Whistle—if you see someone handsome or beautiful.

• Laugh—if you think someone whistled at you.

• Point and laugh—if you see someone really ugly.

• Go to “all fours”—if you lost something recently.

• Massage the shoulders of the person in front of you—if you consider yourself athletic.

• Move to the right 5 feet—if you are wearing “Nikes.”

• Make a scary face—if the person next to you has bad breath.

• Hiss—if your teachers like you.

• Frame your face with your hands—if you’re good looking.

• Sit down—if you’re tired of this.

Music

“A Friend Like U” by Geoff Moore and the Distance, A Friend Like You

“Friends” by Michael W. Smith, Eye to Eye

“Godsend” by DC Talk, Supernatural

“Lean on Me” by Bill Withers, Still Bill

“Lean on Me” by DC Talk, Free at Last

“True Friend” by Twila Paris, A Heart That Knows You

“You’ve Got a Friend” by James Taylor

Videos

Extreme Days (PG, 2001). Four life-long friends set off on one last road trip adventure before settling down into adulthood. Ever since they were kids, they had shared a love for extreme sports, and so after graduating from college, they decide to pack up their “Joyota” and set off on the road trip of a lifetime along the West coast. Along the way, they seek thrills and adventure participating in various extreme sports, but they also end up discovering themselves. This film, produced by Christians, is available in video or DVD and can be ordered on-line at www.livingextremedays.com. A companion study series is available. Session 1, “The Extreme Dream Team,” teaches that God uses friends to help us carry out his plans for our lives.

It’s a Wonderful Life (G; 1947)—This movie needs to be watched in its entirety, because it depends heavily on flashbacks. In your discussion pinpoint the different scenes on friendship, especially the final scene when George’s friends provide the money he needs.

Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (PG-13; 2001). Show friendship scenes from this highly acclaimed adaptation of Tolkein’s classic book. The close relationship between Frodo and Sam should make excellent discussion material.

Write On

One way to teach kids to pray for their friends is to have them write out a prayer for a friend or two. Hand out index cards and pen or pencils. Encourage students to be specific and personal in these written prayers.

Related Bible Verses

Genesis 14:14–16—Friends help in times of trouble

Genesis 45:5—Real friends forgive each other

Exodus 32:11–13—Pray for your friends

1 Samuel 20:30–34—Real friends stick with each other during tough times

2 Samuel 19:31–32—How to care for your friends

Proverbs 17:17—Friends love in the good and bad times

Jeremiah 26:24—Stand up for your friends

John 15:13–15—Jesus proved his friendship to us

Acts 9:23–29—Barnabas was a true friend to Paul