Jesus, Marriage, Divorce, & Discipleship

Introduction

Welcome back to the gospel of Mark. I’ve loved our time in the Psalms this summer but I’m really excited to be back in this gospel again and we’re hitting the ground running today with this text from Mark 10.

Now I won’t do this often but since we’ve had a three month break from the gospel of Mark it’s probably good to do a really quick review so we’re remembering where we are and what we’ve gone through so far.

If you remember, the first eight chapters of Mark are asking the question, “Who is Jesus?” And so, if you think of the first eight chapters as walking up a mountain toward the top the further we go, and the higher we get, the better and clearer the view.

In Mark 1, Jesus begins his public ministry by going around the region, proclaiming the gospel and saying,

Mark 1:15

“The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand; repent and believe in the gospel.”

So, Jesus is preaching the coming of the kingdom of God. Sin has reigned and ruled over God’s creation for far too long and the brokenness of this world and the brokenness of humanity is not how things were designed to be. And so, Jesus is ushering in the kingdom, God’s reign, God’s rule over God’s people.

But the kingdom of God is not going to be realized and established the way people thought. They were hoping for an earthly king to come and topple Rome and then establish their reign on earth. But Jesus is going to teach and show that the kingdom of God is going to come through suffering and that it’s not a temporary earthly kingdom that God is initiating, but a heavenly one.

And so, the picture here is very murky for those listening to Jesus. It’s not clear at all and so the next eight chapters seek to bring this kingdom of God, and the Lordship of Jesus into clearer view.

And so, Jesus begins to teach and heal many. In Mark 2 Jesus forgives the sins of a paralytic which caused the religious leaders to lose it. “Who can forgive sins but God alone” they say! They don’t understand that in their question and their disgust of what Jesus just did that they’re answering the question of “Who is Jesus?” He’s God. The second member of the Trinity. God in the flesh come to identify with humanity, yet without sin.

In Mark 3, Jesus establishes a new family. When his mother and brothers came to see him as he was teaching a large crowd, Jesus instead looks at those around him who are following his teaching and says,

Mark 3:34–35

“Here are my mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of God, he is my brother and sister and mother.”

This is God’s kingdom being established. God’s reign and rule over God’s people. A new and better way of life as God intended it to be.

In Mark 4, Jesus reveals his power over creation when he calms a storm with his words. Just as God in Genesis 1 creates with His Word, so Jesus reveals his deity through his words to creation.

In Mark 5 Jesus shows his power over evil and demonic forces when he casts out thousands of demons from a man possessed. Once again, we’re seeing the Kingdom of God coming. God’s reign and God’s rule over the powers of this world.

In Mark 5 as well Jesus raises a little girl from the dead. If what had been seen in Jesus’ ministry wasn’t strong enough evidence for who he is, this here shows the true nature of Christ. Not even death itself has any power over him.

We’re getting higher up that mountain. A clearer view of who Jesus is. Yet, not all believe and are accepting.

Many follow Jesus just for the show. They want to see amazing things but they don’t want to submit to him as Lord. Many are there just to receive miracles themselves but have no intention of truly following Him. When Jesus fed the 5000 many came back the next day for more food. They missed the point. They missed Jesus.

And throughout the first eight chapter Jesus was constantly facing conflict with the religious leaders of that day, the Pharisees. In fact, all the way back in chapter 3 after Jesus had healed a man on the Sabbath, which in their minds was the most grotesque evil one could do, it says that,

Mark 3:6

The Pharisees went out and immediately held counsel with the Herodians against him, how to destroy him.

Remember what I said just a few moments ago. The Jewish people were looking for a king to come and topple Rome and establish an earthly kingdom. That’s what the Pharisees wanted. The Herodians were Jewish political party who were sympathetic to the Herodian Dynasty, in essence, they were sympathetic to Rome. They would have been seen as traitors almost, and yet, the Pharisees’ hatred for Jesus caused them to band together with their enemies to plot his downfall.

Yet, this doesn’t stop Jesus and in every encounter he had with them they always walked away looking foolish.

The first half of Mark concludes then in chapter 8 with a clear confession by Peter on the identity of Jesus. Who is he? Jesus asks his disciples this question.

Mark 8:27

“Who do people say that I am?”

Their initial answer to that question shows the confusion that people still had with Jesus. Some say you’re John the Baptist, others say you’re Elijah or one of the prophets. But Jesus asks,

Mark 8:29

“But who do you say that I am?” Peter answered him, “You are the Christ.”

There we are. Top of the mountain, a clear view of the identity of Jesus. He’s the Christ. The Messiah. The one Scriptures spoke of who would come to redeem and restore humanity and establish his reign and rule over all the earth. The one who has come to put sin to death.

But sin will be put to death through Jesus’ death. And from this point on, Jesus begins to speak of his impending suffering, death, and resurrection.

And he calls on us to follow him. In fact, Jesus uses very strong language at the end of chapter 8.

Mark 8:34–35

“If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel’s will save it.”

It’s a call to radical abandonment of the things of this world. Again, think even back to Mark 3. Who is my mother, and my brother, and my sister? The one who does the will of God. Our earthly relationships must come under the reign of Christ. He is supreme, He is uppermost in our thoughts and affections. Nothing comes before him.

Then in Mark 9, following this call to discipleship Jesus says to put sin to death in your life. If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. If your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out. We’re the salt of the earth seeking by God’s grace to further God’s kingdom through a counter-cultural way of life that reveals Jesus as King.

So, in essence, the gospel of Mark is about revealing Jesus as King and our call to abandon everything to follow the King. True discipleship.

Which takes us here to Mark 10; this teaching on marriage and divorce.

So, I began this week by asking “why?” “Why is this text here?” What was Mark’s intention for placing this interaction between Jesus, the Pharisees, and his disciples where he has it? Basically, what’s the point of this passage?

Main Idea

Jesus is lifting high the institution of marriage, created by God as a picture of the gospel and that radical abandonment of earthly things to pursue Christ and His kingdom does not include one’s spouse but rather in marriage Christ and his kingdom are pursued together, in a life-long covenant as one flesh.

Body

So, we’re going to touch on the topics of marriage, divorce, remarriage, and discipleship today. I fully understand that these are weighty topics. I fully understand that some in here have come from broken homes, that some in here have walked through divorce yourself and that talking through this brings up for some hard memories that you’d just rather forget.

So, I’ve been praying for you all this week that God’s grace would be poured out. I’ve prayed that we would simply stick to the text and hear what God has to say regarding marriage and divorce, knowing what he says is for our good, and that ultimately our hearts would be encouraged in the gospel, in a God who loves us unconditionally and that regardless of your past, there’s forgiveness, there’s grace, there’s mercy, there’s comfort for all.

So, let’s get to work and just simply walk through the text together.

Now, we may be tempted to think that divorce has really only become a major issue in the world, and specifically in our culture within the last several decades, but the text clearly reveals that divorce was an issue back then in a highly religious culture.

The Pharisees believed that divorce could be granted for any type of indecency, this was actually the majority view. There was another school of thought though among the Jewish people, though it was the minority view that believed divorce could only be granted on the grounds of adultery or sexual immorality.

The allowance or permittance of divorce was not the issue at hand, it was the grounds for it that was hotly debated. The Pharisees landed on anything that displeased the husband could be grounds for divorce. So, a spoiled meal, the wife’s refusal of the husband’s control, not liking her behavior, or really whatever could be grounds for divorce as the Pharisees saw it and they wanted it to remain that way. They would believe and argue that this was commanded in the law of Moses.

So, this is the context into which the first two verses are found. We know that the Pharisees were attempting to find ways to trip Jesus up, to test him so that they might levy charges and accusations against him that would destroy him. They were trying to find ways in which Jesus was violating the law of Moses. And Jesus is going to once again, rattle their world.

Really, what we’re going to see here and as we journey through Mark 10 is a contrast between what the world values and what God values. So, when it comes to the issue of marriage, what does God value?

Glad obedience instead of sneaky loopholes.

They wanted to enter into a debate on the legality of divorce and the ways in which husbands could get out of their marriage covenant. Jesus instead wanted to talk about God’s beautiful design for life-long, covenantal marriage and the good it brings about in our lives and the lives of those around us. He wanted to draw their attention to the affects of a godly marriage in that it furthers the kingdom of God.

The Pharisees ask in verse 2, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” Jesus asks them, “What did Moses command you?” They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.” They’re referring to Deuteronomy 24 which says,

Deuteronomy 24:1–4

“When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house, and if she goes and becomes another man’s wife, and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter man dies, who took her to be his wife, then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after she has been defiled, for that is an abomination before the Lord. And you shall not bring sin upon the land that the Lord your God is giving you for an inheritance.

Now, it’s important to note here that Moses is not commanding or even necessarily permitting easy divorce of a spouse, instead, what we see is an acknowledgment that divorce happens because of sinfulness and it then needs to be regulated especially so that the innocent party in the divorce is protected.

Jesus affirms this which is why he says in verse 5,

Mark 10:5

“Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment.

What’s he saying? He’s saying, you’re always looking for ways around God’s design for human flourishing. You’re looking for outs, for loopholes, as if there are any with God. He’s saying, Moses was recognizing the depravity of the human heart, the brokenness in life caused by sin and how husbands were abusing and mistreating their wives by divorcing them, sending them away if anything displeased them. Moses sought to regulate this and so protect the innocent spouse from any more abuse or mistreatment.

What God desires is glad obedience to how he’s called us to live, and how he’s designed marriage to work, not looking for ways around it.

Remember, discipleship involves glad submission to Jesus as Lord. So, what’s Jesus do? He takes them to Genesis, a book written by Moses to show them God’s design for human flourishing specifically within the context of marriage.

Look at verses 6-9.

Mark 10:6–9

But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

So, how does God value marriage? His design is a,

Life-long covenant instead of a temporary contract.

There are four things we see in God’s design of marriage.

Marriage is between one man and one woman.

Marriage is the establishment of a new home, a new family.

Marriage is unifying, one-flesh.

I love how Ray Ortlund puts it in his book on marriage.

“One flesh is the biblical definition of marriage in two brief but freighted words. The expression names marriage as one mortal life fully shared. The word ‘one’ speaks of a life fully shared, and the word ‘flesh’ suggests the transient mortality of this life. So in the one-flesh union of marriage, all the boundaries between a man and a woman fall away, and the married couple comes together completely, as long as they both shall live. In real terms, two selfish me’s start learning to think like one unified us, building a new life together with one total everything: one story, one purpose, one reputation, one bed, one suffering, one budget, one family, and so forth. Marriage removes all barriers and replaces them with a comprehensive oneness.”

4. Marriage is God’s idea and intended to be life-long.

To quote Ortlund one more time. He says,

“Marriage did not arise from historical forces. It came down by heavenly grace as a permanent good for mankind. God gave it, and God gives it. It was, and it is, his to define.”

What we see collectively from God’s Word is that marriage is a reflection of the gospel. It’s displays Christ’s love for the church, his bride.

In Ephesians 5 the apostle Paul gives instructions to husbands and wives. Husbands are to love their wives just as Christ loves the church. Wives are to submit to their husbands just as the church submits to Christ.

When we see marriage this way, as how God intended it we see why marriage must be guarded and why Jesus gives such significance to it as not something easily thrown away. It’s not something to get around, it’s not something to be mistreated. When husbands fail to love their wives or when wives fail to follow the loving leadership of their husbands we damage the reputation of the gospel, of Christ himself.

The world often views marriage as a contractual agreement. Meaning, both are committed as long as the other party lives up to their end of the bargain. But as soon as I’m not happy, or I grow bored, or you’re not meeting my needs as I think you should, we leave and separate.

Jesus gives a different view though. Marriage is a covenant. Meaning, whether things go really good or really bad, I’m not going anywhere. What do a husband and wife say to one another? “For better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are separated by death.”

In marriage, God is joining two souls together for their good, and for the good and furtherance of the Kingdom. Two souls united together for life to follow after Christ together as his disciples reflecting the love Jesus has for His Bride.

Since this is true, since this is a biblical picture of what marriage is, then we see why marriage must be fought for when difficulty comes.

Which leads us to the final point today. What God values is through suffering and hardship is,

Biblical restoration instead of easy escapism.

Verse 10.

Mark 10:10–12

And in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter. And he said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”

Now, I recognize that this is a hard statement. I don’t come from a divorced family. My wife doesn’t come from a divorced family so I personally have never experienced the pain that divorce brings, that unhealthy marriages produce, but I’ve walked through it with people who have and so I do know how hard it is.

John Piper maybe explains the pain best. He says,

“Divorce is usually dirty pain.”

Meaning, it lingers, it continues, it’s messy.

Now, I don’t use the phrase “easy escapism” in a way to offend. Some of you have endured incredibly difficult and painful marriages which resulted in divorce and so I don’t want you thinking I don’t recognize that and that you just wanted to find the easy way out.

What I’m referring to is the nonchalant attitude our world often treats marriage with. So, rather than seeking restoration and reconciliation, it’s easier or simpler to just leave.

But God doesn’t call us to easy things. He calls us to difficult things but promises his grace and presence.

Some of you in here might be in the furnace right now in your marriage. It may be the most unhealthy thing in your life. You may not be seeing any future, any hope, any light ahead. What I want to call you to is hope in the power of the gospel. Hope in the power of Christ. Restoration is not easy but for those who are willing to submit to God’s Word, cling to it, put the other person ahead of themselves there can be joy ahead.

Come ask for help. Invite brothers and sisters into the battle with you and pray for God’s grace. Let us fight with you for a hope and joy that can come through Jesus.

We see from Jesus’ own words the importance of marriage and the devastation and pain that divorce brings.

But I do believe it’s important here to recognize that, as Jay Adams says,

“Divorce is always the result of sin, but divorce is not necessarily always sinful.”

Meaning, that though Scripture never condones divorce, it does recognize its reality and there are Biblical grounds for it.

Mark 10 parallels Matthew 19 where Jesus says,

Matthew 19:9

Whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”

We see here an exception clause that Jesus added to his statement. Meaning that if there is marital unfaithfulness, sexual immorality by one of the spouses, they have broken the marriage covenant and the offended spouse is free to pursue divorce.

Now, I would still add, divorce here isn’t commanded. God hates divorce, Malachi 2 says. Biblical restoration should still be sought after if possible, but divorce, in this case, is allowed.

We also know in 1 Corinthians 7 that divorce is allowed if you are married to an unbelieving spouse and they pursue divorce.

1 Corinthians 7:15

If the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.

Now, if for instance the husband were an unbeliever and the wife was a believer, but both want to remain in the marriage then the believing spouse should not pursue divorce even though they are married to an unbeliever. It’s only when the unbelieving spouse wants to separate that the other is then set free from the bonds of marriage.

Now, in both these cases: marital unfaithfulness and abandonment from an unbelieving spouse, this is my belief from Scripture, though there are those who would disagree, but I believe the offended spouse is free to remarry.

In any other situations though, meaning, if divorce happened not on biblical grounds; unfaithfulness or abandonment by an unbelieving spouse, then Scripture would teach that you should not remarry and in fact, if possible, seek restoration with your ex-husband or ex-wife.

This is the thrust of Jesus’ statement here at the end of our passage. He’s speaking of divorce that is not biblically justified or allowed. To remarry in that case is, as Jesus says, to commit adultery.

Conclusion

Church, you know I love you. Passages like this are not easy ones. Emotion and pain can take over and we can let our feelings drive us rather than listening to and submitting to God’s Truth as revealed to us in His Word. I’ve tried as best I can today to be Word-centered so that anything I say comes from Scripture.

But I also realize that topics like this one often need more time to work through and I’ve had to hit this from a very high level today which means that some in here may have questions or struggles that you’re working through so if that’s you, let us know and let’s sit down over coffee and talk through things from God’s Word.

If you’re in a struggling marriage today, let us, by God’s grace walk with you through it. You don’t have to go through it alone, in fact you shouldn’t. Let us serve you and your spouse. We fully believe that when we submit to God’s Word and seek to do what it teaches that we find joy and peace. This is the hope of the gospel.

If you’ve gone through divorce and maybe today you heard for the first time that your divorce was not based on biblical grounds, then here’s hope for you today. Repent and rest in the grace of God. You’re not an outcast. If you are in Christ, then you are his son, his daughter. Rest in that hope. If there’s a possibility of restoration with your ex-spouse, meaning they have not remarried, then consider praying for restoration of your marriage once again.

If you were divorced on unbiblical grounds and you are remarried. The same word is for you. Repent and rest in God’s grace. Don’t pursue divorce with your current spouse but instead strive by God’s grace to have your marriage reflect the gospel.

If God has called you to singleness, praise God for that. It’s a good thing. Scripture commends singleness. It is not a negative thing at all. Rest in God’s grace, He is sufficient and all you need. Live your life to the glory of God.

And church, we do not shame those who have been divorced. If they’re free in Christ and forgiven, then we rejoice in the hope of the gospel with them. We’re all in need of grace. I love how Kent Hughes says it,

“We must exercise our dealings with those who have fallen realizing that all of us are adulterers in heart…We must endeavor to share the suffering of those ravaged by divorce, and we must not call unclean that which God has called clean.”

In all of this though let us hold high the institution of marriage as a good gift given to us by a good God to reflect a good gospel and to advance the Kingdom of God.