What's God Got To Do WIth It? Part 2
Notes
Transcript
What’s God Got to Do with It?” Part 2
Ephesians 5:22-33
Announcements:
Have someone stand in for Kyle and Amanda prayer request:
Kyle diagnosed with walking pneumonia Friday and Amanda is getting tested for it tomorrow. Pray for her to test negative and Kyle to be healed by 23rd in order to have his heart procedure. They are following doctors orders and taking medications. They are upset they aren’t able to come to church today. Please pray the boys don’t get it as well.
Worship:
I Could Sing of Your Love Forever
One Thing Remains
Majesty (Here I Am)
Introduction:
Last week we started our series on the family entitled “What’s God Got to Do With It?” in Genesis 2. We talked about the definition of marriage, Who created marriage and the purposes of marriage.
It’s like going into the draft without knowing the purpose or need that you are trying to address/fill in order to win championships.
So, we talked about two purposes for marriage: 1) for procreation/have babies and raise them in righteousness and godliness (Prov 22:6 says to train up a child) and 2) to be an illustration of the relationship between Christ and the Church. We discussed that marriage is a partnership and to accomplish the calling God has given to us. It’s about the call and not our preference or happiness. It is not about a contract but about covenant.
As you turn to your Bibles today to Ephesians 5:22-33, I want to begin to discuss the Biblical roles of husbands and wives. Even though our passage starts with addressing the wives, I’m going to save the role of the wife until next week. Why, because the role of the husband is the foundation of how the family is built. And, it’s the majority of this passage for a reason! Wives are referred to in verses 22-24 while husbands are sandwiched between wives and children (6:1-4) in verses 25-33!
Men, you are responsible for what happens in your home! And God takes that seriously especially when it comes to treating your wife the right way!
Husbands, in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker partner, showing them honor as coheirs of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.
So, if you are taking notes, ladies this is the type of man you are looking for. This is the standard.
And men, this is who you MUST be and until you are this, I would say you aren’t worthy of a wife. Plain and simple.
And I’ll be upfront and honest this morning. I was not ready or worthy of having a wife when Charity and I met and got married either. Let’s get started.
22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church.
24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.
25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her
26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.
27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault.
28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself.
29 No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church.
30 And we are members of his body.
31 As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”
32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one.
33 So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
First and foremost, I want to make one thing clear: the husband is the head of the home. I won’t apologize for saying that. But, understand that being the head of the home also doesn’t mean bigger, better, or louder. The husband is the head of the home because the Bible says so. It’s about headship.
To lead a home like Christ leads the church is headship. There’s only one head in a marriage. But what does being a Biblical husband and head of the house look like?
Ladies, this is the goal or aim of what you should be looking for when looking for a Biblical husband. And men, this is who you MUST be!
A godly, Biblical husband is one who:
Body:
I. A man who leads in love (v. 25)
25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her
A. Greco-Roman myth of romantic love defined: cupid shoots you with an arrow which leads to an overwhelmingly passion to love
1. this leads to popular sayings such as:
a. It’s bigger than both of us
b. We can’t choose who we fall in love with
c. The heart wants what the heart wants
d. Just follow your heart (BUT the Bible says in Jeremiah:
The heart is more deceitful than anything else,
and incurable—who can understand it?
2. Problems with this:
a. no marriage is safe! If it is an overwhelming force, etc. (sit next to woman…)
b. people are fickle so many are terrified of marriage
c. bounce from one person to another in order to find THE ONE!!!
1) you can never know “the one” objectively because things will get difficult which will result in doubting that you found the one because you don’t feel it anymore
3. If you buy into this version of love, then you also are probably one who feels that God doesn’t love you because you don’t feel like you once did when you first became a Christian
B. Biblical love
1. Christ is our model for love
a. Christ doesn’t love the Church because she’s fine and looks great or makes Him happy! He loves the Church because she is His bride and He has a covenant with her. He chooses to love her! Not based on a force, etc.
2. Biblical love defined
a. Deut 6 cf Matt 22 (Jesus added mind which was the way He communicated a Hebrew concept in the Greek)
Deuteronomy 6:4 (CSB)
Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.
He said to him, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.
b. the mind is the will which means it is a choice
c. “Biblical love is an act of the will (a choice), accompanied by emotion (not void of or led by) that leads to action on behalf of its object.” -Voddie Bachum
Illustration: Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane is praying because he doesn’t feel like going to the cross. But, He chose to love the Church and went to the cross because it was the only way His bride could be redeemed. It didn’t make Him feel better about Himself!
If a marriage is built on Biblical love, then “falling out of love” doesn’t exist and isn’t an option! Why? Because love is a choice; not a feeling! It’s an act of the will (the Biblical figuratively refers to the will as the heart).
Martyn Lloyd-Jones said this when talking about the husband being the head of the wife:
Ephesians 3. The Simple Command to Christian Husbands: Love Your Wife (25a)
According to 2 Timothy 1:7, God has given us the spirit of power—but also of love. Power, in their Christian life, is always to be exercised in love. “It is not naked power, it is not the power of a dictator or a little tyrant, it is not the idea of a man who arrogates to himself certain rights, and tramples upon his wife’s feelings and so on, and sits in the home as a dictator … No husband is entitled to say that he is the head of the wife unless he loves his wife … So the reign of the husband is to be a reign and a rule of love; it is a leadership of love.” (Lloyd-Jones)
The word “love” used here is agape. William Barclay says this:
Agape is the fourth word for love. Eros, storge, and phileo each speak about love that is felt. These describe “instinctive” love, love that comes spontaneously from the heart.
Paul assumes that eros (desire) and phileo (fondness) are present. Christians should not act as if these things do not matter in the marriage relationship. They do matter.
But Paul’s real point is to address a higher kind of love, agape love. Agape describes a different kind of love. It is a love more of decision than of the spontaneous heart. It is as much a matter of the mind as the heart, because it chooses to love the undeserving.v. “Agape has to do with the mind: it is not simply an emotion which rises unbidden in our hearts; it is a principle by which we deliberately live.” (Barclay)
Agape really doesn’t have much to do with feelings—it has to do with decisions.
The word has little to do with emotion; it has much to do with self-denial for the sake of another.•
It is a love that loves without changing.•
It is a self-giving love that gives without demanding or expecting re-payment.•
It is love so great that it can be given to the unlovable or unappealing.•
It is love that loves even when it is rejected.•
Agape love gives and loves because it wants to; it does not demand or expect repayment from the love given. It gives because it loves, it does not love in order to receive.
That’s the kind of love, ladies you are looking for in a Christian man. Men, that is the kind of love you MUST lead in!
A godly, Biblical husband is one who not only leads in love, but also is:
II. A man who leads in the Word (v. 26)
26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.
A. He must be a believer! This is baseline/basic!
B. He should be able to be a mentor in the Scriptures
C. Be able to disciple his wife and kids (this is the foundation of the family!)
1. The wife disciples the kids as well. It is a partnership! But the buck stops with the husband. (Bringing them up in the Lord so they can walk with God)
4 Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Train up a child in the way he should go,
And when he is old he will not depart from it.
2. This is a serious part of the man’s responsibility
3. At a wedding, when you hear the words “Who gives this woman to this man?” It is the father’s job to be able to give his daughter to a man who will be the Biblical husband to his daughter as he was to continue the spiritual growth
Commentator Stewart Salmond, a professor of Greek, said this
Ephesians 4. The Standard and Example of a Christian Husband’s Love (25b–27)
When Paul wrote the washing of water by the word, he used the ancient Greek word rhema. “It is true that rhema is not quite the same as logos, but carries with it the definite sense of the spoken word … it may have the sense of that truth as proclaimed, the preached Word or Gospel.” (Salmond) There is something cleansing about being under the teaching of the Word.
You must be able to talk to one another about the Word and the man must be able to disciple you and speak life into you. Men, you MUST be able to speak life into your spouse and disciple her in the Word!
Great talks Charity and I have about Scripture passages and topics-Jordan joins in to from time to time.
A godly, Biblical husband is one who not only leads in love and the Word, but:
III. He must lead in righteousness (v. 27)
27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault.
A. presents to Himself
1. Jesus loved the Church so much He provided the righteousness for her
B. he must demonstrate to preserve her righteousness and purity (I did horrible at this with Charity)
1. not to be alone together because of what you may do (bring your little brother, etc.)
2. keep hands to self
3. Guy translator:
a. “If you really love me, you will meet my needs.” = “I have needs that I want you to satisfy now that will make you someone I wouldn’t want to marry.”
b. “Let’s move in together.” = “I would like all the benefits but none of the responsibility of having to commit to a wife.”
4. Sex is like fire
a. In the proper context of marriage, it is like fire in a fireplace that warms the whole room
b. Outside of the proper context of marriage, it will destroy everything in its path
C. You must desire to present to yourself a woman who is righteous and pure
Ladies, if he is more concerned about getting his needs met rather than protecting your purity and righteousness, then he needs to go! Men, you MUST protect the purity and righteousness of your spouse! Instead of focusing on what you want, pay attention to her needs and minister to her!
A godly, Biblical husband is one who not only leads in love, the Word, and righteousness but he also:
IV. Leads in selflessness (vv. 28-30)
28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself.
29 No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church.
30 And we are members of his body.
A. He puts others before himself
1. If anyone in my house needs to sacrifice for something, go without or endure anything, then I’m first in line (when first married I only cared about what I wanted and bought what I wanted instead of thinking of what my family needed and how the money I spent would affect them.)
2. Open the door for her; pull out the chair when she sits down, watch your mouth around women
Illustration: I’m so proud of my sons because they know to take care of their mom and sister when in public. They open doors, walk on the outside when next to a road, etc. I also hope my daughter sees how she is treated by her brothers and myself and will hopefully use that as a very bare minimum when she is dating. If the boy doesn’t have the decency you treat her like her brothers and her dad treats her, then she should show him the door!
3. Look at them in the eyes when they speak to you and listen to them
4. Give to her; don’t take from her
B. The wife is part of yourself! You are one! How you treat your wife is also how you are treating yourself!
Lisa Bevere, from “The Story of Marriage”, talked to a Jewish Rabbi about how the Jews view gender and they view gender totally different than western culture does. Western culture views gender as male and female separately. Jewish culture views gender as two sides of the same coin. So if one side is defaced, the whole coin is defaced. If you dishonor your spouse, then you are dishonoring yourself as well. If you are honoring and respecting your spouse, then you are honoring and respecting yourself as well.
David Guzik comments on v. 29a:
Ephesians 5. The Application of the Principles to the Duty of a Christian Husband (28–29)
For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it: Any man in his right mind is going to take care of his own flesh, even if it is just in the sense of feeding and clothing and caring for his own body. He knows that if he doesn’t, he is going to suffer for it. In the same way, once we know the Biblical fact of this unity, if we are in our right minds we will nourish and cherish our wives because she is part of us.
A godly, Biblical husband is one who not only leads in love, the Word, righteousness and selflessness, lastly he also:
V. Leads in intimacy (v.31 cf Genesis 2:24)
31 As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”
A. Intimacy is when I let someone into a part of my life that is not readily available to everyone
1. “Affairs begin when married people share things with someone that they don’t share with anyone else, including their spouse.” Voddie Baucham
a. It can happen to anyone (Matt Chandler)
b. Adultery starts there and then is consummated later in bed
2. Create a hedge of protection around the marriage saying that your marriage relationship is prioritized above all other relationships
B. There must be a leaving of former associations and a cleaving of joining together as one.
1. When difficulties come up, a man doesn’t run to his parents or his boys, but works it out with his wife!
2. Your wife and then your kids are your priority! (When Charity and I were first married and Shaunna’s bridal shower)
Illustration of Christ and the Church results when a man leads in this way (v. 32)
32 This mystery is profound, but I am talking about Christ and the church.
Conclusion:
33 To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband.
Men, when you lead in this way, it not only illustrates the relationship between Christ and the Church, but it also makes it easier for your spouse to respect, honor and submit to you as the Word of God tells her to!
Ladies, if you are praying for a Biblical husband, make sure he meets these Biblical requirements:
He leads in love
He leads in the Word
He leads in righteousness
He leads in selflessness
He leads in intimacy
Men, if you are to be a Biblical husband, you must:
Lead in love
Lead in the Word
Lead in righteousness
Lead in selflessness
Lead in intimacy
Pray for the young ladies to search for a Biblical man who meets these requirements for a Christian husband.
Pray for the young men to make it his goal to live up to these requirements of a Christian husband so they will be ready when it is time to marry.
Pray for the wives to specifically pray for their husbands in the areas she recognizes he needs to grow in and not to use them as an excuse not to honor and submit to her husband.
Pray for the husbands to be honest with themselves and see how they measure up to the Biblical requirements for a Christian husband.