Love Is Not Resentful
Notes
Transcript
Intro
Intro
Introduce myself
Start with Jesus
Jesus was amazing.
He lived a perfect life.
Jesus was the only sinless person in all of history.
Jesus was compassionate, caring, and faithful to God.
He never broke God’s law, never hurt anyone, never rebelled against the Roman government, never did anything wrong
And yet, the religious leaders of Israel arrested Him in the middle of the night.
One of his friends betrayed Him for 30 pieces of silver. And not one of his disciples that He spent 3 years mentoring remained by His side. They all abandoned Him and ran off into the night.
When they took Him to court, He didn’t get a fair trial. The religious leaders hired some fake witnesses to lie about him in court so they could convict him of a crime and kill him.
After the Jewish court had convicted him, they took Him to the Roman governor to seek the death penalty. They whipped the crowd into a frenzy, shouting “Crucify HIm!” so the Roman governor would fear a revolt and be forced to kill this innocent man…and they kept their power and control in Israel.
Then the Roman soldiers mocked Jesus before they hung him on the cross.
Then the soldiers of the governor took Jesus into the governor’s headquarters, and they gathered the whole battalion before him. And they stripped him and put a scarlet robe on him, and twisting together a crown of thorns, they put it on his head and put a reed in his right hand. And kneeling before him, they mocked him, saying, “Hail, King of the Jews!” And they spit on him and took the reed and struck him on the head.
And after Jesus had been hung on the cross...
Then two robbers were crucified with him, one on the right and one on the left. And those who passed by derided him, wagging their heads and saying, “You who would destroy the temple and rebuild it in three days, save yourself! If you are the Son of God, come down from the cross.” So also the chief priests, with the scribes and elders, mocked him, saying, “He saved others; he cannot save himself. He is the King of Israel; let him come down now from the cross, and we will believe in him. He trusts in God; let God deliver him now, if he desires him. For he said, ‘I am the Son of God.’ ” And the robbers who were crucified with him also reviled him in the same way.
I don’t know about you, but when I hear the way they mocked Jesus, it infuriates me.
How could they torture their Creator with a crown of thorns?
How could they spit on the one who was about to die for their sins?
How could they mock his ability to save Himself when He was saving the souls of all who would believe in Him?
I think Jesus was the most mistreated person in all of history. He didn’t deserve any of that.
He was betrayed.
He was abandoned.
He was falsely accused.
He was sentenced to death even though He was innocent.
He was spit on.
He was beaten.
He was tortured.
He was mocked.
He was made to die a slow, excruciating death on a cross
And while He was being murdered, He said something utterly shocking.
Something I don’t know if I would have said if I had been treated like that.
Even though every breath and movement was excruciatingly painful, He pushed up on the nail in his feet and with labored breathing He said
Luke 23:34 (ESV)
And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”
PAUSE
I don’t know if I could do that.
If you had been falsely convicted, tortured, and were being killed, would you ask God to forgive your accusers and executioners?
Or would the list of how many times they hurt you be just too long?
PAUSE
But the list could never get too long for Jesus, because He got rid of the list when He died on the cross for you.
Paul reflected on it this way
2 Corinthians 5:19 (ESV)
in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them
Because of the death of Jesus, God does not count our sins against us. He doesn’t hold anything against us, but He sent His Son so that the list of our sins could be torn up.
You see, if you have put your faith in Jesus, God has cancelled the debt that you owe Him.
The list of your sins has been nailed to the cross and you bear it no more!
When you believe in Jesus, ALL of your sins are forgiven!
Paul said it this way to the Colossian church:
And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross.
If you’re here today, and the list of your sins has gotten really long, I want you to know today that God not only can, but He WANTS to cancel your guilt and forgive you of every single sin.
Jesus already paid for your sins to be erased. He is just waiting for you to repent and believe in Him. He wants to forgive you, to give you new life and even eternal life with Him!
If you’re already a Christian here today, and you are haunted by the shame of your sin, I want to remind you that God is not resentful towards you.
He’s not holding it over your head.
He’s not treating you as a second class Christian.
The payment for those sins has already been made. The record of your debt that you owe God has been nailed to the cross, never to return!
So why hang on to the list of your sins that God has already torn up?
Live in the freedom and forgiveness that are found in Jesus!
God is not resentful towards you!
I hope you really really understand that deep down in your heart.
Because it changes everything. It changes how you live your life in so many ways!
And I want to spend the rest of our time talking about that. We’re gonna talk about how love is not resentful.
We have been going through the love chapter, 1 Corinthians 13. At the end of 1 Cor. 13:5, it says in most translations that “Love keeps no record of wrongs”. Some translations say that “love thinks no evil”, or that “love is not resentful”.
The idea is that to love someone means that you don’t mull over all of the times that they have hurt you. You don’t keep a list. You forgive them and move on.
If we really love one another like Jesus commanded us to, we won’t keep tallying up the times that we have been wronged on our mental note pad.
ILLUSTRATION: Birdwatching notebook - tally marks
There is something about human nature that automatically does this when we are wronged. We replay that moment. We retell the story of how they hurt us. We fantasize about how we would have stopped them or got back at them if we could go back in time. It’s human nature.
What is resentment:
Keeping a running list of everything they’ve done wrong to you
Reviewing that list regularly
Looking for a way to get back at them
Famous literature entertains us with stories of revenge, motivated by resentment.
One of Edgar Allen Poe’s most famous short stories (The Cask of Amontillado) is about the main character luring a friend who had hurt him with the promise of expensive wine into the catacombs, where he chains him up and walls him in alive.
One of my favorite classic fiction books is The Count of Monte Cristo. But sometimes I wonder if I should enjoy it or not, because the whole thing is a story of revenge. The main character has the love of his life stolen by another man, and he is unfairly sent to prison for years. Once he manages to escape, he plots his vengeance and gets back at all the people who mistreated him, especially the guy who stole his girl.
These kind of stories entertain us because it’s human nature to wish we could get back at the people on our list who have wronged us. We wish we were the Count of Monte Cristo.
But the way of human nature is not the way of Jesus.
Jesus keeps no record of our sins. And as His people, He wants us to do the same.
Hear me this morning: counting all the ways that someone has wronged you is not Christlike.
This morning I want to give you
3 Ways That Resentful People Don’t Resemble Jesus:
Resentful people usually have a double standard
Resentful people usually have a double standard
When people keep a record of how someone has mistreated them, they usually don’t keep a record of how many times they have mistreated others themselves.
And so what ends up happening is that they hold the other person to a higher standard of behavior than they hold for themselves.
We are all slow to admit our own faults, so what this looks like is that
You gladly receive forgiveness, but you won’t extend it to those who wrong you.
You minimize your own faults, but you tell everyone about the faults of others.
It’s all very natural. Many people don’t set out to have a double standard, but it happens bit by bit if we don’t make a habit of tearing up the list of the wrongs that have been done to us.
Sometimes we feel like “Ok, I forgave that, but now it’s just too much. I can’t keep forgiving them.”
There has to be some sort of a limit, right?
The disciples had the same question, and Jesus told them a parable as part of His response to their question. I want to read that to you this morning.
Matthew 18:21–35 (ESV)
Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.
“Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. [160,000 years wages, several billion $, impossible to pay back] And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii [100 days wages, around $6,000] and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’ So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”
Our heavenly father has forgiven our debt. He has torn up the list of our sins.
And yet, so often we keep making lists. We have a double standard.
But God does not ignore hypocrisy. He judges those who hold others to a standard that they don’t follow themselves.
Do you suppose, O man—you who judge those who practice such things and yet do them yourself—that you will escape the judgment of God?
This message feels a little heavy this morning, but it should, because God takes this very seriously.
But just because is asking you to tear up your list and forgive someone doesn’t mean that God is ignoring what was done to you.
He will judge those who those who sin against His people.
It might be in this life, or it might be at the final judgement.
When Jesus returns, all mankind from all of history will be judged for what they have done.
Our sins have been paid for, so we will spend eternity with Jesus in His new creation, but those who have not put their faith in Him will be judged and spend eternity without Him
The problem is that we aren’t very patient.
We can’t wait for God to do His job, so we take on the role of judge. And this is my next point:
Resentful people try to do God’s job for Him instead of trusting Him to judge sinners
Resentful people try to do God’s job for Him instead of trusting Him to judge sinners
We don’t think about it in this way, but tallying up someone’s sins is God’s job. That’s not your job!
And it’s not your job to make sure that they are judged. That’s God’s job.
Let’s take it back to Jesus again:
Jesus didn’t try to get back at Judas, or the Romans, or the Jewish religious leaders.
He could have down angels at any time to BZZZ…vaporize that soldier who was about to nail his wrist to the cross.
He could have sent an angel hitman to off the chief priest, or at least take out his kneecaps!
But He chose to let them beat Him, He chose to let them kill Him on the cross. And He trusted that God would judge them and that He would rise again.
The Apostle Peter reflected on this when he was addressing household servants in 1 Peter 2:
For what credit is it if, when you sin and are beaten for it, you endure? But if when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the sight of God. For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.
He entrusted Himself to Him who judges justly.
Can you do that? Can you trust God to be the judge for you?
Can you wait for Him instead of keeping that list and looking for a chance to get back at them?
Can you follow the example of your Savior?
Paul says something really similar to Peter in Romans 12:
Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
When we respond to evil with evil, we are overcome. The way to victory is to respond with good to those who do evil against you.
To meet their needs, to serve them, to pray for them.
Let God be the judge and tear up your list.
Resentful people stir up conflict
Resentful people stir up conflict
Have you ever noticed this?
People who are resentful stir up conflict. They are just walking around with their finger on the trigger so to speak, ready to say a hurtful word or gossip about someone or cause family drama at Thanksgiving.
But if you don’t have any resentment in your heart, if you don’t have a list of all the ways that person has hurt you, then you might give them the benefit of the doubt.
You may take time to ask questions. You might think about the situation from their point of view.
You are actually capable of deescalating the family drama at Thanksgiving.
Because you have torn up your list of what they’ve done to you, you don’t explode at the slightest provocation.
Proverbs says it this way:
A hot-tempered man stirs up strife,
but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.
Closing
Closing
As we close this morning, I want you to remember this: Resentful people don’t resemble Jesus
As they were nailing Him to the cross, Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”
Sometimes it feels impossible to reach the point where you could have that sort of an attitude.
That you could tear up your list and forgive them.
“I mean sure, Jesus can do that. He’s God, but I could never do that!”
But many saints have gone before you who have done that.
With the Holy Spirit living inside of you, it is possible to forgive!
There was a man named Stephen who was a leader in the early church not long after Pentecost. He had probably seen Jesus die on the cross.
Eventually, he was martyred for his faith in Jesus. They stoned him to death. And as the stones were flying through the air and hitting him, this is what he said
And as they were stoning Stephen, he called out, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.” And falling to his knees he cried out with a loud voice, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.” And when he had said this, he fell asleep.
Even while the stones were flying, Stephen tore up his list. He entrusted himself to the one who judges justly, and he sounded a lot like Jesus.
So who is God asking you to forgive today? Have you been keeping a list of their sins that you need to tear up?
Maybe you’ve been resenting your brother or sister because they wouldn’t sell your parents house after they died.
Maybe you’ve been resenting your spouse for not doing their fair share of the housework.
Maybe you used to have a friend, but you two had a falling out and you’re still not talking to them because you’ve been reviewing your list and you haven’t forgiven them.
I know this is hard.
Some of you in this room have been wronged very deeply.
Maybe you’re thinking “You don’t understand just how much they hurt me. What they did was inexcusable!”
And I don’t know your story, but I do know that forgiving someone doesn’t mean that what they did was ok. What they did to you was wrong. It was wrong.
I’m not here to say that it was no big deal.
I’m not here to say that this should be easy. This is hard.
But I’m here to remind you that resentful people don’t resemble Jesus.
I’m here to remind you that Jesus has forgiven you. He has offered you forgiveness for your sins that you did not deserve at all.
C.S. Lewis said it really well:
“To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.” - C.S. Lewis
RESPONSE
Prayer with heads bowed and eyes closed
CLOSED FIST
OPEN HANDS
Raise your hand if you’re choosing to tear up your list today
Prayer for salvation
Pray after service with me, Heather, Pastor Barry, or Jill
Notes
“Counting all the ways that someone has wronged you is not Christlike”
Resentment (English): bitter indignation at having been treated unfairly.
Greek word: logizomai
to reckon, count, compute, calculate, count over
to take into account, to make an account of
metaph. to pass to one's account, to impute
a thing is reckoned as or to be something, i.e. as availing for or equivalent to something, as having the like force and weight
to number among, reckon with
to reckon or account
to reckon inward, count up or weigh the reasons, to deliberate
by reckoning up all the reasons, to gather or infer
to consider, take into account, weigh, meditate on
to suppose, deem, judge
to determine, purpose, decide
This word deals with reality. If I "logizomai" or reckon that my bank book has $25 in it, it has $25 in it. Otherwise I am deceiving myself. This word refers to facts not suppositions.
Start with “God is not resentful towards you”
RESOURCE: Passion clip - “Father, forgive them...” (closing?)
RESOURCE: The Count of Monte Cristo
ILLUSTRATION: The Cask of Amontillado by Edgar Allen Poe
ILLUSTRATION: Birdwatching notebook - tally marks
Pharisees mocking Jesus on the cross
Not keeping a record of wrong doesn’t mean that what they did wasn’t wrong.
Not keeping a record of wrong doesn’t mean that we just let serial killers go walking around free to kill again. It’s ok to allow some time for the people who hurt you to build trust before you trust them again . But it does mean that we forgive them and stop rehearsing what they did or entertaining any fantasies of revenge.
Tear up your list!
Scriptures
English Standard Version Chapter 23
34 And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”
And falling to his knees he cried out with a loud voice, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.” And when he had said this, he fell asleep.
And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.
English Standard Version Chapter 12
14 Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. 15 See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled
“Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven;
Servants, be subject to your masters with all respect, not only to the good and gentle but also to the unjust. For this is a gracious thing, when, mindful of God, one endures sorrows while suffering unjustly. For what credit is it if, when you sin and are beaten for it, you endure? But if when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the sight of God. For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.
Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.
A hot-tempered man stirs up strife,
but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.
that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation.
Romans 12:17–18 (ESV)
Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.