To the Second-Class Christians
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If you have followed my sermons since January, you have probably noticed, maybe sub-consciously, a theme that I have returned to several times. Our identity. Who are we? Are we Americans? Are we Nebraskans? Are we products of our parents and grandparents, bearing their last name and passing it on to the next generation.
What is our identity?
We live in a world that has expanded the discussion of identity to sexuality. We define ourselves based upon our sexual relationships and desires.
Paul looks at the Corinthians, and pushes the question of identity back. The question is not, who are you, but who are you in Christ, and how will you live in this world based on that identity.
The answer of that question affects everything in life, including sex, divorce, and our romantic relationships, or lack thereof.
Today, we are going to talk about singleness, but in the process, we will be talking about identity, marriage, and a lot in between.
Let’s read the passage.
Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for a man to remain as he is. Are you pledged to a woman? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.
What I mean, brothers and sisters, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they do not; those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away.
I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.
If anyone is worried that he might not be acting honorably toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if his passions are too strong and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing. So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does better.
A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. In my judgment, she is happier if she stays as she is—and I think that I too have the Spirit of God.
Let’s pray before we dive in.
The Choice
The Choice
Some say that we make two big decisions in life. The first is when we choose to follow Jesus Christ. The second is when we choose the person we get married too.
However, Biblically, the second major decision is even more basic: whether we get married or not.
Unfortunately, society over the years has waffled between what is right or wrong. There was a period in the early church, and even some cults recently, where they taught it was a sin to get married. Jesus is coming soon, so we shouldn’t get entangled in fleshly relationships. Those churches and cults quickly died out.
The other extreme is happening right now in some churches. It is almost considered the spiritual option to get married. If one is single, they are considered a second-class Christian. Or, even worse, people start whispering about their supposed homosexual tendencies. Just because someone is not married.
Earlier in 1 Corinthians Paul writes:
I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.
In Paul’s eyes, both marriage and singleness are viable options for a Christian. They are both gifts that God gives.
He is single and he sees the benefit of the single lifestyle. But God gives gifts of marriage and singleness to be used for God’s glory. Both come with blessings and both come with hardships.
Marriage
Marriage
Let’s talk about the choice of marriage.
Most people here have made that choice. But why? Most of the time, when we get married we get married for the blessings of marriage. Few weigh the blessings against the hardships.
Blessings
Blessings
But there are blessings. Right? We talk about some of the blessings several weeks ago, when we sent the kids downstairs. The physical relationship in marriage is a blessing from God.
We could talk about teamwork. Having a spouse who is a believer who joins us in a unity of purpose is great. I think about the college I graduated from. Pensacola Christian College. It was definitely far from perfect. However, it was started by a couple who spent their life together devoted to ministry with kids. They didn’t have any kids of their own. So they started Sunday Schools, an elementary School, a high school, and finally a college. They were united as a team in their purpose together.
During my pre-marital counseling sessions, I actually have the engaged couple prepare a missions statement for their marriage.
We could talk about encouragement. Warren Wiersbe tells the story of a Scottish preacher who was experiencing a bunch of public criticism for a stand he took Biblically. Everyday there was a negative report about in the newspapers. A friend met him one day and asked: “How are you able to carry on in the face of this opposition?” The man replied: “I am happy at home.”
We continue talking about the blessings, but we won’t. If you are married and you are not experiencing the blessings of marriage, please let me know. God created marriage to be a blessing not a curse.
Hardships
Hardships
Now, while there are blessings to marriage. There is also hardships. Can I hear a witness?
But, the hardships run deeper than just relational difficulties.
Listen to what Paul says:
But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.
What I mean, brothers and sisters, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they do not; those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away.
What is Paul saying? First, he is not saying that anyone who is married should abandon their spouses. To many men do that nowadays, anyway. Too many men do not live with their wives in an understanding way.
Paul is saying that those who are married face worse hardship in the world than those who are single.
Jesus told his followers:
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
For the committed Christian, this world brings trouble. In Paul’s day, they experienced even more trouble than we are experiencing now. There are places around the world where committed Christians are experiencing this trouble.
In those places, and perhaps in America when that time comes, each person will have to realize that being married and having kids brings more heartache during persecution. Because during persecution, we are not just overwhelmed with our own pain, but also with the pain of our spouses and kids that they are experiencing because of our decisions.
Paul, when he was thrown into prison, did not have to worry about how his wife and children would hold up.
Hardship.
Not only is there hardship due to persecution, but there is hardship due to conflicted priorities.
I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.
A married person is continually faced with the question: what does it mean to follow God right now? We are pulled in two separate directions.
So many times, I wish that I could spend more time with someone, or that I could add just a few more changes into the sermon. I wish I could spend more time in my studies or on a powerpoint. However, I can’t because I have to go home to my wife and kids.
I’m not saying that I don’t want to go home. I love my family, but the division is there. Those who are not in full-time ministry still feel this pull, as they want to volunteer and serve. They want to help others and make a difference, but they must go back to their families, because their aim should be to please their spouse.
Hardship, due to conflicted priorities.
We could go on, but we won’t.
Singleness
Singleness
So one choice is marriage. The other choice is staying single. And yes, this is a choice. Too many people take this route grudgingly, or some people take this route because they have to by their position. But, it is a choice that can be made willingly. You might ask, why would I do that?
Because of the benefits. I had a professor at Dallas, Dr. Kuruvilla, who is a life-long celibate, by choice. It was not forced on him. He made that decision for the same reason Paul did.
The blessings
The blessings
What are the blessings?
I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord.
and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband.
The unmarried person can focus on serving the Lord. They don’t have to come home to anyone. They don’t have to be afraid how their actions will bring hurt to another person under their care.
They can be devoted to the Lord in body and spirit.
Okay, I am about to open up about life. But, as I talk about my past, I don’t want you to think that I don’t want to be married. I am very happy for my life and I believe that God has guided me into my marriage.
But, looking back, I think about all that I was able to do as a single person. I worked forty hours a week, plus took classes full-time, and volunteered for different organizations, including church. I was going from 6 in the morning to 11 at night. I could be devoted to the Lord in public and in private.
Those days are behind me. I am happy with my life, glorifying God in the place he has led me, but there is a joy in giving an undivided devotion to the Lord.
Those who are single can spend all day, every day, in serving the Lord in their family and in their community.
It’s a blessing.
The hardship
The hardship
Now, I know that singleness does come with hardship. Yes, singleness is a gift that God gives, but sin mars everything.
So, even in that gift, there is a loneliness. Paul compensated for that loneliness by always having partners in ministry, traveling with Barnabas and later Silas, pouring into Timothy and Titus. Discussing life and ministry with Luke. But, you can hear the loneliness in his voice when he confesses to Timothy,
You know that everyone in the province of Asia has deserted me, including Phygelus and Hermogenes.
There is a struggle to be fully convinced that Christ is enough. That he will provide everything that is needed and his provided relationship is deeper than any on earth.
While those who have never married experience this loneliness to a point, those who were married and handed their spouse to Jesus experience this loneliness even more. They feel the empty bed, the silent table, the absence of the teammate. And sometimes that loneliness is greater than they can bear.
There are more hardships, and more blessings, but I won’t keep going.
Marriage or singleness. That is the choice.
Neither one is better than the other. Neither one is worse than the other. It all depends on how God is leading.
The Advice
The Advice
So, if everyone is faced with a choice, how do we Biblically lead those around us to a Godly way of making the decision? What advice do we give, according to this text?
Look at the world
Look at the world
First, we look at the world.
What is the condition of the world? Would it be wise to be married and have children where you are?
Very few people in the United States will be in a situation where the condition of where you live will bring hardship on a marriage and a family. But, the question should still be asked: will marriage to you bring undo hardship on your spouse.
Sometimes, the answer might be: not right now. There is nothing wrong with waiting for marriage, but there might be something really wrong with rushing into it.
The waiting might be because of persecution. It might be because of emotional hardship. It might be because of finances.
There was a young lady who was lonely and found a guy who “liked her”. They rushed into a marriage and were not financially in a good spot. A few weeks after their wedding, they were screaming at each other in their vehicle.
As one pastor says: “Better to live in single loneliness than in married cussedness!”
Look at your life
Look at your life
Tied to this question, is the next one: Look at your life. Where is God leading you?
When I was getting to know Maggie, I asked her in several different ways where God was leading her, what her passions were, what her gifts were, because I did not want to get in the way of where God was leading her.
I also made clear that I wanted to be a pastor in rural areas, which would probably mean hardship, lack of finances, an immense amount of faith. I wanted her to know what she was getting herself into.
While a married couple has divided interests, the interests don’t have to be too divided if both agree at the beginning of their marriage to be united in serving the Lord together, using their separate gifts for the purpose of ministry.
Too few people actually take the time for this exercise, including great men of God in the past.
John Wesley, the founder of Methodism, was away from his wife more than he was with her. He traveled around England and Europe preaching the Gospel. He was never unfaithful to his wife, but he routinely shared his carriage with other women, talking about God. Finally, after years of loneliness, Wesley’s wife left him.
George Whitefield, the leader of the First Great Awakening, preached in both England and America, leading thousands to faith in Jesus Christ. He followed in the same path. His wife never left him, but she experienced great loneliness, as he was gone for months.
William Carey had a great missionary career. Pioneering modern missions. He demanded too many sacrifices of his wife. She eventually went insane because of that lifestyle.
Some of this heartache could have been avoided if couples unprepared to count the cost simply had not married in the first place.
On the other hand, missionaries John Stott and Lottie Moon willingly chose to remain single so that they can focus completely on their own ministries.
Make the choice
Make the choice
Based what you see, you can make the choice of following God in singleness or following God in marriage.
Warren Wiersbe recommends everyone considering marriage think about the following questions.
“What is my gift from God? Am I marrying a believer? Are the circumstances such that marriage is right? How will marriage affect my service for Christ? Am I prepared to enter into this union for life?”
If the answers point to marriage, get married! If they point to singleness, stay single!
As Paul says:
If anyone is worried that he might not be acting honorably toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if his passions are too strong and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing. So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does better.
Both the married and the single are using the gift of God. Neither needs to feel bad about their life and neither should be pestered by anyone in the church because of their choices.
The Point
The Point
What is the point of all this? Everything we do should be to the glory of God.
So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.
Be married to glorify God
Be married to glorify God
So, if we are married let’s do it to glorify God. What are all the reasons someone gets married?
According to the US News and World Report, people should get married for financial security, to help the economy, to help their neighborhoods, to get better health insurance, to give children a stable home, to reduce stress, to provide more opportunities for kids, etc.
All of which are nice, but truly do not cut it.
We get married to glorify God. If you have never sat down with your spouse and create a purpose statement for your marriage, I encourage you to do it. Make sure you put something in there about glorifying God together, and provide specific ways you can do it together. And then, put the statement somewhere in your home where you can see it. Then live it!
That being said, I must put a side-note into the sermon. I need to talk about the last two verses.
A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. In my judgment, she is happier if she stays as she is—and I think that I too have the Spirit of God.
He encourages widows to stay single so that they can focus on serving God. If they want to remarry, they should do it with joy. However, they should make sure their new spouse is a follower of Jesus Christ.
Paul does not fathom any Christian marrying someone who is not a Christian. The goal of marriage is to glorify God together. We cannot do that if we are united with a non-believer.
We are married to glorify God.
Be single to glorify God
Be single to glorify God
If you are single, praise God and stay single, but do it to glorify God. Do you know what happens if you do it for any other reason? Depression, isolation, bitterness. The extreme is suicide.
If the extreme doesn’t come, one day, out of exasperation, you might just pick the next person who walks by with a pulse and commit yourself to them for the rest of your life. And then kick yourself for the rest of your life.
Singles have an amazing opportunity to glorify God. So, do it. I told the married couples to create a purpose statement. I want you to create a purpose statement also. No matter your age. If you are over 13 and single, spend some time this week considering a purpose statement for your singleness, and make sure that somewhere in it glorifying God, and specifics on how you can do it as a single. Then, post it somewhere you can see it, plus share it with someone you trust, so that they can pray for you.
If we are married, if we are single, and we create a meaningful purpose statement to specifically glorify God with our lives, we can expect hardship and opposition in actually living those statements out. That is why we need people to pray for us and keep us walking that path.
Any other option brings pain
Any other option brings pain
If we are single for any reason other than glorifying God or if we get married for any other reason than glorifying God, we will experience even more pain and hardship in our lives. It happens.
If you look at your life, and you realize you made choices based upon anything else other than conviction on serving Christ. You haven’t completely ruined your life. You can choose to refocus your life back on Christ. When you do, you might see things in your life, whether single or married, change radically for the better. Or, they might fall apart even more. But, you will definitely experience the spiritual blessings of Christ.
A word for the matchmakers among us: Have fun making matches. However, in your meddling, do not make the assumption that someone will naturally be happier if they are married, or that they will not be able to function in life as a single. First, ask someone what their purpose in life is and where relationships fit in. Encourage them in glorifying God. And, then, if allowed, meddle as long as you are pushing them toward someone who can join them in that purpose and not lead them away from it.
Our identity is those who follow Jesus Christ. We should seek to glorify him in all areas of life, including in the choice of whether to marry or not. Let’s make that decision, and encourage others to make that decision with soberness, with Christ as the focus.