Did I Marry A Murderer?

Scripture Reading

Ecclesiastes 4:9 NLT

9 Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.

Opening Hymn — More About Jesus 245

Closing Hymn — ‘Tis Love That Makes Us Happy 579

Introduction

Signs of a Failing Marriage

Partner desires justice more than forgiveness

A sense of Isolation

You view the marriage as a burden or problem

Disagreements turn into a blame game

No one takes responsibilty

The loss of friendship

The future doesn’t excite you

Space doesn’t bring you closer

Not able to control their temper

You stop trying

Maybe at some stage in your marriage you have experienced 1 or 2 or even 3 of these signs.

But if you identify a large number of these over a long period then maybe it’s time to seek help if you haven’t yet.

I want to focus on a well documented Biblical marriage that had its successes and its failures too.

Abraham & Sarah: A Marriage with Challenges

It Began With A Lie

Genesis 12:10–13 (NKJV)

10 Now there was a famine in the land, and Abram went down to Egypt to dwell there, for the famine was severe in the land. 11 And it came to pass, when he was close to entering Egypt, that he said to Sarai his wife, “Indeed I know that you are a woman of beautiful countenance. 12 Therefore it will happen, when the Egyptians see you, that they will say, ‘This is his wife’; and they will kill me, but they will let you live. 13 Please say you are my sister, that it may be well with me for your sake, and that I may live because of you.”

John 8:32 (ESV)

32 and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

Two Types of Lies:

Healthy Lies

“healthy lies often involve holding back or tempering a truth to protect someone's feelings or help someone—the focus is on the issues of kindness, manners, tact, respect, and consideration.”—Joseph Cilona

Destructive Lies

“Lying for self gain or personal agenda, to manipulate or hide information, and lies that are hurtful or betray a trust are the lies that do damage,”—Joseph Cliona

From Promise to Compromise

Genesis 16:1–3 (ESV)

1 Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, had borne him no children. She had a female Egyptian servant whose name was Hagar. 2 And Sarai said to Abram, “Behold now, the Lord has prevented me from bearing children. Go in to my servant; it may be that I shall obtain children by her.” And Abram listened to the voice of Sarai. 3 So, after Abram had lived ten years in the land of Canaan, Sarai, Abram’s wife, took Hagar the Egyptian, her servant, and gave her to Abram her husband as a wife.

Abraham heard what he wanted to hear

“Here is a nice woman sleep with her”

If he listened he would heard that his wife needed assurance, encouragement and love.

Genesis 16:4–5 (ESV)

4 And he went in to Hagar, and she conceived. And when she saw that she had conceived, she looked with contempt on her mistress. 5 And Sarai said to Abram, “May the wrong done to me be on you! I gave my servant to your embrace, and when she saw that she had conceived, she looked on me with contempt. May the Lord judge between you and me!”

A Divided Home

Abraham’s actions changed the dynamics of that home...

Genesis 21:8–11 (ESV)

8 And the child grew and was weaned. And Abraham made a great feast on the day that Isaac was weaned. 9 But Sarah saw the son of Hagar the Egyptian, whom she had borne to Abraham, laughing. 10 So she said to Abraham, “Cast out this slave woman with her son, for the son of this slave woman shall not be heir with my son Isaac.” 11 And the thing was very displeasing to Abraham on account of his son.

After Issac’s birth and a number of years had passed

You can sense the tension in the home

Hagar is no longer her maidservant, but a “slave woman”

Abraham's marriage with Hagar resulted in evil, not only to his own household, but to future generations—PP 145.1

A Man of Faith?

Genesis 22:9–10 (NKJV)

9 Then they came to the place of which God had told him. And Abraham built an altar there and placed the wood in order; and he bound Isaac his son and laid him on the altar, upon the wood. 10 And Abraham stretched out his hand and took the knife to slay his son.

Pen of Inspiration gives some insight to Abraham’s state of mind especially in relation to Sarah:

Returning to his tent, he went to the place where Isaac lay sleeping the deep, untroubled sleep of youth and innocence. For a moment the father looked upon the dear face of his son, then turned tremblingly away. He went to the side of Sarah, who was also sleeping. Should he awaken her, that she might once more embrace her child? Should he tell her of God's requirement? He longed to unburden his heart to her, and share with her this terrible responsibility; but he was restrained by the fear that she might hinder him. Isaac was her joy and pride; her life was bound up in him, and the mother's love might refuse the sacrifice. PP 148.4

Imagine the conversation after both return:

Abraham’s version

Issac’s Version

Imagine her shock and horror

What we see as an act of faith

Sarah might have asked the question...

Did I Marry A Murderer?

Conclusion

Have you ever felt that the person you married is not the same person you thought he or she was?

Did Sarah at that moment think that her marriage was failing?

Abraham & Sarah: A Marriage With Positives

They Journeyed Together

Genesis 12:1–5 (ESV)

5 And Abram took Sarai his wife

They treated each other as royalty

Genesis 17:15 (ESV)

15 And God said to Abraham, “As for Sarai your wife, you shall not call her name Sarai, but Sarah shall be her name.

They shared their Marriage

Genesis 17:16 (ESV)

16 I will bless her, and moreover, I will give you a son by her. I will bless her, and she shall become nations; kings of peoples shall come from her.”

They worked through the silence

Genesis 23:1–2 (NKJV)

1 Sarah lived one hundred and twenty-seven years; these were the years of the life of Sarah. 2 So Sarah died in Kirjath Arba (that is, Hebron) in the land of Canaan, and Abraham came to mourn for Sarah and to weep for her.

After Abraham and Issacc’s return we hear nothing of Sarah until her death.

There is silence between husband and wife

I believed that both were reconciled

Oftentimes a marriage requires silence from the therapist, silence from the marriage counselor or even the pastor.

If your marriage is failing maybe all that you need is the silence of the crowd and it’s about you, your partner and God.

They have a happy ending

Hebrews 11:8 (NKJV)

8 By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to the place which he would receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going.

Hebrews 11:11 (NKJV)

11 By faith Sarah herself also received strength to conceive seed, and she bore a child when she was past the age, because she judged Him faithful who had promised.

Despite the ups and downs in their marriage they persevered.

They have a happy ending

And if you feel that your marriage is failing, with a bit more faith and a little more strength your marriage can have a happy ending too.

Remember

Ecclesiastes 4:9 (NLT)

9 Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.